Shadows on the Stars

K/S Fanfiction
Title:	Shadows on the Stars
Author(s):	Khiori
Date(s):	2006
Length:
Genre:	slash
Fandom:	Star Trek: The Original Series
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Shadows on the Stars is a Kirk/Spock story by Khiori.

It was published in the print zine First Time #60.

Summary

"Kirk has trouble accepting Spockʼs death, as well as his return to life."

Reactions and Reviews

A nice simple exploration of a theme I like. Kirk is grieving for Spock after his death but is surprised to discover that after Spock’s refusion, Spock thinks that they must have been lovers in the past. This is probably a good psychological study of grief, with denial and gradual acceptance shown well over a short piece of writing. However I find the narrative style very disjointed. There are passages in italics which are first person e.g. as Kirk seduces Spock ‘This is no dream, it’s the reality I’ve always longed for. I just never knew it.’ Which I take to be Kirk’s thoughts but them it suddenly moves back into third person ‘He felt his heart constrict with almost indescribable joy’ for no real reason that I can perceive. In the example I gave its actually not too jarring but other times it is. Indeed the first time as the writer switches from third to first person narrative : ‘so why shouldn’t he be victorious, it had to be a mistake. Or a set up. Either one. It was possible. Really. Oh, Spock... Please don’t let it be. Not this. Anything but this. I need him too much, need him to be here’. I like the basic story here but I felt it could have been told just as well either all in first person or all in third person – or I suppose with tighter more defined reasons for the changes (could they be log entries for instance), but as it stands I felt the writer lacked control over the style. In plot terms I also felt it was a bit hurried, I mean they seemed to come to terms with the whole mistaken memories thing in the space of a paragraph and then happily make love with no further thought, despite the fact that Spock hasn’t got all his marbles back yet. However I don’t want this to sound needlessly critical, its actually easier to criticise something that is almost excellent like this story than something clearly hopeless. So my conclusion is that this story and this writer have plenty going for them, but just perhaps wanted a little more consideration and polish.

I love angst. I absorb it like a sponge – and there is enough of it here to satisfy even the thirstiest of sponges! You can’t escape when a story begins like this one does. “It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real.” Kirk tells himself the sympathetic faces of his crew make no sense, nor does McCoy’s almost constant presence at his side. “a place that belonged to another”, his thoughts reveal.

This seems to me such a very realistic portrayal of a man facing something that is simply too terrible to face. Kirk cannot even speak the name. He fantasizes reasons why Spock is not by his side, but they aren’t real, and when he can no longer deny what has happened, it hits him full force and he begins to plead. We cannot tell if he pleads to a deity or to fate, but the pleading is heart-wrenching. “Please, don’t let it be. Not this.” His anguished thoughts reveal all that Spock has become to him. Pain and guilt wash over him in waves and we feel it right along with him.

The author provides release and relief from all this pain, but she certainly puts us through an emotional wringer before doing so. If, like me, you are still dealing with the throbbing grief of STII, this is a must-read.