Mixed Metaphors

Zine
Title:	Mixed Metaphors
Publisher:	Dotty Barry
Editor:
Author(s):	Rayelle Roe
Cover Artist(s):
Illustrator(s):
Date(s):	1982
Medium:	print zine, fanfic
Size:
Genre:
Fandom:	Star Trek: TOS/multimedia
Language:	English
External Links:
Click here for related articles on Fanlore.

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Mixed Metaphors is a gen 104-page multifandom crossover novel. It has the subtitle: "Return of the Magnificent Two" and is a Star Trek: TOS novel that crosses with Starsky and Hutch, Rockford Files, Ironside, McMillan and Wife, Barney Miller, Quincy and McCloud and others. Art samples are included on Fanlore with the publisher's permission.

This zine was nominated for a 1983 Fan Q Award.

In 1984, the author hinted there may be a sequel called "The Search for Simile," but this was never completed.

The Editorial by Dotty

By rights this space belongs to Raye. In it she was to say wonderful things about me and wonderful things I've done for her. She declined the offer, thank goodness. Now it's mine.

Rayelle Roe has been a friend of mine for several years. TREK drew us together; mutual interests keep us together. Every 'zine I have published, save one, has contained work by Rayelle (sometimes as much as half the 'zine was devoted to her writings). Always her stories are favorites— talked about, remembered, laughed over, loved. In both STAR TREK fandom and STARSKY AND HUTCH fandom Raye has been officially recognized for her superior talent as a humorist. Again and again people say, "There's no one like her!" They're right. Raye is a unique soul, gifted as few are.

I am proud to be offering this, her first novel, to fandom. It is everything fans have come to expect of a Roe story and more—much, much more. Thank you, Raye.

My only apology is that I have taken so long on the production end. Raye completed her final draft six months ago, but fate stepped in and forced delays on my part. My sincere regrets to anyone distressed by these occur rences. I believe you'll find your patience more than adequately rewarded.

You will notice that there are no illustrations with this novel. Through no fault of Raye's or mine the envelope containing the pictures which were drawn by Raye to accompany the text was "misplaced" by certain unnamed persons with printer's ink on their fingers. Since the 'zine had been delayed so long, we decided to forego another two week's time and send MIXED METAPHORS to you as is. Personally, I don't think you'll notice anything missing. Who has time to look at pictures when she's bent double with laughter?

Another person without whom this 'zine would not have been completed until who-knows-when is Gayle Gordon-—proofreader, chief collater, shoulder to cry on, stamp iicker, morale booster, envelope addresser, record keeper, enthusiast. Her invaluable assistance has also helped get my last three 'zines to you in less than two years (actually there've been four during the last two years). Thank you, Gee.

My thanks also goes to Marian Kelly and Kay McElvain for their help with collating. Good friends they are who will help put together a 'zine that doesn't have their own work in it. Thanks, Marian and Kay.

Thanks to all of you for your support. None of this would matter if you weren't there.

Have a good laugh! Let us hear from you.

Excerpt

Following a bar fight with a motorcycle gang:

Kirk professed a desire to try his hand at piloting one of the motorcycles.

"It looks simple enough," he said.

"Weeelll . . . " Hutch was doubtful. "I suppose that's true. But, see, you need a driver's license and-"

"Oh, I have one of those." Kirk fished around in his pocket and pulled out that unfamiliar device-a wallet. He thumbed through the plastic holders. There was a Visa card, a Mastercharge, a check guarantee card, a membership card for the West Covina Lion's Club, and eventually a driver's license.

"All fake, I assume." Hutch touched the cards.

Kirk flashed a ready smile. "Amazing what a computer can do, isn't it? Just a few buttons and-instant person."

"Impressive," Hutch admitted. "But not much help in the fast lane."

Having made up his mind that he could do something, Kirk tended to regard it as a fait accompli. "Let me take a couple of practice orbits around the parking lot first."

"Oh, all right," Hutch relented.

To a man who could pilot a shuttlecraft through an asteroid field with his eyes closed, the Harley Davidson did not present much of a challenge. A few eliptical swings past the McDonald's and he was ready for a shakedown cruise. He roared to a stop in front of his companions. "Climb on, Spock."

Spock started to comply, but Starsky, who had by this time convinced himself that Spock had saved his life, reached out to stop the Vulcan.

"Maybe you should ride with me or Hutch. Freeway ain't no place for beginners."

"That will not be necessary."

"Starsk is right," Hutch added. "You could be killed."

"He is my captain," Spock said simply, as though that explained everything.

And for him it did. He took his place on the seat behind Kirk.

Chapter Titles

• Killing Time (5)
• What's Going Down Must Come Up, Eventually (9)
• Rock-Bye Rockford (14)
• The Flying Burrito Brothers Have a Close Encounter of the Third Kind (19)
• Starsk Trek (22)
• A Little Hurt/Comfort Goes a Long, Long Way (25)
• Food For Thought With Anchovies and Mushrooms (31)
• Anywhich Way But Loose Anywhich Way You Can (32)
• Local Color (37)
• Who Left That Body Lying There (42)
• Now (49)
• And Then (54)
• Let Sleeping Dogs Lie (57)
• Anyone Here Got the Correct Time? (63)
• Are You Sure the Beach Boys Got Started Like This? (66)
• And Again (69)
• Back on the Right Trek (75)
• Devil in the Park (76)
• Meanwhile Back at the Ranch (84)
• The (Big) Apple (85)
• I've Got Some Good News and Some Bad News (87)
• Rocky Mountain High (89)
• The Lennon Sisters Ride Again (90)
• Alls Well That Ends (102)

Sample Pages

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Reactions and Reviews

1982

Rayelle Roe is known in both Trek and S&H fandom for her totally incorrigible sense of humour and her ability to write something that can have you howling for blood (hers) and in stitches of laughter at the same time. I've never personally got over her tenancy to make Starsky into a subnormal dirtball — but I forgive her every time because she makes me laugh, and laughter, god knows, is a rare enough commodity these days.

MIXED METAPHORS is exactly what it says. In these pages you are likely to meet up with Kirk and Spock. Starsky and Hutch, Jim Rockford, Quincy, Baretta, Mork and Mindy, McMillian and Wife — yes, truly a cast of thousands folks. And what is more — there is a P L O T!! Yes, friends, a for real 24-karat plot. Even non trekkers will be able to enjoy the adventures of Captain Kirk and his trusty Mr Spock as they search 20th Century LA for a 'jammer' device that can cause chaos in the wrong hands. And with the aid of the above mentioned cast, most notably our boys, they find it too. Not without some confusion, 20th Century living being what it is — and even I was sneakily pleased when Starsky's joke on Spock — persuading him to eat chili-peppers — backfired. It would seem that Vulcan's like a touch of spice... Even if he did need some 'plop, plop, fizz, fizz' later on...

It isn't all together surprising that Kirk and Spock get rather fond of the two LA detectives. And if you've suspended your disbelief thus far, there is a truly stunning climax with S&H on the bridge of the ENTERPRISE during a Klingon attack...

With tongue firmly wedged around her back molars, Rayelle Roe has perpetrated another hit. If you like your universes lightly mixed, shaken but not stirred, with a touch of pathos and a lot of laughs, this is for you.

1983

Mixed Metaphors is a huge ensalda mista of a novel: assemble all your favorite television characters, wash them, peel them, and toss lightly with oil and vinegar. It's also a comedy about the probable end of the universe. The funny thing is, it works. And work beautifully. On the technical side, the presentation is neat and economical. One might wish the printer had not lost the illos, but the story does very well on its own. Dialogue is crisp, accurately capturing the flavor of each character's speech. The prose moves along rapidly and cleanly, and the plot that wonderful Byzantine gearworks of a plot! The wonder being less the complication than the coherence; it actually makes sense when unraveled. Briefly, the action involves a Federation scientist who goes rogue, escaping through the Guardian of Forever with the only working prototype of a device essential to the defense of the allied worlds. Kirk and Spock follow him to the Los Angeles of the idiotbox heroes, with excursions to Ironside's San Francisco and "McCloud's New York. A-many incidental murders and other alarums occur along the way, culminating in a grand shoot-out with a Klingon fleet in twentieth-century space. The good guys win, and the proper course of history is preserved…The main reason this farrago works so well is that it never takes itself seriously for more than a few paragraphs. The plot is a device and is treated as such-when the Defense Department gizmo blows up and it seems All Is Lost, Spock solves the problem with the Vulcan equivalent of a hairpin and a length of string. The events of the story are merely a background for what really counts, which is character. Despite the comic turns by Uncle Tam Cobleigh and all, the emphasis here is on the two partnerships of Kirk and Spock, and Starsky and Hutch. (Note strategically placed comma, please. This is a family publication.) The reaction of each pair to the other's culture is neatly balanced: a little wide-eyed wonder, a little slapstick, a lot of curiosity and a bit of plain human xenophobia. The last is the source of much of the tension between the characters, since if the Federation is lost, Spock will have no home to return to and no way of making a place for himself on twentieth-century Earth. (Though one wonders would he really be that noticeable? In California?) Still, Raye knows the virtue of moderation and the Vulcan's descant on his plight as the only alien within 50,000 light-years is mitigated by the interruption of "Mork from Ork. Kirk is well-handled--competent, compassionate and tad bit pompous - -and Raye's Starsky is engaging. The one quibble I have with the characterization is with Hutch. She s caught the pride and the underlying anger, and his deep commitment to his partner. What's missing is the empathy, Hutch's ability to ‘enter into’ another person and share his feelings. On the whole though MM is a convincing study of a heterosexual affection, unmarred by the 'knee-clutching deep friendship’ gropes and grabs so dear to the hearts of the hurt/comfort school. The book will touch you, make you laugh and maybe teach you a thing or two. If those are your pleasures, this is your kind of zine. Highly recommended.

MIXED METAPHORS, by Rayelle Roe. A full-length novel, and a real treat for those of us used to reading Rayelle's delightful brand of humor in short story form. Basically, it's sort of a time travel theme, with Kirk, Spock et al meeting up with all sorts of interesting 20th Century characters -- Jim Rockford, Ken Hutchinson, Wojciehowicz, Sally McMillan, Columbo (one of my particular favorite scenes), ad infinitum. Though there's no art work, with Rayelle's vivid descriptions it doesn't matter. At 70,000 words, offset prinnting, it's a good bargain at $7 FC, $6 book rate. Order from Dotty...

I find it very difficult to put my finger on what is amiss with this zine. It should work very well, after all Rayelle Roe is a very well-respected author of both comic and serious Star Trek writing. Anyone who has read one of her many stories in Star Canticles I, II, III will know how good she can be. For those who haven't , see The Wrong Side of Paradise, Paper Dragons, One Tin Soldier, and The Heist.

"'Mixed Metaphors' is a full length story and a marriage of both Rayelle Roe's styles, yet somehow they remain separate throughout, do not get into a complete whole. The humorous parts are funny enough, though sometimes irritating and the more serious parts are at times gut wrenchingly sad but never the twain shall meet. Rather like Spock and Starsky really.

Now wait a minute... I hear you cry... STARSKY? As in Starsky and Hutch? Yep. And that, I think, is part of the/problem. I have never read a Starsky and Hutch story, but I don't remember Starsky being as aggravating on TV as he is in this zine. And to inflict him on poor Spock is the most extreme form of cruelty.

The plot is a simple one revolving round Kirk and Spock's search, in the twentieth century (courtesy of the Guardian of Forever) for a 'jammer' originally belonging to the Klingons and brought to the twentieth century by an historian who had murdered the Federation agent who had stolen the 'jammer' in the first place. The jammer can render defence shields ineffective so it is desperately important for the Federation to get their hands on it, but also, should it be activated while on earth in 1981 then history is in jeopardy and bang goes the twenty-third century as Kirk and Spock know it. Our dynamic duo; with a little help from: Rockford, Quincy, Starsky and Hutch, Ironside and Barney Miller (I may have left somebody out but you get the picture) search Los Angeles, San Francisco, and New York for the instrument. You'll have to read the zine yourself for the outcome!

Now, back to poor, long-suffering Spock... Apart from having to cope with Starsky and twentieth century jargon, and the fact that nobody seems to love him, Spock has to perform several mind-melds one with a very unsavoury character. He also has to come to terms with the fact that should their lives in the future cease to exist, then while Kirk could quite easily 'pass' in their present time, he, quite obviously could never do so. He fears in a moment of depression that he and his Captain will have to part, however, in one of the unashamedly sentimental moments in this story Kirk firmly disabuses him of his anxieties.

...

If you like Starsky and Hutch and Star Trek you will probably enjoy this zine. The problem for me was that Starsky got up my nose. In infinitely preferred Sgt. Dietrich. If you don't know who he is, then watch 'Barney Miller' and see who you think would best relate to Spock. Rayelle Roe got it dead right.

There are no illos in this zine - they got lost in the post so Dotty Barry went to press without them, therefore it has 104 pages of more or less solid type and few typos.

Another good zine, but which is not K/S is "Mixed Metaphors" by Rayelle Roe. It is primarily a "relationship" zine, but I mention it here because it has many unusual features. It is about Kirk and Spock, but it is also about Starsky and Hutch (for those of you S and H fen). It is also about Jim Rockford, Barney Miller, McCloud, Columbo, Mork and Mindy and others I'm sure I've forgotten. But primarily it is about K and S and S and H. And the amazing thing is that she gets all the characters right on the mark and she manages to make a good adventure story which is also amusing from the whole mess. I think that is astounding! And I loved it.

Don't you think Mixed Metaphors really missed some good K/S & S/H jokes? I kept waiting for some references to the one thing the two sets of characters have in common -- the rumor (or fact) of a homoerotic relationship. Very good for a zine without any sex in it.!

1984

MIXED METAPHORS is one of the funniest zines ever wirtten--funnier than "Feldman," funnier than "Don't Tell It To The Captain," funnier than "Scandals of Shikahr." It is also extremely well written. Kirk and Spock travel back in time to 20th century Earth to retrieve a stolen device. Along the way, they encounter almost all of TV's detectives including Columbo, McCloud, Rockford, Barney Miller, Quincy, etc. in brief vignettes, and finally team up with Starsky and Hutch. The author portrays each TV character in all their idiosyncratic glory. A very talented writer. While not overtly K/S, this is a friendship story about two sets of very special friends working together. The zine is not all laughs--it becomes rather warm and tender toward the end, and the story is interesting, though of course getting there is most of the fun. Kirk discovers television; Spock discovers Mexican food (and Alka-Seltzer)... A must read, especially for all you S/H-K/S fans (though I'd never seen Starsky & Hutch when I read it and I enjoyed it just as much).

1985

"Mixed Metaphors" was ruined for me because Kirk & Spock had separate bedrooms!