Chronicle X Interview with Michaela

Interviews by Fans
Title:	Chronicle X Interview with Michaela
Interviewer:	uncredited
Interviewee:	Michaela
Date(s):	February 1999
Medium:	online
Fandom(s):	X-Files
External Links:	interview is here; copy
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Chronicle X Interview with Michaela was conducted in 1999 by the Chronicle X archive.

Some Excerpts

I have written stories since first learning that letters formed words and that I could occasionally bend them to my will. <g> I was writing my own personal fanfiction long before I knew such a thing existed. I remember writing Little House on the Prairie post-episode stories, because I wanted to know what happened after the credits rolled, and I was the only one who was going to provide that information. Whatever show, novel or current event fascinated me at the time, I was all over it with a pen and notepad. My friend Diane used to help me - she'd help me come up with "plots" and story lines, and then I would write them down and she would read them afterward. Apparently, Diane was my first beta reader. We also cannibalized characters from whatever television show or book we loved (there was a particularly ugly Sweet Valley High/Dynasty phase) and brought them all together into one universe that was our playground - hence, I have also written crossover fics without realizing it. <g> We also put ourselves in the stories with these characters, which means I have also done Mary Sue fic. Imagine my surprise when finally, at the age of 24, I found fanfiction on the Internet and realized other people had been doing what I'd been doing since I was six years old. It was rather a relief.

The fact that it never completely answers the questions it raises. And I don't necessarily mean the plots, conspiracies, monsters of the week, et al., though that ambiguity is great, too. The characters' motivations, their hidden and not-so-hidden emotions, many of these things are still left to interpretation at the end of the episode. This is not Ally McBeal ... these characters aren't telling you how they feel every minute of the day and why they're feeling it. The writers, the directors and the actors provide a limited amount of information in a beautifully subtle, understated way that leaves you wanting to fill in the gray areas with your own imagination. That's what makes the X Files a veritable gold mine for writing fanfic. Thank goodness.

Honestly, I wouldn't change a thing. Yes, there have been seasons, or at least a succession of episodes, where I wanted to call Chris Carter personally and ask him what the hell he was doing to MY show. <g> I had no idea where he was going with the characters or the plot, and frankly, I was worried. At one point, I was bordering on disenchanted. But when I look back on those episodes now, with the perspective of time, not to mention the plot and characterization that have followed (mostly good and sometimes bad), it all works for me (with the exception of Travellers...the only show I refused to keep on tape). The X Files universe has its ups and downs, just like life. Maybe that's what I like best about it, that it's not perfect every time. (Plus, it gives us stuff to nitpick and analyze like mad, which I enjoy too.) I seem to enjoy the show with more perspective than I used to - if I am genuinely entertained for 60 minutes on a Sunday night, I'm happy. Even if it's not what I was expecting ... even if it's not "traditional." Hell, even the occasional bad episode is entertaining anymore, if only because I can't wait to see it beaten to death online. <g>

Perhaps the lud said it best when she said, in a nutshell: Chris Carter created our little universe, and I thank him for it.

Still, having said all that, I wouldn't mind a little continuity once in a while. <g>

I wish I had something profound here. The other authors you've interviewed have had such great things to say about this, and I would largely echo their sentiments. When I think of Mulder and Scully, here's what's basically going through my head: They are deeply in love, so deeply that it transcends the traditional physical expressions (read: hot monkey love). Do I think they have, or could have, hot monkey love? Oh yeah, plenty of it, hand me some NC-17 smut, please. But sex is actually the * least* important aspect of their relationship, in my opinion. The emotional and mental connection between them is so much more significant I also think they are dysfunctional, but then, isn't every relationship on some level or another? I think there is a serious risk (and it's sometimes realized) of codependency for the two of them. Sometimes I think they are not necessarily the wisest choice for one another. Nonetheless, they have a love so deep and complex that if anyone can work it out, and get past the dysfunction and codependency and ugly stuff, these two could do it and truly reap the rewards. That's why my favorite stories to read are the ones where Mulder and Scully are flawed, where their relationship is an uphill battle, a mess of miscommunication and bad habits and sometimes terrible honesty -- not sweetness and light, not * easy*. These two are not easy. They will never BE easy. But there is such potential there. I've learned in life that love does not always conquer all, but watching the Mulder and Scully dynamic gives me hope that, at least some of the time, it does.

Ah ... the feedback question. From reading in the various forums what other authors have to say about feedback, I suspect that I am atypical of most. I do not write for feedback. Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE feedback. It rocks my little world. It amazes me that people would take the time to write to me and tell me that they liked something I wrote or even ask me questions about why I chose to take the story in a certain direction. Talk about gratifying and incredibly flattering!

But it's not why I write. I honestly believe I would keep writing even if I didn't get another piece of feedback - I truly hope this never happens <g> -- but for me, it's the process of writing that keeps me going. Exploring words and characters and plots and emotions in ways that I haven't done before, this is the most interesting and rewarding part of it for me. Even when I am crying on my editors' shoulders because I have taken on a project of immense proportions and have scared myself to death, I am still loving the fact that I'm doing it at all. When I can finish a project and know that it meets the expectations I set for it, that it expresses that emotion or message that I was trying to convey ... that is the best feeling in the entire world for me. In the words of 1013 Productions, "I made this." <g>

The feedback is rewarding in a completely different way, and for me, it is somehow separate from the writing. The only analogy that I can think of to illustrate what I'm trying to say is this: It's like someone complimenting me for having a wonderful child - I created the child, yes, and I am immensely proud of her, but the child exists out there on her own now, as her own entity. It is a strange sort of distance, and even bewilders me sometimes. I am incredibly happy to hear that people think my child is wonderful, and I will thank them boundlessly and sincerely for telling me so, but most important to me is that * I* love my child and that she and I have a "connection."

Like I said, I get the impression that I'm rather atypical on this score. Or weird freak might be the phrase you're looking for.

Scully. I can't even hesitate about that. I consider myself a "Bothist" - that is, not just a Mulderist or a Scullyist - because I can see the best and worst in both of them. However, I know that when it is time to write, I crawl into Scully's head much more comfortably than Mulder's. He fights me a lot. <g> It's probably in part because I relate to Scully as a woman, but I also relate on an emotional level to her - which is odd at first glance, because in many ways we are such opposites. I'm very exuberant and loud (the Screamers will confirm this for you), whereas Scully tends to be more quietly opinionated and not visibly "exuberant." But I suspect that she and I are hiding many of the same fears, hopes and dreams behind our different exteriors. Ironically, I share more of Mulder's belief system in extreme possibilities than Scully's, so you think I'd be able to relate to him quite well. But I'm afraid it's still a struggle, every time - I don't think we share the same emotions the way Scully and I do.