God Personally Offended

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Title: God Personally Offended
Creator: Liss
Date(s): early 2000s?
Medium: online
Fandom: Buffy & Angel
Topic:
External Links: God Offended, Archived version
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Contents

God Personally Offended is a satirical essay by Liss.

It is one of many essays at Octaves, a Buffy and Angel website.

"WARNING: This satirical look at the reactions of both God and Satan to a "potential" romance between Angel and Cordy is NOT Cordelia friendly. But it's kinda funny!"

"Disclaimer: This is completely fabricated. purely for shits and giggles. inspired by the 8/30 Babblers' chat and too much of the onion (www.theonion.com). no offense meant towards any specific religion, belief, or god that happens to read this. nice, not-so-clean farcical, satirical fun. for luce, if she actually wants to post this at the ASSB, and anyone who wants to post it elsewhere, please let me know if there is flaming. In addition, dates are probably real frelled up. I guessed. sue me. AN2: this is Satan's POV. i made it a response to keep it consolidated. nariya and zion and anyone else-no offense about new jersey for zion and GJ, because it was their idea anyway. also, please don't flame. this is for entertainment. blah blah blah, real disclaimer: i dont know satan or god etc. see the completely fabricated statement above."

Excerpt

--New York. Last Sunday, the Nielsens recorded an all time high for the WB netlet show, Angel: the Series. Astonished, insiders did some research and discovered the dramatic increase was due to God's personal television set, which hadn't been used since the airing of a previous episode, "I Will Remember You." (Note: God's television weighs heavily in the Nielsens, as God is more important than the average viewer.)

In an earlier interview about IWRY, God said He was embarassed by the decisions of his associates: The Powers That Be and the Oracles, who forced such a stupid decision on His "favorite couple since Lucy and Ricky Ricardo." In addition, God had said that He had never witnessed such chemistry between characters since he wrote the old family favorite of "Adam and Eve," to keep himself busy.

"Really," said God, "I was on the verge of promoting Joss [Whedon, creator of BtVS and AtS] to Cosmic Entertainer." God, if you're listening, we were entertained, too. However, after IWRY, God ironically lost his faith-- in the teller that is, but not necessarily the tale.

But the recent viewing of Angel simply stumped God. "My associates [the Oracles] may have made one stupid decision, but this has gone on too long. I didn't give Angel a soul to be stupid, especially not with Cordelia." God also went on to say that the whole business of promoting popular character Cordelia Chase to Seer, and cutting and dying her hair, had not been approved by Him.

God explained, "Up here, it's very democratic, much more so than down below. Even if I disagree with a complete reformation of character, I can get overruled by a unanimous decision by the Oracles." God then sat back, and shook his head, disapprovingly. "I wish I was omnipotent, but it seems that a certain Marti Noxon has more power over these characters than my own meager divine intervention."

God has been fighting to keep Buffy and Angel together, as a couple, since Angel lost his soul. In November sweeps of 1998, God personally intervened in the episode "Faith, Hope, and Trick", and returned Angel to Earth, as opposed to Hell. But even this was not enough, and the writers tried to separate the two under the guise of the First Evil around Christmas that very year.