A Meditation on Leaving

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K/S Fanfiction
Title: A Meditation on Leaving
Author(s): Yanka Maslinova
Date(s): 1996
Genre: slash
Fandom: Star Trek: The Original Series
External Links: A Meditation on Leaving

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A Mediation on Leaving is a Kirk/Spock story by Yanka Maslinova.

It was published in the print zine KaleidoScope #4.


"Spock thinks about his decision to go to Gol and how his loverʼs acceptance of the promotion to the admiralty has split them apart."

Reactions and Reviews

From the first words I could feel myself sinking into a deep pleasure, savoring every word. Such command of language, this author has, to so powerfully evoke with such quiet and few precisely chosen words. Myself, I barely have the words to say how this story moved me. It's like it got under my skin, deeply, and I've been carrying it around inside since. I love that it just so happens more than one story submitted for this zine have cats in them (not to mention Deeb's lovely Spock/cat cover). In the beginning of this story, in first person Spock, he is contemplating Terran cats, imbuing them with qualities he obviously relates to a certain Terran he loves. Perfectly done. So deep, poetic yet very accessible; very Spockian.

There were some references in Spock's thoughts that at first made me think this took place after the refusion, but then I understood it's just before his leaving for Gol. There is a very realistic seeming series of events to do with Starfleet's intentions regarding Kirk, Spock's choices of potential postings, the Enterprise refit, etc., that all fit in perfectly to flesh out the period between the end of the series and the first movie. Yet this was never done in removed exposition or thoughts that felt artificial because they were written iust to explain to the reader. As we learn, in Spock's thoughts/feelings, of what has brought about this separation, it is just heartbreaking. This is really powerful stuff—very insightful as to Spock and as to the dynamics between him and Kirk. Exquisitely apt sentiments. This is all in Spock's thoughts, with only one place where dialogue with Kirk is given, but it doesn't suffer in the slightest from this lack of present-time action and dialogue.

A beautifully sad story. A heartbreaking K/S story that's okay, though, because we know later all will be well. I would love to read the direct sequel, "meditations on arriving," in the same style and tone, about Spock coming back to Kirk.

Thank you for this story.[1]
This is Spock’s meditation on leaving Starfleet— and Kirk—for Gol and it is a very poignant meditation indeed. It’s a beautiful piece of writing and a beautiful characterization of Spock, who, near the end of the story asks himself “Is this what being human is like?” By this point in the story, it is achingly clear that Spock knows exactly what being human is like. One has the feeling, in fact, that in some ways he is much more human than Kirk is at this point in time and I could not help but think, when reading this story, about Kirk’s observation, made in his eulogy for Spock in “The Wrath of Khan,” that Spock’s soul was the most human of all the souls he had encountered.[2]
This is actually by one of our best K/S authors writing under a different pseudonym. So much has already been said about this story that I have very little to add. It is a very beautiful story about Spock leaving for Gol. I particularly liked the author's portrayal of Kirk -betraying Spock, betraying himself. Be warned, this is not a happy story.[3]
This is a story without resolution. Perhaps that is its purpose—to show us the true meaning of hopelessness. I won’t say I dislike the story, as it is well told, but I do dislike the premise. From Spock’s POV we experience his feelings as he prepares to leave the Enterprise and Starfleet for the sands of Gol. He has given up. At first I got the impression this was something of an alternate reality, but other than the mention there has been more than one five-year mission, it is about Kirk leaving the ship for the admiralty and Spock’s decision to attempt to cleanse his pain through Kohlinar. As far as I’m concerned, Kirk is a bastard. Just in the context of this story, mind you, but a more thoughtless, uncaring and selfish JTK I cannot imagine. Maybe this is the Mirror Universe because “my” Kirk would never hurt Spock like this. In this version he has pretty much taken advantage of Spock in having a sexual relationship with him and making it quite clear he was not interested in commitment. I hurt for Spock in so many ways as he looks back on his years with the man he calls T’hy’la, but most of all I feel anger toward Kirk. I want the opportunity to track him down, shake him until he’s silly and explain the facts of life to him. Unable to do that, I am left with only sadness for all that is lost.[4]


  1. from Come Together #27
  2. from The K/S Press #25
  3. from Come Together #30
  4. from The K/S Press #129