No More Trouble in My Body or Mind

Fanfiction
Title:	No More Trouble in My Body or Mind
Author(s):	Islaofhope
Date(s):	2002
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	Star Trek: TOS
Relationship(s):	Kirk/Spock
External Links:
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No More Trouble in My Body or Mind is a K/S story by Islaofhope.

It was published in the print zine Legends #2.

Summary

"Spock’s relationship with Adam during "The Way To Eden" effects Spock’s view of Dr. Sevren’s quest… and surprises – and wakes – Kirk."

Reactions and Reviews

Islahope’s No More Trouble in My Body or Mind is set during Way to Eden. Normally a K/S story set within the context of one of the episodes is a favorite format of mine (I really enjoyed Isla’s story in First Time 55 that followed this format.) However, I hate, loathe and despise Way to Eden and think the whole episode is ludicrous, so I was probably prejudiced against the story as soon as I realized the setting. Then, I usually don’t like stories in which either Kirk or Spock is involved with someone else. In a K/S story, I want the main interaction to be between Kirk and Spock, not between Kirk and someone else, or Spock and someone else. And for that someone else to be Adam, whom I find repulsive, was another strike against this story. (I was really quite mystified by this pairing of Spock with Adam. I’ve been a Star Trek fan for 35 years, and haven’t met anyone who liked the character at all, so it seemed odd for the author to pair Spock with him.) Finally, I simply found the basic premise driving the plot to be too unbelievable. In this story, Spock is immediately attracted to Adam, has sex with him, (twice, no less) and even plans to leave the Enterprise and settle on Eden with Adam!

Now, the author does try to provide some reasons for Spock’s behavior, the main one being he is discontented and lonely on the Enterprise because he feels he has become estranged from Kirk. In the story this estrangement starts with an incident after Plato’s Stepchildren, in which Spock thinks he’s somehow revealed to Kirk how he really feels about him. I thought this part was quite clever, actually. The comment made by Kirk that panics Spock can also be interpreted as Kirk admitting he’s attracted to Spock. However, Spock with his deeply hidden desire for Kirk (or what he thought was his deeply hidden desire) believes Kirk has figured out how he really feels, and is determined to prove to Kirk that he has nothing to fear. So then we come to the next part of the story, which is neat in one way, because it answers a question that has puzzled Star Trek fans for years - why was Spock flirting with Droxine in The Cloud Minders? In Isla’s story, Spock flirts with Droxine (and even goes to bed with her) as a red herring to distract Kirk from how Spock feels about him. (However, another problem for me was Spock’s sexual promiscuity in the story. In order for me to accept Spock so casually having sex with almost complete strangers, I need the author to establish much better why Spock would behave in this manner, since I don’t feel the ST episodes support this interpretation of his character.)

Spock feels that Kirk becomes increasingly distant after The Cloud Minders, and Spock misses the closeness they once shared. The author adds to this Spock feeling discontented with serving with a human crew without Kirk’s close friendship as a buffer and a refuge, and his sympathy with the feelings of alienation of Dr. Sevrin and his followers as additional explanation of his behavior.

So while the author does provide some reasons for Spock’s actions, I did not think they were sufficiently compelling to explain such wildly out of character behavior. I mean, here Spock is suddenly hopping into bed with someone he doesn’t know very well, deciding to throw away his career, and basically abandon his life long adherence to the principles of Vulcan (I’m quite sure Surak would not have approved of his plans!) to go off with someone he has known for only a day or two. There was little attempt in the story to give Adam’s character some depth and substance to explain why Spock would be willing to sacrifice everything for him. Such extreme behavior resulting in such drastic changes in Spock’s life would have to be a lot more convincingly explained and developed than it was in this story for me to even begin to accept it. So for several reasons this story didn’t work for me.

WARNING: I’m about to give away parts of the plot!

I came to this story with low expectations, since I knew its premise beforehand and felt that Spock would probably be wildly out of character in a story in which he chooses Adam, from the episode “The Way to Eden,” over Kirk. But I tried to keep an open mind, and was pleasantly surprised when the author presented a fairly convincing case for at least some of Spock’s actions. This is darker K/S than we usually see. In this story, Spock admits to himself that “...sexual conquest was a favorite weapon in Kirk’s arsenal,” and that Kirk “habitually took his first officer for granted.” Though we might not like to admit it to ourselves, there is a certain amount of truth in both of these accusations. True to the darker nature of this story, Spock begins to resent Kirk’s treatment of him, and to act accordingly.

I have no problem with the idea that Spock (especially a resentful Spock who has decided that Kirk will never want him physically) might wish to experiment with other lovers. Spock is, after all, supremely curious. We often hear the opinion that he is not the type to engage in casual sexual encounters for any reason, and it’s certainly possible to find evidence in TOS to back up that opinion. But it’s also possible to argue the other way, and to say that Vulcans might be more inclined to engage in casual sex than in affairs that include emotional entanglement. It is the emotion, after all, that they try to avoid: the sex itself might be viewed as a simple biological function useful not only for reproduction but as a means to release whatever stress and tension cannot be handled through meditation. If emotionless, casual sexual encounters are accepted on Vulcan, then Spock might be open to casual affairs even when there is some emotion involved: after all, the casual affairs may offer him a break from the much deeper and disturbing emotional turmoil he experiences because of his unrequited desire for Kirk.

It’s clear from the aired episode that Spock is drawn to the rebels—that he understands them far better than Kirk does. Though he may seem like a very cautious and conservative individual as he goes about his duties on the ship, Spock does have a rebellious side: if he did not, then he never would have left Vulcan. But why should Spock prefer Adam, in particular? There is a scene in the story which provides us with a very interesting explanation. In this scene, Adam has come to Spock’s quarters, ostensibly to rehearse for the upcoming concert in which Spock is to play. Adam feels free to explore Spock’s quarters and ends up “lounged back on the bed, supported on his elbows, his legs sprawling apart.” As Spock stands by the room divider, looking down at Adam, he realizes that: "Although Adam could not have been regarded as handsome by either Terran or Vulcan standards, he was extremely compelling. Even in a relaxed position, he crackled with energy and a fierce enthusiasm for life."

Does that second sentence—the one about energy and fierce enthusiasm for life—remind you of anyone else that Spock knows? Granted, Adam is very far from being Kirk. But there are some similarities, and, given Spock’s frame of mind, it seems reasonable—maybe even logical—for him to decide to go ahead and take what he can get.

However, while the Spock/Adam affair seems plausible to me, Spock’s decision to leave the ship and accompany Adam and the rest of the rebels to their “Eden” planet does not. Make no mistake: Spock is fully capable of abandoning an old life in search of a better way. That is what he presumably was doing when he left Vulcan for Starfleet; it is also, arguably, what he was trying to do when he left Starfleet for Gol. But in both of those cases, it’s easy to see not only what Spock was running from, but what he thought he was running to. In this case, while it’s clear that Spock is running away from a bad situation with Kirk, it’s not clear at all what Spock imagines he’s running to. He seems to have given very little thought to what his life on Eden will be like. Spock doesn’t really know Adam, their relationship is almost completely physical. In fact, he has no real ties to anyone in the group of rebels. True, the group’s stated philosophy might lead one to expect that they would be very accepting of his hybrid nature, but, aside from his sexual experiences with Adam, he’s received no solid evidence that he will be generally accepted or appreciated on Eden. Moreover, one suspects that a primitive Eden-like planet is not going to be very well- equipped for the scientific research that has always been so important to Spock. There’s some indication that he thinks he can serve as the group’s leader (since Dr. Sevrin will be barred from the planet), but this notion is not developed. If it had been, if we had learned, for example, that Spock was worried that, without the guidance of an older, more experienced explorer, the young people were doomed to die on their Eden, then his motivation for going to Eden would at least have been clearer. As it is, it seems as if all he is interested in doing is hurting Kirk and getting some more hot sex with Adam; given the dark nature of this story, I can accept both of those desires as possible motivating factors for Spock, but they alone are not sufficient to warrant such a huge, life-altering decision. Even if his deepest, most powerful motivations were dark and a bit childish, Spock’s Vulcan side would demand that he come up with some more reasonable rationalization for his decision to go to Eden. Instead it seems as if he is acting without thinking, and that is out of character for him.

There are also, I think, a couple of additional flaws in this story. It’s clear that Spock is completely aware of the fact that Kirk has used sex to manipulate others. He also knows that Kirk wants to ensure that his first officer will remain by his side, on his ship. Given all of this, it seems to me that when Kirk finally does reveal his love for Spock, Spock should be just a tiny bit suspicious. Instead, he jumps right into his new relationship with Kirk. As someone who is open to darker interpretations of K/S, I could have accepted the idea that Spock might recognize the danger of being manipulated by Kirk but

decide to go ahead anyway, hoping (or even trusting) that Kirk is being completely honest as he enters into this new, intimate relationship. But this issue isn’t even addressed: the fact that Spock does not even consider the very real possibility that he is being sexually manipulated by Kirk is out of character for the analytical Vulcan that we all know and love.

Another problem I had with this story is Kirk’s ongoing illness, which he has kept secret from Spock and which seems to serve as an excuse for some of Spock’s growing disappointment with his captain. This didn’t really work for me, since Kirk’s normal behavior—his numerous affairs with female lovers and seeming indifference to his best friend’s feelings—is by itself sufficient reason for Spock to become disillusioned. There really was no need to introduce other factors like the illness: in fact, in doing so, the author dilutes the impact of the captain’s insensitivity to his Vulcan friend.

Still, despite its faults, the darker nature of this story makes it more interesting and plausible to me than a story in which Kirk and Spock seem to be living in a happy universe of their very own, full of champagne, bubble baths, roses, and satin sheets. Not that I don’t appreciate a little escapism now and then, but Kirk and Spock seem most real to me, and their love seems most poignant, when they, and we, acknowledge their weaknesses along with their strengths.