The Cosmic Connection

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Filk Album
Album Title: The Cosmic Connection
Producer: Jackie Bielowicz
Type:
Date: 1982
Medium: tape and lyric book
Fandom: Multiple
Performer(s): multimedia
Other:
External Links: tape available on Youtube with Jackie's permission)
cover of the cassette tape
Click here for related articles on Fanlore.

The Cosmic Connection is a filk tape and lyric book by The Great Broads of the Galaxy. A fan could hear a sample of this tape at the 1982 Media West con at the Sol Plus table.

flyer, click to enlarge

"Includes songs of ST, Pern, SW and more. Serious, funny, sometimes bizzarre. Package includes a 45-minute high-quality tape, box, lyric book, padded envelope and postage." (from an ad in Datazine #41)

The Songbook

Tape Contents

SIDE ONE –

(1) Old Ben’s Song: The Broads, Soloist: Cheryl White (Star Wars) )to Ghostriders in the Sky) ("Within STWars and Trek fandom, the years have produced....the self-styled Great Broads of the Galaxy, from the midwest, whose driving rendition of "Old Ben's Song" might chill the marrow...)[1]

(2) Born Of Your Sun: Jeanne Cloud & Cheryl White (sung to the tune of "If I Were A Carpenter") (examines Christine Chapels unrequited love for Spock)

(3) The Trekker: Verses – Jeanne Cloud & Cheryl White Chorus – The Broads (sung to the tune of "The Boxer") (a fan wakes one morning to find her husband has taken the kids to "Delaware/Bye Bye" after spending too much on conventions and fanzines)

(4) The Battle of Media*West: Verses – Jeanne Cloud & Jackie Bielowicz (sung to the "Battle of New Orleans") (composer notes: "a filk written after Media*West Con in 1981. There was a little trouble between the con and concurrent softball convention, but nothing like the rumors we heard through the evening. We felt that the very irony of the situation deserved its own filk."

(5) Fame and Glory: Soloists: Cheryl White & Jeanne Cloud (sung to the tune of "All the Gold in California") (composer's notes: "dedicated to the early Federation explorers.")

(6) Flight: Jeanne Cloud & Cheryl White (an original composition based on Dragonriders of Pern)

SIDE TWO –

(1) Mary Sue Du Wop: The Broads, Soloist: Jackie Bielowicz

(2) The Ballad of The Birthday Boy: The Broads (sung to the tune of "Tom Dooley") (composer's notes: "The Ballad of the Birthday Boy is based on Collette Mak's great story in R&R.")

(3) Taboo: Jeanne Cloud

(4) Old Trekker’s Home: The Broads (sung to the tune "Home On the Range")(composer's notes: "Old Trekker's Home is not a dream; applications are now being taken to the Grand Opening in 2023 AD. No mundanes need apply.")

(5) The Ballad of Capricorn One: Cheryl White

Members

The Great Broads of the Galaxy are –

Sample Lyrics

FAME AND GLORY (to "All the Gold in California")

If you're dreamin' of fame and glory,
Of other worlds with golden girls,
Where people know your name.
Face the challenge of a new horizon;
For money or lust, it doesn't matter to us,
The Federation's a brand new game.
The stars are filled with treasures,
New aliens and pleasures,
But every star that glitters,
Well, it's not gold,
Now they've labeled me a hero
But this life is next to zero.
It could take a soul forever
To find his way back home.
If you're dreamin' of fame and glory,
Of other worlds with golden girls,
Where people know your name.
Face the challenge of a new horizon;
For money or lust, it doesn't matter to us,
The Federation's a brand new game.
If you're dreamin' of fame and glory,
Of other worlds with golden girls,
Where people know your name.
Face the challenge of a new horizon;
For money or lust, it doesn't matter to us,
The Federation's a brand new game.
A brand new game.


THE TREKKER (to the tune "The Boxer") (lyrics by Cheryl White & Jeanne Cloud)

Oh, my name it is the Trekker and my story must be told
Of money spent on fanzines, pointed ears, tarnished IDICs
and erotic Kirk dolls.
There are buttons, slides and pictures, books and bumper stickers, too.
I am building a collection; looks as though I'm gonna have
to add a room or two.
On the wall,
There's "Kirk Enslaved" with lights and matted, he stands six feet tall
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
Now I'm writing my first story, blood and gore, will Kirk pull through'
But the brightest girl in all the Fleet is there to save the ship
her name is Mary Sue.
The logical First Officer conducts no life of sin,
Except once every seven years, he goes amuck and dares someone to
challenge him.
Pon Farr again!
It seems it happens every time that I take up my pen.
Lay-lay-lay-lay-lay-lay-lay-lay-lay-lay.
Oh, an alien's got the Big Three, puts them sorely through
their trials.
Kirk is bleeding, Spock's receding, and McCoy is there attending
to them all the while.
Well, the "get-em" stories have our Kirk in a dark and lonely place,
With whips and chains and mind-machines; we see the anguish written
on our Vulcan's face.
"He's hurt, my friend!"
"I'm a doctor, not a tailor, but I'll patch him up again."
Lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lie.
Every time the golden lock falls down, it drives our Vulcan wild
And Kirk, he likes the Vulcan bod; we see the devilish
gleam behind the charming smile.
Putting pen again to paper, seems I cannot write enough.
It s Kirk and Spock, then add McCoy; the stories grow. I love
to see them in the buff.
K/S is fun!
It seems that I can have them mate with just about anyone.
Gay-gay-gay-gay-gay-gay-gay-gay-gay-gay.
Well, my stories lie in numbers far too numerous to conceive.
Stacked in hallways, doorways, in the bath; I get the thought,
I think that I will publish these."
Now I'm editing my first fanzine; I get stories by the ton.
The Post Offal ate the artwork, the copy smeared, I don't have
help from anyone .
I declare!
My husband's gone and left me, moved the kids to Delaware.
Bye-bye-bye-bye-bye-bye-bye-bye-bye-bye.


THE OLD TREKKERS' HOME (To the tune of "Home on the Range")

CHORUS:
Come, come to the Home
Where old Trekkers do happily roam.
Tho'our joints turn to rust,
We still pant, we still lust,
And we can't leave the Captain alone.
Oh, give us a place
Where old Trekkers can race;
Where our phasers and fanzines survive.
Screeching wheelchairs are heard
Headed up by "The Bird"
And our pacemakers keep us alive.
CHORUS
Oh, we write just for fun
And each story that's done
Delivers an unchanging dream.
To a World Con we'll go;
Win a Writer's Hugo
And deafen you all with a scream.
CHORUS ...the Doctor...
Give us a zine
Where the villians are mean;
Where the Klingons are rough and uncouth.
He'll kill and he'll rape
And that's only his mate
And you can't tell his lies from the truth
CHORUS . . .the Klingon . . .
We Trekkers stand near,
For our fanzines are here,
Asking all that we meet, "Have you more'"
It you ever so no,
'Tis a terrible woe;
We will throw you right out of the door.
CHORUS . . .the Scotsman. . .
When we want to doze,
We warm up our toes
In a way you may never have seen.
Tho it's very obscene
We stick our toes in-between
A prurient, hot K/S zine!
CHORUS ... the Russian . . .
Oh, we travel no more
But retirement's no bore
With the Trekkers in charge at the Home.
Up to V'ger we'll beam
Every night, in a dream
And thru space we will happily roam.
CHORUS . . .the Helmsman . .
With paintbrush in hand,
We roam o'er the land
Showing Trek art that really is swell.
Our charcoals are neat,
And the drawings . . . a treat,
But our crayons are messy as hell.
CHORUS . . .the Redshirts .
Oh, give us a place
To catch Spock face to face;
Love his ears, love his eyes, love his lips
Some say he's a jerk
But they didn't ask Kirk
Whom he trust with his life and his ship.
CHORUS . . .the Vulcan. .

References

  1. Scoundrel_(Star_Wars_letterzine)/Issues_07-10