I Very Much Doubt It
|Title:||I Very Much Doubt It|
|Date(s):||written March 23, 2012, posted August 18, 2013|
|External Links:||I Very Much Doubt It - Babylon 5 Revisited and Rethought, Archived version|
|Click here for related articles on Fanlore.|
I Very Much Doubt It is part of a series of essays by Elaine Barlow (Eli) posted at "Babylon 5: Revisited and Rethought."
These essays use something called "Media Therapy."
The Introduction to the Series of Blogs
The History of This Project:
Explaining my complex emotional relationship with Babylon 5 is like trying to convince a Kool-Aid drinking psi-cop that the psi-corp is a seriously fraked up organization. I very much doubt there is a point in trying. I have never met a person who approaches creative media consumption the way that I do.
This blog was originally about documenting my new process and my new journey with Babylon 5 after being traumatized by it years ago. This blog was an important process for me, one I believed was very much at the core of the answering the question … Have I truly evolved? … a question that I needed to answer for myself if I was to actually move forward to my next level. Revisiting Babylon 5 was going to be about devoting myself to the following …
… all crucial steps in my further ascension as a person with extremely high self-awareness and deep levels of thinking and intellectual engagement. Babylon 5 is a great tool for this, as are many “thinking man’s” science fiction series like Dune – for example – that really push you into elevated levels of processing. Fully experiencing these kinds of media, devouring their content, placing yourself in the center of that pool of creative knowledge and artistic expression naked and vulnerable and emerging changed, is really the best way to challenge and truly know yourself. That is what this journey was going to be for me; my journey of reconciliation and proof of worthiness – ultimately – a pilgrimage. 
- 1. answering certain Universal questions
- 2.surviving the emotional upheaval
- 3.fully understanding certain Universal truths
- 4.fully processing the lessons of spirituality, sociology, and psychological awareness the series brings up
When I first tried to watch Babylon 5 it was as if I had watched it as a newborn and couldn’t begin to comprehend it in any kind of discernable language because I myself had none. I was a gibbering idiot and the world was just color and sound and wonder. I grasped clumsily at it thinking that if I could hold it in my hand that it would somehow make sense and all the mystery of life would unfold in that one moment. I was a fool – a worm crawling out of the primordial ooze with not one shred of humanity to speak of. There was no way I could have understood anything of the universe, anything of myself, in that state. Now everything is different … everything has changed. I have changed and now I see.
So much has changed for me and I can tell, just in the few notes that I scrawled while watching the show, what things are standing out for me, causing a rise in me, and piquing my new worldview as it related to the reality of Babylon 5. There are so many things wrong right from the start. Tearing down the mysticism, the awe, the trauma from the past and really looking at the series with fresh eyes and a new soul, my sensitivity to – and awareness of – all the cracks in the foundation are so heightened.My first exploration into Babylon 5 all those years ago revealed that I had yet to form a sense of my own ideology but it’s clear to me now that Babylon 5 represents a very clear one. Babylon 5 is the representation of an ideal future; a vision that takes into account a known history. I have complained constantly about the world I reside in being filled with mundanes who live willingly blind to everything around them. They do not take into account even their own personal histories let alone a global one. History is doomed to repeat itself because people pretend only to study history when in actuality they are whitewashing it, spinning it, misrepresenting it to cloud the minds of the young.