Emperor Solo

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Fanwork
Title: Emperor Solo
Creator: various
Date(s): 2018
Medium: Tumblr
Fandom: Star Wars
External Links: Tumblr thread
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Emperor Solo is a collection of headcanons about the Star Wars character Han Solo helping convicts escape and ending up becoming Emperor of the Galaxy like the Chinese rebel leader Liu Bang.

Like Hoth Headcanons and the Saga of Stabby, it is an example of collaborative Tumblr fanfic, with different authors building off each others' ideas. Although many different users have contributed to various incarnations of the thread, the most well-known sections include pieces written by copperbadge, sassysnowperson, beatrice-otter, and kaelinaloveslomaris.

Origins

TIL the Han Dynasty was founded by a sheriff who was transporting convicts when several escaped. Knowing the punishment for this was death, he freed the rest and organized many into a rebel band, eventually going on to help overthrow the ruling Qin Dynasty and install himself as Emperor. [1]
I know what the Han Dynasty is, I swear, but I’m so used to seeing Star Wars content on my dash that until I hit “Qin Dynasty” I literally thought this was a Star Wars novel about the one time Han Solo took a job for the Empire and I was thinking 1) this is definitely something Han Solo would do and 2) I need to find the title of that novel so I can read it. [2]

Excerpts

A brief account of the Glorious Ascension of Emperor Solo:

It was a job, and the Empire was paying. Did he like using the Falcon for prisoner transport? No. Did he like his continued existance, which he was NOT AT ALL sure would continue if he turned down the offer. Quite a bit, actually. Still, how hard could it be, bunch of drugged and restrained people from one place to another? One day, Han Solo would learn not to ask that question. What do you mean my motivator stopped working? At least we’re near a spaceport. What do you mean the skinny little one woke up? At least he’s still restrained. I’ll just drug him again. WHY AM I UNDOING HIS RESTRAINTS? Aaaand, he’s gone. Kriffing *magic powers* kriffing *old religions* I am going to DIE. Oh, inspection time…yes…of course…we still have all the prisoners? Why wouldn’t we? Aaaand, now the inspection officer is dead. I don’t need you laughing at me. Wait, why are you awake enough to laugh at me? Oh, because you’re a Wookie. Damn it didn’t they drug anyone properly? Yes I do see you are not restrained anym- STOP CRUSHING MY WINDPIPE Look, I enjoy being alive. I will die if I show up without the skinny little mindflayer. Maybe we can work something out. Set everyone free? Sure. Already on it. And then me and my ship will just go…hide in the outer rim for all etern- You want my ship. My life or my ship….

I AM THINKING ABOUT IT.[3]
I also have the mental image of Han Solo trying to get an urgent message over to Lando ASAP - partly because Lando is one of the slickest, most slippery people he knows. If anyone can figure a way out of this, it’s Lando.

Lando does not figure a way out.

Lando shows up at Coruscant (formerly Imperial Center, because Han can’t look at anything with the terms ‘Imperial’ ‘Empire’, or ‘Emperor’ these days without feeling a vein throb) SPECIFICALLY to point and laugh.

Han get revenge by making Lando Grand Vizer. So there. [4]
Put Lando in charge? And Lando would become the greatest politician ever. And unlike most politicians, he’s been in the underbelly of society–he knows the difference between the way things look on paper and the way they play out in reality for the people on the bottom rung. I bet you that Lando has a list of things that SUCK about society that he would totally change if he could, but will exploit the fuck out of and con because one con artist can’t change the world. But if you make him the Emperor’s Grand Vizier? Then he can. And he can schmooze the higher-ups into LIKING some of it, and point stormtroopers at them if they balk at the stuff even he can’t charm them into liking. Things will change, and change QUICKLY, and all of a sudden the ordinary person on the street is going to find the laws are a LOT more in their favor. And the planets that aren’t Core Worlds are going to find the same thing. And the people who benefited, both under the Republic and the Empire, from exploiting others or just being born into the right class on the right planet? They’re going to find life a lot harder.[5]
It is said that the best leaders are those who do not want to lead. “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them“ - Han is most definitely in the latter category. He was dragged into greatness kicking and screaming - and, much to everyone’s surprise, he actually ends up being moderately good at it.

Mainly because he has a very good grasp of his own strengths and weaknesses. He’s an amazing pilot. He’s not a politician - as such, he delegates like hell. Chewie gets to be in charge of the military as Great Grand Moff, and Han is extremely enthusiastic about being Lando’s puppet Emperor. He probably outright offers to abdicate and put Lando on the throne (Lando just laughs at him again. At length. In retaliation, Han makes him Chief Ambassador. So there.)

Han has a habit of giving Lando more Government Positions when the latter is annoying him. Lando really doesn’t mind; Han certainly doesn’t mind. Han is also a bit curious about where Lando dug up some of the people he’s putting into various government roles, as well as a little impressed - how the hell did Lando talk Talon Karrde into being Minister of Intelligence?! [6]

Reactions

Related Fanworks

References

  1. ^ [1]
  2. ^ Tumblr post by copperbadge, 2018
  3. ^ Tumblr post by sassysnowperson
  4. ^ Tumblr post by hamelin-born
  5. ^ Tumblr post by beatrice-otter
  6. ^ Tumblr post by hamelin-born