Suicide Note

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Title: Suicide Note
Creator: charmax
Date: 2004, remastered August 2006
Format: Xvid .avi
Music: "Suicide Note" - Johnette Napolitano
Fandom: Angel
URL: vidder's website
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Suicide Note is an Angel fanvid by charmax.

Vidder's Summary: A reflective look at Illyria and Wesley’s growing relationship and how it has come to mean more than expected.

Vidder's notes: "When I originally made this the show had not long finished airing and so the only footage I had to work with had a huge WB logo and was not great quality. I always promised myself that I would remake it when I bought the DVDs and now eventually I have. Aside from the obvious improvement in picture quality I have made some clip changes to hopefully make things flow a bit better. I have also changed the transitions to get rid of the rather unsatisfactory white-outs and replaced them with something not as heavy handed. I have played with the colours this time too. I went for a muted blue/grey tone that hopefully reflects the mood of the video (and I was maybe just a smidge influenced by Supernatural)."


  • "This vid and the song attached to it are amazing. If you’ve ever been in a broken or lost love type relationship this is almost therapy." ~ feedback at the vidder's website.
  • "W[esley]'s development over the seasons has always been very chilling to me, so this was a perfect way to begin what is otherwise a very season 5-centric vid. It's also genius to have it from Illyria's POV. She watches, she doesn't understand, she watches and doesn't understand, and then suddenly she gets it, and that's beautifully portrayed. Overall I think in large part the tremendous success of the narrative depended on it not being W first-person. You're one level removed from the personal tragedy, but it actually makes the angst and terror all the most profound because we're watching with a sense of total inevitability." ~ obsessive24's feedback at the vid announcement.
  • "this is the most meaningful and satisfying ‘angel’ vid i have yet had the pleasure of watching. on the first go ’round i focused mostly on what the story was, what it was trying to tell me. once i got it i watched it again and the tears just flowwwed. before i read any of your notes i was struck with the color. something about it is so powerful in a way that is, sadly, hard to articulate. esp. the way it complemented illyria’s color but actually made her look more exotic and beautiful, which really lent to the mood, i think. i feel like i sink into this vid and let it wash over me, these people (demons) and their epic and deeply personal struggles." ~ feedback at the vidder's website.
  • "The power of your vid isn’t in creating a false connection, but working out the dissonance that’s in between and giving Illyria a heart. The heartbeat in the song becomes just like her heartbeat and in the end gives Wesley’s death more meaning. He was not just a casualty of war. He is not a martyr, he is contemplating suicide and Illyria can’t stop him from doing so, but by trying to understand what makes death look like a peaceful outlook for him, she gets the human love not just as an observer, but it comes into her own heart and this is his most precious gift he could have possible bestowed on her." ~ astarte's vid review at the vidder's website.
  • "We love Wesley, but you already know this, Charmax created the video that you can watch over and over again and celebrate the reason, why he is the best and why you fallen in love with this complex dark character. After all the bullshit he’s been through and only a small amount was really his fault, he still stands. Still tries to carry on the good fight. Still wants to believe in the world, even when he doesn’t know why. Illyria becomes part of the audience, while she voices the questions that haunt us, I mean for instance, why sweet, innocent, babyy Fred of all people to have a crush on? And while you watch ‘Suicide Note’ slowly an idea forms in the repercussion of her dying, the foggy state of mind Wesley is in. Because Fred represented the part of the world that Wesley thought it was worth fighting for and now he is left with the part of the world that he is willing to die for. Because there is really nothing left to fight for. They both cling to a past, but Illyria questions his actions enough to keep him going. To keep him sane, till the end. You still don’t understand him completely, but that was never the point in love, right?" ~ Touch My Soul Video Awards vid review at the vidder's website.
  • "I can't get over how *mythic* you made both of them feel. It's like the song and the events when seen through Illyria lend some of her own otherwordlyness to Wes as well. And even then it's not enough to save someone who's so very doomed. This is a gorgeous vid. Every bit of color work you did blends in completely, but it makes those moments of gold pop so wonderfully. The way this song moves--so relentlessly, so coldly on some levels--it makes me ache for Wes the same way. Relentlessly. Especially with how you emphasize that sense sense of doom in the song." ~ dualbunny's feedback at the vid announcement.