Wanting -- Having

Fanfiction
Title:	Wanting -- Having
Author(s):	Varoneeka
Date(s):	2003
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	Star Trek: TOS
Relationship(s):	Kirk/Spock
External Links:	Series on AO3
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Wanting and Having are Kirk/Spock two short companion pieces by Varoneeka.

They were published in the print zine Cyberdreams #1.

Summary

"Spock is unable to still his desire for Kirk: Spock discovers that having is better than wanting."

Reactions and Reviews

These two stories have long been favorites of mine. Both are short, very much in the PWP vein. But, oh, does the love shine through the hot and glorious sex. Both men are sure of what they feel and convey those feelings with each word they speak to one another. As far as I know, the writer only wrote one other K/S story, but she sure knew what she was doing!

Two fairly short, companion mood pieces, which take place sometime after events in “Requium for Methuselah”. Spock’s physical desire for Kirk is beginning to come to the fore, to the point where he is having difficulty controlling his reactions. In the first piece, Spock is speculating whether (to quote himself) “wanting is more pleasing than actually having”. His feelings about what he perceives as his failure to control his emotions are very well described as he struggles to hide his feelings from Kirk, who, as always, is quite perceptive when it comes to Spock and his wellbeing. Of course, Kirk has noticed that something is not quite right with his friend, but he can’t put his finger on what exactly it is. Their subsequent encounter in Spock’s cabin is very sensuous and enjoyable – leading Spock to the realisation that “having is much better than simply wanting.”

I’m not usually a fan of PWPs, preferring some actual story with my K/S, but these two related pieces by Varoneeka just swept me away, proving once again the truth of the old adage that one should never say never.

Since this new zine is hot off the presses, I’m going to be rather thrifty with details in this review—not that there are many details to share with you. These two stories form a tale told from first Spock’s, then Kirk’s very close and personal POVs, with a wealth of lovely writing and an outpouring of feelings that rapidly overflow from the printed page and go directly into your heart.

“Wanting” is set after the events of Requiem for Methuselah. Spock knows he should be satisfied with the great gift of Kirk’s friendship, but he cannot prevent himself from wanting more with every fiber of his being. Kirk comes to him determined to discover what has caused his friend to retreat into his Vulcan shell, what has caused the unhappiness he cannot fail to see and aches to relieve. What follows is a love scene of unique and astounding beauty.

“Having” takes place the following morning, and this time it’s Kirk who wonders if what they experienced during the night happened for both the first and last time. It stays very firmly in Kirk’s close-in POV except for the last two paragraphs when we switch back to Spock’s. Usually POV shifts are not high on my list of criticisms, but I was very aware of this one, although I do understand the author’s desire to round out and unify the two stories.

I love it when a writer doesn’t spell out every little detail, leaving something for the reader to contribute and interpret on her own. I also found it just delightful that there were so many unique elements in this story. For just one example, how many K/S stories set after Requiem do you know of where Spock does not agonize over reaching into Kirk’s mind without permission, and Kirk not only accepts it, but actively is grateful for it?

I’ve already read these two stories several times, and enjoyed them as much as I did the first time. Brava, Varoneeka! I hope to read many more stories by you in the near future.

the mush is a little nauseating here at times--may not be for everyone. that said, they're really really hot. guilty pleasures, guys, guilty pleasures.