Baccarat Figurines

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Fanfiction
Title: Baccarat Figurines
Author(s): Sean Spencer
Date(s): September 1997
Length:
Genre(s): slash, NC-17
Fandom(s): The X-Files
Relationship(s):
External Links: online here
Universe Website

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Baccarat Figurines is a 29-part X-Files NC-17 Skinner/Mulder story by Sean Spencer.

Later stories were written by Kiyoko Ishimura.

cover art by the author for the collected volume part one
cover art by the author for the collected volume part two

Summaries

"This is an alternate X-Files universe where Mulder and Skinner are involved in a romantic relationship from the second midseason. X-Files canon like Mulder's abduction, Kroner, Falls of Arcadia, baby Scully-Mulder and Kersh do NOT exist here.[1]

"Major romance and angst between a closeted AD and a certain similarly closeted tall Bureau agent."

From the Author's Notes

WARNING: Graphic but always loving consensual sexual activity between members of the same sex. No bad words except for S-t (once or twice)....

AUTHOR'S NOTE: There are lots of marriage series of Scully and Mulder in fanfiction. This is an attempt at something similar in a Skinner/Mulder relationship point of view.

ADDITIONAL AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is set in season 2 except for the vampire encounter in Three which definitely never happened. We want Mulder to be disease-free when he meets up with Skinner.

Scully is also very seriously involved with another person but she does not figure in any of the graphic stuff (because I can't write about something I don't know about). Also, in this alternative reality, Mulder and Skinner never use gel on their hair. So you can banish all those gelled episodes featured so prominently in the third season.

I wanted Mulder assigned to another section of the Bureau and not to be Skinner's subordinate at work at the moment they start their relationship so that it's clear that Skinner wasn't using his more superior status to take advantage of Mulder. I want Skinner (the hunk) to be an honorable gentleman.

Nagging questions in the episodes that are hopefully answered by this story:

1. Why does Mulder borrow Dworkin's car in Sleepless?
2. Does Skinner have a lot of cars?
3. Why can Mulder afford expensive suits on a G-12(?) salary?
4. Why does Mulder find Mr. Nutt's size intriguingly alluring?
5. Why was Skinner so concerned that Dworkin make sure that Mulder went home safe and sound in Ascension?
6. Why are Skinner's shirts so white and well-pressed all the time? Does he spend hours ironing his shirts at home? Does he do his laundry?
7. Why does Mulder have so many bad hair days and is unshaven in a lot of the first and second season episodes, alternating with episodes where he had very nice short hair and has a smooth jaw?
8. Why does Mulder sometimes dress so bad when he's not in his Bureau monkey suits? Those flannel shirts with shirttails flapping in the breeze are the absolute pits! Skinner agrees with me on this.
9. Why does Skinner provide a sharpshooter so willingly when Mulder asked for one in End Game? Why does Skinner think nothing of going to Mulder's apartment in that episode and why did Mulder likewise think nothing about one's AD going to a subordinate's apartment? Does your boss drop by your apartment when he feels like it?
These questions and more will be answered on reading Baccarat Figurines! [2]

Reactions and Reviews

1997

[This story was spotlighted at the Slashfic Hall of Shame:]

[site owner's comments]: Claim to fame: The clever and witty recommendations of the many who requested that this story appear here. I regret wholeheartedly my stupidity in not saving any of them.

This week’s caveat: Okay, technically, Baccarat Figurines is this guy's first story. On the other hand, he’s written Baccarat Figurines II, Baccarat Figurines III, Baccarat Figurines IV, and he’s threatening Baccarat Figurines V...

Real reason it is here: It’s another ‘can’t choose just one’ problem. The first thing that caught my eye was the creative use of tense. Not content with changing tenses within paragraphs, this author frequently changes tense within sentences. But that problem, annoying as it is, is trivial compared to the characterization defilement that appears within the first twenty paragraphs. When, exactly, did Mulder's personality transplant occur?

Found: Gossamer

Sample Paragraphs:

Mulder, in a fit of pique, had taken Skinner's hand and threw it off him. He withdrew to the other side of the bed and was enraged when Skinner continued to close the gap between them.
"I told you, I don't feel like it," Mulder repeated, trying to be calm.
"Are you mad at me for working late again?" Skinner paused when he realized that he'd been through this before with his ex-wife.
Mulder, however, shook his head. He blinked at the harsh light.
"I just don't feel like it," Mulder said in a small voice. He was still turned away from the older man.
"But we haven't made love in two and a half weeks already," Skinner said, his voice rising uncharacteristically. "Come on."
"Please, I don't feel like it." By now, Mulder was at the very edge of the bed. Skinner put a hand on his shoulder and again Mulder flinched. The older man got angrier when he felt that Mulder was protectively holding his shorts in his hand.
"It hurt, it hurt last time," Mulder finally said in a rush and the rest came tumbling out. "I told you it hurt and you kept on going and everything's different. [3]

Just the story description on Gossamer turned me off, but reading the descriptions on your page made me want to be ill--hell, the paragraphs you quoted made me ill. No way would I read this story now! Yikes! [4]

...if that was Mulder, than I am the alien that Mulder is so desparately looking for! (Should Fandom have a Hall of Shame?) Oh, yes, totally. So people won't get shocks like the one 'Baccarat Figurines' gave us.[5]

To tell the truth, I haven't noticed most of the grammatical flaws in this story. Other things have bothered me. For example, I don't *really* need all the clinical details surrounding gay sex. Not the acts themselves, but the medical implications. Skinner is apparently in charge of the health of Mulder's bowels. Charming image, that.

But I can sort of laugh at that. What I don't like is the rather unhealthy relationship. The Skinner in this story is trying to remake Mulder in his own image - what he wears, down to his underwear (that fails) and what he shaves with! He even plans to take advantage of his lover's pyrophobia and *burn* the clothing he hates. He also seems to be taking the role of *daddy*, which is really unhealthy (as opposed to sick.) Mulder has become worse than passive. As you said it was a personality transplant.

I've written the writer, though, and he seems to be worried about this, too. So maybe there's hope.[6]

Did you actually read the whole thing? You're a stronger woman than I am. I wound up begging to be put out of my misery and deleting the file. Then I ran Virex to make sure none of *my* stories had been infected with the evil. Someone *please* stop this person before they write again.....[7]

Cheesy, sickly and unpleasantly fixated on bowel function...[8]

all that you said and more. I don't think I've ever read anything more erotically boring. Skinner and Muldar may have been in throes of passion, but I thought I had stumbled across a how to manual.[9]

Horrible. This was actually painful to read. Just goes to show that the Mulder/Skinner pairing will never survive.[10]

This is an infantilized Mulder and the constant repetition of the diapering and babying scenes is a very disturbing sort of symbolic pedophilia. I doubt that this author has enough insight to do this consciously. It seems like Mulder is not Mulder, but a Mary Sue.[11]

... very very very very nasty.... i think there should be a slashfic police that goes around bugging people who write crap...[12]

Putrid. Rancid. I don't know how you chose a section to quote. Every word is torture. Every paragraph brings new pain to the reader. Don't listen to those those who say you shouldn't pick on a "new" author who spews this incredible volume of horror in such a brief time. I've seen too many whiners worrying that pointing out the obvious will "scare away" writers and make them stop writing. BF is an excellent example of why this is a *good* thing. This guy needs to stop writing *immediately.* Nobody shameless or clueless enough to post these disasters anywhere has any hope of ever improving. Most importantly, some people apparently *like* this series and are *encouraging more.* What motives them I cannot fathom, but they are doing this writer a disservice by encouraging him to continue polluting the net with these stories and bringing them the derision they deserve.[13]

This was a disturbing story. The revision of Mulder's character struck me as pedophilic in nature. The scatalogical elements, Mulder's tears and pouts, Skinner's absurd paternalism, the depiction of Skinner's cleaning rituals (every time he wiped Mulder down, I expected him to use baby powder after), all pointed rather clearly to this, or to some kind of eroticized infantilism. Both are unusual to see in slash fiction, I think--at least with such a focused depiction.[14]

I thought you weren't going to go after beginners? If we were all held to account for our early stuff, who would escape unscathed? (mine makes me writhe when I think about it now). The writer is trying, he's trying to do something difficult you should leave him alone until he's had time to get the hang of this. Maybe he's never written anything before, maybe he doesn't know enough to know he's getting it wrong. Save this for those who can write and don't - not for those still finding their feet. I'm disappointed.... pick on people your own size.[15]

...horrible, but not for the reasons you list. The reason it deserves to be on the slashfic hall of shame is because it has no scatology warning in the header when, by god, it should! Now, don't get me wrong, I am all for realism, but good god almighty, I don't think anything has killed the mood faster for me than hearing Mulder tell Skinner that anal penetration makes him feel like, and I quote, "I have to take a dump."

Now, the author might read this and say "well, I think I know a sight more about anal sex than you dearie, as well as most slash writers since your lot is mostly female," but you know, sometimes folks fart during sex as well, but most folks who are cognizant that they are writing in the genre of EROTICA have figured out that this might not be the best moment to introduce that particular element. Yet, in the middle of this rant, I am willing to concede that shit gets some folks off (and the "dump" comment is only the beginning in BF) but as with fanfic that deals with other, shall we say, more selective tastes like rape or violence, I think the reading public deserves to know this upfront in a warning of some kind.

So, the long and short of this comment? IckIckIck.[16]

My. You're a *brave* soul. You actually got 20 paragraphs into this series? I read the first 2 paragraphs of BF:One and stopped. Mulder is near *tears* because a superior was chewing him out?!?!? I don't think so. I may actually go and read these stories someday. But not today.[17]

... beyond comment. Seriously, I couldn't read enough of it I thought the characterization was off, and I believe that editing and closer attention to basic grammatical issues should have been done [18]

1998

I started to read the first BF story out of sheer morbid curiosity, and after about three screens I couldn't take it any more. Eep. [19]

There are people who love this universe and these stories sooooooo much that they've been inspired to do "art" for it (when did making composites from existing photographs get to be called "artwork", in the fannish sense, by the way?) and more frightening still, there are people writing their own stories in this universe because it just inspires and thrills them so, even though they're intimidated by trying to write in the universe created by someone with so much talent and someone who is such a great writer that they can't hope to measure up, and how generous Sean is for letting them write in his universe even though they're nowhere near as good as he is. Honest.

As for praise: Sean is someone who can take something along the lines of I felt the story was really missing the scene where they have sex for the first time as "I loved it oh please, write that sex scene too *please*". I think if someone wrote and said this story is crap, written badly and with the worst characterisation I've seen in years, he'd take that as encouragement to write even more because it's the most extreme this person's seen in years, and that has to be a good thing, right? [20]

One [comment on my newly posted story] was from the woman who runs the Mulder Torture site, and she wanted to archive the story and told me that it reminded her very much of the series of Baccarat Figurines stories. Now, for those of you who wouldn't touch M/Sk with a barge pole, that's a series of stories so bad, it's mind boggling. Jo described it as "the Terranova Situation for Mulder Skinner fic." It's so unbelievably bad that it's become the touchstone for horrid XF slash fic. And it never ends. I know she meant well, but she couldn't possibly have been more insulting when she said that. The idea that I share any qualities with those stories terrifies me. I thought to myself, *I can never write again.* [21]

...there are people out there who love Baccarat Figurines! (I think they are possibly scat fetishests who are just happy to have a fix...) [22]

Our turkey read of Baccarat Figurines [at Escapade ] and some horrid Sentinel story by Little Eva was truly a high point. However, I shall be scarred for life by M Fae's lovely, rolling consonants actually being sullied by reading the words "boggy rectum". You had to be there, believe me, but if you read Baccarat Figurines, you'll know. [23]

Mulder was so infantalized, it was like reading kiddie porn. [24]

1999

Distraught over Dana Scully's abduction, a weepy, sex-hungry Mulder takes comfort in the arms of Walter Skinner. Many readers reacted badly to the clinically detailed description of their sex acts; just as many disliked Skinner's "absurd paternalism" and Mulder's regression to a pouty child. [25]

2004

That was the first fan fic I ever read and it didn't scare me away for life. Too bad. I could have done so much more with my life in these last few years had it scared me more.[26]

2012

Distraught over Dana Scully's abduction, a weepy, sex-hungry Mulder takes comfort in the arms of Walter Skinner. Many readers reacted badly to the clinically detailed description of their sex acts; just as many disliked Skinner's "absurd paternalism" and Mulder's regression to a pouty child.[27]

Further Reading

  • Precious Moments by Misty Cornflower, a parody of the story's sappy nature and squicky fixations

References

  1. ^ Tripod
  2. ^ "text file, chapter one".
  3. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  4. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  5. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  6. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  7. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  8. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  9. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  10. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  11. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  12. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  13. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  14. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  15. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  16. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  17. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  18. ^ from comments at Slashfic Hall of Shame
  19. ^ comments at Virgule-L, quoted anonymously with permission (January 22, 1998)
  20. ^ comments at Virgule-L, quoted anonymously (April 15, 1998)
  21. ^ from Virgule-L, quoted anonymously with permission (February 2, 1998)
  22. ^ from Virgule-L, quoted anonymously (February 15, 1998)
  23. ^ quoted anonymously with permission from Virgule-L (February 11, 1998)
  24. ^ quoted anonymously with permission from Virgule-L (March 11, 1998)
  25. ^ Too Good to be True: 150 Years of Mary Sue -- The Mary Sues Listed (addendum to Too Good to be True: 150 Years of Mary Sue) posted around 1998, accessed 4 June 2012
  26. ^ comment at Fic_Hate, July 13, 2004
  27. ^ from THE MARYSUES, addendum to 150 Years of Mary Sue, posted around 1998, accessed 4 June 2012
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