to have loved & lost

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Fanfiction
Title: to have loved & lost
Author(s): NinjaWriter
Date(s): Published June 10, 2016 – October 21, 2016
Length: 92,603 words; 47 chapters[1]
Genre(s): modern AU, college AU, femslash
Fandom(s): The 100
Relationship(s): Clarke Griffin/Lexa
External Links:

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to have loved & lost by NinjaWriter is a Clexa fanfiction that was originally hosted on Archive of Our Own. It is a college AU and was published in 47 chapters from June 10, 2016 to October 21, 2016.[1] The fic was deleted from AO3 so that it could be republished as an original romance novel after filing off the serial numbers. In the commercial version, Clarke and Lexa's names were changed to Graham Griffin and Alexis Woods respectively.[2]

The original summary from AO3:[1]

When two people's lives are caught in a downward spiral, can coming together pull both of them back up?

Lexa Woods knows who she is -- or at least, she thought she did. She's number 17, point guard, MVP, all-star, co-captain of the Lady Raiders Division 1 women's basketball team. But there's a darkness inside of Lexa that's growing, a darkness that started the night her beloved Costia died in her arms, and if she doesn't turn things around soon, the darkness just might swallow her whole.

Clarke Griffin knows a thing or two about darkness. That's been her zip code ever since the car accident that took her boyfriend's life -- the car accident she caused. When she meets Lexa, she sees a reflection of her own sorrow. And she can't help but want to fix it.

A college / new adult AU, complete with basketball, bad language, and yes, a few racy scenes...

Reactions and Reviews

Of the published novel:

[4 stars]

4.5 stars...emotional,compelling,great writing and an enjoyable read! my advise is that everyone should have a go at this book..it's awesome and well written[3]

[4 stars]

Powerful, bumpy, gripping, strong and sensitive.
What are the chances of someone picking the Gordian knot of deep grief and self isolation, after you have suffered a deep and fundamental loss? If you look at it that way they seem very slim. Maybe it does need an expert, someone who understands, someone who has gone or is going through similar problems?

Ok, ok I stop philosophising already. I liked the two main characters very much. Their reactions, their emotions, their love for each other and their fears seemed genuine and well pictured. Also the supporting cast was diverse and well developed. Sometimes I was a bit annoyed with Alex for being so terribly stoic, but secretly (please don't tell anyone) I loved that about her too.

The themes of the book are pretty tough: loss and grief, difficult childhood, trust, alcohol abuse, love, friendship and forgiving. You might think love and friendship are not tough, but I think they are. If they weren't they wouldn't stand a chance of balancing with the other issues. And each of us knows forgiving is the hardest.

So, because I think the themes of this book were well tackled and believably solved and because the story moved me very much I forgive that I sometimes got totally confused who talked to whom or who did what - Alex, Graham or whoever. I don't know why I got confused, but I did. Mind, it could also be because I've been in bed with a feverish cold while reading it.

So would I read another book by this author? The answer is YES of course.[4]

References

  1. ^ a b c to have loved & lost on AO3 via the Wayback Machine. Captured October 30, 2016.
  2. ^ To Have Loved & Lost by Eliza Andrews on Goodreads. Archived version.
  3. ^ Review by Diane Wallace on Goodreads. November 25, 2016. Archived version.
  4. ^ Review by Book Worm on Goodreads. March 2, 2017. Archived version.