Sacrifices (Star Trek: TOS story)

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K/S Fanfiction
Title: Sacrifices
Author(s): Kathy Resch
Date(s): 2007
Length:
Genre: slash
Fandom: Star Trek: The Original Series
External Links: Sacrifices

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Sacrifices is a Kirk/Spock story by Kathy Resch.

It was published in the print zine The Legacy #1.

Summary

"Kirk is hoping the command seminar he and Spock are ordered to attend will get the pressure off of them concerning the plans for their upcoming bonding ceremony."

Reactions and Reviews

Legacy is finally in my hands, and after I have thoroughly absorbed the introductory paragraphs detailing the combined efforts of the dedicated contributors, I turn to the first story. Immediately I like it. The straightforward heading “Ambassador Sarek’s Residence – Vulcan,” sets the feel for the story – in this case a heading is worth a thousand words. I am transported. I can feel the dry desert air on my skin, can sense the looming shadows of the great house towering above me. And right away I am drawn into the story with a highly descriptive image of Captain Kirk as he stands in the late morning Vulcan sun.

It is difficult to review this story because the zine is so new the ink has barely dried, but I will try to tell you in general terms the impact it has on me. Kirk’s emotions are palpable, made moreso by the distinctive writing style and the author’s complete understanding of his innermost feelings. This is a touching story that brings back powerful memories of some of the most dramatic moments in the movies.

Legacy asked for stories from authors that depict certain aspects of K/S that have been written about frequently – things of which we never grow tired. Certainly “Sacrifices” meets this criteria and it does so without ever seeming repetitious or trite. Quite the opposite – it lends new insight into the costs both Kirk and Spock have paid for their life together.

I cannot say more – but oh, how I wish to – because there are innumerable moments between them that are precious, memorable and brimming with love, trust, honor, dignity and respect. Moments to cherish along with this long-awaited zine.[1]
From the very first word of this story the reader is drenched in atmosphere. Wherever the author takes you: arid Vulcan, a cool day in San Francisco, or the newly commissioned Enterprise 1701-A, you are firmly entrenched in the mental pictures she draws for you. You feel the perspiration leach from your skin, see the visions, experience the emotions Kirk and Spock feel. And they reach down to your core. This is just an exceptional piece of writing.

In addition, this author is an amazing wordsmith. Try this: “The gesture lacerated Kirk with hope;...” Phrases like this one just make me shiver. The defining moment of the story hit me like a phaser set on stun. So powerful. So moving. Years passed without a single story from this talented author, but she is back now. Everything she’s written since her muse has returned rings with power and a mature view of who and what Kirk and Spock are.

There could be no better way to start the extraordinary project that is Legacy than with “Sacrifices.” [2]
This is the very first story in the first volume of this special body of work, and it lives up to its place of honor. It’s a very well crafted story that takes place shortly after the third movie. Spock is re-learning quickly and seems to remember all the events of his life but he’s lacking substance to the memories. They’re empty and useless, and what’s worse, Spock doesn’t even seem to realize he’s missing a part of his being, a vital part: his emotions. Kirk is frustrated and saddened, but is trying his best to be patient and help his friend and lover find himself again. The story moves in stages, from Vulcan to San Francisco to their arrival on the new Enterprise-A, and while sometimes this can cause a story to be choppy and disjointed, this author blends it seamlessly and flawlessly. Spock’s fragmented being struggles to become whole, and throughout this slow process Kirk’s love and support is there for him. It’s one of the best versions of a post-fal-tor-pan I’ve read, and I’m not giving away any details here – you’ve got to read it for yourself. [3]
I don‘t know when this author wrote and published (or had published) her first K/S story, but I do know with all the stories she has written over the years, every single one of them have left an indelible impression upon me. From her classic novel ―Price of Freedom‖ to her four page story ―Risk‖, each tale has that special something that, a touch of what I can only call magic, that ignites my passion for this fandom even more. ―Sacrifices‖ is no exception.

This story takes place immediately after the events of ST III, with the crew still in exile on Vulcan. For Kirk, this is an especially difficult time. While he is more than thankful Spock is once again alive and well, Kirk finds himself in turmoil. He knows his actions in rescuing Spock have destroyed his future as far as his career is concerned, yet the pain of that pales in comparison to the heartache he feels as he realizes it all may have been for naught. For the Spock that has emerged from the ashes of Genesis is now more the "walking computer" that McCoy always accused him of being during the days of TOS. Kirk despairs that this change may be permanent and his one-time lover may no longer be capable of feeling, never mind expressing, the passion and love they had for each other before Khan took it all away. Still, Kirk refuses to accept the fact that his old Spock is gone forever, yet despite his best attempts to reawaken old memories, he is met with nothing but failure. Even after their successful return to Earth, with Spock taking up permanent residence in Kirk‘s apartment, nothing has changed. But what Kirk doesn‘t know is that bit by bit, Spock‘s human half is emerging, like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon, along with fragments of memories of his previous life with Kirk. Alone in the apartment one afternoon, Spock finds those memories growing even stronger as he examines the various objects in the apartment. Two in particular seem to hold the answers he seeks and it is this scene that the author demonstrates why her stories are so memorable. As each memory is unraveled and each emotion is felt, she takes the reader through a slow journey of rediscovered love. When Kirk returns home, he joins in that journey and the result is an ending one soon does not forget.

Another breathtakingly beautiful story from one amazing, incredible author. All I can say is, she did it again. [4]
Discover the illuminated compassion Admiral Kirk experiences while waiting for his bondmate, Spock, to re-absorb and internalize his memories of his relationship with Kirk before Spock's resurrection. I say illuminated because this is a matured Kirk we are seeing and that maturity is expressed in his uncharacteristic patience, his determination to allow his lover to find his way back at his own pace. Kirk has learned—as none of us is ever too old to do—and he is now dealing with death as he never has before. For he is still grief- stricken, suffering the loss of his son, David too. Knowing those experiences personally, they were brought home to me vividly by the evocative writing, the progress of events, at times sad, seemingly hopeless. That made it hard to bear.

The initial action takes place on Vulcan at Sarek and Amanda's residence, and a more beautiful description of Amanda's garden and their home, I've never read. I loved Amanda in this, felt her unspoken pain at her son's plight, and I was impressed by her loyalty to her son's mate in his hour of need. I was glad she was Kirk's loyal ally, he was not alone. The mood in this warm and loving tale is solemn and this gifted author maintains it skillfully all the way through. One excellent way is the emotionally charged conversation Kirk has with the damaged Spock—about dreams, one particular dream. It involves Capt. Pike and recalls the sacrifices he made to save the lives of his crew. The sacrifices Spock has made for Pike, and Kirk's feelings about Spock's betrayal in aiding Pike. This part is wonderfully written, I could feel Kirk's hope burgeoning, his despair when he sees sparks of *his* Spock shining through. This is writing at its best, to invest the reader, to so absorb her that she forgets where she is. I felt that, an out of body sensation, as if I were there on that terrace with our two heroes, sighing, hoping against hope that Spock would remember everything Kirk was recounting. But I had to wait, as Kirk did. Thankfully, I didn't have to wait long; the story races ahead, first to Kirk's San Fransciso apartment where things heat up. I loved this situation, Spock is back with his bondmate, enjoying the holographic niceties set up for him by Jim. This is great writing and speaks of an innate knowledge of 23rd century technologies. I eat up this stuff! Anyway, Jim and Spock are together again, close enough for Kirk to give him a kiss. Hooray! The slowly reanimating Vulcan, in their lovely apartment, face buried in a robe smelling of his lover, finds his spirit revived—I quote: "like a fetus already in the birth passage, he was becoming aware of the inevitability of change of air and light and separate existence." Yow! I love it! Ok, I won't go into it any more, you must read this lovely story, these awesome scenes, to find out how Spock finds pain, love and yes, "This is who I am." I could see Spock kneeling on the warm stone, feel it radiating up into his reawakening mind. There is amazing, sweet, poignant lovemaking, garanteed to bring anyone back from the dead. It did me. I was all set up for the final scenario and I wasn't disappointed.

The healing that takes place in part 3, for both of them, blew my mind: they give each other gifts I couldn't believe, they were so beautiful. Literally and in spirit, together they embark on their next adventure, heading out, taking their places where they belong and taking my heart with them. Please don't lose out; read this glorious story so you'll be in the know when the next Philon awards are ready! [5]
Sacrifices by [Kathy Resch] is truly a beautiful way to start this zine. This story is a post ST III with Kirk coping with the aftermath of losing Spock and not certain he will regain him back. There are some lovely scenes with Amanda. The way Spock slowly evolves and discovers himself and his love for Kirk is wonderful. It is a very touching, believable story and the characterization feels just right for both Kirk and Spock. I absolutely love the way past events are interwoven through the story especially with Pike. [6]
The writers in the Legacy project were given a list of 40 enduring themes in K/S stories, and the challenge was to make them unique and different even though the basic storyline had been used many times before. To no one‘s surprise, I‘m sure, [Kathy] succeeds admirably in her story set after the fal tor pan, in which Spock is recovering his memories of who he was and the life he shared with Kirk.

The first part is set on Vulcan during the beginning of ST IV, when Spock is regaining his memories. This part of the story is told from Kirk‘s POV. Spock has access to all his memories, but not his emotions. Spock is now focused on nothing but logic and his retraining, and is remote and emotionless. Kirk fears that the Vulcan healers took this opportunity to create the perfect Vulcan, leaving Spock‘s emotions behind. In just a few pages [Kathy] makes Kirk‘s pain and yearning for Spock so real it hurts. My throat tightened along with Kirk‘s when he says to Spock : ―If there were only some further place I could take you where you could be whole‖. The second part of the story is in Kirk‘s apartment after the events of ST IV, and told from Spock‘s POV.

This section shows us how Spock is becoming aware of his emotions, and becoming painfully aware that he is fragmented and incomplete. Kathy‘s story really lets us see how Spock feels as he starts to find his way back to who he had been. At one point Kirk asks ―Do you know why you suddenly started remembering—feeling—now?― And Spock replies ―I do not know. It is as if I am wakening after a long sleep. I always remembered everything. But there was no meaning in my memories.‖

In the final part, Kirk and Spock are on the Enterprise 1701-A about to depart on their new mission and life together. This is a beautifully written and moving story by one of our finest K/S authors. The writing in this story is so graceful and fluid, and makes the reading experience truly memorable.[7]
An absolutely heartbreaking take on the post-ST3/4 fic. What makes this one stand out is that Spock remembers everything, perfectly - including the sex - but can make no emotional connections and so simply doesn't care. This one had me in floods of tears. [8]

References

  1. from The K/S Press #131
  2. from The K/S Press #132
  3. from The K/S Press #132
  4. from The K/S Press #137
  5. from The K/S Press #133
  6. from a whole zine review in The K/S Press #133
  7. from The K/S Press #143
  8. Recs by Rhaegal