Acceptable Losses

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K/S Fanfiction
Title: Acceptable Losses
Author(s): Gilrain
Date(s): 2002
Genre: slash
Fandom: Star Trek: The Original Series
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Acceptable Losses is a Kirk/Spock story by Gilrain.

It was published in the print zine Legends #2.


"Spock’s memory is still sketchy when Kirk, not exactly himself lately, returns to Iowa for personal reasons. McCoy, making a surprise visit, decides just the medicine Kirk requires – even though Kirk and his Vulcan friend have had little to say to one another recently."

Reactions and Reviews

Is Gilrain a new author? I don’t remember reading anything by her before, and very much enjoyed this beautifully written story. This author has a lovely style I really liked. The opening paragraph, for example, that describes Kirk’s farm is so wonderfully descriptive that I could almost see the farm right in front of my eyes. Plus, dialogue is one of the hardest things to get right in a K/S story, and this story is full of great dialogue. Kirk and Spock sound exactly right, and the characterizations were perfect. And she had some fun touches, like McCoy trying to get Kirk to see a Betazoid counselor, and Kirk complaining about Starfleet’s idea of having an official counselor on starships. Another fun touch was McCoy casually talking about going to Yonada to see Natira, making it clear that they had maintained a long distance relationship over all the years. And I loved that Kirk’s horse was named Rayna!

In Acceptable Losses, Kirk has returned to his farm for some well deserved R and R after the events portrayed in STIV. I love stories set after the Fal Tor Pan that have Spock trying to regain his memories, or that have Spock and Kirk trying to reestablish their relationship, or both. And I also usually like stories that have Kirk visiting the family farm in Iowa. So this story combined several favorite elements. Kirk’s mother has just died, so Kirk is shown as also needing to mourn his mother’s death, and we soon learn, to also mourn the loss of his bond and his relationship with Spock. For Spock still has not recovered any of his memories, and Kirk feels certain he won’t without help from Kirk. Help that Kirk is determined not to provide, for he feels Spock’s sense of obligation would compel him to offer to bond with Kirk if he found out about their relationship, even though Spock remembers nothing about it. Thanks to McCoy, Spock shows up at the farm, and soon forces the issue by insisting that Kirk meld with him to restore his lost memories. After the meld, Spock still can’t access any of his own memories, but realizes he feels deeply for Kirk. He wants to continue the relationship, just as Kirk had feared, so Kirk refuses. I loved this whole exchange: "Jim, does it matter so much that I lack a small amount of background information? There is really no reason not to continue our relationship, now that I know the fullness of it. What is the point of continuing to suffer?" Kirk scrambled out of reach, his square hands bunching into fists. "No. You’d be doing it for all the wrong reasons. Your damnable sense of duty is no substitute for...for..." "Love?" Spock growled, pouncing on the other man and dragging him into the hay until he was lying full length on the smaller body. "Do you think, James Kirk, that there would ever be a circumstance where I would not be compelled to love you? Yours was the first name that formed in my mind when I regained my katra on Mt. Seleya and your presence has been a requirement for my continued existence ever since. Can you not understand that I do not need to remember how I felt in the past to know how I feel now?" "And how is that?" Spock shook his head, leaning down until their faces were inches apart. "Impossible Human. You must hear me say it, I suppose."

I certainly hope we see more K/S stories from this talented author! [1]


  1. from The K/S Press #74