Keeping Secrets

Fanfiction
Title:	Keeping Secrets
Author(s):	Theresa Kyle
Date(s):	2001
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	Star Trek: TOS
Relationship(s):	Kirk/Spock
External Links:
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Keeping Secrets is a K/S story by Theresa Kyle. Art is by Alayne.

It was published in the print zine Legends #1.

Summary

"With Mark Piper leaving the ENTERPRISE and Gary Mitchell having just been killed, James Kirk finds himself in a difficult position: how does he persuade his old friend, Leonard McCoy, to join his crew… and how does he deal with the loss of a friend… and sometimes lover?"

Reactions and Reviews

2001

This story is quite a rarity in K/S publications today — a pre K/S story — which reminded me of some of the early zines when the K/S genre was being first explored. I enjoyed it very much. A quiet, unsensational story, set just after "Where No Man Has Gone Before", it is a study of Spock's developing love for his new young captain. Kirk is grieving for the loss of his friend Gary Mitchell, who we also discover was his lover—although Mitchell had not returned the love Kirk felt for him.

Kirk is beset with grief and loss—and guilt at being the instrument of his lover's death. Spock, convinced that as a Vulcan he is unable to give Kirk the emotional support he needs, secretly persuades the until-now-reluctant McCoy to join the Enterprise as Mark Piper's replacement. He knows that McCoy is Kirk's friend and will therefore be able to help him at this difficult time and be the friend he will need in the years to come.

He is totally unaware of what we the readers can see -- that with virtually every thought and deed he is caring, sensitive and empathic towards Kirk—and in fact already his good friend. He is also unaware of what is blatantly obvious to us—and to the ever-observant McCoy.

Forthright as ever, in a nice little exchange that captures perfectly the banter we are so used to (and the essence of the relationship between the three friends), he asks:

"Does he know?"

"Does who know what, Doctor? Please be more precise."

"All right, Mr. Spock, I'll be as precise as you want. Does Jim Kirk knowthat you're in love with him?'

Spock just stared at him, shocked.

"Oh, don't worry, it's not obvious—only to someone like me, who's used to reading people's faces," McCoy said, his voice kind. "And I'll never say anything about it to Jim, unless of course you ask me to. Like I said before, doctors are trained to keep lots of secrets—even forget them if necessary. But I just want to know if he knows."

"No," Spock whispered. "He does not know."

"That's too bad." Blue eyes stayed right on his. "Because I think you could be someone that Jim really needs. Needs a lot...maybe without even knowing it."

I liked this very fact -- that the author avoids the temptation of making Kirk aware of Spock's feelings and indeed, his own. Even though Spock goes to him in the middle of the night and comforts him in his grief, and Kirk is completely at ease with this, there is no "dawning realisation" on Kirk's part. This makes the story all the more charming to my mind, knowing what is in store for them both—that their friendship will develop beyond this new-found closeness. It gave me the feeling of being right there, at the very beginning of hot only the romance we have all grown to love, but also the triangle of friendship between these three people.

A very nice story, full of promise for, as McCoy says, "a very interesting five years".

2002

I’ve been going through my zines that I got back from a friend recently, and read through this story. I’d forgotten all about it, which is always nice. It’s never wrong to reread a story and enjoy it as though it were the first time.

Anyway, this story is about Spock getting his position as the first officer on the Enterprise, and learning how to help his captain. Kirk has just lost his lover and first officer, Gary Mitchell. Spock is concerned for his captain’s wellbeing and isn’t sure he can handle it or be of any help.

It’s also an opportunity for us to see how Spock steadily grows fonder of Kirk without really realizing it. On top of that it’s also a gorgeously written story about how Spock and McCoy first meet, and how they from the very beginning develop a slightly adversarial, but respectful relationship.

This story isn’t about sex, and has no hot scenes that make us salivate, but it has another quality that warms my heart. The love Spock has for Kirk is so evident, even though he’s not really aware of it himself.

There is one absolutely gorgeous scene in this story where Spock comforts Kirk when he’s grieving over Gary. Very poignant. And I just adore the ending. Well worth a read ... and a reread.

This was great! All the right amounts of tenderness, caring, understanding, awakening love, were there. Filling in a gap that I don't believe I've ever seen covered before, certainly not as well, Ms. Kyle tells us about the events following the death of Gary Mitchell, Spock's accepting the position of First Officer, and McCoy joining the ship.

It isn't what is being covered in this short story, but how it is covered that is of utmost value. A revealing action by Spock sets the tone. In a very human way, Spock allows his very Vulcan strength to surface when he responds to the needs of his Captain. No, not sexual needs. This is a much more subtle account, but oh, so warm and loving. So filled with delightful discovery of self. We learn that Spock was extremely attuned to Kirk's emotional needs after he was forced to kill Mitchell. Spock's internal feelings are in turmoil, but he thinks of Kirk first, thereby setting the course for the remainder of his life.

Even the "R" on Kirk's tombstone is explained for us. A nice touch , I thought. This reads very much like part two of a two-part episode. What a memorable episode it would have been.

The relationship between Spock and McCoy is established in a creative and believable way. Spock is so delightfully Spock, a young man who is able to accept that he has feelings and to call them what they are. A man who is willing to let those feelings remain and to nourish them, knowing not what the future may hold, but that with James T. Kirk in his life, it must be a future filled with light and love.

This is an excellent author, using her skills effectively. She has the ability to make me feel exactly what Spock is feeling. In saying that, I realize that the story pretty much centers on Spock and his reactions and emotions. Kirk is there, and has substance, but we know more of the thought processes of the Vulcan than the Human. This will definitely make you fall in love with Spock.

If wishes were horses and this were part two of "Where No Man", I would now be rewinding and replaying, rewinding and replaying. I would not be able, ever, to get enough of this episode. It brilliantly sets the stage for the remainder of the five year mission. Thank you, Theresa.

2009

An absolutely lovely K/S pre-slash. Feeling his captain needs a friend to get over the death of his lover Gary Mitchell, newly appointed First officer Spock talks Leonard McCoy into accepting the post of CMO aboard the Enterprise... and as he himself offers what comfort he can, comes to realize the nature of that warm feeling that invades him every time he thinks of Jim Kirk. Gorgeous, moving depiction of Spock falling quietly and utterly in love with his captain behind his stoic facade, and great characterization all over. Very nice and original take on how McCoy arrived on the Enterprise.