Deceptions and Delusions

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K/S Fanfiction
Title: Deceptions and Delusions
Author(s): T'Hera
Date(s): 1996
Genre: slash
Fandom: Star Trek: The Original Series
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Deceptions and Delusions is a Kirk/Spock story by T'Hera.

It was published in the print zine KaleidoScope #4.


"Spock is caught in an earthquake while on an inspection for Kirk and, losing his memory, is befriended by an unscrupulous doctor who hides his identity from him."

Reactions and Reviews

I really don't like stories in which either Kirk or Spock has sex with others or where the two of them are only a third of the story. There are some inconsistencies here that bother me as well. Spock thinks he killed Kirk, yet he allows Cas to seduce him, not because he's devastated, but because he doesn't know he's Vulcan? A more tightly written story might have convinced me. but I found it hard to suspend my disbelief.[1]
This was an interesting story to read, and I think it's the best work that Thera has produced of all her recent stones. In it, Spock loses his memory when caught in a blast on Earth post ST:TMP. He is found by a young male doctor, and taken to the doctor's home to recover.

The plot has many twists and I won't spoil it for any readers who havent yet picked up K/S 4. One of the things I liked the most about D and D is its richness in detail. We really get to know Cas and his cats, the house he lives in, and then Nicholas and his grapes and paintings. (And Rudas's picture opposite page 30 is really nice. I get acutely uncomfortable seeing Spock smiling like that, probably the way Kirk feels as he's looking at the portraits. I presume that the editor commissioned the artist to work from the manuscript of the story, which was a great idea and the sort of unseen thing that editors do to make their zines special Good work on both Rudas's and Emily Adams' part.)

It's interesting how cats have apparently become a theme for Kaleidoscope, and in this story the cats aren't gratuitous, they serve the purpose of establishing Spock in his new home as he struggles for memory.

I would have had two suggestions to make for the author. Exactly what is the focus, the intent of this story? The plot line doesn't seem to have any cohesion to me, no linking underlying theme, nothing driving it. Cas is so casual about accepting Spock's lack of memory, Spock is so reluctant to do anything about his bits of memory that return that he stays with Nicholas, even Kirk's melancholy at Spock's supposed-demise seems muted. Spock's acceptance of his condition seemed quite odd. Everyone's good nature about the whole situation seemed to slow the pace of the story down until it was quite measured. One way that I believe this problem could have been solved (that is, if you see it as a problem. Maybe measured is good.) would have been by having Kirk know that Spock was not dead from the beginning, somehow, either through a mental link or through clues found at the scene, and have his urgency to find his first officer serve as counterpoint to the dream-like acceptance of Spock-without-memory. I would have intercut driving Kirk scenes with the languid Spock ones, and I think the whole story, which as it stands is just sort of sitting there, would have stood up with life and tension.

My second suggestion comes from my constant desire to read realistic K/S stories. There are several elements of D and D that just aren't believable. Cas's not taking Spock to a hospital right away, and his subsequent feeble attempts to find out exactly who he is, are actions so immoral that I can't believe any relatively upright individual would succumb to the behavior. A dirty, no-good low-life out for gain maybe, but not Cas as depicted. And for Cas to have fallen in love with our Vulcan, and then so nobly leave and not return.... The characterization, to me, is not very consistent. One shows a very weak man, another a very strong one.

And are Vulcans really so common on Earth that there wouldn't be some comment at Spock's appearance at Cas's house, and with Nicholas? There were a few other spots throughout the story where just a little more thought about realistic actions and consequences would have made the story tighter and more successful from my point of view.

Despite my quibbles I enjoyed this story as I read it, and really think that it represents some of the best work "THera has done. I love the way she isnt afraid to tackle a long story. It's a lot of work, and she tells a good tale. [2]
A young doctor finds an amnesiac Spock after an explosion and befriends him.

The story presents a big difficulty for the K/S reader in that Kirk does not appear until very late in the story and then only as a kind of device to wrap it all up.

The story really concerns itself with the doctor, Cas. his background and character. His interaction with Spock is interesting, but not very involving. To be fair, the reason the relationship between Cas and Spock does not capture my imagination is because I want to read about Spock and Kirk's relationship. It's really as simple as that. Stories can easily have many peripheral characters, even focus on one, but everything needs to relate strongly to Kirk and Spock. At least for me.

Outside of a great deal of unnecessary information, such as the history of Cas' fireplace, this story is written well. And here's an interesting point, I think—I didn't mind the strong British-flavor of this story. Stories that have Kirk and Spock speak like members of Her Majesties' royal court just don't cut it. But this is different. This demands to read in a thick proper English accent as Spock "falls to with gusto" when he eats and wears "soft, knitted leisure pants" around the house and "bestirred himself". Overall, the writing, not just the dialogue, was British so I accepted and enjoyed it.

Cute scenario of some portraits of Spock in the nude and Kirk seeing them. Included is a great accompanying illustration by Rudas that shows these fine masterpieces! And I loved how they're shown as signed by the artist himself! [3]
I’ve just come off a long K/S dry spell—at least as far as having any time to read is concerned. With a few hours and a warm spring day at hand I made the short journey to my closet where all those boxes of zines reside. I have a good file system for them but a non- existent system for knowing what I’ve read and what has lain there for ages waiting for me, unread. Quite by chance I stumbled across Kaleidoscope 4 and nothing looked familiar, so it was off to the front porch, zine and a bottle of water in hand.

Deceptions and Delusions is the first story in the zine, and I commenced reading, hoping this would be what I needed to recharge my K/S batteries. I was not disappointed. The setting is San Francisco, sometime during the five-year mission, but that was unimportant. What was important was that it began as something of a mystery in that Spock had just survived a fire/blast/disaster and was found wandering, dazed, and taken home by a kindly stranger. That got my interest. While the title intimates the stranger had ulterior motives, I didn’t see him that way. Perhaps he was an opportunist – he didn’t try very hard to find out who Spock was and when he did learn his identity, he kept it from the Vulcan, because he was falling in love with Spock. A mild head injury caused Spock to be more open and contented, and very easy to love. Another angle that was nicely done was the idea that Spock had a gap in his memory and the last thing he remembered from his prior life was killing Kirk on the sands of Vulcan. He thought he had escaped from prison, having been sentenced there after strangling his captain. That Kirk was very much alive was a fact also kept from him, so I guess Spock’s benefactor was not lily- white, but he was a sympathetic, lonely man. To a point. More angst: Kirk believes the reports that state Spock was killed in the disaster (earthquake followed by fire) and is trying to cope with having lost his best friend. He also admits to himself just how much he loved Spock and how the opportunity to show that love has been taken from him. There may be more of you who haven’t read this story, so I won’t give you all the details, but T’hera finds a very interesting way of revealing to Kirk that Spock very likely is still alive. Determined and desperate, Kirk finds a way to locate him.

From here on, this becomes a very gentle love story. I especially enjoyed reading how Kirk acquires his San Francisco apartment—it’s a nice domestic touch, not overdone. All in all, this is a very satisfying read and a nice way to come back into the fold of K/S fiction. Thanks, T’hera. [4]


  1. from Come Together #29
  2. from Come Together #28
  3. from Come Together #28
  4. from The K/S Press #129