When in Haldoria

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Fanfiction
Title: When in Haldoria
Author(s): Speranza
Date(s): July 2005
Length: 6105 words
Genre(s):
Fandom(s): Stargate Atlantis
Relationship(s):
External Links: online here and here

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When in Haldoria is a Stargate Atlantis story by Speranza Lady Crackhead of Andoria.

It was podficced by anatsuno in 2007. See When in Haldoria.

It was nominated for a 2006 Stargate Fic Award. It won a McKay/Sheppard Fan Award.

Summary

Speranza's summary: (for the SGA_Flashfic "Slavefic Challenge") "Hey--Elton John wants his planet back!"

Reactions and Reviews

Speranza is writing SGA fic!! Needing some hard to find supplies, Rodney and John have no choice but to deal with the Haldorians, a slave owning society. Due to circumstances, though, John gets to be the slave. Trouble is, he kind of likes it. What makes this story damn-near perfect is Speranza's hilarious spot-on dialogue. [1]

a cracked-out story wherein john pretends to be rodney's slave, and there's an orgy. "Does he not care for you? Is that why you do not respect him?" "I respect him plenty!" John protested, before he could even rationally think it through. "He treats me great! I don't know what you're talking about!" and the other slaves all shrank back at his apparent anger, and started murmuring quietly to themselves. [2]

A 2005 Discussion

At the Stargate Atlantis discussion community, The Cutting Board, fans discussed this fic. The entire discussion is was here, now offline, Archived version; another archive link.

Topics included:

[idlerat]: I absolutely adored Speranza's (cesperanza) "slave fic" for SG:A, When in Haldoria, which she says she's a bit embarrassed about and ascribes to "Lady Crackhead of Andoria." I had a few thoughts on it that I sent to her, and I thought I'd share them with you. I think this fic, as I read it, has an interesting reflection to cast on more "serious" slave fics, regardless of fandom.

The story is that Rodney (the ubergeek genius) and John (the Air Force major and beautiful badass) have to go make a trade deal on a planet (the divinely named "Haldoria") where the rule is, "No shoes, no slave, no service." John pretends to be Rodney's slave, since Rodney is the one who has to make the deal- John's there to protect him. And, of course, John has to be the slave in this type of (fun, silly) fic, because he's the manly man. Haldoria turns out to be a crazy, fun, sexy place where nothing painful happens and no one is in danger- unless you count the tiny fact that the society is composed of masters and slaves.

The fic is incredibly inventive & funny, not only in the details but in the whole design. Benign slavery as the ultimate weirdness, the "Elton John planet" (Rodney says, "Elton John wants his planet back") being one that's all theatre and pleasure. But, cutting across the camp theatrics ("a high school production of Clash of the Titans"), the reminders are there, much more precisely than they generally are in "serious" slave fics, of what slavery is, not as an abstraction but as a real, historical fact. They appear in one perfectly timed thought of John's about giving the slaves guns. Or when Rodney says (sarcastically) "yeah, cause I'd really be comfortable with Teyla on a leash." (Teyla is the glamourous African American leader of one of the "Friendly Native" cultures in this other galaxy; the way John pronounces her name, it always sounds like "Taylor.") And in the knowing blandness with which Ces presents the Hareem. Very delicately and challengingly done, and exemplary in the way that it responds a fannish genre.

I also think- and this is a good example of why, for me, fic only works if I know the canon at least a little-- that John giving a performance of slavery is a riff on the fantasy of masculinity he's in charge of performing in the series, all gentle, sexualized, and objectified service: protection, devotion.

She had me at the computer-strap leash. The leash made out of a laptop strap (it already has a hook! how handy!) has a few functions: it's insubstantial and silly, and thus signifies that this is all play; it subordinates the fantasied masculinity to the lives of the men for whom it is just a fantasy; it brands the slave with the master's mark in the necessary way for such a fic (but ironically). And yet Rodney's role as master is equally fictive and completely absurd- it was refreshing to read a slave fic where, while the idea of power and surrender provides part of the turn-on (*for at least one character (John), but not necessarily the reader*) in the sex scene, the slavery motif is not primarily about a power differential between the master and the slave as individuals; it touches them indirectly and gently.

I love the game of getting revenge on men by feeling compassion for them.

I did find myself wanting to know more about this planet, but after you've said "sexy weirdos," what else is there to say? As far as that sublime phrase goes, how awesome is it when you see two ordinary words that make total sense together actually put together for the first time?

The slash in this fandom is grinding its feminist, anti-homophobic axe with such gentle irony, it's makin' me hot! *g* /TMI

[wickedwords]: I had problems with the whole "Lady Crackhead of Andoria" aspect of the story, which is a political issue for me. My feeling is that crack!fi is as valid a genre as any other story written in fandom, and my making cute jokes and changing her pseud for it, it made me uncomfortable as it drew attention to the fact that this type of story isn't as 'acceptable' as other types of fanfic, and that bothered me in a big, big way. I want good authors to claim the crack!fic they write, not divorce themselves from it, even in a humorous 'we are all in this together' way.

[carolyn claire]: I feel the same way, and I wonder what it was about the story that she wanted to distance herself from. I enjoyed it, a lot; it was kinky and lush and fun, and had some really funny moments. John's feelings of inadequacy over his get-up were a hoot. But, yeah, where's the crack? I think of crackfic as being really OTT, like my Stargate: Atlanta riff, for instance, not a story that plays with kink and cliche in satisfying ways. Maybe she was kidding, just playing, feeling silly? But I was a little put off by that disclaimer and was made to feel a little like, if I read and enjoyed, I was some sort of crackhead, too. Which, okay, maybe, but not because I enjoyed that story. *g*

[palebluebell]: I agree *strongly*. I'm not referring to this work in particular, though I admit to shaking my head at my first reading of this, and thinking, man - why would anyone be ashamed of this?

It does reflect badly on the reader: if you like something, hell, if you *love* something that according to the author will be universally looked down on, and they're getting in quick to make it plain that they take no liability for the awfulness of the content - then you begin to wonder - what does that say about me? It's especially difficult when you're emotionally touched by a piece of work.

I wonder though, if it's the extreme reaction that some people have to work that motivates the authors to distance themselves? Some people seem to take a piece of work as a direct attack on their world. Like the author was thinking of screwing up their day in particular by something they wrote. The difference between this discussion board and someone who writes that their *entire* day (*life*) has been thrown off by the fact that someone had the gall to submit a piece of work they didn't like.

I know that it's meant to be funny, and many of these posts are witty and leave me snickering, but they're still reeking with underlying spitefulness.

Even as just a reader, I can be thrown by the virulence of these attacks, so it must be difficult for an author to stumble on that sort of thing. It'd be easier to get the justifications for your continued existence out of the way at the beginning: in hope of deflecting some of the flak perhaps?

Anyway, if only *I* could write crack fic this good. I'd be a happy writer if I could.

[mythdenied]: I don't see the necessity of the whole "Lady Crackhead of Andoria" thing. If it's silly!fic, then that's what the A/N is for, no need for the author to be derogatory towards her/himself by changing the name like that. Yes, the story is a bit "out there," but less so than others I've read, and really, I thought it was a good story. Funny dialogue, quick paced but not confusing, and a nice build on the old "aliens made us have sex" cliche. Just a fun, hot read, but not crack!fic, as I see it.

So if this is about the fic, and not why the author called it (or herself) what she did, I have to say that this fic made me laugh myself stupid and also sigh in envy at the writing.... I'm just confused as to why the big deal about Speranza calling it crackfic. I mean a lot of us are members of/casual readers of crack_van the community - and so "crack" fandom-wise is, obviously to me, a term of affection and not derision. I just thought Speranza was having a tremendously fun time writing it, and wanted to share the enjoyment with us.

[wickedwords]: There is one thing that I probably should ask her about when I see her at vividcon, which is what her definition of orgy is. In part 2, we had a lot of build-up and tittering over the upcoming orgy, and yet I felt that the story didn't deliver on that. It was a nice scene -- very hot -- but it didn't meet my personal definition of an orgy, because it so quickly isolated John and Rodney from anything going on at the orgy dome, putting them in their own room together, and then quickly removing the girl. If I were reccing the story, I'd probably mention the threesome (as in 'mild threesome') but that would be the extent of it. I think I'm just working from a different set of definitions than the author is, and that doesn't negate that the story is very good and very hot.

[concernedlilly]: John giving a performance of slavery is a riff on the fantasy of masculinity he's in charge of performing in the series, all gentle, sexualized, and objectified service: protection, devotion.

I hadn't thought about it this way, but oh, yes. I thought it was an interesting sort of slavery that Speranza was presenting; it was essentially sex slavery, but there was clearly an emotional duty from master to slave in it (from the first conversation John has in the carriage, about a loving master being worthy of respect). And that's a mirror of his Big Damn Hero role (in Atlantis-the-show, rather than on Atlantis-the-city), with his duty to everyone regardless of feelings. The harmonium necklace (incidentally, I really enjoyed the trade background of the fic and the glimpses of business in Pegasus) is an outward symbol of the master/slave relationship, but it the ring part marks Rodney's part in the relationship just as much as the necklace does John.

The necklace had some extra resonance with me because what is probably the classic example of this genre in SG1 has a necklace as the prompt of a master/slave relationship. When In Haldoria is a bit of a departure from many of the slavery/AMUDI I've read before, which begin with the slavery as a physical or mental reality and then the relationship is a progression, while here the slavery is a put-on and the first kiss is at least partly due to John being drugged. However, the drug may only have the effect of loosening his inhibitions - he seems to make the first move to the kiss, encapsulating how the slavery in this fic is only possible because John has allowed it (shown, as idlerat notes, by the computer-strap leash *g*).

[idlerat]: I really enjoyed the trade background of the fic and the glimpses of business in Pegasus

Me too! And it really worked thematically, because slavery is about turning human relationships into property ones. I also loved "Harmonium"- it's the name of an antique musical instrument, and was the title of Wallace Stevens' first book of poems.

And there were threads of metal throughout the story- the jewlery/chains, the silver pillows, the topic of trade. Very glam. :)

I guess I think the idea of masters having obligations to slaves is common to many institutions. We think of our property as that which we are entitled to do with as we please, but that isn't always true, for instance in the case of real estate.

In the Bible, marriage is a property relationship: the husband literally buys a woman from her father with a ring (another resonance for ring). She's his chattle, but he still has duties to her.

Of course, in many slave fics I've read the goal is to torment the slave, and/or slavery is something only the bad and aberrant characters practice, not a stable, normalized institution in an imagined society. As far as "pretend" slavery goes, there's also consensual D/s-type stuff, but it's not usually this playful and painless.

I loved the scene with John in the tub- that was the sexiest part of the story to me. It felt very IC somehow. He's so easygoing! I suppose drugs always raise issues of consent, but it's sort of the same as the slavery here: the challenge posed by the story is to imagine a place where that's not an issue, it can just be fun, while not forgetting or denying the real world or romanticizing what is not romantic (rape, slavery).

References