Screw You

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K/S Fanfiction
Title: Screw You
Author(s): Devery Helm
Date(s): 1984
Genre: slash
Fandom: Star Trek: The Original Series
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Screw You is a K/S story by Devery Helm.

It was published in the print zine Out of Bounds: Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves.


"Kirk is surprised to end up bonded to Spock after helping him through pon farr."

Reactions and Reviews

Certainly an attention-getting title and a humorous story that at first I wasn't sure about but then it really grew on me. I ended up liking this very much. Spock is in pon farr and is taking it out on a willing Kirk. But while Spock speaks in the ancient passionate language of the fever, like "Thy'la, I burn for thee". Kirk is "getting his rocks off and says "Go for it, Spock!" The humor sneaks up on you like when Kirk thinks about how he won Spock over Christine Chapel "Maybe I should explain to her sometime that it never would have worked out between her and Spock. After all, seeing a Vulcan through this crucial time means a hell of a lot more than just knowing how to make a good bowl of plomeek soup!" And a hilarious scene where we see all the get-well cards that the crew have sent to Spock for his speedy recovery from pon farr! (My favorite is from McCoy: "Pon farr's just a part of being Vulcan, so get well quick and stop your sulkin'!") Kirk is sucking Spock and "An exhibitionist at heart, he decided to dazzle Spock with some fancy tongue work; first attempting a successful overhead swirl, followed by a series of short laps around the ridges." Kirk thinks their minds reaching out for each other was his sinuses acting up again—"Is there some way you could shut down your end of the broadcasting system for a while?" Then they discuss some of the past women in Kirk's life: Miramanee: "She was great around the teepee but starship life was definitely beyond her." And Deela: "Kirk did have a reputation for liking fast women. And Elaan was a "cry baby"!) [1]
Another short humorous story by Devery Helm, who has mastered the art of the ridiculously comic K/S situation. Here Spock is in pon farr and Kirk has just managed to beat out Christine to service him. In this paragraph Kirk has pursued the Vulcan he's sure is in heat to just outside his quarters: "Spock suddenly spun around and gave the human a speculative, suggestive stare. Then he turned and stalked into his quarters. The door slid shut. Kirk, jaw hanging slightly ajar, was left in the hallway while the memory of that meaningful look registered in his mind. 'Til be damned/ he muttered in awe after a few contemplative moments. Then, noticing Chapel coming down the corridor toward Spock's room with an overnight bag in tow, Kirk made his decision. With a cocky smile and a quick, Tough luck to the flabbergasted nurse, he entered the Vulcan's domain." The greeting cards the crew sends to Spock mid-pon farr are hilarious. Kirk's responding to the mental link he doesn't know exists is also worth a chuckle. And the alternating mental and vocal conversation at the end while Kirk considers the ramifications of the bond — "Can I, James Tomcat Kirk, known galaxy wide as a terrific lay, handle this?" Those who like humor in their K/S should like Screw You. [2]


  1. from The K/S Press #22
  2. from The K/S Press #11