Satisfaction Guaranteed (Star Trek: TOS story)
| Fanfiction | |
|---|---|
| Title: | Satisfaction Guaranteed |
| Author(s): | Pandora |
| Date(s): | 1993 |
| Length: | |
| Genre(s): | slash |
| Fandom(s): | Star Trek: TOS |
| Relationship(s): | Kirk/Spock |
| External Links: | |
Click here for related articles on Fanlore. | |
Satisfaction Guaranteed is a Kirk/Spock story by Pandora.
It was published in Charisma #18 and Kismet.
Summary
"McCoy and Scott spy Spock buying a sex doll in Kirkʼs likeness."
Reactions and Reviews
1993
This is a somewhat silly story, but I liked it. I was surprised (pleasantly) by some of the twists. [1]
1994
Absolutely hilarious beginning as McCoy spies Spock in a "sexual device" shop on a planet during shore leave. As he is sneaking up on him, Scotty surprises the doctor and gets hit with a dildo. When McCoy tells him to "Shut up!" and asks What the hell are you doing here anyway? I thought you were visiting a friend.", I laughed outloud when the answer was: 'He was oot!' snarled Scotty briefly. Then McCoy hits "his own elbow on a pile of lubricants, (safe for all humanoid races)"!
Scotty and McCoy discover that Spock bought a computerized sex-doll and they are stunned and shocked so they buy one, too.
Really clever and very humorous - not an easy task in K/S. [2]
1999
When I was doing one of my favorite things — rummaging, perusing, sorting, organizing, and reading early zines — I was telling my K/S sister, with whom I was engaging in said activity, about a wonderful story I had read about Spock going to some Ye Olde Sex Shoppe somewhere and McCoy buying a life-sized sex doll that looks like Kirk. I couldn’t recall which zine or the author, but I have since found it! It’s a gem!
So charming and funny — McCoy spies Spock on a shore leave inside “Ball’loi’s Sex Appliances For All Aliens” store and after accidentally hitting Scotty in the elbow with a dildo, asks the shopkeeper for the same thing that the Vulcan bought.
The results are hilarious — they order the same model of computerized doll, thinking it to be that of a blond female (and as the shopkeeper says: “she moans when her erogenous zones are touched in a certain way.”), but when the package arrives, it’s the perfect likeness of Kirk.
So many adorable and funny things in this story like McCoy and Scotty playing with the Kirk doll until the real Kirk walks in and sees it; Spock in his quarters, replacing the first doll (well used with one of the legs fallen off) with the new doll (made with the extra-strength feature). Spock’s use of the doll is quite unexpected and Kirk walks in on him in mid-action. [3]
2000
McCoy sees Spock as a customer in a sex-shop. Of course the good doctor is curious then the Vulcan is surely the last person he would expect there. Together with Scotty, Bones will discover what Spock had bought. They buy the same and find (back on board) out that it was a dummy with the look of Captain Kirk. Nowthey are really in trouble. How to hide this from Jim? Of course Jim finds out and confronts Spock. Spock admit that he had bought the dummy to relief his frustration, not with sexual activities but violence against the figure. Jim shows him then a more intimate way the achieve relief. I always love funny stories so this is one of my favorites. The author wrote the story for a competition in a straight manner. Luckily she rewrote it later as K/S which makes a lot more sense. [4]
2002
"Satisfaction Guaranteed" is a two chuckle story. McCoy and Scotty end up meeting somewhat accidentally in "Ball'loi's Sex Appliances for All Aliens" while on leave and there overhear Spock purchasing a life-sized replica doll. ("I thought you said Vulcans didnae!" says Scotty. "They don't!" says McCoy. "How d'ye explain it then?") Intend on tracking down the mystery, they purchase one for themselves, not expecting what they find when they open the box on the ship: a perfect replica of James T. Kirk.
So what has Spock been doing with the doll? One suspects the obvious, but when James T. conveniently stumbles upon his first officer and the dolly together, Spock explains his need to release frustration. (Happily, he cracked his knuckles, one by one, and with a contented sigh, lashed out with his right fist. The blow impacted with the doll's chin and it gave a convincing cry of pain before falling to its knees. "That, Captain, was for calling me a computerized freak!" He hauled the doll to its feet before lashing out with his other fist. "And that is for not following my recommendations today!"
Of course, our stalwart captain figures out, with a few judicious questions, exactly why Spock has been experiencing frustration, and he tells his Vulcan friend that there are other ways of relieving it! Oh, yes!
Just a silly short story, really, but it's nice to smile. [5]
References
- ^ from The LOC Connection #59 (1993)
- ^ from Come Together #2
- ^ from The K/S Press #31
- ^ from The K/S Press #49
- ^ from The K/S Press #73