Dawn (Star Trek: TOS story)
|Author(s):||Jenna Hilary Sinclair|
|Fandom:||Star Trek: The Original Series|
|External Links:||online here|
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It was published in the print zine Beyond Dreams #5.
"Spockʼs POV as he awakens and remembers after the fal tor pan."
Reactions and Reviews
Words cannot even begin to describe how much I love this story. It is as much a masterpiece as I consider this author's "Pacing the Cage" to be. From the first sentence on, I was completely mesmerized and have lost count of the number of times I have reread it.
As in "Pacing the Cage", this story is told completely from Spock's POV, except here it is written in first person and the timeline is set immediately after his refusion in ST III. Once again, the author does a magnificent job of getting inside Spock's head and allowing the reader to feel everything he does—the confusion, the frustration, the fear as he awakens to a world he can barely comprehend. Everyone and everything is strange to him, even his own body and through the author's words, the reader is allowed to share that confusion and fear as Spock struggles to understand the world he finds himself in. In one of the more brilliant passages, the healer who is aiding Spock first has Sarek touch Spock to see if there is any remnant of the parental bond left. When that fails, the healer urges Kirk to touch the Vulcan to see if the mental connection they once shared is still there....A truly incredible story by one of fandom's best. I cannot recommend it highly enough. 
What can be said about another fascinating entry by the author?? Marvelous, endearing, Jim's devotion to his bondmate, his dedication to making Spock remember just everything about their love and their life together. This is another instance where the author can make me so involved, so worried about Spock that I'm lifted beyond myself, taken out of my own world, feel that I'm standing right there with Jim, willing the confused Spock to...well, let the dawn break through his clouds of forgetting. Sweet, sweet Jim, so hurt, so anxious that his lover come back to him—it took my breath away! You might be wondering (or not!) just how I got through that night of the Reading of Beyond Dreams 5, how I kept on going when my breath was being stolen so often, and it sure was. Easy! I just kept the thought that I had to live again another day, to read again, savor and absorb the amazing manifestations of ideas that pour from these K/S authors. 
This is such a wonderful story. Just gorgeous writing, and the last paragraph is so beautiful. This is truly an extraordinary story. I can’t recall ever reading one like it. There have been quite a few stories about Spock recovering his memories after the Fal Tor Pan, but never one like this, where the process of Spock discovering himself starts immediately after the refusion. This is a slightly altered version of the sequence of events in the movie, since in this story Kirk is asked to join Sarek, T’Lar, and the healers right after the ceremony ends. We are with Spock literally from his first dawning moment of consciousness, and Jenna shows us every thought that flickers through his mind. His confusion, his disorientation, his fear, his struggle to understand are conveyed in an extraordinary manner by Jenna.
I loved how one of the first things Spock says is "Rip Van Winkle", revealing that he has grasped the basic concept of what is happening to him, and that his sense of humor is still intact. Jenna has other neat things in this story, too, like the moment when Spock traces his own ear, realizes it is pointed and therefore he must be Vulcan. Or when he touches his head to see if he has hair, since the healer is bald. I also liked how Jenna describes the effect the refusion had on Spock physically as well as mentally. In the movie he seemed to regain his strength right away and it was only the mental thought processes that needed to be restored. That never made any sense to me, and Jenna makes it clear how debilitated Spock is after the refusion. In this story, Spock recognizes Kirk when Kirk puts his hand on Spock’s face. Or, he knows the one touching him is Jim, and that Jim is essential to him. I love the whole sequence describing this part, but especially this bit: "I raise my hand to cover his. His blunt fingers under mine.IdonotknowwhoIam,butIknowwhoheis.He is the one who touches me. "Jim", I say with certainty. "Your name is Jim". The story ends with Kirk being asked to stay with Spock and help in the rehabilitation, and to sleep in the same bed with him. Spock is understandably afraid to close his eyes to go to sleep, and this whole part is just wonderfully done. I love when Kirk tells Spock he will sleep right next to him, and Spock’s instinctive reaction is to try to protect Kirk. "No!" I say sharply. "Not you..." The thought of Jim caught also in the maelstrom of nothingness erases all the rest of my words. I hang on to him even more tightly." Jenna touchingly portrays Spock’s trust that Kirk is telling the truth when Kirk tells him there’s nothing to fear about closing his eyes, and that sleep is good. When Kirk tells Spock that when Spock wakes up he’ll be there with Kirk he asks Kirk "How do you know? " I loved the idea of the colucar, and how their katras would sometimes merge in dreams. Spock doesn’t really understand all this, but trusts Kirk implicitly and eventually prepares for sleep. Kirk says "Sweet dreams, Spock", and Spock closes his eyes for sleep with this final thought: "I do not reply. I am suspended high upon a mountain cliff with the abyss below me. I tremble. Then the whisper of the summer wind touches my face. I love you, the wind says, and on spread wings I throw myself into the darkness."This is just a stunningly beautiful and incredibly moving story. I am so glad Jenna writes in our fandom! 
This beautifully written story provides us with an alternate version of the hours immediately following Spock’s fal-tor-pan, in which the Vulcans—and in particular a healer named Sirard—make Kirk an integral part of Spock’s rehabilitation. The story is told from Spock’s point of view, a great choice, since it allows us to experience his confusion firsthand, and lends a poignancy to his situation that would not otherwise be possible. The characterization of the Vulcan healer is impressive: Sirard is neither the stereotypical, ice-cold Vulcan nor an overly emotional, humanized Vulcan. He is dignified and restrained, yet compassionate, and, well, logical enough to recognize that Kirk’s continuing presence and support will be of paramount importance in Spock’s recovery. Like Sirard, the author is compassionate, but restrained--there is no sex scene in “Dawn,” and rightfully so, for it is clear that Spock is still in a terribly vulnerable state and that he must find himself again before he can engage in sex as a fully consenting and independent being. But there is plenty of eroticism of the heartwarming variety here, for on every page, Kirk’s love for and commitment to Spock are plain as day. 
'Dawn' is a gem, a post-fal-tor-pan story told in a laser-focused, almost-claustrophic POV. We see everything through Spock‘s distorted perceptions as he reawakens to life after the refusion ceremony in Star Trek III. He‘s disoriented, bewildered, and frightened of the darkness which still holds him in its grasp; he is tentative in his movement toward life, toward Kirk. We understand what‘s happening by hearing what Spock hears, whether it‘s the voices of his Healers, the voice of Sarek, or the voice of Kirk. We see everything that he sees. But we understand far more than Spock himself is capable of understanding. 
This is a superb piece of writing, penned by one of the premier authors in K/S. It follows the first few hours after Spock regains consciousness following the fal-tor- pan. It's written in first person and, as such, gives a fascinating insight into how Spock experiences rejoining this bewildering world of existence in corporeal form.
We see, from Spock's limited perspective, Jim gently help ease his difficult and troublesome journey as his mind learns to reintegrate with both his body and conscious awareness. What comes across in so many subtle ways is the incredible love Jim has for Spock, shown through looks, touches and the gentle and encouraging words of memories and, in turn, Spock's utter trust in Jim, his body responding to each touch by calming and centering, even when his mind doesn't understand why this being is able to bring him this much-needed inner- peace. Jenna gives us an indication of the place Spock has left behind - no mean feat - and through Spock's emotions and limited recall, helps us understand his fear of it, and of returning to it so that we, the reader, shares in his anxiety and stress.This is a beautiful and thought-provoking story that gives us a unique view of the deep, abiding connection - not even sundered by death - that Jim and Spock share. It's an absolute must-read. 
This was a very unusual and well written piece depicting Spock’s reactions and thoughts after the fal tor pan from the very first moment of his reawakening after the refusion ceremony as he gradually regains his memories and personality. His initial confusion is very well described as is Kirk’s reactions and desire to help him recover no matter how long it takes. When one of the Vulcan healers asks him to share a room (and a bed) with Spock to reassure him and help him regain his memory, Kirk quickly agrees. I also found it particularly pleasing that in this particular story, the author makes it clear that, contrary to what is seen in the film, Spock was not unaffected physically by what had happened to him, and that he needs time to recover from his ordeal both mentally and physically, with a lot of help and support from Kirk and the healers.