The Decision (Star Trek: TOS story by Donna Vanderlaan)

K/S Fanfiction
Title:	The Decision
Author(s):	Donna Vanderlaan
Date(s):	1986
Length:
Genre:	slash
Fandom:	Star Trek: The Original Series
External Links:
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The Decision is a Star Trek: TOS K/S story by Donna Vanderlaan.

It was published in Fantasies.

art by Shellie Whild

Reactions and Reviews

This is a pretty unusual story. Usually, Kirk and Spock are portrayed in our K/S stories as men of sterling morals and ethics. They'd die for their beliefs, and they are men of admirable character. This story presents Spock with a dilemma: he must violate his own personal code of ethics concerning use of his Vulcan powers, or he will lose personal happiness. He chooses the happiness.

When Spock is on shore leave, he visits what is essentially a fortuneteller. She instantly tells him that he is in love with his captain, a secret that he thought no one knew. Her credibility thus established, she also reveals that she sees something she's never seen before: that his life will end before its time and then resume again, an event that's all wrapped up in the man he loves. But, she also tells him, his captain does not love him...yet. The fortune teller strongly advises him not to rush Kirk nor prematurely reveal his feelings, then she advises that there will be an event, soon, that will force Spock to make a decision that will have a dramatic effect on the possibility of a future relationship with Kirk. "It can suddenly end with no possibility of its renewal...or it can eventually become a permanent romantic relationship. It will go one way or the other because of you...of a decision you will have to make."

A year later Kirk and Spock are captured during a landing party. The natives are pretty ruthless, and they also buy into one of our standard K/S plotline ploys: they want Spock to rape Kirk while they watch! Where would we be without this scenario? (Actually, I can think of several really well done stories using this idea.) They give our fellows some time before the actual event, and Spock decides that he must do something to allay Kirk's fears. So he gathers his courage and reveals that he has desired his captain for some time. Most unfortunately, he isn't able to convey the emotion behind the lust, and Kirk is left with the impression that Spock has lusted after his body without treasuring his spirit.

Of course, they are rescued before the deed needs to be done, and Kirk is acutely uncomfortable with Spock back on the ship, to such an extent that he asks Spock to transfer. Back in his cabin, sick at heart, Spock realizes that the prediction of the fortune teller has come true. He was forced to make a decision and he chose wrong.

What to do? For a while Spock wrestles with his Vulcan ethics, but they are nothing compared to his need for Kirk. He goes to Kirk's cabin and erases the memory of the revelation on the planet. The next day Kirk is back to his comfortable relationship with his first officer and asks him to play chess. The last line of the story is "...and Spock was glad he had been born a Vulcan."

I'm not so sure that what Spock does actually reverses events, so that the fortune teller's prediction that they would eventually become lovers if he doesn't rush Kirk comes true. If I were the Spock in this story, I'd be worried about that. But the Spock in this story also believes in what she said, which is a bit of a stretch. Overall, ifs an interesting approach, well done.

I think that Spock's editing of Kirk's memories was downright criminal and shocking. It's a worse violation than rape because we aren't ourseives without our memories. I could never believe that Spock would do such a thing. He's much too honorable. I would think that he wouid commit suicide out of guilt for even considering it. Death would have been more responsible and braver in this context. I believe that Sarek would call Spock a monster for doing such a thing and that T'Pau would expel him from the clan. It's truly alarming that a Vulcan can get away with such an action scot free. If it got out that Spock had done this, no human would ever trust a Vulcan.

There were a couple of stories [in this zine] that don't fit the general concept of this zine by any stretch of the imagination. They are not fantasies, nor do they contain fantasies. I am mystified about why there were included. It should be pointed out however, that this zine was edited by Ann Carver. This comment is not meant to reflect on the editing of Dovya Blacque, who has elected to keep this zine in print.... I wasn't at all pleased when I finished reading "The Decision" by Donna Vanderlaan. Not only doesn't it read like a fantasy, but it is the only story in the zine that I found offensive. It involves Spock tampering with Kirk's mind. Many fans that are offended by rape, don't recoil when faced with abuses of Spock's telepathic ability. To me, this is mind rape and therefore equally reprehensible, if not more so. It especially bothers me that Donna, a writer whose work is generally characterized by its loving and gentle quality, should cause Spock to behave in such a blatantly unethical manner. There are no negative consequences that arise from this action. He just gets away with it, and the author seems to imply that this is a "happily ever after" ending. It seemed chilling to me. I wish I hadn't read it.