Fandom Mom
| Synonyms: | Fandom Elder, Fandom Old |
| See also: | Ageism in Fandom, Bitter Old Fanfic Queen, List Mom |
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Fandom Mom is a term that refers to an older fan, usually female, who has been a longtime participant in fandom, and thus considers herself knowledgeable about fandom culture and/or activities. A fan may identify herself as a fandom mom, or be called such by others.
The label has both positive and negative connotations. A fandom mom may be considered very experienced and savvy, and thus worthy of respect and treated as an authority on fandom. However, it may also indicate that an older fan is trying too hard to fit in with young fans in a way that is not natural or convincing. Young fans may use the label derogatorily when they feel an older fan is invading their space and trying to center herself as an authority unwelcomely. The term is used to point out that while a fan may think they are more knowledgeable than others, they are actually out of touch with the views and concerns of younger fans. Disagreements that lead to fans labelling others fandom moms often have to do with Social Justice and Purity Culture, topics which have shifted and become more divisive over the years. A person identifying herself as a fandom mom has come to carry the implication that she is against purity culture and anti-shippers.
There is no specific age range for fandom moms – fans are subjectively considered older or younger based on the demographics of the fandom or who they interact with. People in their early twenties may be called fandom moms. There is backlash against the negative connotations of "fandom mom" from older fans, related to the conversation around Ageism in Fandom.
Origin and Age of the Term
2004
Early uses do pop up on journals:
Memo to HP Fandom: From: A Fandom Mom
Y'all have been naughty this week. Really naughty. Y'all are worse than my kids, and that's saying something. I get enough of this kind of shit in my RL, I sure as hell don't need to have in my virtual one. I get on the net to escape it Everyone go put themselves in a giant time-out, take a nap, get drunk, have sex, go for a run, read a book, watch TV, wank, or whatever else you can come up with to SETTLE THE HELL DOWN.[1]
2009
Earlier uses are often referring to a poster's literal mother as shown in comments on a Fandom Secret from 2009.
This made me smile. Yay for multigenerational fandom![2]
I have a fandom mom, too! *high fives*
She doesn't write fanfic or anything, she just kind of participates in discussions and stuff. And watches f!s, haha. [3]
2011
Early uses on Tumblr date back to 2011 or so and also often involve someone talking about their literal mother:
Fandom mom, pt.2
(after, well. Long trip together today, led to GT-flavoured rambles.)
Mom: So this character of this friend of yours, how does he talk?
Me: uh well that's a niiice ques--
Mom: I hope not like he walks.
EXACTLY, MOM.
tags: #ghost trick#cabanela#fandom mom#I swear I'm not making up any of this[4]
2013
Re: Dear Fandom Enemy,
Thank you for deciding to go under friendslock a year or two back, so that I could no longer compulsively hate-read you. It's making my life so much less stressful! I also appreciate that we no longer share fandoms, so that I don't have to deal with you positioning yourself as the uber-BNF/fandom mom and deciding who does and does not "belong" in fandom and how our fandom supposedly does or does not "do things." You never spoke for me, and now I'm glad you never can. ♥
Signed,
Silently resentful co-habitor of like four different fandoms with you just by sheer bad luck[5]
2014
Re: You damn kids, get off my lawn!
The flip side's just as bad, though. There are a couple of older fans in my fandoms that want to tell us all how to do fandom, and life, and generally set themselves up as the 'fandom moms' and I'm sitting over here going, ok, you're 20-30 years older than me, congratulations, but I'm not a kid either and I've been in fandom going on 20 years myself, please stop with the unwanted, uninvited advice and the pronouncements about fannish history (as if it were a monolith!).
tl;dr Condescending's irritating no matter who does it.[6]
2016
By 2016 or so, many more uses show up with the current sense. Note the use of the tags 'fandom moms' and 'actual fandom moms' demonstrating that the poster does not consider the term to normally refer to literal mothers.
No question but thank you for such a wonderful analysis of Abby/Clarke. I am likely one of your oldest readers (late 30's) but as a mom it was truly great to see such an insightful explanation of how Abby and Clarke interact and how fiercely they love each other.
Thank you! I really felt like I didn’t do it justice. There’s a lot more to be said, right? But I made a start, right? The familial relationships on this show are one of its strengths and one of the reasons that I say, although they keep saying this show isn’t about love, IT IS ABOUT LOVE, it’s just not about romance or ships. It’s not a romance show, but it is about how love makes survival worth while. Love helps us survive.
I thought I was the oldest person in the fandom, but I think I saw someone, who doesn’t post much, who is 52, so we ARE out there. I’ve met a lot of people in their late 20s and 30s. Maybe most older people don’t post as much as me, because, hey, I’m working through some stuff and this is my hobby right now, but still. We’re here. tagged: #the 100#it's about love#mothers#fandom#fandom moms#actual fandom moms
[7]
2017
Post 2016, the modern usage of the term increases. The Urban Dictionary definition, for example, dates to 2017:
fandom mom
an adult who participates in fandom activities and tries to fit in with teens on tumblr
by crab500 September 05, 2017[8]
2018
By the late 2010s, the term had often come to refer to fans over 30 or some age the poster considers too old for fandom.
Literal, actual porn blogs: get off my page if you’re under 18. don’t talk to me if you’re under 18. IF YOU’RE A MINOR L E A V E
31 y/o fandom moms: are you saying that I can’t about sex to teenagers? you just want me to die don’t you. you just want all the OLD HAGS like ME to ROLL OVER AND DIE even though we BUILT THIS DAMN FANDOM.
tags: #fandom mom#it really never has to be like this[9]
Criticisms of Fandom Moms
Criticisms of the Label "Fandom Mom"
Examples of Usage
can’t even believe that with an issue of minors being exposed to/accessing pornography, actual CP, hiding/clearing/removing LGBT+ tags and people, and then a subsequent clearing of all visual nsfw that suspiciously only targets “female-presenting-people”, some of y’all fandom mom clowns are gonna make this about you and talk about “content purge” and “censorship” or whatever you losers want to complain about next[10]
I always trust fandoms dominated by 20-40 something adult women who are the fandom moms (and sometimes literal moms IRL) who’ve been writing or creating content for the fandom since the days of yore (see: the early 2000s) and are still keeping up regular activities for said fandom such as yearly holiday events or big bangs / reverse bangs or even printed anthologiesGenerally when you have people in the fandom who are “golden oldies” (not necessarily old, but have been there for the good part of a decade or more) or long time contributors and who are of a certain age range, the fandom tends to be more… stable and healthy, and less toxic and destructive.
(examples include: the Marvel capironman / stevetony fandom, the Good Omens fandom, the LOTR/Tolkien fandom, etc)
#fandoms dominated by angry teens are toxic and terrible and should not be trusted #fandoms populated by teens but regulated by said fandom moms are pretty great when there's a balance[11]
Fandoms moms aren't bad off the get go, but they're a particular kind of shitty. They're rude to people younger than them, say and do things that make fandoms mostly made up of minors very comfortable and when they do very racist/homophobic/transphobic things they try to turn it around and say people must hate their moms. On top of all that, it's just kind of annoying and cringy watching a 30 something with kids call some 15-16-17-18 or 19 yr a fetus or rugrat. Fandom Mom's are just gross.[12]
Meta & Further Reading
- Look I don't wanna sound like a Fandom Mom or whatever but what do you think women over 25 or so are supposed to do?
- Last week, I turned 36, and according to some, I’ve already overstayed my welcome in fandom by at least a decade.
- Sometimes I see people in fandom talking (Ageism In Fandom)
References
- ^ excerpt from a dreamwidth post by abigail89, probably originally posted to livejournal. Posted 7/31/04. Accessed 6/12/21.
- ^ comment by penkife. Posted 4/21/09. Accessed 6/12/21.
- ^ discussion on Fandom!Secret by cereal-killer71. Posted 4/21/09. Accessed 6/12/21.
- ^ fandom mom pt. 2 by laughing mango on tumblr. Posted Dec 7, 2011. Accessed 6/12/21.
- ^ FFA post. Posted 1/15/13. Accessed 6/12/21.
- ^ FFA post. Posted 8/5/2014. Accessed 6/12/21.
- ^ tumblr post by sometimesrosy. Posted May 10, 2016. Accessed 6/12/21.
- ^ fandom mom on Urban Dictionary. Posted 9/5/17. Accessed 6/12/21.
- ^ tumblr post by angelsaxis. Posted 1/23/18. Accessed 6/12/21.
- ^ Tumblr post, December 4, 2018, Archived version
- ^ Tumblr post, July 12th, 2016, Archived version
- ^ Tumblr ask, March 4, 2019, Archived version