Don't Ask, Don't Tell (Star Trek: TOS story)

Fanfiction
Title:	Don't Ask, Don't Tell
Author(s):	Chris Jones
Date(s):	1997
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	Star Trek: The Original Series
Relationship(s):	Kirk/Spock
External Links:
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Don't Ask, Don't Tell is a Kirk/Spock story by Chris Jones. It was the winner of a 1998 Philon Award and a 1998 STIFfie Award.

It was published in the K/S slash anthology Th'y'la #20.

Summary

"The efforts of virtually everyone on board the Enterprise to give Kirk and Spock an unforgettable party send everyone on board on a wild and merry chase throughout the quadrant."

Reactions and Reviews

A nice romp/adventure with two set-up surprise parties going awry and leading to real troubles with Klingons and Ferengi. Nice premise of how the future will think "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" happened.

I have to admit that I was unenthused by the title and when I began reading I assumed this was going to be pretty standard stuff. Was I wrong! This was a highly enjoyable, complex, and often amusing story about Kirk and Spock's attempt to inform the crew of their relationship. The plot? It's way too complicated. Go read it, you won't be sorry. This story has more twists than a Ferengi ear lobe. I really appreciated the new and more sympathetic view of T’Pring and T’Pau and the logical and clever way everyone came together in the end. The story is long, but I was honestly interested in what was going to happen next. I've never read anything by Chris Jones before, but I'll look forward to reading the next!

I like this title—one of those I wished I'd thought of. It's a current issue in our military and relevant to Star Trek times as far as "navy" tradition. It's very interesting how Chris turned this current (to us) policy, and the phrase itself, into an old (by the time of ST) tradition whose original meaning is no longer relevant. What had been a discriminatory policy (against same-sex couples) has by ST times been turned into something the people originally discriminated against have taken for their own, as a celebration even. This is great; and is how "history" actually happens, how

things slowly evolve in societies over time. So, the old Starfleet tradition is that the couple keeps their relationship a secret (for a whole year though? this is a stretch), but eventually their friends are to find out and celebrate. This story is too elaborate for me to recount all the events and cross-purposes; I will just say that Kirk and Spock had one scheme to let it be known they are lovers, and their friends (who of course already knew on their own) had another scheme. Both involve Spock being kidnapped and sold as a slave, so Kirk has to come to the rescue and thus reveal his undying, passionate devotion. What fun.

There was one thing I wasn't especially jazzed about, but it has relevance to the story, and is one of those interesting "realistic" approaches to sex we often choose not to incorporate into our K/S. And this is certainly a creative technology. It's called a "safety." The first time it was mentioned--just the word, without really explaining it— I was flummoxed, even after it was referred to as something put on the penis, a "filtering mechanism" that gets turned on. It wasn't until later that it was explained. It's a cock-ring thing that filters out DNA and whatever else from semen, to prevent sexually transmitted diseases, besides pregnancy. This is worked well into the story. Here we learn of the nature of Kirk and Spock's intimate relationship. Spock resents the necessity of the safety, as it is a reminder that Kirk is not monogamous. We also find out he doesn't care for sex all the time where Kirk takes the lead, is always the penetrator—so far anyway. Some good pre-reform things in Spock's thoughts. There was a form of domestic servitude among warriors and warlord. This is how he feels with Kirk; that Kirk/warlord will serve him/warrior in his Time, but is not committed exclusively to him other than that. I loved this little touch: That the entire "Spock's Brain" incident was a hoax, set up by McCoy, Uhura and Scotty (and Spock, of course) in line with this game of exposing K&S's relationship. Now, here's where I won't take on recounting the events of the two schemes cross-firing. It did make for a long enjoyable reading—if confusing at times. Or dizzying I should say. Just like Chekov said that time: First we're going to Vulcan, then we're going to wherever, then we're going to Vulcan—I'm think I'm going to get spacesick. Anyway, besides fitting this K/S love story into a convincing scenario of Federation affairs, what is also really good in this story is a long, close look at various Vulcan goings-on. T'Pau and Amanda and T'Pring—all have good parts. As do Komack, some Ferengi, some Klingons (love their homoerotic operatic arias!), and a friend of Kirk's, Hillary. And later, Sarek and Amanda, and a cameo by Cadet Picard. There's a really good scene between Kirk and T'Pau, where she gives Kirk her thoughts. In this meld we see a scene from the past between T'Pau and T'Pring—what was really behind the events we saw at the Koon-ut- Kalifee. (I felt glad that in this story, T'Pring is very honorable.) I mentioned this last month in my Roundtable, something I appreciated this author bringing up with regard to relationships between military personnel. In Kirk's conversation with T'Pau, Kirk says that in Starfleet, the subordinate must initiate an involvement so there can be no accusation of coercion. Also, Spock would never ask for fidelity. Kirk feels it's T'Pau's and all Vulcans' fault for making Spock never feel worthy of anything for himself. And Kirk feels guilty himself, too—for taking more than giving, for having other lovers because Spock won't ask him not to. Lots of creative details about the slave market, etc. And though I like her, Hillary is a bit much, because she's one of those characters who can do anything and everything, get them out of any dangerous situation—a crackerjack pilot with lots of tricks up her sleeve. Here's something I especially liked: Hillary tells Spock that Kirk not only loves him, but he looks up to him and wants to protect him at the same time. This is one of the lovely things about their relationship, the balance. Not the usual "roles," the superior/inferior inference in a relationship between more polarized types. I liked the part that T'Pau plays in rescuing Spock, and the Vulcan cultural things vis-a-vis Klingon and Ferengi. A whole lot of subtle and well-thought-out aspects to this story. I don't feel the sex scenes had the level of...whatever it is that makes for the really erotic, but the story as a whole is such a rich, very K/S story.

And a sweet, heartfelt ending, everything perfectly resolved.

Kirk explains to Spock the tradition of a wedding in the navy for same-sex couples, so “don’t ask, don’t tell” was initiated. So when the secret was out, “it was a great excuse for a party”. So they’ve been together for a year and want to plan this event for their friends to participate in. Unbeknownst to them, their friends and family are planning the same thing. This sets up all the humor and drama of this delightful, yet very complex

story. So much happens as the plan has to do with a staged kidnapping of Spock and a pretend selling of him to the slave market so that Kirk can “rescue” him. But then we find out that McCoy, Uhura and Scotty are planning something similar using the Ferengi to kidnap Spock. They discuss their plans and McCoy feels trepidation at a scenario that involves “little men and piles of gold”! The plot thickens considerably when Amanda, Sarek, T’Pau, T’Pring and even Admiral Komack get involved and anti-slavery negotiations hang in the balance. This is all done very cleverly and I loved how all the plans and events seemed to just forge ahead like an unstoppable bulldozer. Some background detail was very unique like the prophylactic cock-ring device called a “safety” that Kirk and Spock find necessary to use because evidently Kirk is and has been sexually active with other partners. Spock thinks others are “getting better sex than he was” and resented it. I’m not sure how I feel about this even in the context of this humorous story because a lot is serious along with the funny. But then Spock gets up and does a yoga position! The plot really thickens when the Ferengi show up to kidnap Spock and he’s confused, but thinks it’s part of the plan. Very funny name of the Ferengi ship— translated as “Buy, Acquire, Get a Good Deal”! So clever! A woman friend of Kirk’s gets involved as well and a cute touch when Spock thinks how strange that she’s a brunette because he’d think she’d be a blond. So much continues to happen and it’s all fun and very well-written. T’Pau will be the Vulcan envoy, the Ferengi beam Spock to a barren planet where there are Klingons who want to disrupt the anti-slavery conference by kidnapping Spock. And there’s more— T’Pau and Kirk take a meeting and she mind melds with him so that he can know exactly what happened during Spock’s koon-ut-kalifee. The entire memory mind-meld is very serious which made me wonder whether or not this story could have been written for the drama. I really enjoyed it and the humor was very good, but there are many fine scenes that might have worked well without the comedic touch. This was especially true, I think, of this T’Pau/T’Pring memory scene. I really enjoyed the dramatic intensity and T’Pau’s ruminations on a solution to Kirk and Spock’s problem. Also the clever integration of the actual events and dialogue from the episode was particularly well done, such as “I have killed my captain and my T’hy’la.” I loved the scene where Spock and Hilary eat peanut butter and crackers and when she says “But I don’t understand what you see in him.” And how she calls Spock “gorgeous and smart”! I totally appreciate clear, excellent techno-stuff such as “power coupling” and “solar system with a K-type star and several large gas giants at heading 18 Mark 33.” Quite impressive for someone like me whose level of expertise reaches its limit with “shuttlecraft”. Spock and Hilary are captured by Ferengi and taken to a slave market. So much terrific detail enhances this story—just enough to create a full reality with things like “the blue-white sun with an ozone layer thick enough to allow humans to stay outdoors without burning”. Very cool that Spock is able to will himself an instant erection! And really excellent portrayal of the Ferengi. I always enjoy the combining of later incarnations of Star Trek with TOS. Very funny when Kirk has a rather circumspect talk with McCoy about his relationship with Spock: “And, of course, if it were true, I would never tell you.” What a scene! Kirk, McCoy, Scotty, Uhura, T’Pau, Admiral Komack all at the slave auction! And the Klingon masturbating while T’Pau talks to him so that he can get ready to fuck Spock! The question that T’Pau asks Spock that clears up the whole mess is so clever. Then they all have a celebration party on the Enterprise and the Klingons and Ferengi are invited! A little iffy for me to have Cadet Picard come in with Sarek. But I loved the “tong t’kal” and the “tong t’hy’la”—so beautiful. And their “true names” that T’Pau reveals during their mind-meld. Pretty neat—I’ve always wanted to see a K/S wedding! But I’m not enamored over Kirk’s wedding present of not having to use the “safeties” because he hadn’t had sex with anyone else recently. Oh no! Kirk says he can’t promise fidelity! And Spock accepts it! Definitely soured the ending (but just the ending) for me. However, I don’t think I’ve ever read the activity during sex where Spock drags Kirk’s penis over his nipples! And don’t think I didn’t love Spock tying Kirk up!

Totally worthy Philon award winner.