All I Have Are Secrets

Fanfiction
Title:	All I Have Are Secrets
Author(s):	Cassie Jamie
Date(s):	September 2005
Length:	17654 words, 102K
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	Stargate Atlantis
Relationship(s):
External Links:	All I Have are Secrets by Cassie Jamie, Archived version
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All I Have Are Secrets is a McShep Stargate Atlantis story by Cassie Jamie.

It was recced at Stargate: Atlantis -- The Post-Trinity phenomenon where it received a high lemon chicken rating. It was also mentioned in the post SGA 2005: The year that started it all..

Summary

"Summary: He had the memories of a life he'd been forced out of and the reality of a life he didn't want. (Implied non-con. There is no written rape scenes, though it is spoken of. There are some parts where it is all but shown, so be warned.)"

Reactions and Reviews

2005

Slash. McKay/Sheppard. Following Arcturus, Rodney is so desperate to regain the respect of John and the rest of his peers, he basically sells himself body and soul for the sake of a trade agreement. By the time his friends realize that something is seriously wrong, it is almost too late. There is abuse and non-consensual themes to this story, and Rodney's actions may seem a bit OOC to some, but the writing is solid and the story is worth a second read.

Poor, poor Rodney. Reading this hurt, but in a good way. Beautiful angst.

The quotations were a nice touch. Thanks for sharing.

I really felt for Rodney when I read your story. It was very angsty and beautiful. I liked the way you wrote Rodney's character, how you were subtle at some points and the way you conveyed his emotions; especially his hurt and pain. I generally like humour fics but this was very good and very absorbing to read. I read it twice because I was so enthralled!

I also liked the interaction of the other chracters; John, Stackhouse, Carson and Radek.

Great work!

That was terrible!!!! <=== Don't take it the wrong way. Your story was trully brilliant and well-written but Rodney's abuse just made me sick. To say he had to bear it during 2 years, John really acted like a bloody idiot. John should have shot Glaedion, this son of a ***** ! You arrived to paint so well Rodney's behaviour (or possible behaviour if he was once put in such circumstances)that it was simply breathtaking.

This fic is one of the best angst I've ever read.

I'm not sure I really believe your Rodney to be in character, even after the breakdown of the McShep & destroying 5/6ths of a solar system. I just don't see him letting it get to that point.

That said, I very much felt for him, even if he wasn't really Rodney for me. It's a horrible thing, and you handled it really well.

Also, the quotes worked really well.

I really love this, I read it through twice now as not to miss anything beacuse I was crying so hard. Beautiful work.

I'm in shock and from the pain and the beauty and I'm trying not to cry because I'm in the middle of the library but damn that was good.

Good in the way that hurt sometimes is. It was ... utterly fantastic.

You earned by vote from the McShep awards. A hundred and ten times over. It was ... I have no words.

I felt so heartbroken for Rodney and then for John, and kept hoping and hoping that they would find a way to get back to something even better than before.

This is just heartbreaking. All the moreso for being so beautifully written. The characterizations and voices are spot-on and you have a wonderful, lyrical style. One of the best Atlantis stories I've read.

2006

Rodney and John used to be lovers. Then Doranda happened. In the aftermath of that, Rodney got trapped into being raped weekly by aliens for food. He'd tried to get it stopped, but because of Doranda, John wouldn't listen. This is now, two years later and finally some are starting to notice the effects on Rodney. But it's too little, too late, and Rodney goes back again. When John puts a stop to it, Rodney's not the same man anymore and John's at a loss trying to deal with a Rodney who's not who he thought he was. Total wallow fest here.

This is one of the most beautifully written and heartbreaking fan fic stories I've ever read. Sadly I can believe that Rodney could get away with hiding something like this for such a long period and that he would do something like this under the misguided belief he had something to atone for.

2007

Rodney lets himself be repeatedly raped for two years in exchange for food in order to win back John's trust. Rodney is shunned and abused and raped and shunned and raped and shunned and raped and abused and shunned until he just can't take it anymore! He also can't bring himself eat any of the food for which he trades his repeated rapings. Eventually, after he collapses, everyone realises how awful they've been to him, and John finds out that he was kind of responsible for the hundreds of rapes. Lemon Chicken Rating: Ten out of ten. I don't think it gets any more dramatic than this.