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This is an alternate universe story in which Spock is captain of the Enterprise and Kirk is a lieutenant in the navigation section. It is part two of a series.
No sooner had James Kirk been honourably reinstated by Starfleet, than, he chose to resign. It was a foolishness to be regreted, with costly consequences: Drugged and tortured... it was an experience never to be forgotten, yet it was one he was unable to remember! Salvation entailed.a painful choice and once the decision was reached, he could not rely on others to abide by it." 
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Kirk gets more and more confused about his relationship with Spock. Why doesn't Spock want to bond with him and make their relationship official? He wants the same rights as bondmate as other Vulcans on the ship. Apart from that he is not sure he can give up women totally. After eavesdropping on a conversation between Spock and McCoy, Kirk is sure that Spock doesn't want to bond with him and gives his resignation. On a shore leave he leaves the ship and hides in the city. There he is abducted and taken off planet. The shuttle he is taken in crashes on an unknown planet and Kirk loses his memory. In the meantime Spock is frantically looking for him. He wants to bond with Kirk but has to solve some problems first. After some months Spock is able to find Kirk and beams him aboard. Kirk has had a relationship with a native and still doesn't remember anything. Spock is jealous and isn't sure if Kirk will come back to him. With the help of a Vulcan healer Kirk's memory is restored. Kirk and Spock make passionate love and all seems well. Kirk returns to the planet to explain everything to Daneth, his lover during his memory loss. Spock tells him that the Enterprise can only wait a short time for him. When that time has passed and Kirk is not back Spock thinks that he has chosen to stay and leaves without searching for Kirk. 
- from a publisher's ad in 1987
- from The K/S Press #30