Boyhole

Fanfiction
Title:	Boyhole
Author(s):	Courtney Gray
Date(s):	1992
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	The Professionals
Relationship(s):	Bodie/Doyle
External Links:	Boyhole
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Boyhole is a slash Professionals story by Courtney Gray.

It was published in What If... and is now online.

Reactions and Reviews

Terrible title but it's a story I return to often. Doyle's struggles are engrossing as he tries to figure out what's gone wrong with his relationship with Bodie and how in the world he can fix it. The entire story is in Doyle's pov, yet Bodie's character is vividly drawn in the terse words he uses to hide his pain and the way he goes about throwing Doyle off balance. And what begins with an ugly scene, couldn't have ended any lovelier.

Thank you for reccing this. I had a memory of the story but could not for the life of me remember what exactly it was called.d with the storybeing so good I rejected the title as not being the right story because I adored the fic and this title made me flinch. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy it once more! I adore this story so much.

Doyle is kidnapped, and physically trapped and then abandoned, but Gray also writes about the ways that people can become trapped in their own fantasies and the world that forms itself around them. A dark angsty fic…

I'd read story story somewhat reluctantly in the zine when I first got it and was pleasantly surprised that I liked it. The title threw me off. I was sure it was going to be some hooker story, which rank among my least favourite fic. However, I like this a lot. It's about miscommunication and playing games and trust in a relationship. I did find it in character for Doyle to do what he did, since I think both men are somewhat egotistical, so they assume everybody finds them incredibly gorgeous. And we do, eh? But in the story context, he's dug himself a whole (LOL!) and Bodie's outwitted him. But Bodie's discovered something that he hasn't revealed and that Doyle doesn't know. Since we're in Doyle's POV, we find out when he does. I like a single POV story because a little surprise is nice. I like this one and it's definitely worth a second read.

I'm having a hard time with the way Bodie is presented at the start, and when he decides he's had enough of Doyle's teasing and takes him up on his "offer". There are no signs he has any positive feelings for Doyle at first, and the few subtle hints we get are drowned out by his harshness.

I wonder how exactly Doyle has shown Bodie what his fantasies are, because we are told repeatedly that Doyle is given exactly what he had imagined.

To me, it sounds like Doyle gets a glimpse of what he really wants to have with Bodie at the end of their first time, but Bodie is somehow "saving himself" for a real lover, not this Doyle who only wants to use him (is that what it really is?). But he seems to completely miss that Doyle changes and keeps on acting the way he believes Doyle wants him to, when it seems pretty clear from Doyle's behavior that things have changed.

The first real warmth from Bodie doesn't come until he and Murphy find Doyle and I just feel somewhat tricked by the whole set-up. I just never got the feeling that Bodie's act was motivated by love. It's almost like he played his role a little too well and maybe enjoyed it a little more than he would admit and I never quite believed he was solely acting like this because that's what Doyle wanted.

Would be great to get some more insight into his feelings.

...a single POV story like this takes you right into Doyle's head. He's imprisoned, alone and dying. He has no idea what Bodie's doing. He has only himself. That's what really would happen, so having the second POV takes away the terror, the hurt, the anguish that Doyle feels because he has no idea what's going on outside his small room. Just like he has no idea what's going on outside his own head unless he ASKS Bodie. That's why I love single POV stories. I want to go on the journey with Doyle, not have the camera's eye view and know everything. I hate movies and books that tell you everything and leave nothing to feel or think or imagine.

Ahem... who are those guys?

The dark brothers of Bodie and Doyle?

It's just all 'wrong'. Look just right at the beginning. Doyle is the 'boyhole', but Bodie is not? Hah! I can't see Bodie feeling superior to Doyle. Even not in bed! There is probably always a kind of challenge between them. That's in the nature of things, because both are alpha males... They maybe fight for superiority, but each of them always needs the respect that the other is as strong as he himself.

And even with all the psychological declarations later, Bodie's behavior isn't understandable, means that's not the Bodie I know.

I liked the story a little bit but that is enough to forget it in one week. The idea of the story is really interesting - darker brothers of the two lads - yes, maybe, why not? (I read some dark stories with even more darker B/D and found it impressive).

It is different here, not really bad, but not convincing. I don't understand the changing in Bodie, it is too artificial and no slow emotional development. The only reason seems to be Doyle's hurting and it is too simple for a story.

After all I think it is not written well enough - I am not really drawn into it (but it is not really bad either). I remember some stories of Sebastian with a resemblance in themes (closeness, distance, emotional hurt and opening up) and it fascinated me, it had a depth of describing basic human emotions, so I was totally drawn into it and could not stop reading it.

To me this story is an enjoyable read on a surface level - if you take both Doyle and Bodie’s behaviour at face value. But the misunderstandings and lack of communication right up to the end just don’t ring true for two people who in normal circumstances read each other so well, nor does Doyle’s casual experimentation with Bodie. I think he’d either be more up front with him or keep his fantasies to himself! Bodie’s attitude is also off and the final explanation doesn’t cover his behaviour fully. As I said, as a story about two guys misunderstanding but falling for each other it’s not a bad read, it’s just not the lads.

Ah, yes, interpretation is incredibly individual. Personally I find it fascinating how many different interpretations can be put on just one sentence or paragraph, let alone an entire story! We are looking at the writer's own intentions and ability to convey what they want to in a story as well and that can also complicate, or colour, the issue – and the interpretation*g* So, I’ve read through everything you’ve said and see exactly how you’ve come to your own conclusions. Your interpretation is certainly valid and you do have a point about ‘botched’ meaning one thing to Cowley but something else to Doyle - especially in the context of the relationship between him and Bodie. I’m just not sure if it is, or meant to be, that complex or that Bodie didn’t actually ‘waste’ time following the clues to Doyle rather than following the kidnappers. The thing is, Bodie doesn’t really answer him when Doyle asks “Is that how you botched it?” in fact his reply is somewhat ambiguous ("I had to leave as soon as we found you."), neither confirming nor denying Doyle's assumptions. Do we take that at face value or read something deeper into it? Did Bodie feel that he couldn't correct Doyle's assumption because of his own feelings of guilt? In the end we are left to form our own judgments as to how each character themselves interprets the events and words and each other's actions. Which is what makes it all so very interesting:)

I like this story alot. You have to buy into the situation as it's set up, but I think that's true for all fic, and in this case I don't have a problem with it: one of them has always bottomed so far in their relationship, and they've been so overwhelmed by it all so far that they've not considered it until the opening scene of the fic - my impression is that it's also reasonably early in their sexual relationship, and maybe even in their partnership in general.

The fic's about a stumbling-block in their relationship - Bodie seems more insecure about things than Doyle, because he's the one who speaks out loud about societal restraints (hmmn, just as he did in Klansmen, actually - and if you've been brought up with very specific, very basic beliefs "blacks/gays/etc bad" then with the best will in the world it can take time to demolish the fallacies behind those beliefs) and Doyle of course reacts against this - but rather than just being able to call Bodie on it, it's all mixed up with his personal feelings for Bodie, and his own emotions, so his first defense is to walk out on it so that Bodie can see what he'll lose if he really believes those things.

But then I'm convinced that Bodie has strong feelings for Doyle, because even the villains have realised that Bodie is the one who would resort to desperate measures to rescue Doyle - to treason, even. And Doyle thinks Bodie was near paranoid about keeping their affair secret, which just reinforces my idea that Bodie feels more insecure about it all.

We find out next that Doyle has thought their relationship through even before doing anything about it - it's a completely new (and therefore exciting) sexual idea for him, but he only takes it so far, as far as most people take their fantasies, and then stops - he's enjoying it as a sexual fantasy, but that's got nothing to do with being in love with Bodie, because he's not thought about that - it's all about the sex. But of course there's always going to be something deeper about sex with a best friend as opposed to sex with strangers, even if he doesn't think about that, and why he's focussed on Bodie rather than just any man, yet.

So then we find out that Doyle is just on the cusp of realising that he needs Bodie in a deeper way after that op (He wanted to see Bodie. Needed to see him alive and whole, to drink in the sight until it dispelled the day's lurking spectres. The feeling drummed inside him like a heartbeat - and it's at just that time, when Doyle is emotionally vulnerable that Bodie finally decides to take the plunge himself and seduce Doyle - so Doyle does what we all do in an emotional crisis (brought on by the op of that morning as well as rising feelings for Bodie as well as feeling guilty about his earlier sexual fantasies) - he buries the deeper stuff, the realisation he's just had about needing Bodie, and concentrates on instant gratification. It's an aspect of the famous stiff upper lip, really, get through the bad stuff by enduring it silently and focussing on the apparent moment (ohmigawd, is that an explanation for popularity of reality television too - I think it might be... *headdesk*) So anyway - Doyle totally goes with it, shoves aside the awkward feelings he had about going over to Bodie's that night after the op, and concentrates on the sexual fantasies side of things.

And Bodie - Bodie's been teased for the past weeks by Doyle, by Doyle's own admission (he took the fantasies as close as he could, but no further - of course that involved Bodie, and Bodie was clearly also wanting Doyle, or he wouldn't have gone on with the seduction - and Bodie'd been involved in that nasty op too, he chose Doyle that night too, perhaps because he needed Doyle in the same way that Doyle had needed Bodie? Only of course we can't see that, because we're looking through Doyle's eyes - as Doyle we can only deal with our own confusion about things, the fact that our fantasy is now offering himself, the possibility that he doesn't mean it really - but because we're emotionally vulnerable while it's happening, we're not stopping to see that maybe Bodie is too, we can't, it's too overwhelming...Bodie, it seems to me, has decided that Doyle will react to him sexually not as Doyle himself, but as the "prick-teasing tramp" that he must have seemed over the past weeks - and so Bodie gives him what he seems to want. There's something else, though. When Doyle tries to bring them a little closer to more-than-just-sex, when he says he wants sex and the intimacy of kissing, we're shown this: For just an instant, Bodie looked surprised, his expression revealing something akin to reluctance. Why's Bodie surprised? Because he thought Doyle only wanted the fantasy, that it was all about sex for him - but he's happy enough to kiss Doyle, and their lips touching for the first time, melting into each other makes it sound to me as though there's tenderness there on both sides and that Doyle can feel that - or at least he thinks that Bodie feels as if he's melting into Doyle as much as vice-versa... So there's mutual potential-love there, to me - though there are barriers they need to get through.

Next question is why Bodie was reluctant? Cos even though he gave into it, there was that "akin to reluctance" moment. Maybe, as was hinted at in I'm no one's boyhole, because he's still in the process of overcoming his own issues with being gay? There's always, apparently, been a segment of male society that is perfectly happy to have sex with other men - as long as they are the ones in control of it, and can pretend they're not gay themselves - no reason why Bodie shouldn't have been brought up like this, and dealing with that makes an interesting storyline...

So then that first sex between them follows along those emotional lines, Bodie acting as he's been brought up to act and as he thought Doyle wanted, Doyle getting what he did want, by his own admission - but slightly mixed up with the fantasy/reality becoming one, on top of the realisation that he wanted more from Bodie, and knowing that he wanted to kiss him (intimacy vs just sex, or at least that was how kissing was seen around that time - look at Pretty Woman - hookers only kiss their true loves, not their trade). Only - Doyle knows all through this first time that it's not right, and that his own worries (he "was appalled") haven't been comforted by Bodie at all, which is what he'd needed when he first went over to Bodie's place that night. But he let it happen anyway - went against his own nature of confronting things and forcing the truth, and so Doyle changed that night as a result, and then had to face his own continued "weakness" in giving into it all as they continued in their relationship. And when he does try to change the order of things - keeping it sexual, because that's the pattern they've set - Bodie rejects him, because he's not been given any further reason to think things could be different either...

And I have gone on waaaay too long, but... that's how I see the set up for the fic! I had enough hints throughout that they did both care for each other deep down, but were trying to fit in with the constraints of societal conditioning etc that I could totally believe in both of them... And the idea of sex as completely separate from their relationship comes up later too - there was no reason to touch when Doyle comes out of hospital if they weren't going to have sex, but it's the touch he wants from Bodie, and this time he's traumatised enough by everything else - tipped just that further over the edge than he had been on the occasion of their first sex - that he talks about it rather than just going with the moment. And it's all had the same effect on Bodie - he's protected Doyle as best he could, by making sure the villains can't hurt him again, and is presumably just as traumatised by all that as Doyle has been, because this time he very quickly acquieses to it all... and yeay, they live happily ever after. *g*