Sacrifices of the Heart

Fanfiction
Title:	Sacrifices of the Heart
Author(s):	Elizabeth Kay
Date(s):	1992
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	Star Trek: TOS
Relationship(s):	Kirk/Spock
External Links:
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Sacrifices of the Heart is a K/S story by Elizabeth Kay.

art by Billie Phillips for "Sacrifice of the Heart"

art by inside issue #33, C. Meyers for "Sacrifice of the Heart"

art by C. Meyers for "Sacrifice of the Heart"

It was published in the print zine First Time #33.

Summary

From the publisher: "Kirk's plan to change T'Pau's mind regarding his and Spock's bonding fails and ends up causing Spock to reject him."

Excerpt

"Leonard McCoy leaned against the door partition in his friend's quarters and sighed heavily for emphasis. "Why aren't you nervous?" he asked no one in particular. "People getting married should be nervous, Jim. I don't know, I'm beginning to think this isn't such a good idea after all."

Reactions and Reviews

1992

This is a very emotional story. The plot, though used in many other stories, is over and over again interesting: Spock wants to bond with Kirk and T'Pau interferes. There are a lot of lovely details... Such little things include the reader in daily ships business and make a story vivid. Though well written, the story is sometimes a little dragging. And this Kirk has really bad manners! Yes, he is impulsive and says usually what he thinks, but I don't think he would be this impertinent to T'Pau — even when he fights for his mate! After all, she is Spock's grandmother and a highly respectable person. Kirk acts in this story like a little child who wants to have his way, without respect for other people.

I would like to have had a clearer idea of what motivated Kirk and Spock to want the marriage ceremony on Vulcan. What happened with "that nasty separation on Delta Six"? Was it akin to the events of "The Tholian Web"? A flashback would have been useful. I doubt that Kirk would have been overawed by Spock's rich and powerful family. As a Starfleet Captain he has often mingled with the rich and powerful. He is used to consorting with the leaders of planets and deciding the fates of billions. Very little could overawe a man like that. I'm perplexed about the Vulcan prohibition of non-marital sex in this story. What if there were an unbonded man in pon-farr? Such a prohibition would kill him. Every time someone died because of the custom, the strength of the prohibition would be weakened and fewer Vulcans would adhere to it. Although I liked the drama of the conflict over K/S with T'Pau, I find it incomprehensible that T'Pau would sponsor Spock into Starfleet Academy while intending to make him her heir. She allowed him to leave Vulcan so that he wouldn't have the background in Vulcan politics that he would need in order to assume such a position. That's illogical. I loved the marking ritual that was part of the marriage ceremony. I found it beautiful and erotic. Nevertheless I was amazed at Kirk and Spock's ability to have a conversation in complete sentences while they were engaged in sexual intercourse for the first time. Surely the intensity of their arousal at such a time would make speech difficult.

Not having sex until after the bonding is a charming idea; and I find it appealing that they might think of the bond as platonic.

Spock's family and the rituals were well

done. Good picture of Vulcan ways. Fascinating premises: the political machinations; T'Pau's hold over Spock; Kirk's thinking he's figured out what she's really up to, and getting it wrong. Kirk's musings on the new relationship were very apt; wondering how they would work out various commitaents. A very satisfying argument between Kirk and Spock — effectively painful. Kirk's conduct when confronting T'Pau was indeed reprehensible. Uncool, undignified, uncalled for. I doubt he would get so foolishly uncontrolled. Reconciliation in the cave was quite nice. The marking ritual, bonding ceremony were all very romantic. The meld was really fine; the bridge symbolism. Great erotica: sex raw yet also subtle. Occasional disjointed or awkward phrasing. And the passion was interrupted too often with talk, tickling.

1993

Kirk and Spock are to be bonded in a formal ceremony on Vulcan. They go to Spock's ancestral house. The situation is fraught with tension and anxiety for Kirk as the hom9 is grand and imposing, the Vulcans are intimidating and his doubts of their acceptance are worrying. T'Pau opposes the bonding and will not sanction it.

This is a very good, on-target McCoy and his famous dispensing of advice. Good structure to the conversation, it flows nicely. There's an intense scene at a dinner given by Kirk in which Spock reveals that he was conceived as a political bond between Vulcan and the Federation.

I found the writing to be very honest and direct - possessing an articulate, insightful quality. Including a beautiful scene as after dinner Spock finds Kirk sitting at a window seat and staring out the window, "...never rains here, does it?" Kirk was whispering softly, eyes trained on the people outside his tali window." This begins a heartfelt conversation in which Kirk speaks of the rain, his childhood and then the pain he is causing Spock by having to chose love over his family. So realistically done.

Although I have strong reservations about Kirk's behavior in trying to confront T'Pau in the ancestral chambers, the ensuing scene is atmospheric and well thought out. T'Pau is especially well drawn and her explanation of Vulcan bonding was exactly how one would envision it. I think this is one of the best, most definitive T'Pau's I've read. Plus I enjoyed how the mystery of her motives and designs unfolded.

The scene when Spock asks Kirk if he will bond with him was poignant and moving. Clever invention of Vulcan sociological and cultural history. The bonding ceremony is steeped in this history. The whole story really picks up and comes together, as it were, with this impending ceremony. When Spock "marks" Kirk with silver powder, it's absolutely delicious! At the end of the story, when they are together, it's wonderfully romantic and there's a very good sequence of Spock showing Kirk how to mind meld- the image of crossing the bridge was excellent, culminating in my favorite way - erotic sex scene. Hey, what more could I ask for?

1997

The whole first part of this terrific, long story concerns Kirk and Spock on Vulcan for a formal bonding ceremony.

In Spock's family's ancestral mansion, a nervous Kirk meets the family and especially the imperious T'Pau, who is richly characterized in all her haughty, stoic glory.

There's a wonderful, electric scene where Kirk confronts T'Pau's obvious disapproval of the joining. He questions her and discovers that she objects not to them being two males, or to his being human, but to the limitless power that they would have as high ranking in Starfleet and high-ranking on Vulcan.

She says Kirk will be an admiral one day and Spock is going to be "predecessor of all Vulcan" which flabbergasts Kirk. She denies their bond request and if they do it anyway, Spock will be disinherited. And she reveals that she sponsored Spock through Stardeet Academy so he is indebted to her. The whole situation is expertly portrayed and I enjoyed all the background details of Spock's life and family.

"He's part of my crew, T'Pau, he's my first officer...my friend I care about him, what happens to him. i wouldn't do anything to hurt him." "Such use of possessive pronouns, Kirk," she echoed coldly scolding. "You humans are driven to such intense emotional passion with so little provocation. It is most disturbing." "Dammit, T'Pau,"he grated with determination. "I love him." This scene fairly crackles with tension. I was right there with Kirk as the realization of what he's doing to Spock dawns on him.

Kirk leaves the party and the opening of the next scene is so beautiful and fraught with emotion when Spock comes in on Kirk sitting in a window seat looking out over the Vulcan landscape. He talks to Spock about rain and we know what he's realty talking about Then a painful conversation between them that concludes with Kirk saying they need to separate for a day or two to decide what they're going to do. Like the previous scene with T'Pau. the dialogue is sharp and terrific and the emotional life is charged.

After a talk with McCoy about T'Pau's intentions. Kirk has a plan. He hosts a formal dinner on the Enterprise for Spock's parents and family.

Another exciting scene as Kirk announces his resignation as captain and Spock confronts the truth of his conception and birth. The subsequent encounter between them is stormy and tense.

[long excerpt snipped]

So painful and so sad—there seems no way to salvage their relationship.

When McCoy comes to Spock's cabin to help him, Spock's lingering touch speaks of friendship and compassion. It's such a gem of a scene.

Kirk is so Kirk when he beams back down to confront T'Pau because he's not going to give Spock up so easily, no matter the pain.

A marvelous scene when Kirk tours through the Vulcan catacombs with T'Pau and finds the truth of her plan.

Oh! Then Spock enters and so cool—Spock gets down on his knees and asks Kirk to bond with him.

Then I start getting all excited because I think I'm finally going to witness a bonding ceremony when Kirk watches a ceremonial procession complete with costumes, masks and great ancestral import! And before the actual ceremony, Spock comes into the room and performs a "marking ritual" where he puts silver powder on various places on Kirk's body, then concludes with a kiss—" I mark your soul". So totally cool!

So then I was once more disappointed when I read the next paragraph that began with: "In the dry coolness of a Vulcan evening, they returned from the official ceremony" What? Aargh! Will I ever get to see a wedding?

Actually, it wasn't nearly as bad (incomplete, short, and unrealized) as some—except that it was presented in the past tense for no reason.

I just loved that they sneak away from the wedding reception and go upstairs.

Spock initiates a meld where they're an a mental landscape from Kirk's past. This scene was beautiful except it occurred so abruptly without any transition. One second they're talking about playing chess and the next second they're on this landscape.

After, there's a great lovemaking scene with just enough romantic language and sexual stuff (the technical term) to satisfy. And except for a scattering of inappropriate bantering along with some weird tickling, this scene was gorgeous.

Here's a neat lubricant to go on my ongoing list of neat lubricants: "Spock retrieved a small claypot, barely the size of a soap dish" and it was a sweet-smelling ointment.

So—"Sacrifice Of The Heart" is highly recommended—a thoroughly enjoyable story and in a zine. First Time 33, which has other excellent stories, too.

Powerful, passionate, heady and scary—it goes straight to your heart. This story has to end either in absolute disaster or unparalleled joy—there is no other option, no middle way.