Lost Now As Love Tightens

K/S Fanfiction
Title:	Lost Now As Love Tightens
Author(s):	Islaofhope
Date(s):	2002
Length:
Genre:	slash
Fandom:	Star Trek: The Original Series
External Links:
Click here for related articles on Fanlore.

Lost Now As Love Tightens is a Kirk/Spock story by Islaofhope.

It was published in the print zine First Time #55.

Summary

"Kirkʼs meeting with Helen Noel at the shipʼs Christmas party is the catalyst that forces Spock to finally try for what he has long desired."

Reactions and Reviews

Islaofhope has done an excellent job of weaving an enjoyable K/S story into the episode "Dagger of the Mind", and using the dialogue and events of that episode in her story. There are lots of little intimate glances and moments between Kirk and Spock in this episode that imply a closeness between them that make it a great choice for a K/S story.

(Warning - many plot details revealed in this LOC!) As the narrative begins, Spock is meeting Kirk at the transporter room, and notices Kirk is a little drunk after having a few drinks with an old friend (Commodore Decker, actually). I liked this beginning section, in which Kirk and Spock walk to Kirk’s quarters and converse as Kirk showers and changes in preparation for the science section Christmas party. (Yes, that Christmas party that is referred to in the episode!) The story is told from Spock’s POV and we soon realize that Spock is in love with Kirk. (I liked the part where as Kirk finishes dressing, "Spock silently bid farewell to Jim’s nude body.") This beginning part also establishes the deep friendship between Kirk and Spock. Kirk mentions that Decker told him Spock was offered command of a ship and turned it down, and Spock says one reason he refused was because he wanted to serve with Kirk. Kirk tells Spock he’s relieved because he won’t be losing his best friend, and Spock responds by telling Kirk that even if they are separated, they will always be friends. This was nice - I love declarations of undying friendship and loyalty between the guys!

Dr. Helen Noel is introduced in the Christmas party scene, and is immediately attracted to Kirk, and makes a play for him. (As a confirmed Kirk fan, I couldn’t help but agree with Dr. Noel as she described Kirk as "absolutely stunning", "scrumptious" and "The one who looks like he’s carved out of marble and dusted with gold". Great description!) I also liked this whole section - the interaction between Uhura and Chapel as they discuss Helen Noel and Kirk, Spock’s watchful attention over Kirk, and Spock noticing Kirk has drunk even more, and is getting too friendly with Dr. Noel.

Spock takes Kirk back to his quarters and a discussion of how Kirk has been acting with Dr. Noel leads to Spock seducing his captain! This was nicely done, I thought. Earlier in the story Spock had several drinks at the party (three of Dr. McCoy’s mint juleps), and we know Spock isn’t used to drinking, so that helped explain Spock’s somewhat uncharacteristic behavior. Also, the story had been exploring the feelings between Kirk and Spock, and that Kirk feels equally drawn to Spock. Kirk freely touches Spock, at one point almost caressing his face and ruffling his bangs, which leads directly into Spock offering him the "comfort of a friend" to relieve his sexual arousal. The sex in this story is really, really hot, but tender and caring, too, as Kirk and Spock declare their love for each other. I loved the whole business with Kirk calling Spock "sweetheart", and Spock not liking it because he’s afraid Kirk is drunk and not aware of who he’s making love with. And there’s some nice touches of humor to end this part of the story. As Spock holds Kirk and is drifting off to sleep, he is thinking about the cost of the party (organized by Lt. Palmer in this story). First Spock decides that he will make up the costs out of his own funds, if necessary. Then as he kisses Kirk one last time before sleeping, he has some more thoughts about the party: "Lieutenant Palmer, Spock further decided, was most deserving of a commendation for her stellar efforts on behalf of the science department". Very cute!

Skip forward 6 months to Tantalus, and Kirk and Spock on their way to the transporter scene with Dr. Noel. But first we have a very nice part in the turbolift, in which Spock is trying to hide his concern over Kirk beaming down without him. Without giving us any more details of their relationship since the night they first made love, this little scene lets us know they are still happily together. And I loved the part where Kirk called Spock "sweetheart" again, and Spock says "And cease calling me such ridiculous terms. My name is Spock," he added, gently chiding Kirk for the use of the endearment, which his beloved continued to use on occasion despite Spock’s exasperation - or perhaps because of that exasperation." My K/S friends and I have had some friendly debates on how many, or few, endearments we want Kirk and Spock to use with each other. My opinion is that they should be used sparingly, and I don’t see Kirk saying anything more than "love", and Spock saying "t’hy’la", so this whole part just appealed to me.

The rest of the story continues like this, with scenes from the episode alternating with what our lovers are doing and saying behind the scenes. After the bridge scene that ends the episode, Kirk and Spock finally reunite in private for the first time since the events on the planet. Obviously, since Spock came to rescue Kirk and found him kissing Dr. Noel, some things will need to be explained and resolved, and this is done quite satisfactorily. Kirk is obviously still distressed and disturbed by what happened, as the aborted love scene makes clear. Afterwards, Kirk asks that Spock meld with him, and the first mind meld between Kirk and Spock ends this story. I remember that when Spock melds with Van Gelder, Spock says he has never melded with a human before. If Spock and Kirk are lovers, how is this possible? Isla explains this by mentioning how Spock is violating Vulcan customs by involving himself with Kirk despite his bond with T’Pring. Spock thinks about this several times in this story, and I liked that. Sometimes stories that have Kirk and Spock becoming lovers before the events in Amok Time either ignore Spock being bonded, or too quickly and easily dismiss it. Here, Spock thinks of his betrothal to T’Pring before he and Kirk first make love, and doesn’t meld with Kirk despite wanting to do so very much. He only does so at the end because Kirk needs "the comfort of a friend"; the healing love of Spock’s mind. I thought this was a nicely written, interesting, and well thought out story with some great love scenes, and I enjoyed it very much.

This thirty-eight page story is set around the episode with Helen Noel. I don't remember the episode well enough to know if the story is accurate with the episode details we see or not. Kirk and Spock becomes lovers during this episode. I think Islaofhope has written more interesting stories than this one, although this story isn't bad, by any means. It's just not very exciting, and I think it would benefit by having a little more conflict in it.

Boy! Do I ever miss this author’s work! Of course, I have barely read zines from three years ago, so as far as I’m concerned, her work is recent! But I know she’s not writing as much, if any K/S these days, and I can only hope she might start again.

I’ve reviewed a few of her stories sort of recently because when I see her name listed in a zine, I go for it. I loved the premise that this story is based on. It’s all about that infamous Christmas party with Kirk and Helen Noel. I adored seeing what really happened at the party and how Spock observed it all. The whole scene is thoroughly delightful. Helen is understandably awestruck by Kirk and sets her sights for Kirk much to Spock’s chagrin. Poor suffering Spock as he endures watching this female (as he notes, with “good childbearing hips and mammary glands”—talk about laughing out loud!) dance and cavort with the captain. To make matters worse, Spock overhears Uhura and Chapel gossiping about their captain and said hussy. I loved, “Since it required no effort to overhear her conversation with Chapel, he did not consider his attention to be eavesdropping.” Spock can’t take it any longer and under the pretense of fraternizing with members of his crew, decides to confront Kirk. They go to Spock’s quarters (nice little details like: “Spock invited, gesturing to the most comfortable chair in his quarters, which had been a gift from his great-aunt.” They talk and quickly, maybe a bit too quickly, they’re having sex. Not that that’s a bad thing, but I missed the courtship, let alone the foreplay. The next morning, Isla sets up some excellent circumstances for some good Spock angst when Kirk gets up out of bed and says, “I have to go”. This could have been good opportunity to really show Spock’s inherent insecurities with his relationship with Kirk, but the incident is dropped. They continue to have some mighty fine sex and it’s very well written. The rest of the story concerns Tantalus and Van Gelder and is very fun to read.

So I conclude as I started this review—with a wish for Isla to come back to writing K/S. She’s that good.

This Is a honey of a story, my favorite kind, one based on an episode that's not explored too often, "Dagger Of The Mind". There's lots of lovemaking, tenderness and erotic heat between the Captain and his First Officer. Plus—and this is a big one for me—there are no major complications or torturous conflicts resulting from Kirk's cruel treatment at the hands of Dr. Adams down on the Tantalus Colony planet. At least none that can't be resolved, and wonderfully so, by Spock's unconditional love and by Kirk's wholehearted acceptance of that literally "healing love". This phrase always turns me on!

I really enjoyed the action at the ship's Christmas party and I found myself thinking, Now, Helen Noel, we find out what really happened at that party, the truth and not what you put into Kirk's head. Dr. Noel is surely a dish and she goes after Kirk at the party. But Spock intervenes, in his official capacity as Kirk's first officer. (Yeah, Spock, of course, we know!). In a scene I simply adored, Spock offers Kirk his love, Kirk accepts and all is well. They stay in love but not bonded throughout the frightening proceedings. This is the Kirk I love; he's level-headed, not temperamental when his First sets him straight about his "unbecoming" behavior at the party. He's very receptive to his closest friend's advice and his amorous advances, with not a hint of hesitation. Kirk knows a good thing when he sees it and Spock is it! Spock is a treat here, too, very mature and definite about what he wants from Kirk and not afraid to try for it. The story was a page turner, interesting and just great K/S. But it also tackled deeper issues, themes of identity, loneliness and illusion. One thing I have to mention, and gloat over--Kirk called Spock sweetheart, and more than once! Amazing! Years ago, when I had that word coming out of Kirk's mouth in a story, I got into a big argument, my friends saying Kirk would never in a million years use such an endearment. I guess Islaofhope showed them!

Anyway, Jim and Spock were so happy at the end, when Kirk actually asked his lover for the bond, that I was too!