How to Be a Fandom Jerk in Just a Few Easy Steps

Meta
Title:	How to Be a Fandom Jerk in Just a Few Easy Steps
Creator:	Merlin Missy
Date(s):	February 28, 2008
Medium:
Fandom:	multifandom
Topic:
External Links:	How to Be a Fandom Jerk in Just a Few Easy Steps
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How to Be a Fandom Jerk in Just a Few Easy Steps is a 2008 satirical essay by Merlin Missy.

It has the subtitle: "Making -isms work for you!"

Series

This essay is part of a series called Dr. Merlin's Soapbox.

Some Topics Discussed

• how to do, and don't do, discourse about racism, misogyny

From the Essay

Now you, yes you, can learn how to bully people, shut down debate, and show the world just how big of a jerk you can really be. It'll require some effort, but the beauty is, it requires much less effort than the alternative. Ready? Here we go!

(Note: All pronouns in the following are set to "she." If you are offended by this, you are being too sensitive and need to get over it. See? First lesson already learned.)

First, when someone in your fandom points out that something that occurred in your show's canon can be construed as racist, sexist, homophobic, or otherwise Not Cool, start by telling the observer she's being too sensitive, that she's reading too much into the material, and that she needs to remember this is just entertainment. It's fantasy / science fiction / horror. If she continues, especially if she points out a pattern of problematic material in your series, you should tell her she's just looking for things to be offended about. (This is true! People are always looking for things to be offended about. You can tell because people are always getting offended about something, especially if those things have always been that way. Since you never noticed anything was wrong, it's probably all in her head. Or their heads.) Also, you should try the "Get a life" routine, because that always kills at parties.

If more fans agree with her, you'll need to get more active. Point out that you or someone you know / love / met on a plane once are / is a member of the group she says is being put down. (Remember, if you have a friend who's not white, you can't be a racist. If you're male and love your mother, you can't be a sexist, and women never ever support or contribute to misogyny. Come on, try it!) Tell her you're not offended and/or the person you know isn't offended, therefore it's not actually offensive. If she shows you a list of stereotypes that have been shown by your series, make sure you claim that a) you've never heard of those before (so she must be making them up) and/or b) you don't see that at all in the material (so she's trying to create trouble by pretending there's a problem when there isn't one). Also come up with a good list of excuses why it doesn’t count in this case. Examples: "The character in question isn’t human." "It was supposed to be a joke." The latter is especially good, because you can also accuse her of lacking a sense of humor.

Be sure to bring up any example you can scrounge up of an exception to her argument. If she's complaining about misogyny, find a female character who hasn't been murdered, raped, marginalized, forgotten or lobotomized. (For some series, this may require a bit of digging, so be patient. Finding that one exception to rub in her face will feel so good!) If she's calling the series on racist undertones, focus on one episode where terrible things didn't happen to the characters of color, or better yet, point out that bad things happen to some white characters too. (Ignore her "percentages" nonsense. If five non-white characters were killed, and five white characters were killed, what does it matter if there were only five non-white characters on the entire series? We want absolutes!) Homophobia? Well, that's just being true to the character's nature.

Claim that it's only realistic for so many women to be abused in fiction, and that you have always been a strong supporter of realism in your favorite series about muscle-bound, time-travelling rednecks from outer space who work with dragons and fight zombies for a living.

Whine that you're being oppressed. This is important! The other fan and her friends are coming from a place of centuries of wrongs piled on wrongs, of attitudes so deeply ingrained in Western society that it takes a backhoe just to dig them up in the first place, much less start setting them aside. They might possibly have the moral high ground here. You cannot allow this to happen. You must, and I cannot stress this enough, claim that your opinion is not being valued. You must whine that although your verbal opponent is discussing a case of intolerance in the series, she is being intolerant of your right not to have your squee harshed. You are the victim here! You are the one being hurt! Your right to enjoy your show without having to think at all about the deeper social meanings of the stories unfolding before you on the screen is being jeopardized! All you wanted was some mindless entertainment and the opportunity to meta about it for hours with your friends online. You didn't want to hear about why it's unsettling to see three female characters of color end up in maid uniforms in one season. It's just not fair. Your freedom of speech is being limited. (Um. You'll have to dig for that one on your own, but I'm sure you can come up with something.)

Never ever under any circumstances admit you're wrong. Even if she can cite chapter and verse about the skeevy fate of every character of color on the show. Even if she proves beyond a doubt that what you thought was a joke was actually rape. Even if the character in question, in the very next episode, starts quoting Adolf Hitler (Godwin! Hooray!) and says s/he fully supports the Final Solution. It's still just an opinion, and one come to by interpreting the text from the wrong perspective by a humorless militant. You're just disagreeing.

Fan Comments

[Mara]: See, and this is why I love you so much. This is just perfect :)

[unknown user/troll]:

Not amusing, not enlightening, not entertaining, and certainly not intellectual.

[Paul Riddell]: I have to love [this] response to the whole essay. The only thing that needed to be added to the essay itself is "If she uses any sort of humor or wit in her responses, a good solid whine of "I didn't think that was funny at all" is in order. You shouldn't be expected to recognize any form of humor that doesn't involve puns or setting fire to kittens, and you sure as hell shouldn't be expected to know how to respond to it."

[Leva Cynet]: Paul, when I was a kid, there was a bully who I used to verbally outwit. His reaction was always, "You're so stupid! That's so stupid! It's not funny! You think you're so smart and you're not!" -- Substitute "not intellectual" for "you're so stupid" and we have the grownup equivalent to that long-ago bully. Missy made some very good points, and AnonyComment#2 doesn't like it because it makes him look like a knuckle-dragging ape in his behavior, so he says, "You're stupid!" in the hopes of that saying it makes it true. And if she's stupid, then she can't possibly be right.

[Morgan]: Nicely done, and sadly all too indicative of the attitudes of people in fandom. It's hard to laugh when there are so many people who really do feel this way.

[Garnett]: This is a thing of beauty.

[unknown user/troll]: Wow, victim mentality much?

[Tacky Tramp]: I'm going to stop arguing with intractably clueless people and just start linking them to this.

[unknown user/troll]: opposite of win

[Merlin Missy]: My thanks to the anonymous commenters for giving me more items to add to next week's rant, "An Anthropological Study of the Evolution of the Internet Coward."

[Livia]: Another wonderful trick I'm a huge fan of is a little rhetorical device I like to call "Racist Against Sidekicks." If someone is offended because every female on the show is a domestic servant/sex worker/feminine girly girl/seductive Jezebel, and there are no female characters who don't fit that specific sexist stereotype, be sure to tell them that they are clearly revealing their own bigotry against domestic servants/sex workers/feminine girly girls/seductive Jezebels! If someone is offended that every single character of color that has appeared on the show is poor/a gang member/an animalistic savage/a drug addict, and they would like to point out that it would be nice to maybe have *one* character on *one* show that didn't fit neatly and predictably into this stereotype, be sure to tell them that they're bigoted against the poverty-stricken/urban youth/tribal cultures and/or people with addictive personalities! When they try to point out that white actors and male actors get to play the full spectrum of roles, from the full gamut of human experience-- and women/CoCs get pigeonholed as a few very specific stereotypes (stereotypes that all too often have their roots in racist or sexist cliches) ignore this utterly! By asking the question, "why can't a black guy be the team leader, *just once*, instead of the sidekick, *every time*," they are clearly proving themselves-- Racist Against Sidekicks. See how easy it is? As long as you can find some way to twist their words, in order to make the person sound bigoted against some group of people, you will win the argument!

[Minda Herman]: Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and stupidity. After all, I thought that was the whole purpose of websites such as LJ. In life, just as online, there are multitudes of racist, sexist, bigoted people. When you encounter such a person, you act accordingly. Some of us avoid them, some of us ignore them and some times, we challenge them in the hope that they are able to see the error of their ways. Unfortunately, the last tactic might help us feel better but it often does nothing to the misguided person in question. I personally find the use of the term 'militant' the most intriguing portion of this rant for I have long since discovered that when certain persons are outraged, they are immediately branded with the militant flag. I'd be careful with that...a less enlightened person might just get the idea that the author IS one of 'them' rather than raging about 'them.'

[AngiePen]: LOL! Wow, I know some people who are already pretty good at this. [wry smile]

[anmaha]: ABSOLUTELY WONDERFULLY SPOT-ON. I've seen it all, that bullshit, and it makes participating in fandom that so much more annoying when one has to don an asbestos suit every time. Found from friend's link, and am linking for others forthwith!

[elviswhataguy]: Excellent. Internet fandom jerkhood - the favorite open hiding place of 'liberal' dewds.

[Bunny]: And maybe some people would like fandom to be about fandom instead of everyone's social cause of the day, or the fact that fandom pretty much ruined my ability to watch any show. I agree you shouldn't be an asshole to other people, but at the same time, I get tired of why every show is a vast pool of sexism, racism, and horrible. STOP WATCHING THEM THEN. I DID. Write the show's creators a letter, stop telling me about it. And I am a jerk, so telling me that isn't going to hurt my feelings.

[mari4212]: Beautifully written, and sadly far too true. You did miss out on some of the accusations of tone: "I'd have changed it if you'd just asked me politely, but since you got angry at me for using (racist/sexist/homophobic) language and insulting you, I'm not going to do anything."

[unknown user/troll]: get a life

[Kirinin]: On one hand, I did enjoy reading your rant because I've experienced something similar in one of my fandoms. A main character who was both a woman and a person of color was marginalized so badly by a white male main character - telling her what activity he would ALLOW her to do while pregnant! constantly! - that I stopped watching and advised others to do the same. So... as for why I am rating your article so-so instead of either made of awesome or lieslieslies! which appear to be the only two replies as of now: It's just not convincing. What you've written is so randomly ranty, pulling examples from shows you don't name and discussing specific, seemingly *personal* instances in which a fan has offended you, that I felt like I was watching someone go into a rage from across the room: close enough to get the general gist that you're *really upset* but too far away and too far *removed* to feel involved, or illuminated by what you've written. Plus, and I think this is the main thing: it seems like more of the same. You argued about ideas and someone ended by calling you stupid. Your article is essentially a name-call right back. If your goal was to get this off your chest and help people get a laugh if they've been in a similar situation, you've probably succeeded. From the POV of someone who has never been this indignant towards a fan for any reason, it seems like a lot of sound and fury, and... you get the rest.

[Chris]: Will you have my internet babies?

Later Comments by the Essay's Author

Last week's foray down Sarcasm Boulevard was extremely cathartic for Doctor Merlin, and she was gratified to see that many of her gentle readers also took part in both the catharsis and the (far more important) discussions being addressed. Alas! Some of the responses, even those from Doctor Merlin's very dearest friends, also read last week's diatribe against Internet Idiocy as including a grudge against those who choose to revel in their squee. To clarify, Doctor Merlin is specifically annoyed with those fans who, after exhausting their own supplies of the other derailment techniques, boycott communities and fans still discussing the uncomfortable topics and create spaces with "No Srs Bzns" on the doors, which effectively shuts up those pesky dissenters. Doctor Merlin bears no ill will towards those fans who choose to cling to their squee above all else. Doctor Merlin appreciates squee, and so is dedicated this week's topic to All About Squee.