Starlight on Shadows

K/S Fanfiction
Title:	Little Sorrows
Author(s):	Jo Scott-Ross
Date(s):	1986
Length:
Genre:	slash
Fandom:	Star Trek: The Original Series
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Little Sorrows is a K/S story written by Jo Scott-Ross.

It was published in the print zine As I Do Thee #4.

Series

• Secrets
• When I Was Seventeen
• Starlight on Shadows

Summary

"Spock is contacted by a friend from his past who wishes to meet with him and Kirk."

Reactions and Reviews

I'm having fun with a pile of used zines purchased at Shore Leave this year, and Starlight on Shadows is the latest story to tickle my fancy. The breezy tone it starts with caught my attention immediately, and the tone perfectly underscores the setting and dialogue: Kirk and Spock in Kirk's quarters on the Enterprise, with Kirk mildly annoyed because he's found out he has mismanaged their finances (they're bonded) to the point of overdrawing their account. Their banter is pleasantly realistic and lively as they volley responsibility for their financial state back and forth, and it gets humorously bawdy as it progresses.

As it quickly slides into active lusting, our intrepid sex gods get interrupted by the comm, and the real story gets introduced: Our Spock Has A Past. A Past of which Kirk knows nothing, and as we all know, a Kirk who knows he knows nothing is not a happy camper. So as the story progresses, Spock sets out to seduce/pleasure/drink Kirk into enough bliss that he will not take the news badly. Suffice it to say, Kirk smells a rat and demands the story, and Spock eventually tells him that the criminal who supposedly "overpowered" Spock and escaped the brig a previous year was Spock's Past...and Spock let him escape. And that's the least (and most recent) of the revelations. I really admire how the writer handled the "Spock with a Past" plot idea. She seamlessly wove it into known canon with realistic and believable motivations and psychology, leaving this reader to have no trouble fully picturing a Spock who had reason to get involved with such a lifestyle, and living it for a year or so before he eventually entered Starfleet Academy: "I left home. Or rather, I ran away. I was rather naive then." "Then?" Kirk chided. Spock mustered his best Vulcan reprimand mask. "Rather, I held many mistaken ideas. At home, I was repeatedly told how intelligent I was and because of that, I was given many opportunities. I was allowed to study at my own pace and, when I asked for anything, it was most always granted. The only thing I was denied was an opportunity to explore my human half. And, as it became the proverbial "forbidden fruit", I was obsessed with it. I wanted to go to Earth and my father refused. I remember my parents arguing the issue. It was quite disturbing. I reasoned that if my father was this adamant about me not visiting Earth, or leaving Vulcan at all, then there must be something out there that was worth seeing. Therefore, convinced of my intellectual infallibility, my obsession for what I could not have, disaster was inevitable. "I finally succeeded in leaving Vulcan in the middle of the night. And I quickly discovered that without proper identification, travel through legitimate means is almost impossible. I say almost because I succeeded for three days before I was caught and placed with the security division on Enciso. The authorities notified my father who left Vulcan immediately to retrieve me. I reasoned that if he succeeded in doing this, I would be forced to endure one of his many lectures and then, too, I would have to listen to one of my grandmother's lectures. I did not think I could survive this. So, I did the only logical thing. I left the authorities' custody. "Jeeze..." Kirk muttered. "It seemed quite logical at the time...." Spock stared at the ceiling, his thoughts traveling back 19 years to how his concept of logic had changed over the years. "Logic can be a relative thing," Spock mumbled, making the discovery for the first time in his 36 years. And thus Spock started on his year outside of the law. To his great luck, he eventually was taken under the wing of a gentleman smuggler, one Thomas O'Shannessy, who insisted he write to his parents (from untraceable avenues), and generally helped Spock grow up, within the loose confines of his care. They were lovers, although it's wonderful how Spock never quite manages to put it so baldly as that, and he also comes out very honestly to say that although he still does love Thomas for what he did, Jim is his bondmate, and no one comes before him. Which all sets the stage for coming face to face in a meeting between the three of them, the reason for the confidential communication earlier in the story. They meet, and after they manage to escape the bar brawl that ensues around them, Kirk can't help but like the affable smuggler this time (they do remember each other from his stay in the brig). While they down Andorian Joy, Thomas regales Kirk with old stories from the days Spock was with him, all touching and funny and revealing. Finally, the reason he wanted to meet with Spock comes out at last: Thomas is dying, and has possibly 3 months left, and wanted to give Spock certain things. Those things turn out to be huge bank accounts, earned by patenting and selling (to Starfleet!) circuits and navigational programs Spock had designed for Thomas' ship during their year together. He'd held onto the monies and invested them against a future time that Spock "got himself into some sort of jam, he'd have this to help him out." So the Spock/Kirk finances that were in such disarray in the beginning, are now no longer. And the lovely ship that Thomas flies will be left to Kirk, in whom Thomas sees a kindred spirit for all things flying. They take their final leave and part, both old friends having said their goodbyes. Except it isn't goodbye. As the Enterprise leaves, a Klingon battle cruiser closes fast, firing newly calibrated shots that can now penetrate their defense fields and demanding complete surrender. When all seems dire, a voice appears on the communications channel that Kirk and the Klingon commander are using, insulting the Klingon and inciting him to a final action. Before the Klingons can act, Thomas makes one last gesture of love to Spock, and like a kamikaze plane, dives into the thrusters of the cruiser, disabling her. As Kirk says to Spock, "It was the way he would have wanted to go." "There was no logic in his actions." "Quite logical, Spock. His death counted for something. That was important to him." The story ends with Kirk and Spock back in their quarters, in their bed, subdued in the aftermath. Kirk thoughtfully recalls his own reaction to his father's death...and with that gentle nudge, Spock allows himself to cry for his loss.

While my rendition of the plot may seem dry and uninspired, the actual writing is anything but. The dialog is always alive and vital, and the characterizations manage to be wonderfully spot-on and fresh at the same time, quite a feat. If you haven't read this little gem, I highly recommend you find it and enjoy.