Small Packages

K/S Fanfiction
Title:	Small Packages
Author(s):	T. Jonesy
Date(s):	1997
Length:
Genre:	slash
Fandom:	Star Trek: The Original Series
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Small Packages is a Kirk/Spock story by T. Jonesy. It was the winner of a 1998 Philon Award.

It was published in the K/S slash anthology Th'y'la #20.

Summary

Kirk picks out the perfect gift for Spock. What McCoy chooses is another matter indeed. And when the Doctor slyly substitutes one gift for another, farce reigns.

Reactions and Reviews

This hilarious tale is by the author of the amusing and clever "Twenty Questions". As with that story, the author walks that thin line between the humorous and inane with skill. I have a good sense of humor (Yes. I do.) but I rarely laugh out loud when I'm reading. However, when I read the scene where Spock stands, cock sock in hand and no clue in his head, trying to decipher Jim's gift, I wept. There are some images I will long treasure. The predacious feather boa. Uhura and the discussion about Spock and the closet. The discussion about hotel art. Good farce demands a sharp ending and this story delivers one. McCoy's deserts are just, sweet and altogether fitting. This is easily the funniest story I have read since "Command Decision" and I await the next with bated breath.

This other story in T’hy’la 20 that I must mention is in another vein entirely. This story had me almost rolling on the floor—it is one of the funniest stories I have read in sometime. I usually do not find K/S stories written for humor that funny, but I would definitely recommend this story. The horrible things that happen to Spock and the revenge he devises were classic. Yet during the entire story, the characters stayed true. Be prepared to laugh so hard you’ll wet your pants (excuse the crudity).

T’hy’la 20 is dedicated to Emily Adams and I find it to be a very worthy epitaph. Her fanzines and stories were some of the best and this story in particular, I am sure, she would have enjoyed as some of her stories were quite humorous. We will miss her.

Thanks to [Kathy Resch] for putting out such excellent fanzines.

A relentless comedy of errors. It was funny that for some reason I expected this to be a short story, so when it just didn't quit, page after page, I was almost tired and out of breath at the end.

Sometimes I couldn't quite buy it, but mostly I could, and just went along for the ride. Quite a talent, this, to keep up the pace of hilarious mishaps and, for example, to bring in characters in a natural way who will be needed later.

Not to mention, a story like this is all the more fun when it's sexy, as this is; and all the more enjoyable when our characters are treated in such a cute and sweet way. Yet it's still Kirk and Spock, and McCoy and Uhura. Although it's the Spock bits, some of them, that I had to just give in to, so I could enjoy the story without quibbling. To make the story work, Spock has to lose some Vulcan dignity and suspend his normal more logical reasoning and behavior (even given he is given to doing just this when his captain is, as here, at his persuasive best).

Some really wonderful lines and passages and scenes, and imaginative and amusing little touches (such as McCoy thinking Spock's underwear size is "extra small," and Spock visualizing meat to turn himself off). I loved when Spock has to keep saying to Uhura, in a very commanding tone, "Lieutenant!" to keep her eyes front, to keep them from straying downward to his...situation. I especially liked the scene in the closet, and following that when they're "out of the closet." And a darling ending that was unexpected and kept the momentum going.

What a fun story.

"Small Packages" by T. Jonesy is a story that must not be read late at night in a quiet house. I know this from experience as I have done it twice now, with the same results both times. The laughs start out as small giggles and escalate to 'clap your hand over your mouth to quiet yourself'. But you just can't help it, if you're going to read this one, you're going to laugh. I usually hide in the bathroom for a few minutes of peace and quiet. It is the one room of the house in which you are guaranteed some privacy. But if you will insist on reading this story in there, you will be bombarded with, "Are you all right?" and "What are you doing in there?"

The premise is simple. Kirk does not yet understand the nature of his affection for Spock, but he brags to McCoy that Spock will wear Kirk's birthday gift before he wears McCoy's. As they stand in line to pay, Kirk's gift is a green Deltan silk shirt and McCoy's is a brown hair shirt, picked for its ugliness. A bet is made after the rules are set, but unknown to Kirk who must leave before the items are rung up, the hair shirt is exchanged for a black Deltan cock sock, XS size, and the gift cards are switched. Add to the mix a brassy redhead with a voice so grating it could be the next super weapon, her husband, 'The Dick', one of Kirk's famous flying leg kicks, Uhura, who can't see enough of Spock, an almost naked Spock, and a night with our two heroes trapped in a hotel closet The resulting story is destined for only one ending, but is a complete change of pace and a light-hearted read. Uhura speaks: "I hope you don’t mind me saying so Mister Spock, but I think it's great that the two of you are finally out of the closet." Kirk pulled himself into a ball and emitted a low moan. Spock stared at her, in total shock. It was several seconds before he finally found his voice. "Yes, it is a great relief to be out." Kirk made another mournful sound and Spock laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Lieutenant, if you don't mind me asking, how did you know that the captain and I were in the closet?" She smiled at him tenderly, "Well, Mister Spock, it was pretty obvious." "I see." Spock considered this. "Do you think Doctor McCoy was also aware of this?" "I'm sure he was, sir." She started to chuckle....

This story is best read all in one sitting as the effects are cumulative. You have been warned.

Kirk decides to present Spock with an article of clothing for his birthday. His first mistake was buying it with McCoy in attendance, his second was betting the good Doctor that Spock would wear it to the restaurant they were visiting that evening. Spock's only mistake was getting up that morning. When I call this a farce of a story, it's a compliment. The story is a delicious (delirious?) conglomeration of misunderstandings, doors shutting or opening at the wrong moment, awkward encounters, and lowdown McCoy cunning. The whole thing joyously spins along from disaster to disaster, and is told in a wonderfully dry style.

A very funny Three-Stooges type comedy starting with a bet between Kirk & McCoy as to whether Spock will wear the - in McCoy's words - "knock-me-down-and-fuck-me" Deltan silk shirt Kirk has bought him for his birthday. McCoy cheats, substituting an overly small Deltan silk G-string, leading to standard farce confusion and entanglements. Some really good lines & situtations, though McCoy comes off rather badly when all is said and done.

This one comes saddled with warnings. I don't truly know if it was entirely intended, but this fic is pure crack. The characters are at times OCC and towards the end it gets a little unbelievable and slap stick, but I rec it based on the fact that it had me laughing like crazy. It's not bad!fic, even. Its grammar is just fine and the story moves fast and has neat little surprise moments. It's not going to win any prizes, but damn is it fun and if you're a fan of crack like I am, then this is for you. Imagine Spock sneaking through a hotel in only a cock sock. Yeah, EPIC.