Look I don't wanna sound like a Fandom Mom or whatever but what do you think women over 25 or so are supposed to do?
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| Creator: | roxolotl |
| Date(s): | July 2018 |
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Original Essay
Look i dont wanna sound like a Fandom Mom or whatever but what do you think women over 25 or so are supposed to do? Do u really think theyre supposed to drop all their interests and just talk about taxes and marriage or whatever? It seems like 25+ year old fanboys do not receive this kind of “ooh cringe” reaction either. There are guys in their 40s with comic book collections and shit and people might think theyre a nerd at worst, not a freak who shouldnt be trusted
Reactions/Responses
Fandom Moms Can Be Creepy...
[nerft]:
I agree but i think the issue most ppl have is like "fandom moms" being looked up 2 by younger ppl just bc theyre older and also them sometimes interacting with younger ppl in fandoms?
[hundondestiny reblogged lovewitch2016]: Like I get the concept but the fact is getting older means changing how you interact with things that aren’t necessarily meant for you. Geek ass men have a double-edged “most people think you’re weird but socially your behavior is unpunished” status because Men but in general the entire issue with “fandom moms” and such is that they still interact with teenagers and kids as if they are close to them in age.
[penitentsaint reblogged lesbianladyeboshi]:The issue most people have with "fandom moms" its how they keept interacting with kids the same way they do with adults, like no one is telling people to drop their interest, they are telling them to share that interest with people their age
#im…almost 26 and honestly... no one is telling me to stop having interests
[gray-warden]: Most stuff i see abt "fandom moms" isnt really much abt how adult women like those things, its about how there are many adults in fandom who interact w much younger ppl in ways that arent really good or healthy. Like adults talking to teens abt topics that are somewhat sexual as if its okay bc its a fandom thing
[angelicgarnet reblogged oatmealss-deactivated20180720]:i think the post was more directed at people who make fun of adult women and assume theyre predatory solely for being into fandoms. like there’s a huge difference between ‘grown women in fandoms need to be responsible around minors and not be predatory or abusive’ and ‘grown women who still like cartoons and write fanfiction are cringey and should be mocked’, but some people act like they’re the same
#but yeah creepy adults in fandom need to fuck off regardless of gender lol#ask to tag
[roxolotl-remaking reblogged angelicgarnet]:Thank you, yes, that is what I meant. Obviously adult women fans can be creepy, im not denying that. But just being a fan of things as an adult woman is not creepy or wrong in and of itself. And the post this is a response to did actually imply that.
#Thank u for not just putting words in my mouth like most of the people commentign on my post
[trashcandiscourse reblogged trickstarbrave]:see, I always thought the thing about Fandom Moms™ was a little different (tho I agree about men not being treated the same way) in that specifically people were criticising adult women for the way they interacted with minors in spaces that are about material made for minors, and furthermore about the instances there have been where adult women have put themselves in leader-like positions within these communities and then exploited that position?
#we may just be thinking of different aspects of this discussion#so feel free to point me in the right direction if ive misunderstood smth
[bihet-dragonize reblogged ugotchi]: They're also saying that if you are part of a fandom that belongs to kids, watch how you interact with the media. Don't mass produce nsfw art of characters (oftentimes those characters are children so that a double no-no). Don't have explicitly nsfw talks about that media in the open where kids can find it. Don't mix your sfw posts with nsfw ones if kids follow you. Basic stuff that would be completely normal offline, but y'all have a computer and forgot how to act.
[richredmoon reblogged tabbyborym]: the biggest issue ive seen with self proclaimed fandom moms is pedophilia. they draw and write porn of teenage characters that almost always leads to sexually charged interactions with Real Living Minors who find it. just doing the first thing on its own is shitty, but the second part is so much more clearly scary. its a boiling frog situation 90% of the time.
[Luxxurycar]:anyway if you’re 20+ and in a fandom, particularly a fandom for something meant for a younger audience, you need to be aware of what you’re posting and how you’re interacting with your followers, bc chances are many of them are teenagers.
and additionally if anyone says you are being creepy/weird your response should be “how can i fix this” and not “fandom was made by adults sweetie, i can do no wrong”
#also like if you're calling yourself a fandom mom.....stop #and if this post makes u defensive then ur part of the problem tbh
[punkishrogue reblogged this from spectrumbunny]: #PLEASE#FOR THE LOVE OF GOD KNOW YOUR FUCKING PLACE #I escaped a cult
[very-merry-sioux reblogged prismatic-bell]:There's also this belief that any women over 25 are predators because they: enjoy fandom things, interact with younger fans, or create/consume nsfw works of characters that are canonically minor.
#merry muses
[knotpuncher]: think the biggest problem is how "fandom moms" often surround themselves with minors who have similar interests and its really creepy
[kari-izumi responding to knotpuncher]: @knotpuncher except, it really isn't that, because first Generation Trek fans (predominantly female and in their 20s thru 40s) got shit on for "ruining" sci-fi. Not every older fan in a "children's" fandom is a MrsScribe waiting to start wank over HP fanfic. Most of us just...love the show. Hell, id gladly joined a 21+ board to not deal w whiny ass babies.
[Knotpuncher responding to kari-izumi]: @kari-izumi not saying all of them are like that but theres definitely older people on here who surround themselves with minors and were allowed to be uncomfortable with that
[kari-izumi responding to knotpuncher]: @knotpuncher but again, what constitutes "surrounding"? Because my fandom experience has always been a few names get big, ppl flock to them. Creeps exist, but not in any greater numbers than in offline settings. Ages don't bother me IRL. Actions do.
[dimetrodone reblogged partlysmith]:One of the big reasons people are uncomfortable with self described “fandom moms” is that they often put themselves in circles that consist heavily of teenagers and interact with them in ways that is often inappropriate or don’t adjust how they interact with fandom or the medium itself. Often not seeing why things like teenaged fans shipping 15 year olds from a show is perfectly fine but being 30+ and doing that with the same characters can get creepy or cross a line really fast. Likewise teenagers at each other’s throats arguing with eachother about fandom drama is not good but is expected, but 30+ year olds acting the same way about fandom drama largely between teenagers is not at all appropriate.
I don’t think people should need to “"grow out” of their interests, but we really do need to think about how we engage with this stuff and with others then we do get older
[fuck-weebs reblogged dimetrodone]:People only say do your taxes because adult people are behaving inappropriately around minors or being plan creepy
#its like the weird people defending pedophilia or incest #if you're not one of those people dont worry
[nitrosplicer]:consider: people say they're uncomfortable around fandom moms because They Are Not Talking About You. They are talking about an older woman who does shit like "oh my thirteen year old follower drew their first porn? Time to reblog it for all my followers!"
If people feel adverse to older people in fandom, true, this post is fine, but I just wanted to mention that when most people talk about fandom moms as cringe they're talking about people who do actually bad things
[sjconjurer-moved reblogged atlasbeetles]:I'm sure this has already been said, but for people looking at newer replies...this literally isn't the criticism. It's about adults who go into primarily young spaces, become leaders of some sorts, and sexually ship teenage characters and pedophilic ships, and talk about how bad criticism against them is. It's not miss oh ge kneeeee, it's about using your power as an adult among impressionable teens.
#pedophilia #mention
[rainbw reblogged snowylynxx]: People don’t hate fandom moms because you guys are older adults we hate/cringe at fandom moms because a lot of the fandom moms of old fandom were unfortunately pedophiles who manipulated children into thinking it was okay to ship incest and pedophilia and abused childrens inherent craving for affection and admiration from adults for our “maturity.”
[drunktalon reblogged jezi-belle]: I’ll trust adults in fandom so long as they recognise there’s a significant difference between themselves and young fans, respect the importance of safe spaces for minors in fandom, and have appropriate boundaries. Randomly deciding a kid you don’t know with shared interests to you is your “new daughter”, and you are her fan mom and mentor, is weird and creepy. Excitedly discussing porn (including written) with 15 year olds, as an adult, is weird and creepy. Threatening and harassing younger fans because they said something you disagree with, or dared to disrespect the Fandom Elders, makes you a shitbag. And for the record, I don’t trust nerdy adult men to not be creepy or dangerous to young fans. Not a fucking inch.
[hardcoreangel]: thats true and all but if youre 25+ you shouldnt be interacting with minors, why is why ”fandom moms” are frowned upon: its bc theyre fucking creepy. Thanks
[bottled-star27 reblogged rdiohead]: Older women can keep their interests, it's when they use them to manipulate minors/act creepy that it crosses a line.
[tezzerets reblogged despazito]:Another thing about the whole “fandom mom” trope (idk if that’s the right word I am so tired rn) is that the term has become associated with predatory, abusive women who get into a fandom filled with younger people and groom them? Obviously, older people who are into popular media are not all like this, but because of multiple bad eggs, younger fans are wary of interacting with older fans.
#idk that's just my two cents on it #i'm 20 so i kinda understand the whole 'older fan' thing #but i also don't interact with like anyone #and i also haven't spoken to anyone under 18 in like....2 years? more or less since i turned 18 #save for like my friends young kids when i visit them. but that's more like 'sure i'll watch this episode of paw patrol with you kiddo'
[fightbee reblogged ameliorat-ing]:I totally get what this post is trying to say and I agree that its good to keep yr interests and things you love, but i think most of the critisizm towards “fandom mom” types is how these older women interact with minors and fetishize young characters (especially gay ships). I think its important for these adults to be mindful of their actions and influence in fandom spaces because ive seen way too many adults discuss kinks and “sinning” with minors in discord chats and on tumblr in general and thats not okay.
#i can see howmisogyny can play into this because men do get away with a lot #but its also important to remember the context in which people started to keep their eyes on older people in fandoms #because a lot of them were being very innapropriate with children and also literally harrassing them over #petty stuff
[acquaintedwithrask reblogged askkakuro]:yeah let’s not gloss over the fact that there are full grown-ass adults out there in “fandoms” that are having inappropriate interactions with minors, and/or being condescending shitheads.
#fandoms #fandom moms #i hate that term anyway but yeah #like what you like and participate in your shit #but there are boundaries #that doesn't mean you don't get to participate #it just means you probably shouldn't like share porn with minors or screech at them
[tortillakin]: I get it, I’m 26, but I’ve always thought “fandom-mom” was aimed at grown adults who spend an unnerving amount of time with the 13 year olds in their fandom.
[madamebomb reblogged braincoins]: I got age shamed on here the other day. I'm 37. I make no bones about that. I love my age. They said it was sad that I existed in a fandom space at my age.
Older Men Have It Just As Hard Being Accepted
[dykeocratic-consapphicism reblogged child-gang]:….There are guys in their 40s with comic book collections and shit and people might think theyre a nerd at worst, not a freak who shouldnt be trusted…
the latter usually get that reaction based on like...actually being noticeably terrible people
[amindele]: yeah this is a v true point and it's definitely rooted in misogyny but old nerd dudes are like. universally regarded as creepy and weird
[mel0nch0ly]: Men get tons of shit for liking these sorts of things, they’re usually stereotyped as the men who live in their moms basement and are creepy pedos¿ what are you talking about?
[flourisin]: My dad is a passionate hobby musician and people were like "you still do this stuff?" It wasn't even comic books or that typical "nerd stuff". Just making music. So sad that people think just because you become an adult, get mature and older you have to leave your interests behind just to be "a true, serious adult"
[bartgallery reblogged bladedamus]: i agree but also are you kidding everyone thinks adult men who are fandom obsessed shut-ins are super creepy and usually theyre right
[ohno-michio reblogged such-justice-wow]: Who honestly believes that older dudes don't get shamed for liking nerd shit. What rock are you under?
[dasha-loses-it reblogged such-justice-wow]: Yeah, overweight 30-40+ male nerds have neeeeever been the butt off jokes and considered "cringe"
[witchy-cats responds to @despacitoes]: Of course anyone (male or female) that's creepily obsessed with something are going to be sketchy. But this post isn't about creepy fans, this is about the perception of older female fans being seen as weird when their male counterparts often aren't.
[lazydalek reblogged polyglotplatypus]: Everyone sees 40 year old fanboys as creeps tho. Like if you were asked to picture one you'd think of some greasy 400 pound neck beard in a joker t-shirt who masturbates to monster musume figurines
[tired-smox reblogged whatisthisnonsense]:the part about this only happening to women is trash but other than that, this yeah
#like I dont know which rock you live under but there's a literal 2010 meme about nerds being awkward and far FAR worse??? #like society HATES men 25+ (and fucking 40!) who have comics or are nerds #especially introverts?? #theres a crappy reality tv show about how nerds are horrible awkward people or sex-driven freaks??? #where did yall live lmao
[knightoflodis reblogged ladyforloveandjustice]: I mean. Men are def seen as creepy and get shit if the fandom that they are in is the “wrong” one. Being into Disney, MLP, or similar things as an adult man can make people think that you are into those things for the wrong reasons. Men might be a little more accepted for enjoying the standard nerdy stuff, but there are other things that they will get mocked/attacked for liking after hitting a certain age. This also includes things like stuffed animals, even though those things are the best.
[red-the-mighty reblogged vikinglumberjack]: This is wrong. It’s not more allowed for men. Men are expected to drop the “Kid stuff” just like anyone else. I have person experience, and have friend who’ve shared that experience of dropping something we enjoyed because we were “too old for that stuff.
[arosebyan0thername reblogged sunshinefor-breakfast]: By all means, do not drop your interests. Continue to be interested and to create and to discuss. Unless your interests include teenagers in ways that adults should not be thinking of teenagers. A grown man lusting after an anime high school student and a grown woman lusting after a teenage super hero are the same foul monster. A 50 year old drawing porn of a nineteen and a twenty year old is creepy and weird.
[ig-88a reblogged lilyeva]: Guys get flack over this sort of stuff too. My dad absolutely does not understand why I still have toys and watch cartoons. Why I don’t own a Harley and watch sports. Why I’m not into drinking beer at bars and doing typical “guy” stuff. I get so many odd looks when people see my cartoon based tattoos or when I have to explain what’s on my usual sci-fi/cartoon based t-shirt. Instead I’m riddled with anxiety and depression and being told my interests should have been given up when I “grew up” does not help. I just want to enjoy what I enjoy and not be frowned upon for doing so. Gotta hold onto the little things that make you happy in this constantly judging world.'
[peteschult reblogged shouldthisbecalledrecovery]:As a 50+ dude, I can totally verify that the worst reaction I get is indeed being thought of as weird, nerdy, or geeky when I talk about things I'm a fan of. In fact, people will often be apologetic about it if they don't get my references ("Oh, I see. The only *Star trek* I've seen was an episode of the show with that bald-headed captain.").
#fandom #western canon #academia #sexism #misogyny #history of mores
[stalker-among-the-stars reblogged belles--rose]:The only issue I have with op is
> it seems like 25+ fanboys do not receive this “ooh cringe” reaction
Like, bruh, you’re on tumblr. Have you not looked around for five seconds? The exact people who cry “end cringe culture” or want men to be more in touch with their emotions and embracing of femininity are the ones who call any man interested in a kids show/franchise or a girly show/franchise creepy pedophiles and evil freaks.
[quinzelade reblogged red-eye-radio]: Except people absolutely do think they are freaks, and have awful stereotypes like 'living in mom's basement', 'manchild', and 'sexual predator' attached to them.
Men Are Hardwired To Keep Their Hobbies
[shadows-rise-as-darkness-dies responds to rexolotl]: You’re confusing people hating your for something and people who just won’t support those actions of yours. Most people will find it odd, sure, but the reason men stick with their hobbies into their forties while women don’t is because men, on average, are more likely to prioritise a hobby over a friendship.
[dangerbooze responds to shadows-rise-as-darkness-dies]:Generalizing men and hobbies > friendship?
#rude
[shadows-rise-as-darkness-dies responds to dangerbooze]:Men are, in general, more interested in things than people. Women are, in general, more interested in people than things. Its around 60/40 and 40/60 and this is a fact that’s been shown by decades of psychological research. Because of this a man will be more likely than a woman to prioritise his hobbies over his friends than a woman will. It also explains why more men are more likely to hold onto their hobbies long term, while women will end up dropping them when it becomes less socially acceptable to maintain said hobbies.
Men also tend to make friends on a practical basis while women tend to make friends on an emotional basis. Which is why men are less likely to have friends over a long period of time if their lives aren’t constantly intermingling. It’s also why when you look at people who’ve maintained a friendship from primary school into adult hood then those people are more likely to be female than male. It’s just how the math turns out.
[caythis responds to dangerbooze]: It doesn't even make sense, who do [the men] think they go to these hobbies with? Who do [the men] talk about their hobbies to?
[proctain agrees with dangerbooze]:They are forgetting that men make friends based on shared interests. Women generally make friends based on shared social status. One crosses social boundaries the other is constantly threatened by doing any action that can be used to other someone one.
This is also the reason why many guys can have a physical fight and become friends after but many women can have a single misplaced world spell a life long obsessive hatred.
The best example of this from my personal life was the ARMY. Female soldiers would only fraternized with people of equal rank off hours. Female spouses of military personnel made their social groups based solely around the rank of their spouse and many time would attempt intimidation and threats of both soldiers and others spouses based on THEIR OWN SPOUSE’S rank.
Mean while male soldiers not even in associated units would make friendships based on interests and hobbies regardless of rank. Many would take extra effort during off hours to place rank aside so they could have these friendships.
Other Women Are The Problem
[proctain]:Ah more people who have never met a real person or had actual social contact.
There are plenty of women with hobbies but the only with geeky hobbies are pressured by OTHER SPITEFUL WOMEN to drop them. It sure as hell isn’t men doing it.
Try getting better female acquaintances instead of basing your self worth off of judgemental catty assholes whole rip you down to make themselves feel better about their short comings.
[bunnyrows echoes proctain]:This sounds ridiculous but idk it kinda makes sense. Probably why I don’t get along with other girls.
Also, you can take my nerdy interests out of my cold dead hands before I give it up just because other ladies look at me funny. At the end of the day, I’m perfectly happy hanging out with anyone who shares even the slightest interest with me, regardless of age, rank, gender who whatever else people might care about 🤷🏻♀️
[himedereraffine reblogs askflyleaf]: That’s odd because the only people who told me I was to old for stuff was older women.
Even The Creepy Women Get No Respect
[gunitneko4real reblogged bigevilshine]: I think people are pretty cringy about the dudes too to be honest but they definitely get more attention and face time in movies while us “older” women fans just don’t seem to exist.
Middle Age Women Have Played (And Will Always Play) An Important Role In Fandom
[vishual reblogged agent-washingtub]:pretty sure middle aged women basically started fandom as it is anyway so catch me not giving a single fuck about how i love and consume my favorite content
#fandom
[doittojulia reblogged ereini0n]:I’ve been in fandom since I was 13; back then, there were women my age in my fandoms too. None of them were weird or creepy. They were kind to me. They were the ones who maintained the websites, the ones who put page after page of warnings on their fanfic archives telling under 18s not to click through (I… may have ignored those on occasion but for the love of all that is holy don’t follow my example), the ones who gently guided me into being less obnoxious and hyper, who were there to listen when I felt alone.
Older women in fandom isn’t new. Back in the seventies we were the ones organizing the conventions that kept Star Trek fandom alive.
Yes, there are bad eggs amongst us - just as there are bad eggs in every cohort. But we shouldn’t have to withdraw from something we love just because teens on tumblr have suddenly decided we’re toxic.
#fandom
[shannaraisles reblogged sorshania]: Absolutely! Who do you think is providing you with the majority of the A+ fandom content you consume on a daily basis? It takes time, and experience, to craft the skills that go into every piece of expressive work you consume. And guess what? MOST OF IT IS DONE BY WOMEN OVER THE AGE OF 25! Note, I said most, not all.
[coyotebutt]: im just wondering but who do they think is keeping their industries afloat? them? HAHAHAHA it's adults with jobs, spending money
[kranzanastasia reblogged bayonena]:Funny how youngsters should say that “older women” should leave the fandom, as if most of their content doesn’t come from said women to begin with. They make an essential part of the fandom and many are great content providers. Even if they aren’t…
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DECIDE WHETHER A PERSON SHOULD BE ABLE TO BE A PART OF A FANDOM OR NOT.
[kari-izumi reblogged asherinn]:Whenever people want to piss and moan about "nasty ass middle age" women in fandom, show them the story of Bjo Tremble and her her letter-writing campaign not only saved Star Trek, but that women like her was a huge part of what carried enthusiasm for the show into the 70s until sci-fi became "cool" again and Paramount decided to make another go at it with the movies.
#fandom history
[sfiddy]: Fun fact: I had an amazing beta who was 66 years old.
But Why Are Older Women In Fandom Not Welcome? It Wasn’t Always This Way
[pernoctatio reblogged sailorhoneybee]:Men in their 40s make a living off liking nerdy shit- women over 25 who like nerdy shit are always just seen as losers. It didn’t used to be like this- well I mean society has always privileged men- but even back 10 or 15 yrs ago younger kids in fandoms followed the older people’s work as an example and generally were a lot more respectful since we’re all just nerds online and the older ones can sometimes tell you important shit like fanart or fanfic tips, etc. I’m not sure when younger fans started thinking old fans were lame, as if they’re expecting to grow up and just not have their nerdy interests anymore at all? I don’t get it.
#also whats wrong w being a fandom mom? #i always wanted to have hoards of younger fans look to me for guidance on writing or w/e
And Can We Drop The Idea That Older Women Are “Fandom Moms”?
[big-stupid-jellyfish reblogged nianeyna]:on a slightly related note: can we also delete the entire fucking concept of “fandom mom”? you know, the idea that women of certain age can play only a role of a parent to someone, in literal or metaphorical sense?
#fandom wank #:y
aquadreammachine]: I'm sorry there's ageism in fandom and they use the phrase "Fandom Mom"? Who are these asses that need a slap upside the head?
Pssst... Guess How Old the People Are That Create Your TV Shows and Books?
[xxfrizzyxx reblogged swampybearcub]: After all, who do you think voices your most beloved female cartoon characters? Who do you think writes the most popular comic books? Who do you think makes your favourite video games? Adults. Not kids or teenagers, adults.
[kiramoony]:Wanna hear another secret?
The people who create and direct the stuffs you loved as a child or a teenager
Are
Adults.
If they can MAKE it then you’re definitely allowed to love it.
[joshfromitp reblogged basic-insticnt40]:❤️❤️❤️
Benedict Cumberbatch is 42. Tom Hiddleston is 37. Robert Downey, Jr. is FIFTY-THREE. Seriously, do y’all really want to play the “you can only like characters who are your exact age” game?
#fandom #this dipshit age concern trolling is frankly ridiculous
Older Fans Should Have Their Own Space/TV Shows
[unrealromance reblogged beserkerjewel]: I think a lot of this problem is most of the most popular stuff that really blows up is for kids, young adults-- and older adults don’t have anything that’s just made solely for them.
[frettedtoflame reblogged midnightfistfights]: Considering corporations target most media to 18-25 year old white men with the rest of us being of fringe interest to their pocket books, it’s understandable to still remain in the same genres as you grow past that age because there’s almost nothing for older age groups to consume, let alone in genre specific media for women.
[stormblessedwretch reblogged stormblessedwretch]:seriously though, I want to echo dimetrodone. It is super important to stay into what you love, but you do have to grow up with it. Consider if you will, a man in his 30′s sharing porn with an 12 year old girl. Creepy right? Same goes for 30 something women exchanging under age porn stories with underage kids. Stay part of the fandoms if you wish, but you need to be careful, cause there are lines you could inadvertently cross. If you can, find fellow fans close to your own age. In the era of the internet, that shouldn’t be too hard.
I didn't even think of the gender spectrum when writing, I'm so sorry! I meant anyone, its creepy and borderline dangerous for anyone to not be aware of these lines, and cautious, regardless of the genders of the persons involved! (I specified older women only cause that was a major theme in the reblogs, and in my experience those who identify as women get the benefit of the doubt in a lot of sketchy blurred lines, but that's entirely subjective and anecdotal!)
Double Standards and Hypocrisy For Women
[planetaroom1996]: god yea like. 20+ men on this website be talking abt anime all day but when women do the same its like "go back to the kitchen or go knit something :/"
[gonewiddershins reblogged coo1dad]:And let’s not even get into how the frequently rabid and destructive sports fandom is normalized.
#society#media
[whyisitfollowthespiders reblogged writernotwaiting]:if grown ass adults can riot after sporting events without getting shit for it, then i’m allowed enjoy memorizing facts about fictional universes. >:/
#yeah let's also talk about grown ass adult men and their rioting
[drriversanddrrocks reblogged disease-danger-darkness-silence]:See, if we do drop our interests and withdraw from fandom, it’s *also* not considered praiseworthy. We’re told that we’ve become white-bread boring people with nothing of interest to say, and that there’s no way that our opinions are relevant or helpful (indeed, they’re actually considered harmful, since we have clearly lost touch with fandom). But if we stay, we’re interlopers at best, and predators at worst.
#Also. Like. Do you really think that mothers and wives and people with 9-to-5s actually stop being fans?#because there's a lady I work with who is just discovering the collected works of terry Pratchett#and I hear her laughing uproariously at her desk because she's listening to the audio books#she's sixty if she's a day#a male coworker was so excited about stranger things he interrupted the class he was teaching to talk about it#yeah#oldsters never leave fandom#fandom just stops acknowledging their existence
[thatsroughbuddy reblogged seananmcguire]:I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately when I meet new people and instead of answering their question of what I enjoy with “anime”, cause I love it, I respond with more socially acceptable things I like. Meanwhile, if my 35+ male co-worker says he loves anime then nobody bats an eye. It may be acceptable to be an adult male nerd, but it’s in NO WAY acceptable for women; and if you do say you’re into anime as a female, they expect you to be mentally unhinged and into weird sex stuff. Which is ridiculous, ok? Ridiculous!! Take your bullshit somewhere else so I can laugh my ass off to “United States of Smash” for the thousandth time. I’m female and love dumb anime and I will until my dying day.
#me #thoughts #feel free to ignore #sexism #feminism #anime #gender
[delightfuldanvers reblogged ratherembarrassing]:I would also like to point out that people who have interest in sports like baseball or football as kids aren't expected to give those up when they "grow up." It is only fandom stuff that seems to have this stigma attached to it. There is nothing wrong with loving sports as an adult, just like there is nothing wrong with loving fandoms. Keep on enjoying the things you love. It is not only okay, it is healthy to have interest in things outside of work. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
#Fandom life#Fandom Olds
[lennym reblogged phd-mama]:Ponders out loud “Why is it largely women who are being told they have to grow up and not get to have fun with friends, or do the things they like anymore?”
#i feel this so much#fanfiction#fandom#self care is a political act
Older Fans Need To Grow Up and Behave Better
[raing513]:My highschool bio teacher said one thing that made me realize a lot before it was too late.
When a student questioned why he was spinning in his chair he responded with "Maturity is subjective and its pointless to not have fun because someone says its childish.”
[noqt responds to raing513]:Cool but also if you’re going to choose to be in space with children and young people on a regular basis it is your Adult Responsibility to be being constantly actively mindful and aware of how you act in that space, and to absolutely fucking STOP making yourselves out to be figures of authority/safety (ie Fandom Moms uwu) to kids and/or shirking responsibility because “we were here first” or whatever the hell.
That’s where the majority of making fun of old geeks on here comes from, because there are so many nasty grown ass women who think they can act without consequence in their geekdom and simultaneously not take responsibility as adults while also insisting people listen to them because they’re older women, which is just a breeding ground for accidental harm at best and abuse at worst.
The other part of the time, yeah if you’re like 36 and your entire personality revolves revolves are what hogwarts house you pretend you’re in or what characters you read gay fanfiction of (especially if you’re not even gay 🤔) then you’re gonna get made fun of by people because it’s obnoxious and boring. Like yeah no one can stop you but how much you like shipping or Harry Potter or whatever isn’t a replacement for a personality. But that’s not a moral issue (except when it comes to creepy straight women fetishizing gayness), it’s just that people are gonna treat you like you’re annoying if they think you are.
Like yeah like what you want or whatever who cares when you’re not hurting people, but ALSO act like an adult because you are one.
#and yeah im mainly talking about grown women on here #we already know men in fandom and men in general are creepy and predators #but the whole 'fandom mom backlash' is like a specific issue #also i'm not really referring to the last two people who commented on this chain at all mostly just the first two #long post
[tweedlefan reblogged ouidamforeman]: You're allowed to keep enjoying things and participating in fandom regardless of your age. The issue comes when you act inappropriately.
[breezybeej dimetrodone]:Y'all acting like people are trying to take away your interests when they say “act like an adult”
They just mean… act like an adult. Make sure you have friends in your age range and don’t be weird at kids and teens. Please.
[singtheskyandfightlikehell reblogged derekhaleace]: I think there’s a lot of disconnect on here about different ideas. Like certain things are not mutually exclusive. I don’t think people should leave fandoms (unless they want to) just because they’ve reached a certain age, but I think a lot of the posts about 25+ people in fandoms do a really poor job of conveying the actual meaning. Stay in the fandom, please contribute, but just... once you’re 25+... maybe be responsible in fandom spaces, just like you should be irl?
I Call BS and This Is Misogyny
[itisi-asimplegay reblogged aplatonicjacuzzi]:“'The issue most people have with “fandom moms” its how they keept interacting with kids the same way they do with adults, like no one is telling people to drop their interest, they are telling them to share that interest with people their age”
Ummmm... But most of them don't??? They tag their nsfw and do their best to prevent ppl (and kids) who don't want to see it be forced to??? The 'problem' with "fandom moms" is deeply rooted in misogyny and the belief that women are nothing more than baby making and house cleaning machines
#i call bullshit #important #feminism #fandom moms
[silly-jellyghoty reblogged itsyourfaultren]:LOUDER FOR PEOPLE AT BACK! Because this is for real. I mean, if a woman liked star wars or harry potter or manga or videogames or d&d or is simply a bookworm ever since then why does she need to stop being into all of that? Are those hobbies making her less a woman? Is she suppossed to just drop those and pick up "more suitable interests" like felting, candle decorating, kniting etc? NO!
#fandom double standards #yo i'm one of the older fandom people and i'm not about to drop my fandom stuff just because i'm not in my 20s anymore #fandom #selfcare #do whatever makes you happy
[21st-century-flapper reblogged ereini0n]:(Apologies to OP for blasting on here with this wall of text but I get so angry about this whole “lol women over 30 in fandom are so cringe” thing, so)
Women over 30 are supposed to quietly fade into the background of other people’s lives. We’re supposed to give up everything for our husbands (going to expand on this later, bear with me here) and children, and play second fiddle to them. This idea is reinforced by a lot of media the people on tumblr consume. Women as heroes? They’re all young, beautiful and single. The “strong” woman that kicks ass? Young, beautiful and single.
And before y’all @ me with counterexamples, sit your ass down and count the movies you know in which older women (over 40) or women who are married and have kids play a role besides “mentor for the young” vs the number of movies in which the woman who gets to do important stuff is, well, young, beautiful and single. Sit down and count the number of women actors over 40 that you know about vs the number of women actors under 40, and THEN do the same for men. Yes, you’re allowed to google their ages. The results will surprise you!
Don’t even get me started on the ideas about motherhood. For one, try being childfree and over 30. If you think being childfree and young is bad enough, let me tell you that nope, it gets worse.
Then there’s these posts that run around everywhere, including and especially tumblr, that tell people that “if you have children and don’t give up everything for them and always put them first you’re a TERRIBLE MOTHER”. Holy fuck they make me angry. For one, next time you see one, notice how it’s always about the mothers. You don’t see posts calling out the dads for not putting their children first 100% of the time.
Second, holy fuck how entitled are you even??? Do you really expect that everyone drops their passions, interests, careers and relationships just because you showed up on the planet? Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. Get a grip and realize that the world isn’t about you all the time. Mothers are people, too, and people deserve to have some me time. Even if it occasionally comes at the expense of their children. It’s a good lesson to learn, actually. Makes you, well, less entitled. Also, let me introduce you to the concept of single mothers, who often have to work jobs that make it necessary for them to leave their children with friends, relatives or neighbors. And when the kid is old enough to look after themselves for a few hours (usually around 12), well, they get to look after themselves. It’s either that or fucking starve.
And now for the husbands. “But we left that concept behind in the 50s! Nowadays, women can work and do their own thing even if they’re married!” Ahahaha sure, Jan. Let me tell you, the woman is still expected to, if necessary, be the first to drop their job, hobbies etc. and do the unpaid and often unappreciated work. Relationships where these things are shared equally or the guy does most of the work around the house and stop working are few and far between.
I can already hear people going “straight culture ew” but every time you, the queer youngster, post or reblog something about how older women in fandom are cringe or how mothers should always put their children first, you’re showing that you’ve adopted that culture without even reflecting on it. Oh, sure, your wonderful, equal queer relationship will be different, but you’re still expecting your parents to adhere to those norms, thereby perpetrating them.
tl;dr: it’s because of misogyny and gender roles.
[team-macdeau reblogged achrafhakimi]:Women only serve the purpose of birthing the future workforce. Are they allowed to have a personality? Interests? No, because men are so very serious. Yet they will burden women with most of the responsibility.
#sexism #tumblr
[niteowlsabinewren]: Ageism is particularly cruel to women. Hell, world is particularly cruel to women. Fuck them. You do you.
[gardnerhill]: This culture repeatedly tells women they're lazy and selfish if they do anything that doesn't translate into "waiting on men hand and foot" - if you sit down for 5 minutes you're lazy, and if you treat yourself at least as well as you treat others you're "selfish." Too many men in this culture are terrified that they're losing their serfs.
[msfbgraves]:A woman having fun is not a woman serving everybody else’s needs. Society, such as it is, can’t function without women’s dedication to something other than themselves. Voluntary service can be fulfilling, of course, but people who are depleted feel they deserve less and don’t ask for anything, and are therefore much easier to control. Women get told that to get fulfilment they have to swap self care for dedication, because that is the only form of happiness that they are even biologically capable of experiencing. To feel joy in self expression and self care is deviant in women, entitled, childlike, egotistical, manlike. In a man, it is seen as joie de vivre, something he is entitled to by virtue of his manhood. Point blank, a person of whatever gender enjoying themselves is much less likely to take shit, and by forcing women to give up hobbies, they are much more likely to take shit. So by giving them shit for enjoying themselves, they might choose to at least take the shit with a little societal approval mixed in. And society has its servant.
Of course a person enjoying themselves is also a joy to be around, so if you genuinely want your loved ones to be happy, just go for it and enjoy yourself. Much better for all your relationships.
[gfdisterek reblogged exhuastedpigeon]:*sings* Misogyny, misogyny, misogyny, it’s misogynyyyyyy
# newsflash #life doesn’t end at 25 #you’re still allowed to enjoy things #also most of your fave fics were probably written by people over 25 #js
Fandom Ride Or Die
[ladyofdragonstone reblogged geekyfeminist-love]:Someone slap me with a shovel if I ever stop fangirling. This is a ride or die lifestyle, folks lol
#the thing that annoys me is not grown women being fangirls #that makes me happy bc its what i want to do lol#what annoys me is grown women acting like children on this site and picking arguments ksjrkskehje sis#I want to do Daenerys braids when Im finally old enough to have white hair
[annablack1102 reblogged i-am-negan-trash]: I'll forever be a fandom nerd
[cuckoo-outlawoflove-in-nirvana]: Listen you can pry my favorite characters from my cold dead hands, I'll still be shipping them when I'm DEAD
[ze-angry-kraut reblogged sadmac356]: Honestly that shit gives me the creeps. I only live for videogames, comics and Marvel movies, because I find a lot of people completely and utterly boring. I would be so dead inside if one of these things would be taken from me. Videogames is my biggest interest and spent the most time and money on. If somebody told me to stop playing them, I would come up with a 10 hour PowerPoint presentation and would go through fire just to show them that this shit is my life and NOBODY WILL TAKE IT FROM ME
[rebuilding221b reblogged one-thousand-splendid-stars]: 47 and you can pry fandom out of my cold, dead fingers.....maybe.
[thesparkles59 reblogged ashleyfanfic]: The day I’m too old for fandom better be the same day they burn my body. The end.
[iamnothedwig reblogged iloveradfems]: I'm turning 28 in two months and I will always always ALWAYS love Harry Potter. ALWAYS. FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
[rlmartens22]: Female 54 Fangirl Forever!!
[johnlocked-in-portland]: Will be 59 next month, you'll pry my fandoms from my cold dead hands
[an-actual-birb reblogged an-actual-birb reblogged elecktrum]: The world can go fuck itself, I would literally rather die by inhaling acidic gas than give up my nerd shit. Ever.
[lithiumdoll reblogged phantomas67]: I’m not contributing anything fannish much now, so feel increasingly bad about just consuming... but I started in fandom 20 years ago and, at 40 next year, it’s kind of ride or die at this point. Just, you know, with existential guilt, so I’m totally doing at least some of adult right, right? :P
Over 30 Year-olds Do Not Have Cooties
[delicateutopian reblogged nightstreakzap]: Well hot damn, it looks like I have to check people's bios now before I can reblog their fanart. Wouldn't want to spread my 'old'. Everyone knows that stuff is contagious!
[daisenseiben reblogged takashi0]: I dunno man, seems to me anyone in general over 25 with a nerd hobby gets treated like a plague carrier.
Fandom Was (And Is) a Lifesaver
[fangirlunderground reblogged yogi-bogey-box]:“Look i dont wanna sound like a Fandom Mom or whatever but what do you think women over 25 or so are supposed to do? Do u really think theyre supposed to drop all their interests and just talk about taxes and marriage or whatever? It seems like 25+ year old fanboys do not receive this kind of “ooh cringe” reaction either. There are guys in their 40s with comic book collections and shit and people might think theyre a nerd at worst, not a freak who shouldnt be trusted
Thank you. Because, here’s the thing, I literally tried that. And this sounds really dramatic but it kind of ruined my life for a long time.
Once I got out of grad-school and started working, at exactly age 25, I figured it was time to get serious because I was “too old for this stuff” and frankly I was afraid of being judged.
I sold all my comics, I stopped reading fanfiction, I stopped playing video games. All of it. It’s not that I never, ever watched anything “geeky” or spent a weekend binge-reading a kink-meme, but when I did, it was rare and I’d feel guilty about it like it was time wasted. I’d keep it all to myself, you know? And without any kind of inspiration, I eventually stopped drawing. After all, I didn’t need it for my “serious job,” so why bother? Unfortunately, my former skill is so atrophied now it’s nearly lost, but worse than that, it’s stressful now instead of the thing I loved to do for most of my life.
What was I doing instead? Well, I’d work my miserable, toxic job, come home and worry about how far behind everyone else I was, and how weird I was compared to all my colleagues. I’d go out with people and do the things they liked doing, but I only pretended to. But I’m not great at that and pretending to be someone else ate me alive. Unsurprisingly, by 31, my anxiety and depression was not in a great place, and I fuckin’ snapped. Not just because of this stuff, of course, but it honestly contributed. I quit my job and left town.
Suddenly I was completely alone, no job, no friends, and no reason to pretend to be someone else. So, I started doing all the things I’d given up. I read all the fanfiction I wanted, I bought a Playstation and an SNES and played them for hours. I bought back every comic book I loved, watched every Marvel movie I missed, and caught up on my favorite characters. I started traveling around just going to cons for the first time (NYCC, GeekGirlCon, DragonCon, etc). In fact, at Geek Girl Con and DragonCon especially, I saw groups of women who were 60+, just fucking enjoying things, and it made me feel so much better about my future. I’m not even joking, I literally cry every time I think about it, because I never realized how scared I was about aging in a world that thinks I’m already a decade too old for the things I love. Suddenly, that wasn’t so scary.
And then I just stopped pretending that I wasn’t into this stuff. I mean all of it, even the stuff no one understand, even the stuff people openly make fun of, even smutty fanfiction.
And look, I’m not saying this cured my depression, or that everything is perfect. For one, I picked a city that’s awful for geeks and I’m trying to figure out where to move and how. For another, I lost six years of making like-minded friends, and it’s hard to find them now because we’re all so worried about being judged and online – the space that was always a refuge for me as a loner weirdo growing up – is now apparently a Children of the Corn. But I’m happier here, actually fucking liking things, than being the unobjectionable robot woman I’m apparently supposed to be.
I don’t expect anyone to actually be interested in this, or have gotten this far, but because I’m having feelings about turning 36 on Monday, I just want to tell anyone who is about to turn 25 that you should just tell people to go fuck themselves. It’s your life. You’re going to offend people no matter what you do, at least choose the direction that makes you happiest, because those people certainly aren’t going to pay for your fucking therapist bills, are they #fandom #age #ageism #anti anti #antis #personal #fangirlunderground
[jmercedesd]: A friend of mine did this, too. They dropped everything, stopped writing fanfiction and drawing fanart for 10 YEARS -- and they were probably some of the most miserable years for us both. At the end of those ten years, after we'd tried and failed to become "Serious Authors", they picked up fanish things again and has been ALIVE and happy with their art and writing ever since. DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.
[from-your-ashes reblogged papi-chulo-seb]: listen, i’m 41 and my life was a shitshow for the first two and a half decades. i only came out of the closet in the last decade and got comfortable with myself over the course of the last few years. for the first time in my entire life, i’ve had moments of happiness that lasted more than a few hours at a time, and this is the first time i can actively remember not going to sleep thinking about how to kill myself. for some of us, life BEGINS when we’re older than 25, so if we get some happiness reclaiming our youth and enjoying things just for the sake of enjoyment, fuck anyone who judges us.
[joanielspeak reblogged crisisoninfintefandoms]: I’m different! I joined a fandom at 33! Here’s why:
I was an art/goth kid in high school. I painted, sketched, died my hair blue/black, read Vonnegut, and wore Fight Club shirts pretending to be edgy (hey, it happens). I liked gore, studying serial killers, and drawing with charcoal all over my bedroom walls. But back in the 90s in my rural, middle-of-no-where town, there weren’t as many goths or geeks like me. I never got into comics or geeky stuff until I started dating. By then I was 18-20 and the 25-year-old dudes I was dating had crates of comics, watched a shit ton of anime, and went to conventions. I started to get into it a little, then I met my husband at the ripe old age of 23. We got married when I was 24, had our first kid at 25, had our second at 28, and suddenly there I was at 31 with no friends, no hobbies, no outlet for all the creativity I had in high-school because I quit my design job to start a family.
Meanwhile, my husband buys and constructs 3D printers. He plays Magic. He joined a blacksmith guild because he never felt the need to stop being the geek he always was. He’s a great dad – teaches our kids the way of the nerd – but I felt very left behind. I gave up everything. I stopped drawing because my subject matter was too “questionable” to have around my kids. I stopped reading what I really enjoyed because I had no one to talk to about it anyway. I withered up and resigned myself to crunchy mom groups where everyone yells at you about vaccinations and how to organically grow asparagus in your backyard.
You can’t be in a moms group and say, “Hey, does anyone else want to pick apart this documentary on Jeffery Dahmer with me?” or “On an unrelated note: can you believe Colby Keller voted for Drumpf?”
They look at you like you’ve sprouted a second head and change the subject back to rashes and potty training.
I wanted the rush of feeling young again, of feeling like I was discovering new and exciting avenues of life. I needed to meet new people who didn’t question my love of gin and gay porn. I needed people to recommend new psychological thrillers to me and send me horribly offensive memes in the middle of the night.
And then, from the horizon rose a fandom. It was full of gore, bloodlust, and erotic fanfiction – everything I’d ever dreamed of. It had this aura of maturity with its well-written fics and fancy fanart, but a deeprooted core of immaturity that made it crack-filled and light-hearted – a true escape from the burdens of reality.
I started reading. Then I started writing. Then I joined groups on Facebook and from the ashes rose friends that liked what I liked. They had the same crude humor as me. They’d read the same books as I had. They were artists, moms, writers, fans … and at 33 I had FINALLY found my family – my tribe – my cohorts in crime.
I’m not a fan that “aged out” of a fandom. I’m a 33-year-old fan that aged in. I didn’t need a fandom at 18. I needed it at 33.
So don’t let anyone tell you to get bent. We are allowed to enjoy ourselves in any way, at any age, and at every stage of life.
#advice #fandom #hannibal fandom #fannibal #fannibals saved my sanity
[glitterandrocketfuel]: OMG, I feel for you, OP (and everyone who’s liked or reblogged or nodded along). Since this blog is super-anon for me, I’mma get a little serious here. (CW for unspecified trauma and recovery mentions)I’m a survivor of [unspecified trauma].I am at a point where I have coped, processed, healed, and come to terms with it. But it’s only now (thirty fuckin’ years later) that I can look at that part of myself that simply…stopped. Stopped aging and stopped growing at that trauma-point. I can approach her and I can hold her and I can comfort her and as a “fandom-mom” I can GIVE HER BACK HER INTERRUPTED GIRLHOOD. The part of me that had to grow up really fuckin’ fast just to survive without falling apart or going combustible in dangerous ways? That girl is now surrounded by a tribe of older iterations of myself who are fierce, protective, and supportive, and she can finally be the silly, dreamy, overly-enthusiastic teenage fangirl with boundless enthusiasm for the things she loves that she was before trauma shattered her world and covered her with toxic radioactive waste. ( @shark-myths this is why Girl Out Boy means so much to me)
The thing about “fandom” is that it is, at its heart, a fire of unquenchable passion and enthusiasm for *something.* And it doesn’t matter if that *something* is considered unserious or “not for grownups.” Because the world, especially when it comes to feminine passions (of every sort) is VERY FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE with this idea (and no, it ain’t too keen on 98% of dude-passions, either. Unless you fit into that 2%-acceptable dudebro passions or the Profitable passions of consumption, they really want you to sit the fuck down on EVERYTHING). Fandom defies that. Fandom (for the most part) isn’t making anybody rich (save for some notable exceptions that are uncomfortable precisely BECAUSE of the nature of fandom in its purest forms).
So the idea that, once they reach a certain age (and let’s be honest here, it’s the age where you should be making disposable income enough to pay up to the “acceptable passions” they EXPECT you to have, like feeling bad enough about your body/face/hair/skin/relationships that you’re willing to dump your extra money and time into the pit of self-loathing), that ladypeople should just fade into the background and give up those passions is 210% BULLSHIT.
Life is too goddamn nasty, brutish, and short to NOT light it up with your passions and your fandoms. And as long as you are not hurting yourself or others, it is certainly likely that you are also HEALING a part of yourself you may have been conditioned to ignore.
#fandom #girl out boy
[ellidfics reblogged flange5]: I’m 58, and I lost nearly twenty years of my creative life because I tried to grow up, leave all that silly fanfic stuff behind, and keep a toxic marriage together. It wasn’t until a friend sent me a link to a Harry Potter fic and I read the books that suddenly my writing mojo came roaring back, and now I have articles and short stories in print, have written two fan novels, around a dozen fan novellas, and God knows how many short stories, and have a popular series on one of the biggest blogging platforms on the Internet (Daily Kos). And I’m about to take a week-long personal retreat to outline an original novel. Giving up fandom to be an adult was one of the worst mistakes I ever made.
[crsinclair reblogged magnadementia]: I cried reading this?? At times fandom has been all that has kept me from killing myself as a kid, why the hell would I give it up when I reached adulthood? And as an adult I can appreciate those things even more because I can see what inspired those creations, I can freely and actively go find like-minded people whenever I want instead of waiting for a club at school to open up or to somehow stumble on the right lunch table in the cafeteria. I can help younger fans navigate fandom in a way that works for them AND talk to older fans who’ve been at this for way longer than I have.Don’t listen to the people telling you to give up the things in life that make you happy, fandom or no. If wearing Zelda merch and reading FFVII time-travel fanfics keeps a smile on your face and makes you feel alive, then why listen to the people who obviously are unhappy with their own lives?
#ravyn rants #fandom #hold onto it forever if you want #true fans won't judge
Maybe The Solution Is For The Olds To Just Keep Quiet
[saintmilady]: #;ooc #on one note: yes #some things that are fanned about shouldn't be engaged with with those in the younger demographic #but on the other hand: no one puts their fucking age in their bio when they 'get to a certain age ' #so I don't know who the fuck I'm supposed to be interacting with #thereby I keep my fucking mouth shut #because I don't want to be THAT creep #that makes everyone feel uncomfortable
Or Maybe It Is The Younger Fans Who Should Keep Quiet
[totalgrumpymess reblogged trashunlimited]: I’m 31. I work full-time and I have a sort of life. I don’t need a teenager to tell me to back out of a fandom for whatever reason. I get it. Some of these kids “aren’t comfortable” but when most of the people who are 25+ they are harassing are really just minding their business, yeah, they can shut the fuck up. And these are the same teenagers who think that they should be respected while disrespecting people in the same breath. No, I don’t think so. To get respect you need to earn it, especially from the people you treat poorly.
Or Maybe It Is All About The Balance?
[deyasworld]: The key is to nurture both needs, because you need to grow up and adjust to a professional environment, but you also need time for yourself and entertainment. You can go to work in a cigarette skirt, a blouse and heels, but carry a Hello Kitty makeup mirror. You can go out for a coffee in the morning and watch an episode of your show while you drink it. If you don’t know how to behave like a grown adult, keep your conversations short and straight to the point.
Or Maybe We Need More Empathy And Kindness
[storyplease reblogged emeraldlatias]: As a parent myself, I recommend developing empathy towards those who don’t have the same life you do. Most people are honestly, honestly trying their best, and while there are terrible people out there, most people are trying hard. It really, really does help. <3
Let’s Talk About the Realities Of Open Spaces
[trashmouse reblogged strangelyharringroved]: First of all, tumblr is an open platform. It is not really possible to confine one’s interactions to a certain age group, even if you do go trolling through the blog of every person who reblogs/replies to your posts, which seems rather a lot creepier than simply replying back to a reply that happens to be by a younger person. #fandom wank #The Discourse #purity wank
Would You Like A Warm Blankie?
[mareculy reblogged megamog]: I've been playing video games since before some of you were born. I'm just here to give you a cozy blanket and some hot chocolate when the internet is a big fat asshole to you. #I'm 30 #I spent my five year old nights sneaking out of bed to watch my brother get so angry at the adventure of link he broke two controllers #i will be your mom #your aunt #shake off the haters friendos #also let nowi wear some damn clothes
[sammyissassy reblogged znorton]: Fandom Moms are the best moms! I follow alot of Fandom Moms and they make my dash alot of fun. I know I can always message at least one if I have questions about updates or even life.
Ice Floes And The Decrepitudes of Age
[flippyspoon reblogged strangelyharringroved]: me: hello, fellow shipper, i would like to comment on your post re: what kind of candy bars steve Harrington likes best but first...are you 18+? wait...i can’t ask because even asking might be interacting with a minor which is frowned upon. you know...i’ll just set out on this ice flow. farewell all.
[iheartdandelions reblogged ktwrites]: Gods if all I’m allowed to talk about after I turn 25 is taxes and marriage, someone kill me. 😂
[superllama42 reblogged daisenseiben]: Once you’re over 25 your nerd hobby license is revoked and you’re only allowed to care about old people stuff.
[spacemonkeyg78 reblogged onlyafewunderstand]: And a lot of this behavior is directed at "older" women in fandoms is by younger women and I'd like to use this opportunity to virtually stick my arthritic middle finger up at them and say with my quivering geriatric voice that the only way I'll leave the fandoms of my choice is when I'm dead, until then y'all can suck it up and deal with my decrepit ass enjoying myself like any other fan except of course in a more mature and dignified way; like old ladies always are :P
[life-long-spinster reblogged radicaltomie]:Women are clearly supposed to wither and die upon reaching their 26th year of life. >_>
#sexism #ageism #the bullshit this society weaves for women who LIKE things
[pimientos-especiales reblogged theletterwsarseflap]: Once you’re 20 you’re supposed to only be interested in internships, and then only be interested in work until you turn 44 and then you have to go apeshit over harlequin romance novels, then when you’re 65 you drop that and become interested in knitting instead, and then you die. Duh. I’ll say it’s definitely weird when adults are basically perving on teenage animated characters alongside teenagers, we won’t address that any further, but I’m so glad to see other people bringing up how fucking stupid that mentality that like once you’re X years old you should just leave every website and stop being interested in things. #harlequin romance novels are awesome though #they're so ridiculous but they're so easy to read
If You’re Under 18, Heed The Damn Warnings
[introvertia reblogged flippyspoon]: If it’s any mystery, I’m an adult, I am old enough to run for President, like full fledged grown up. I like things, all kinds of things. I will comment on things, share and reblog things and even post stuff that is adult content. If you think that’s innapropriet please unfollow me. #i’m an adult #you should be over 18 if youre following me #if you dont want me to follow you just block me #xxo #your vodka aunt #fandoms #i like stuff #i do what i want
[karamarie-allers]: It was easier back when there were communities, and everyone wasn't having to do there thing, whatever it might be, in more or less the same space. At the same time, I really don't give a shit about the opinions of kids in tagged adult spaces crying because the grownups are drinking, and they can't find the kiddy table.
[twilighttraveler]: A lot of responses to this post are exactly the reason I so rarely interact. I don't know how old people are on this site, so I would treat anyone I'm having a conversation with as an adult unless specifically told they were a minor. That's apparently terrible and wrong since I'm over 25. I guess everyone should be assumed to be a child until proven otherwise? I'll just go back to rarely engaging in fandoms now. It's safer.
Grizzled Veterans Have A Message For You…
[kobriena reblogged leelajoy716]: Oh, I think this a case "If you don't like us being here, tough shit. We were here first. We're battle scarred from shippers wars. Haters? Both been there and done that. We're older, and we have better insurance. We paved the way. So just go fuck off if you're all going to be babies about sharing with someone older than you."
[geekyfeminist-love reblogged jonerys-reblog]; Preach! I’m a grown ass woman who owes no explanations to anyone, but guess what, youngins, women past their mid 20s don’t just shrivel up and die or become stepford wives. I’ve got a stressful career and reserve the right to nerd out and fan girl to unwind. And seriously, I’ve been the weird black sheep of my family for YEARS, you think I give a crap about what some random tweens might think of me?
[enygma0710 reblogged geekyfeminist-love]: LOL Facts! Proud fandom veteran and I have no shame going to comic conventions and doing all things geekery. Shit real talk i’m a second generation geek. My mom was going to star trek conventions in the 80s #fandom vet
[jonerys-reblog reblogged smoldany]: Proud to be a veteran fandom 😂
[elenacalderas reblogged adragonstale]: I'll never let anyone dictate me what to do or not to do, let alone the generations that are following in my footsteps. I'm 52 and proud to have lived the fandom life.
[meara-eldestofthemall reblogged satire-please]: This is a very important message for all women in all fandoms. I am a 62 year old Grandmother (why do you think they call me Bat-Gran?) who has always loved animation of all sorts, comic books and sci-fi. Are those the only things I like? Well no, but that’s kind of the point. I came from a time where girls weren’t supposed to like anime, comic books and sci-fi. Liking those things made me very, very different. Yes, it’s hard to be different from everyone else. Society screams at you that you need to be an individual but what they really mean is that you only get to be “an individual” in a prescribed manner they’ve decided upon. Take little advice from this old Bat-Gran and don’t let anyone force one of the pre-approved labels for what they think you should be on you. You get to decide what makes you happy. There are only two rules that should apply. What makes you happy can’t be dangerously illegal and it can’t harm anyone else. Other than that go forth and learn to love yourself just as you are.
I’m Not Responsible For Your Internet Adventure
[ser-house-of-stone reblogged blue1979camaro-deactivated20180]: what the shit fuck??? if you don’t want someone interacting with you block them. Tumblr is anonymous as fuck,you dont want to state a damn thing about yourself you don’t have too. and as someone who is not a teenager anymore i am going to talk to a fellow human being like they are not teenagers either. if that makes you uncomfortable because of my age, your age, or anything else, the block button is there for a reason. I am not responsible for your internet adventure if all i am doing is talking about shit that i like
[ruffboijuliaburnsides reblogged taibhsearachd]: Is there the not-as-common-as-people-say adult who is inappropriate and toxic and abusive to teens and young adults through fandom? Yes, of course, but you could say that about literally any hobby or interest I’ll bet. #also im not going to censor myself for the children#i am not shy about mentioning im an afult#and fandom is not an intrinsically teen space#i will talk about shot they might not be comfortable with or ready for and i will tag the fandom#i was responsible for curating my early fandom spaces to not include things i didnt like#they need to learn that skill too#it will serve them well.
[justjen523]: for all the kids telling us grown ups how we should behave on here and take responsibility for writing smut. Listen up, adults run the world not children. If we are not your parents it's not our job to look after your best interest. It's YOUR responsibility to be mindful of who you are talking to on the internet and what you are reading/looking at. If you come across a written piece that is rated M or E and comes with warning tags, it's YOUR CHOICE to continue reading it
Fuck What Society Says. Fuck “Normal”
[Thorinobsessed wrote]: Imagine fan persons over 60, who are wildly enjoying Marvel movies for bringing life to their favourite superheroes from comic books.
[welcometoem101 responded]: This. Because sometimes I worry that I’m too old to be so invested in my fandoms at 26, but fuck that. Fuck what society says. Fuck “normal”. It’s overrated and statistically non-existent.
[heroofthreefaces]: pssstimma tell you a secret
the people saying you must give up the things you love upon reaching adulthood are
wrong
[avelister reblogged australet789]: Hi, yes, I just wanna give you a big wopping thanks for this post, because not only do I need to hear this, but so does every other adult out there struggling with the whole ‘you need to conform to societies idealistic of what adults should be like’ shpeel. @e–wills was the first one I knew to post something on this topic when I was 18 and going through the whole ‘Im an adult, I shouldn’t like these things anymore,’ and I will never be able to thank her enough for her encouraging words, because it stopped me from giving up the things that make me the happiest.So guess what y’all! If something makes you happy and its not hurting anyone else, then never let that go! Screw what society tells you what you should like as an adult. Its your life. Live it.
#SO NEEDED #I love this post holy wow
[scifinut reblogged anakinslefthand]: imma tell you another secretthe people judging you for being into that stuff? because they’re not into it? it might be that they never were into it and they’d have judged you when it was a “more appropriate” age. that’s half the company i work for now.
the other half is perfectly cool, tho, and i got me some awesome friends
[inquisitor-alastria reblogged bohemiantea-scorpiocoffee]: This is so important. Don't hide the real you because it will only damage you. It's like those who have to have to hide who they are with their sexual orientation or gender. And they have to pretend they're "normal" for society to feel comfortable. Don't be put in a box guys and girls. Because you are all wonderful in so many ways, and society's idea of normal is so warped it's damaging anyone who doesn't fit in it
[cazzounteschio reblogged youareagoodperson]: antis and anti-fujoshis are all misogynists and ageist, how are we even still having this conversation? Just shut them down, tell them to fuck off, flip them the finger and enjoy what you like with a FUCKING smile, even if it’s just to spite them specifically. You’ll be cool and someone younger people can look up to, but you’ll especially feel a lot prouder about yourself. Fuck all these reactionary republicans in leftist’s clothes, they hate women and you shouldn’t hate on yourself just because some teen christian evangelist told you you should hate yourself. Fuck all of them, really, I mean it. enjoying yourself is punk rock and you want to be punk rock#punk rock people are the coolest#fuck all those nuns tryna control women#they're gonna be the miserable one and quite frankly they deserve to be miserable
Look At All The Lonely, Bitter People
[paganinpurple reblogged australet789]: Those people are either miserable and bitter because they panicked and gave it all up and miss it and want you to suffer too or they have no interests and therefore no joy in their lives
[the-geek-cornucopia reblogged tygermama]: So so wrong and they want you to be as miserable as they are. #truth #fandom is my fandom
[bluevixen07 reblogged solarpunkarchivist]: to add to heroothreefaces those same people that tells you to give up the things you love also are miserable because they gave up the things they love in order to be seen as a adult. and now that many of them are getting older and realizing that they may have made a mistake. now instead of making changes in their life, they turn around and reinforce the idea cause otherwise they wasted their time listening to others. this can be applied to other ideas and practice in our society.
[amazinghefi reblogged whyisbuckyso]: Also, those are sad sad people who have killed a child inside of them quite brutally in my opinion. I'm 25, I'm not giving up what makes me happy. If reading about idiot sons and daughters of mine is childish, then so be it
[foxyfandoms reblogged batmanbatmandrive]: Like I said before:Those people wind-up forcing themselves to drop everything that love as a mark of adulthood so they get bitter and age prematurely as the life is literally sucked out of them.
They lose all will to live by like 35 and become bitter old codgers decades before their time.
[inevitablesurrender reblogged chazzfox]:And right there, that’s the thing. People who can’t accept your passions or interests? Don’t belong in your life, don’t get a share of your personal time or energy. Period. What they say/think/want does not matter, don’t let it have any affect on you at all. They’re probably just super angry they let themselves give up what made them happy, too. #long post #fandom
[araceil reblogged seitosokusha]:I’m 29 and regularly get roasted by my colleagues at work. But you know what? Despite having depression I’m actually HAPPIER than all of them. I don’t whine and bitch about my husband 24/7, I don’t go down the pub and spend my night drinking and feel like crap the next day because that’s apparently all that they actually do, I don’t spend my evening meticulously planning everything right down to how long I take having a cigarette and a cup of tea before hopping in the bath. I do what I want. And if that’s binge reading three different fanfictions in four hours, then hot damn, someone put the fucking kettle on because I need a pot of tea - this one’s over 200k. I may be a while.
[onceinabloodmoon]: I never cease to be amazed at the children on Tumblr who are so invested in shame and gatekeeping. What may be enjoyed and who may enjoy it. I'm old and my memory may be going, but I don't remember being so joyless and judgmental at their age. It must be tiring to keep your asshole clenched that tight all the time.
The World Does Not Revolve Around Children
[michaelamimi]: I can already hear people going “straight culture ew” but every time you, the queer youngster, post or reblog something about how older women in fandom are cringe or how mothers should always put their children first, you’re showing that you’ve adopted that culture without even reflecting on it. Oh, sure, your wonderful, equal queer relationship will be different, but you’re still expecting your parents to adhere to those norms, thereby perpetrating them.tl;dr: it’s because of misogyny and gender roles”
And that’s what’s wrong with society.
Yeah children are important and need to be taken care of. BUT they don’t need the whole damn world revolving around them. They can be told no. They can be told that mommy and daddy need ME time. Parents, especially mothers, are their own people with their own interests.
These are the women who made it possible for you to have fandom spaces in the first god damn place. Show them some respect.
Fandom Can Be For The Entire Family
[thecottoncandyzombie reblogged jendarknight-blog]: I am going to be 35 years old. My son is going to be 12. I have introduce him to older shows and he introduce me to new ones. We even argue about ships. Apparently whatever I ship, he has to ship the opposite to be a little shit. But, it’s something we enjoy together. When we go to conventions and I let him cosplay. All the kids love talking to me about their show, they are in absolute awe that I know what they are talking about and want to hear it more about it.
[jedi-master-butterfield reblogged wildnoutinwildemount]: My Mom is the person who got me into most of the nerd shit I'm into
[1dshipdatship]: I love what I love. I go to comic con & not just 4my 9yr old son. We sit and watch marathons of gravity falls, Steven universe, teen titans go! & star vs the forces of evil. I've repeatedly binged watched Sherlock, peaky blinders, Santa clarita diet & orphan black & walking dead. This is what makes me happy. I balance my fangirl w/ but know when to reign it in &be mom, wife & responsible adult. Enjoy yo self!
[adrainea reblogged saltysithh]: Dude, my mom was the one who introduced me to fandom and fanfiction.
[tinkdw reblogged 7faerielights]: My kid is gonna play with my dean sam and cas funkos and will be introduced to my own interests as soon as it’s appropriate so they can decide if they like it or not and if they don’t oh well more for me! Fuck being boring just cos you’re a grown up, have fun with your kids and / or with yourself and family and friends!
[teaminvisible reblogged tinkdw]: I'm 45 and will share my interests with my nieces and nephew as their parents deem them old enough. The eldest is 23 and we love to discuss Supernatural as well as Rick and Morty, her younger sister is 12 and we discuss Gravity Falls their younger siblings are 5 are to 11 and are into Star Wars.
[chiops256 reblogged tinkdw]:Yes, I started my son on Star Trek early on an we binged TNG, DS9, Voyager and Enterprise for a year and so. Now, in his teens, we are watchingArrowverse and MCU and of course Supernatural. I always say I have raised him well as a nerd... And I love being the Mom sitting on the couch on a rainy day and binging movies or SPN with my son (it had the drawback of a not so quiet discussion in a bus last year on how he'd like to see the Antichrist again...). So yes, we will not lose our interests once we are thirty (or in my case, forty)
#nerd kids #having hobbies 25+
[theallknowingowlagain reblogged tinkdw]: ABSOLUTELY. It is my aspiration to marry a fanperson for this exact reason (and debating meta, etc. over the dinner table). Surprisingly, people don’t revert to 2D once they pass 30.
[patty1965]: My 27 year old is a third generation nerd! And I am proud of it!!!
[shaddyr reblogged lqtraintracks]:I do not grok this phenomenon of younger fans who feel it is unacceptable for older women to be involved in fandom. I raised my children in fandom; they are second generation geeks who grew up on geeky TV shows, fanfic and filk music. I took my eldest to her first con at 2 months old. A bunch of fans who are barely the age of my kids do not get to dictate my hobbies.
#fandom #old as dirt
[thiskatistoospooky reblogged steeleholtingon]: My mom is 55 and we sit down and play Amimal Crossing together. She is also super into Sims. She is saving up to buy a gaming computer because she says her Sims game is kind of running slow. I am 31 and play games, read fanfiction, and other such nerdy things. It makes me happy and isn't that what should be important?
[exploding-bonbon reblogged isilverandcold]: Man, my mom is turning 47 and she plays Pokémon go MORE THAN I DO. She drags me out to play, trades with me, etc. And the ONLY reason I play fortnite, is because she decided one day that it looked like a fun game and she wanted to play with me!
[the-lady-razorsharp reblogged meikahidenori]:I get the biggest kick out of showing my son my favorite fandoms (at age-appropriate levels).
#fandom mom
[agentzreads reblogged tinkdw]: Middle-aged mom fangirl here. I took my 13 year old daughter to our first con last week. Neither of us will ever forget it.
[sunnshine0510]: The two of you are my hero's! I am 33 years old. I don't want to be thought of weird for loving a tv show. Especially one that has made it possible to spend time with my 13 year old every day talking about all kinds of things!
[willwriteforcaffeine reblogged beescream]: Here's a fun story, before they got married, my stepdad would get my mum (both about 30/35) to come heal for their guild on big raid events in EverQuest. I consider my stepdad teaching my mum to game one of the cutest things ever, if anything their age makes it better
[peneigh-dzredfohl]: I'm 48 and just got into all this when I watched the Hobbit a year ago and died at the end. I immediatly began writing a happily ever after and now I have 5 books to put on fan fic. I ship every posible combination on the hobbit, Thorki snuck up on me. I am not so much into Jelsa any more. I was finally able to be me at 24 when I met a guy as weird as I was who loved Star Trek. It went down hill from there and HEA for me. I named my son after a Next gen character.
[ravenhaired-mc reblogged kymera-casterwill]: This is so important. I'm 23 and have a child and people think it's wrong that I'm so nerdy. Like suddenly now that I'm a parent I can't fan girl? Bitch I will raise mini fans, just watch me. My son already runs like Naurto and screams "I am here" when opening doors.
We Get Enough Negativity From The World, We Don’t Need It From You
[misanthropemom reblogged lines-and-edges]:“'And now for the husbands. “But we left that concept behind in the 50s! Nowadays, women can work and do their own thing even if they’re married!” Ahahaha sure, Jan. Let me tell you, the woman is still expected to, if necessary, be the first to drop their job, hobbies etc. and do the unpaid and often unappreciated work. Relationships where these things are shared equally or the guy does most of the work around the house and stop working are few and far between. “
*nods*
#cuz apparently me doing all the shit that would otherwise cost hundreds of dollars a month wasn't really contributing to the relationship #according to my ex husband anyway
[ sarkywoman reblogged gamesandgoldenapples]:When I was younger there were no shortage of adults telling me I couldn’t be interested in what I was interested in. Now I’m older it’s the bloody kids telling me I’ve got no place here.
#fandom #ageism
[thatonedanyfannamedblue]:This is truly uplifting, because I’ve been worried about this topic ever since I turned 18 a few months ago. (Where I live, that’s the age of adults). My dad has once banned me from fiction, all my fandoms, and told me to accept reality. Reality sucks, adults are supposedly “dull, boring” people who work, work, work. My sister is so much like my dad, they’re people who don’t need fandoms to keep going. Me, on the other hand, nope. I love it so much, but I know the difference between fiction and non fiction, unlike my father claimed.
I was afraid that I’d have to let go my “obsessions” now I’m older, but now that I’ve read this, I have hope. Screw what society says, girl if your fandom keeps you insane and alive, keep it!
[yosoylaborinquena reblogged goldentruth813]:My mother always pushes me to drop my “childish interests” (aka fandom), and I’m tired of it. It makes me happy, so I’ll do what I fucking want.
#ive been in fandom basically all my life #fandom life #and im never letting it go #fandom is amazing and you never have to give it up if you dont want to #fandom stuff
The Only Limits Are The Ones We Accept
[copperore reblogged erodingthebluff]: Sometimes I wonder how many of us, adults women in fandom, cis or noncis, are scared not just of what offline people would say if they found out about our fan activities but how much of our fandom practices hem in a burgeoning creativity that is deemed unpermissable in everyday life. That is not to say fandom isn't great. It is to say there might be something to the limits we impose ourselves where our erotic desires & pleasures are concerned.
[ladycynthiana reblogged alittledizzy]:I relate so hard to @fangirlunderground! I’ve lived practically the same life!
#fandom #ageism #sexism #the isolation and the lost time and the newfound friendships through fandom #through REALLY GETTING INTO fandom for once #and not just skirting around the outsides because I was afraid of being judged for being obsessed with something 'immature' #the people who would judge are the ones I DON'T want in my life #it's something that actually makes me happy and I wouldn't judge the ones I love for what makes them happy either
[queensweep reblogged ladycynthiana]:@ladycynthiana Hard same to all of your tags. Took me way too long to realize that I don't have to hide the fact that I genuinely enjoy things. And that it really doesn't matter if no one else in my life likes the same stuff, because (thanks to the internet), there's always someone else out there who also loves what you love.
#this has been a big part of my personal growth in my 30's #34 years old and still geeking out about things
[thespottycow reblogged sapphire-ate-the-oracle]: I go to a job surrounded by women who think I'm weird for being geeky so I hide a lot of it away and feel like a child if I bring it up. I wish I worked with geekier people full stop. It can make you feel like you are being immature and you feel like you should be into "regular" stuff more.
[daisytje reblogged alleiradayne]:Turning 40 in two weeks and I can safely say my adult life began once I rediscovered my love of computer games in my 30s. Ten years later and I’m enjoying it more than ever. It’s even better now I have a child and I can get her involved too. Mario is her favourite, followed by Commander Shepard and then Yoshi. I’m considering attending cons, making cosplay, writing fanfic. It’s awesome and I only wish I’d had the confidence to ignore everyone telling me what was ‘appropriate’ for my age and gender sooner.
I see just as many younger people sneering at women in fandom, just as much as we have older generations sneering at women. And each other?? Why would you do that? It’s not cool. Don’t be ageist (to young or old people), or sexist. You might be pleasantly surprised at who you get to make friends with.
#Coz I'm at this age I have been trying to ignore for the past couple of years this has kinda been on my mind #Most people are great #But there's that many younger people getting all up themselves over what other people choose to do
[summeryewberry reblogged olderthannetfic]:Years ago, I was on the phone to... well, honestly, he was kind of a jerk, but he said one thing to me that stuck with me: “Never be ashamed of what you love, or of what you used to love.” Because it’s a part of you. And being ashamed of it, or condescending towards it? You’re only hating a part of yourself.
#fandom
Mothers Are People Too
[somuchpoststoreblog reblogged theopalauthority]: Agree. Women 25+ are still people. Mothers are still people. We’re all people. They can be fans, have their own hobbies and private life besides their family life. Like, they are still people. Srsly, there’s nothing wrong with people 25+ participating in the fandom.
[vivarocksteady reblogged ten-bobcats]: My mother put several more hours into cross-stitching, sewing, and quilting than she did into actively raising me and I turned out just fine. It wouldn’t have made a lick of difference if she had been into fandom except those hobbies are acceptable for mothers.
[coneycat reblogged valiha]: Think about the average lifespan of women. In Canada (where I am) it’s over 80. That’s a long time to be over 25. We need hobbies. And we don’t need to care whether anyone thinks they’re silly or cringey.
[emptymidnight reblogged notlucy]:Such a great post! I'm 33 and a wife and mother. Reading fanfics and enjoying fandom is my 'me time'. My de-stresser after a long day of being all about caring and thinking about everyone else.
#fandom #never too old for fandom fun
But Without Support, Some Moms Find The Fandom Life Hard
[peppers-pray reblogged elfgrove]: damn, im 35 and am wondering how the 36 yr old was able to quit her job and buy all her stuff back! i didnt give up my hobbies cuz i was embarrassed by them, i had to give them up cuz i had no time and my computer died and i had a ton of debt left to pay that i worked two jobs at some points. Then i married a nerd with different hobbies and discovered i love video games…problem is if i sit down to play games everyday after work, I get nothing else done at home. My week is consumed by 10 hr workdays, that i come home exhausted, i only have enough energy to cook, clean and do one project at a time! i would LOVE to ger back to drawing fanart and write fanfiction, but my ADD gets in the way and i never finish anything so i dedicate my energy to other things. Where does this 36 yr old work that she can survive and afford fun things and have the energy to do all that?! Gimme some of that, i’m fucking jealous!!
[angofwords reblogged snubbin]:All of this. My mom basically sidelined her Trekkie geek self for years, only to watch her daughters never giving up on their fandoms even though they grew up (I'm 42). Now I see her wade into the shallowest shallow end of fandom because, though that's where she clearly belongs, she's lost so much time and has no idea how to proceed
#fandom #aging #never gonna give you up #never gonna let you down
Being A Mom Shouldn’t Be Your Only Hobby
[fuckyouimachameleon]: My dad- constantly talking about a nerdy tv show, office has figurines and guitars and all sorts of hobby crap. My mom- "oh, i like to have plants." She literally just takes care of plants and does work around the house and it has always pissed me off. Because caring for something shouldnt be her only hobby
[msfbgraves reblogged lennym]:A woman having fun is not a woman serving everybody else's needs. Society, such as it is, can't function without women's dedication to something other than themselves. Voluntary service can be fulfilling, of course, but people who are depleted feel they deserve less and don't ask for anything, and are therefore much easier to control. Women get told that to get fulfilment they have to swap self care for dedication, because that is the only form of happiness that they are even biologically capable of experiencing. To feel joy in self expression and self care is deviant in women, entitled, childlike, egotistical, manlike. In a man, it is seen as joie de vivre, something he is entitled to by virtue of his manhood. Point blank, a person of whatever gender enjoying themselves is much less likely to take shit, and by forcing women to give up hobbies, they are much more likely to take shit. So by giving them shit for enjoying themselves, they might choose to at least take the shit with a little societal approval mixed in. And society has its servant.
Of course a person enjoying themselves is also a joy to be around, so if you genuinely want your loved ones to be happy, just go for it and enjoy yourself. Much better for all your relationships.
[captainrinsuu reblogged tempest-caller]: I guess people think we’re supposed to be having babies and looking after their husbands while they have lives at this age lmao
[timeviolence reblogged sirenja-and-the-stag]:Listen. Here's the thing. When I was in my early 20s, I witnessed something that made me realize I never wanted to give up on things that made me happy, no matter how immature they might be. My mother was having a borderline existential crisis over How to Train Your Dragon. She thought it was bad enough to watch the movies, and was refusing to watch the show out of some weird sense of guilt and shame that it was "for kids". I had to sit my own mother (who was in her 50s) down and explain to her that it didn’t matter. If she liked it, she had every right to watch it as much as she wanted. There is no reason to ever deprive yourself of harmless little pleasures. I’ll be turning 27 shortly, and even when I’m 90, you can pry the Pokémon games from my cold, dead hands. We live in a very difficult time and a very difficult world. Everywhere you turn, there’s something to be miserable about.
If you can find something to be happy about once in a while, no matter how silly it seems, let yourself have it. If people say something about it, tell them to kindly turn around, walk away, and go fuck themselves. Your hobbies are for you, not other people. And while I have absolutely no interest in How to Train Your Dragon, for months I pretended I liked it just to make my mother feel more secure in enjoying it. Why? Because I wanted her to enjoy the things she loved, without having to feel like she should be ashamed of something as ridiculously innocent as an animated TV series for children. Don’t let yourself be that person. Growing up doesn’t mean leaving behind your entire sense of self. It means refining it. And if that means that part of Grown Up You is exceptionally skilled at discourse on the morality of mass murder committed by space aliens, well then, the world will just have to live with that
#out of control
The Problem Goes Deeper Than Gender Roles (Don’t Let The Patriarchy Divide Us)
[dancinbutterfly]:You know why this whole thing makes me really angry about this? The reality that gets lost in here which is that it is not about WHY men get to keep THIS passion but women get to keep other passions. Because that’s not true.
Society has a problem with anyone who isn’t a cishet man having a passionate interest in anything at all. All this qualifying of what is and isn’t acceptable is all a complex game of Disapproval Guess Who so that a fan can feel like they are normal and reasonable if they don’t meet the criteria but the reality is, nope, they’re a problem too.
Hit pause the double standard of men and women for a second. Let’s talk just women for a second.
There’s a couple ideas in this that I feel need to get addressed. 1) that at 25 you have to drop all your interests and become a Stepford Wife. Okay. That we’ve seen before. The protest makes sense.
But the second thing, and this has come up a lot and is in this very post, is that there is something WRONG with liking the 50s homemaker life. That the women over 25 who get really into the Sally Homemaker interests, who learn to cook and back and learn to wax floors and get clothes looking perfect and become the ultimate PTA mom and can coach your soccer team, teach ballet, lead a karate class, and organize a band fundraiser, are somehow lesser. Like, its in the tone of the post above this one. It’s in the tone of a LOT of women I on this site. It’s in the tone of a lot of women I talk to. “Oh. You’re a housewife? Mmm.” But I have several women who, from when we were in HIGH SCHOOL - their deepest dream was to be a mom. “A wife?” “No. Mom. I mean, it’d be good if there was a husband but mostly like… I wanna do the soccer mom thing. Or whatever they’re into. And like… I really like laying tile. I like gardening and cooking and…” More recently, a friend from grad school tripped and fell into a lesbian marriage with someone WAY wealthier than her and now she’s going to be a stay at home mom and is beyond excited to build baby furniture and rewax their floor and walk their floor and talk about nursing and milestones and baby clothes. She is siked for the minivan days and eventual PTA meetings and homework helping and cooking and vomit all over. And thats what she’s most interested in. Good for fucking her. She’s passionate and interested in that and if she ends up with her whole self in that and never uses that Masters? F-I-N-E because passion is passion and interest is interest.
You know how I have seen literally thousands of fandom assholes talk about THOSE WOMEN?
Well, gee HELEN I dont know, why don’t you tell me?
Sure, Karen, since you really want to know.
DOES THAT SOUND FAMILIAR TO ANYONE ON THIS HELL SITE? HM?
Seriously, fuck guys, this is not even about men verus women. It’s about young not treating other women badly for pursuing things they want to pursue because the Wine Moms tumblr mocks so viciously? That’s the same social circle of women where the a lot of the women whose interests genuinely are domestic ended up. THEY LOVE WHAT THEY DO. THEY LOVE IT. THEY CHOSE THAT. THEY CARE ABOUT THEIR KIDS. THEY ARE PROUD OF THEIR FUCKING GARDENS. THEY WORK THEIR ASS OFF TO GET NOT JUST THEIR KIDS, BUT THE PATTERSON KIDS, AND THE LOWENSTEIN KIDS TO AND FROM SCHOOL AND ALL THEIR PRACTICES AND BACK HOME, FED, WATERED, AND SAFE, IN THEIR MINI VAN ON TIME, WITH NO INTERRUPTIONS WHILE LISTENING TO MUSIC THEY PROBABLY DONT FUCKING LIKE BECAUSE THIS IS THEIR PASSION.
Yet it’s fucking belittled by people in all over fandom because it’s what a woman has chosen to do with herself that isn’t what we fandom women aren’t doing with ourselves. It seems so simple. Why is she so obsessed with the way the furniture compliments the the crown molding or what color the tile is on the backsplash? God, just let it go.
Well, it’s her interest. It’s what she cares about, and she cares about PASSIONATELY.
Unpause the double standard discourse:
If a young man is interested in homebodied things its a career in interior design. He wants to cook or bake, he’s going to be a chef. If he wants to be a nurturer the praise is off the charts and won’t he be a great teacher, doctor, psychologist? He’ll be such a great mentor for the community even if he doesnt persue it as a career.
Pause again.
Flip it around, look at the concert footage from the Beatles or Panic at the Disco or 1D were belittled because it was beloved by teenage girls being interested in. Cared enough about to scream and cry and weep. Stupid teeny boppers, so shallow loving music like that. Same for movies and TV? Why is she so obsessed, picking it lyrical style apart or digging for meaning in the framing of that scene? God, just let it go.
Well, it’s her interest. It’s what she cares about, and cares about PASSIONATELY.
Unpause the double standard discourse:
When a young man is interested in music to that point, if he cant play, he starts looking into music theory. People call him a critic. They read what he writes. If he looks at movies and tv that way, they talk about what a little director he’ll be, a screenwriter, a playwrite. Career options are tossed around, opinions are heard. What a path that could lead to, these interests?
Pause again.
Listen the fuck up fandom. This isn’t about women of a certain age hanging on to a passion too long or too tight. This isn’t about women having an interest too early or too deeply.
This is a manifestation of the World having a problem with women. Having a interest. With passion. And hanging on it. FULL STOP.
I’M GOING TO SAY IT AGAIN: THE WORLD HAS HAD A PROBLEM WITH THAT FOR SO GODDAMN LONG THAT WE’VE GOTTEN BRAINWASHED INTO THINKING (in that quite little part of our brain that works without our knowing, the part we have to work against with conscious thought every single day) THAT WE SHOULD HAVE A PROBLEM TOO. THAT IS ALL THIS IS. “MY THING IS NOT SHAMEFUL BECAUSE IT DOESN’T FIT XYZ CRITERIA. YOURS HITS CRITERIA Z SO IT IS. SO I’M BETTER.”
ALL THIS OTHER SHIT IS US TRYING TO CREATE A PROBLEM (a little one we think we can control) OURSELVES BEFORE SOMEONE FROM THE OUTSIDE SHOWS UP TO MAKE A BIG PROBLEM FOR US
I got news for yall tho.
THE PATRIARCHY ROLLS UP AND STARTS SHIT NO MATTER WHAT WE DO. SO DONT START THOSE SMALL PROBLEMS. WE DONT NEED TO HAVE LITTLE SHIT GOING WRONG WHEN THE BIG SHIT HITS THE FAN.
So, seriously, cut that shit out. Stop letting obvious politics divide us. It’s weaksauce. We need each other.
ANYWAY thanks for coming to my spontaneous ted talk
#fandom wine mom #stop playing #Disapproval Guess Who
[lachesismeg reglogged dancinbutterfly]:But I have several women who, from when we were in HIGH SCHOOL - their deepest dream was to be a mom. “A wife?” “No. Mom. I mean, it’d be good if there was a husband but mostly like… I wanna do the soccer mom thing. Or whatever they’re into. And like… I really like laying tile. I like gardening and cooking and…”
Raises hand. I actually said during my interview to [stuck up college] “Taking care of my family” in answer to the question “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?” (and shockingly they still accepted me)
I’m now in my midforties and still have trouble explaining what I do to people at parties.
[insanityxincognito reblogged nanoochka]: I always get anxious in social settings with other women when the topic of “future careers” comes up. I get very scared that they are going to judge me for wanting to be a stay at home mom. That they’ll think wanting that life for myself is “setting back feminism”. Thankfully, the people I’ve talked to have only been encouraging, but a lot of “feminist” things I see online subtly discourage that choice. Like “women have the right to choose! So long as that choice is a career! Because being a stay at home mom is wasting their potential!” is the message I often see. So my anxiety remains. But seeing defense of the mom choice is really helpful. <3
There Is Room For Everyone In Fandom
[cerberosthehellguard reblogged jubesy]: #i know i'm all about positivity #and this may seem negative #but it's calling out negativity directed toward a group #preach #everyone is allowed in fandom #not just kids and teens #and not just men of all ages #whether they're 19 or 119 #if someone being older offends you you have your priorities out of order #long post #PREACH #man if you have pissed off THE MOST SOFTEST PERSON ON EARTH that is juli then you are surely .... #dishonour on your cow #fandom #you do you
[evil-is-relative reblogged wolfqueenawoken]:A lot of the fandom things I like have actually helped me in my adult life, especially when I was tutoring special needs kids. My Autistic brother-in-law tries to communicate in memes sometimes, and I understand what he’s trying to convey. I taught my friend’s daughter how to draw basic shape structures to improve her drawings by using My Little Pony, and she’s frankly better than I am now, in just a few short years. My boyfriend takes a break from being the disciplinarian figure with his nephew by playing Minecraft and Mario Odyssey with him, and the little guy adores him for knowing what he’s talking about, and giving him tips.
Just because older generations don’t consider fandom to be Mature, Adult things doesn’t mean they’re not for our generations. They didn’t give up sports, or Star Trek, or Star Wars, or any number of things they loved when they were younger, and we shouldn’t be expected to give up the things that interest us just because they don’t understand them. Fandom and common interests are part of how we communicate, and cutting ourselves off from it is, frankly, like shooting our mental health in the foot.
#adults in fandom
[dantes-art-dump reblogged huffletrax]: My mom is living proof you don’t have to drop that kinda stuff, she runs her whole department and still finds time to geek out with her kids about anime and ever quest.
Being An Aged Fan Is Awesome, You Should Try It!
[madenthusiasms reblogged fangirlunderground]: When Doctor Who came back, it was the best thing ever for me. It felt like I was in my teens again - only this time with no curfew, a whole house for my fan stuff, and a MUCH better allowance.
[maybeitstimetoearnmybluebead reblogged cakemakethme]:Pssst... I'm going to tell you another secret.
Not only is adulthood *not* having to give things up, it’s getting to do them whenever you want (responsibly, ofc).
Like you want to go to a con or camping or on vacation to some major city? And you have the money, time off, etc to do it? YOU CAN! No need to keep it totally local, no parental permission necessary. Like Nike, you can Just Do It
[tyrannosarcophagous reblogged rotoa]: being an adult doesn't mean you stop watching cartoons and reading comics it just means you get to choose the channel and can buy them yourself
[lynati reblogged theacademicfan]:Another secret:
It’s actually okay to get older.
[gluati]: I love this ... To tell you the truth .. i found out that as i get older i become more free to do what i love.. to enjoy life.. yes i have responsibilities ... but i also have the choice to put it on top of my lust or give my self the priority to life and to live it as i like.
[enigma731 reblogged cinniharpy]: Being a fangirl as an adult with and adult job is AWESOME because I can do stuff like see movies in the theater as many times as I want and go on vacations centered around fannish activities.
[azuraziel reblogged greeneyedfury]: If anything, being an adult has only ever enabled me to follow my passions. Growing up is not synonymous with accepting misery. Success is about experiencing your own life, rather than giving it up.
[lenfaz reblogged mediumsizedfountain]:I've just reached the age when I can actually afford shit. I ain't going anywhere
#i can't still do cons bc i live in fucking argentina #and the airfare is too much #but i can buy shit now #funkos and art and trash romance novels and LEAVE ME ALONE
[thecosmicjackalope reblogged alextheraven]: my mom is 64 years old and she collects popeye toys and disney plushies and unironically snaps up fidget spinners because they amuse her. she is unafraid to live life and you should be too.
[fingeronthepulseofmysoul reblogged archdemonblood]:I am right now, looking at my hair that is going white, and thinking "come on come on!" because then I can just dye it fuckin green or some shit and fuck y'all.
#I'm 37 and I haven't cared about what anyone else thinks of the things I enjoy in a long long time #its very liberating
[macgyvershe reblogged inevitably-johnlocked]:At 70 years of age. I have been in fandom since my 20′s. So do your thing, whatever that may be. Quit worrying what other people are thinking about you. Manifest your best self. Believe in that person. My first fandom was The Man from UNCLE (not the recent movie, the old TV program.) I had the hots for Illya Kuryakin. Actor David McCallum. Who is still acting
#Senior fan elder #At 70 still going #Manifest your best self
[lovelywaifu reblogged katisconfused]: As someone coming up on 31, I can safely say that being into nerdy shit only gets better with age. You stop really caring the deeper you get into it. You have your own money to blow on stupid nerd shit, even if your significant other sighs heavily when they find out how much money you're dropping on merch (sorry Lee). You find friends you bond with from all walks of life and of different ages. It's just. Better.
[teresaargo]: I am 73 and, as I have for all of my happy life: I shall do as I shall please. 🙏🏻
[nanashijones reblogged bibliomancer7]: My wife’s Mother-in-Law is going to her first con soon. She’s in her 60′s/70′s. And she plans on being “The Godzilla Lady” and wearing Godzilla t-shirts and Godzilla earrings and Godzilla everything when she’s not wearing her Professor Sprout cosplay. She is excited at getting to wave her freak flag high with people who will be as excited as her .Interests do not just die because you made it x-number of terran turns around our nearest star. Interests continue until you’re not interested, which can be a long, long time indeed. #fandom #women #age
[sg1on reblogged electricrogue]: I’m 71 and the biggest geek around. I just traveled to Canada by myself for #fanexpoCanada2018 and had a great time. Getting older does not mean you have to grow up!
[sorceresslinareload]: Well being a geek mom for me has given me lots of joy, like when I buy toys that I know will be mine eventually, like I decorate my house in a geek way and everyone is happy, and more recently I enrolled in a charity activity that requires me toca cosplay along with using my professional abilities. Oh and reading NSFW fanfiction and later put that knowledge into practice. There's infinite possibilities and no one can stop you.
Rise Up…Together
[purplesaline reblogged bathtimefunduck]: There are people your age who also like the things you like and you can find each other. The more of us who aren’t afraid to be who we are and be loud about it the easier it is for everyone else, and for ourselves.
[kamuninikko khirsahle]:This completely warmed my heart and made me feel not so alone in the world. Love you all! <3
#fandom #age is just a number #never too old #love is love #be yourself #this is me #totally relate #life truth #truth #l
It May Be Hard To Find Your Way...
[kisstheashes d-structive]:To the OP and the additional commenters, may you be blessed with having your favourite food within reach all the time because by Gods you all deserve to be happy after spitting the truth like this!
I’ll admit that society has gotten to me when it comes to openly liking what I do. I’m 20, and I’m afraid of the backlash I’d get if I say I like YouTubers, or am a music geek, or write fanfiction. They feel childish, like I should have left those behind in adult years. And yet, the funny thing is, if I were into superheroes or whatnot I don’t think I’d feel the same because those interests are now common as hell. I haven’t stopped enjoying these things, but trying to tell people what I like is like pulling teeth. Maybe it’s because I have low self esteem, or because my family always made fun of my “weird” interests or flat out told me I shouldn’t like X thing and I always had to hide everything.
#this is funny when you realize i didnt really get into youtubers till i was in college #also when you think of how i dress #youd think this wouldnt be an issue for an alt girl
[inlovewithyoi]:This is so true! Unfortunately. I’m 41 and I can only talk to my daughter and thankfully my husband and a few people I met online about my passion for anime and fanfic. I love reading fanfic, but nobody knows me IRL as well as people online do. You hide it because you are always being judged. Very few people RL know about my love for anime, marvel, etc. I don’t fit in and I don’t pretend anymore either. I just try to do what I love now. After I turned 35 I thought WTH am I doing? Who cares what people think about me. And I remembered one advice my mom gave me as I was a teenager. “As long as people talk about you, you are interesting. You only have an issue when they stop talking.” And guess what?! I’m the talk of the office, etc. all the time. Cause I don’t pretend to be interested in TV shows they like and are supposedly age appropriate. IDC what they watch and what I’m supposed to do. After all: YOLO! Right?! I still don’t talk about it with people I don’t even want to be friends with, but the few people I want to be friends with do know about it now. And they stayed my friends. They like who I am with all my weirdness and everything. So go out there and be who you are and don’t try to fit into others way of life which isn’t you.
But I even got judged a few times online for being older and being in different anime related apps. Like Amino. Once people find out that you are older they stop talking to you. It’s not easy sometimes. We are not creepy. We just love anime/comics whatever and we love being moms or partners as well.
[exiled-one]: I have this friend, she’s 25 and she is younger than me, and you know what she worries about? That she’s not married yet and she doesn’t have a kid yet. That’s what it all boils down to. That’s the kind of pressure society heaps on you. You are not married yet, you are not a CEO yet, you are not a robot yet - wtf, it doesn’t work like that! You are under enough pressure as it is, you should try to alleviate it, not to take up more. Do the things that bring you some kind of emotional release (provided they don’t hurt real people), and blow off some steam.
[chibinightowl]: @exiled-one I had those same thoughts but in my early 30s. Part of it was biological, I’m sure, but the pressure was also societal because my sister just had her first child. It’s rough. Perhaps share this post with your friend and remind her that while there’s nothing wrong with having a family or getting married, do it on your own terms rather than feeling like it’s expected of you. If anything, I bet the divorce rate would drop significantly if more people did just that.
[spectraspecs-writes reblogged thepeculiar1]: Maybe 15 years ago, my mom was super into computers. That was her special interest, building a website with HTML 3. At that time my sister was living with us while she was going to college. One day she came home and said in a very judgmental tone “I see you’re still at the computer, I don’t know why I expected anything else.” And it really hurt my mom. To the point where she just stopped.
[malmuses]: This was the most relatable thing I’ve read in a really long time. I’ll add in for me that I was also in a fairly toxic marriage to someone who didn’t encourage any of my passions, and for the longest time that part of me just died. I’m beginning to allow myself to just enjoy things and be myself again now, but I’m in my thirties now and the like-minded friend thing is *hard*. Even online! It’s crazy around here and picking diamonds out of the rough can be near impossible. I have a young daughter and I’m watching her grow and develop interests and all I can do is tell her to always be herself and realize that there is no age limit on *enjoying things*, and hope she doesn’t make my mistakes.
[coff33mug reblogged miggylol]:Oh, a hundred times this. I stopped writing for years because I was an adult now. I didn’t read anything apart from policies and assigned textbooks. I stopped making things. I felt super guilty and embarrassed over some of the series I watched. I was miserable. I’m turning 35 this year, and it’s true what they say. Not giving a shit about other people’s opinions is way easier after 30, but I’m hoping people younger than us will read this and think “fuck it” at 25. Don’t be miserable over liking the things you like. You don’t want to lose years, opportunities and practice. There is no secret to growing up. It’s just you, but with more bills. You have nothing to prove to anyone. There is no members only club that you have to behave a certain way for, to be allowed in. Write, read, watch, create. Live.
#Adulting #Over 30
...But Life’s Too Short, Follow Your Bliss
[felicia5831]: Life is too short. Do the things you love to do. None of those other folks are paying your bills, so who cares what they think. And even if they were, don't give up the hobbies that make you you. I passed 35 long ago. I promise you, you truly will not give a f--what others think. You're at the beginning stages now; embrace it roll with it. Keep wisdom and sound advice, ditch the BS. You already know in your heart and your gut which is which.
[k-911 reblogged roachpatrol]: I did something similar where I hit the "welp, I'm an adult now, gotta like adult things, no longer allowed to like the stuff i used to." And then after a few more calls with dead and dying people, went "screw this. life is short." Your perspective starts to change a bit after pulling the bodies of people younger than you out of broken vehicles.
[criscura reblogged lonelylittlewarlock]: I think one of my favorite things about getting older is the realization that I CAN be what I wanted to be when I was little, and I have full agency to make it happen exactly the way I want it to happen.
[ooc-llorne reblogged fadewind]: As I literally just told someone, “Just because I get old, doesn’t mean my hobbies do.”
[houseofthewhitecrow reblogged palamonk]: “Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.”
[heroofthreefaces reblogged jenniferrpovey]:pssstimma tell you a secret the people saying you must give up the things you love upon reaching adulthood are
wrong
#fandom #these are my people bob
[omgpunkerdoodle reblogged soggywarmpockets]: Fuck this. Don't ever do this. This is literally how to kill your soul. Let yourself flourish.
[ophelia-died-a-virgin reblogged ilovethetalkingclock]:I am gonna be 29 in September. That’s practically 30. My bedroom is a shrine of colors and toys and cute silly things. I don’t understand what being an adult is, just in theory. Trying to group an entire age demographic into one small and uncomfortable pigeon hole is ridiculous. We are in a constant flux of maturity and immaturity, because we are made up of all of our past selves. 5 year old me loves dinosaurs, and urged me to buy that dinosaur shaped bubble gun a month ago. 8 year old me loves my two kitties. 14 year old me wants me to buy more black and 15 year old me wants more color (teenagers, am I right?) We all evolve and grow, and while we will inevitably loser certain things along the way, if you still have a passion for something 10 or even 20 years later, that something must be truly special to you.
#god bless
[rinshairandthoughts reblogged quesbee]:This is so important to me. I love that my mother was super into all the things I was and supported my interests and always taught me to not care what people think. Because people are stupid and judgemental and you can never be happy if you try to please everyone.
#This #Fandom #Fandom related #gatekeeping #why are women #so mean to each other #we should support each other #at all ages
[roninsrepose]: I'm 43, not long from 44, and I'm a nerd who loves multiple fandoms, collects comic books, reads all kinds of books, plays video games and writes not only fan fiction but erotic fiction. I just lost my husband and the person that cheered me on to be who I am and to be proud of it. But I still am and by gods I'm letting my nerd flag fly and I don't care who likes it whether I'm 44 or 144 lol. Do what you love - life's too short not to.
[deviousdiggy reblogged kemara24]:I'm just gonna reblog this while my 28-year-old ass sits in her Hogwarts pajamas across from a Dobby and Minnie Mouse and downstairs from my brand new Link painting and video game setup.
#random #nerd pride
[mangajuicexd]: These passions and hobbies make you unique. You should never stop them. Because it makes you you.
[dejlah reblogged sifaseven]:You’re absolutely right. I’m 61 and I’m not done yet. And my roommate is Devra Langsam, who published the first Star Trek zine in the 60s and 70s -- and she’s ten years older than I am and she’s not done yet either.
#fiawol #Fandom is a way of life #Fandom is older than you are
[marty-mia-matt reblogged olderthannetfic]: "Fandom would be a lot healthier if we could all let go of our shame."