Oboebyrd's Guide to ChatRoom Etiquette
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|---|---|
| Title: | Oboebyrd's Guide to Chat Room Etiquette |
| Creator: | Oboebyrd |
| Date(s): | April 2002 |
| Medium: | online |
| Fandom: | while it was written by a Lord of the Rings fan, it is applicable to all fandoms |
| Topic: | |
| External Links: | Oboebyrd's Guide to Writing Formulaic Fanfiction Chapter 4: Oboebyrd's Guide to ChatRoom Etiquette |
| Click here for related articles on Fanlore. | |
Oboebyrd's Guide to ChatRoom Etiquette is part of a series of 23 satirical, how-to essays posted to Fanfiction.net by Oboebyrd.
"A SATIRICAL look at writing the 'perfect' LOTR fanfictions. I update for the glory of Gil-Galad."
From the Essay
The Chat-room is the child of our young technology and the dirty-old-man named 'Fantasy RPG'. It is an essential part of fanfiction growth as most (I'll venture to say almost all) of people's fanfiction ideas are gleaned off of something else they're read, seen, or thought about. And chat rooms are a wonderful place to read and glean, but only if you know how to properly read and respond to them.
Do not read things directly as they appear.
The ability to converse with multiple others while in a chat room is a marvelous invention. However, it can also be confusing. One can not read directly off of the screen. There is a mix of writing more virile and varied than Trail Mix. If one is not careful, they could end up reading a sentence much like this, "Legolas went down to the night seemed to be rather harsh if you saw what eye wuz looking 4 cuz river which was filled with not."
This is hardly intelligible to the average reader. So, one must differentiate between each individual speaker, and connect their individual, unique sentences and detach them from the rest of the jumbled mess.
Use improper grammar.
This rule holds true for both Chat Rooms and Mary-Sues. With the speed of Chat rooms, it is not important to make your meaning clear, just as long as you can get in a response before the other guy. A sentence such as 'You dove for the sword' is long, inconvenient, and hard to write. On the other hand, a sentence such as 'U dove 4 tehs word" Is both easy to type and hard to understand. This will give you a chance to write yet another brilliant sentence before your online, temporary foes have the chance to figure out what you just said. Such writing has a clear advantage in the cutthroat world of Chat Rooms.
Use large, brightly colored and impossible to read fonts.
This is a personal preference for some, but a must for the avid Chat-Room writer. Simple, Times New Roman, size 12, color black, is a dull mark on a busy Chat Room and is likely to be overlooked. However, Wingdings, size 48, color fluorescent yellow, attracts the attention you need to be successful within a Chat Room. There is nothing like an explosion of blinding color to make a successful writing experience, especially when everyone else is using black.
Insult people who write better than you.
In order to become a giant in the land of Chat Rooms, you must first clear out all that riff-raff that types really fast AND types coherent sentences. They are bad. They are the devil. They will burn forever for daring to usurp you from your throne. It is your duty to cuss them out and drive them from chat rooms. A successful Chat Room writer knows now to successfully do this without getting kicked out of a Chat Room himself. Moderation is important. Personal insults should be used sparingly. Instead, annoy and harass their character by starting conversations with them, insulting them, and then ignoring everything else they say. Try to pit the room against them. The best Chat Room writers can turn the rest of the participants into snarling, rabid dogs in minutes.
Make up facts and proudly report them.
The successful Chat-Room writer knows how to make up information that can neither be verified nor disproved. This information must be very detailed, very long, and sound very pompous in delivery. Sketchy events can immediately be seen as hoaxes, and are just as quickly dismissed. However, the more in-depth you go, the more realistic it seems.
It is very important you never claim you are an actual star or person of other prestigious background unless, of course, you already are. If you do claim to be so, you will be cross-examined by several members in the chat room. While this is an entertaining exercise, only the most accomplished Chat-Room writers dare try it. It is only for the brave. Such knowledge of how to survive a cross-examination when you are lying is not contained in this essay. Please turn to Former President Bill Clinton's personal notes for a detailed report.
Here ends our short, informative chapter on Chat-Room Etiquette. Please forgive the Bill Clinton Crack. I really couldn't help myself.