In the Dark Unclear

K/S Fanfiction
Title:	In the Dark Unclear
Author(s):	Kathy Stanis
Date(s):	1994
Length:
Genre:	slash
Fandom:	Star Trek: The Original Series
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In the Dark Unclear is a Kirk/Spock story by Kathy Stanis.

It was published in the print zine T'hy'la #14.

Summary

"Kirk buries the memory of his pain during his time on Earth, alone while Spock was at Gol, until dredged up by Sybok."

Reactions and Reviews

"In the Dark Unclear" is a very interesting story written by one of fandom's most poetic authors. The story abounds with many examples of the beauty and skill with which Kathy writes. She also displays an admirable understanding of the minds and hearts of our favorite characters. I was frequently impressed with passages like these: "Their shadows led and flanked and stalked them as they walked, shortened to disappear beneath their feet..." and "If his friendship with Spock could not by now withstand the test of stretching the bounds of comfort...." and " Kirk was afraid of what he might hear if he stopped talking." and "Kirk closed his eyes; the chill of remembrance sprang them open again.

I really enjoyed reading this story, and I think that it's the best I've read by this author. The difference between her very early efforts and her more recent ones is very noticeable. Practice really does contribute to the drive towards writing the perfect K/S story! (Of course, if this story was written ages ago and was just waiting to be published, what I just wrote doesn't make much sense!)

The sexual tension between K and S in the observation deck is wonderful. I loved it when Kirk just blurts out, "I love you, Spock," without preamble. And I also really liked the way they arranged themselves in the OD with Spock facing Kirk, sitting on the footrest of the lounger, and their knees touching. The descriptions of their physical proximity and movements were excellent; I never found myself trying to figure out how they were sitting or standing in relation to one another.

beginnings of their first kiss on page 89 is probably among the top five K7S kisses that I've ever read. Terrific!

But despite my genuine admiration for this effort, I think "Unclear" was prevented from being a truly superior story by two problems: internal contradictions that muddled its clarity, and a much too ambitious theme that forced the author to disregard reality and rely on pat conclusions instead.

First the ambitious theme. This is essentially a first time story, but the budding relationship, literally Kirk and Spock's first kiss, is interrupted by Kirk's memories of a very nasty rape he experienced while Spock was at Gol. To try to handle this very serious event, and to actually present a "resolution" to it in eleven-plus short pages is attempting the impossible. I found that no matter how poetically expressed it might be, Kirk's ability to transcend his brand-new memories of pain and humiliation in incredibly short order was totally unbelievable. Such writing doesn't do justice to the genuine trauma he underwent, or to the trauma experienced by real people every day who are raped.

And even for those who manage to forget for a while and then remember later, the remembering is a life-altering traumatic experience. Believe me, I know, it's happened to a very close friend of mine. And I'm not sure I accept the theory that a starship captain approaching forty would be able to forget such an experience, even shaded as it was by alcohol, and still be able to pass Starfleet's psyche exams. This isn't an adolescent or childhood rape.

There were many problems with clarity, but I found that most of them originated from the scene set in the OD with Sybok trying to impart the visions to Kirk and Spock. I constantly felt that either I had misinterpreted it, and I went back to read it again, or I wondered if I had misread a sentence that seemed to contradict that pivotal scene. For example, at first I hadn't realized that Spock had experienced a second vision after his "birth." And I thought that Spock hadn't "seen" Kirk's vision when he was "shielding" him, the text does state that Spock made an effort to make sure he didn't see anything. And yet later Spock says he saw a figure, and later still that he knew who the figure was. How did he even now there had been a figure? If he had made sure his own "mental terrain did not bleed into Kirk's experience?"

And the story seemed to imply that Kirk had "forgotten" about his love and sexual feelings for Spock along with the events of the rape (page 88B) despite making those feelings quite clear in the opening scene. ("Fuck Spock. Yeah, you wish, J.T." Kirk thinks. Also Kirk's thoughts at the bottom of page 83A.) Can feelings so pervasive as to drive Kirk to a gay bar and turn himself over to a sadist really be forgotten, especially with the object of those feelings serving with him every day? I'm confused about what the author meant to imply here. A much more minor problem that I noticed disrupted the rhythm of the opening few pages. There were too many shifts of perspective in short spaces. For example, halfway down page 83B first we are in McCoy's head, then Spock's, then Kirk's. In three short paragraphs on page 84B we go from Kirk to Sybok to Spock. Because of this, in the transition to the paragraph "Images coalesced..." I was confused as to whose perspective was being used.

And finally, a note on characterization. Spock's nobility upon their first kiss being disrupted by Kirk's irrational behavior, and later in Kirk's quarters, was too much to believe. I mean, I love the guy, but even our almost-perfect Vulcan wouldn't be this saintly, would he?

I wonder if the problems I experienced with the story being "Unclear" (groan) were caused by this author's poetic bent. I had the gut feeling that just a little more focus was needed, perhaps a little editing and the ability to place oneself in the mind of a fan reading the story for the first time. These are all very minor problems that prevented this very enjoyable story, crafted by a true stylist, from reaching the K/S heights. Given the progression of Kathy's efforts that I've seen so far, I am truly eager to read her next story. And her next and next....

The story begins with a powerful scene of a slightly older Kirk getting ready to go to a bar on Castro Street (San Francisco, Earth). His thoughts are in retaliation to Spock and this incident, as he is assaulted and essentially raped, will play heavily later.

Our next meeting with Kirk is during Sybok's attempt to probe Kirk's pain. It is here that a mysterious figure appears from Kirk's mind and memory and he is unable to connect with it. Later, this vision haunts him. The build-up of tension as to what or whom the mysterious figure is, was expertly done.

When Kirk realizes that he loves Spock, he tells him on the observation deck in a wonderful scene. "'It's very freeing to look at something that's been hidden for so long. Hidden, but staring me in the face every day.'"

What a lovely moment when they are about to leave the observation deck, Spock locks the door and kisses Kirk for the first time. I loved it when he said: "'Excuse me, Jim. I do not wish to wait any longer to determine if we are both acting upon the same assumptions."

But before they can be lovers. Kirk must truly face the fear and pain of his rape. This is well-expressed with some beautiful language. Also, the character of Sybok is well-portrayed and from my memories of him in her stories, definitely an intriguing one.

Although one this author's earliest stories, certainly not lacking in her usual poetic and dramatic style.