The Classification of Waterfowl

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Fanfiction
Title: The Classification of Waterfowl
Author(s): Zelempa (author) and Yolsaffbridge (beta reader)
Date(s): December 4, 2007 (lj)
December 25, 2007 (ao3)
July 12, 2008 (asr3)
Length: 7787 words
Genre(s): humor, slash
Fandom(s): The Sentinel
Relationship(s): Jim/Blair
External Links: TCoW at ts_secret_santa
TCoW at Merples!
TCoW at ASR3
TCoW at AO3

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The Classification of Waterfowl is a Sentinel story by Zelempa. It was written for SassyInkPen as part of TS Secret Santa fic exchange.

Author's Summary:

"Sure, Chief, it's real romantic," Jim rolled his eyes. "Is this what it's like to be on a date with the great Casanova Sandburg?"

"You kidding? I've never been on a date this datelike."

"Hm." Jim managed a tight shrug with crossed arms. "So far, I'm not impressed."

"Well, my real skills come at the end of the date," Blair leered.

"Ugh," said Jim.

Author's Note:

For TS Secret Santa 2007 (the original post, which also contains the full text you see here and where you can comment, is located here.) My recipient, sassyinkpen, wished: "I wouldn't mind seeing a real honest to god date between the guys (whether all goes well or not *g*)." No holiday theme, but it takes place in general winterishness. Spoilers to 3x14 Mirror Image.

Many thanks as always to my beautiful and talented beta, Yolsaffbridge.

Reactions and Reviews

2000s

[sassyinkpen]
Oh my god, I love love LOVE this!!! It's got everything I adore - great dialog, first time, funny banter, a little hot action, a little sex with just enough cock and not so much detail that you lose the thread of the scene. AND - I so love the idea of people who aren't out and out gay kind of gradually realizing that they might have a thing for a friend - it's hotter than blazes.

SO many great lines! But here's a few of my favorite moments:

The title - very classy

[…]

The "you're my wife" converstaion!

[…]

The sex was VERY hot (and one my personal favorite styles), and I LOVED Jim thinking afterward about it being "humping a guy" and not nearly as magical as it had seemed at the time. THAT was such a marvelous little thought process - hot and real and...nice!

[…]

And finally - THIS made me laugh out loud for way longer than I should in the office:

"The spirit of the ancients made us gay," Jim intoned.

Thank you so much! I will be reading this one often. :) I adore it.[1]
[janedavitt]
Oh, this was so much fun! Sweet and hot and funny...

Like everyone else I grinned at the 'Shut up and clot' line.

Blair lying on the bed, naked, erect, dark-eyed, palms open as if in surrender--that was right.

Oh, God, yes, it is! Beautiful description.

I really liked the way you captured their lives, with normal and adventure merging seamlessly.[2]
[callistosh65]
This is terrific - full of wit, action, just enough smut and a great, great feel for the characters. My favourite bit of dialogue has got to be the "manly embracing" exchange: After some time Jim wondered,
"Uh...are we cuddling?"

"No. Never. Just a little manly embracing," said Blair. "And... earlier..."

"Manly mutual pleasuring. Very, you know, ancient epic poetry. Heroic amity and all that."

Brilliant:)))

And this continued that 'quacks like a duck' Blair-riff PERFECTLY:

It looked like a duck, it quacked like a duck, and they'd been calling it a penguin.

Whoever you are, a garland at your feet for this one.[3]

2010s

[jane_elliot]
Review: aka Jim and Blair Go On a Date By Accident. Which, all things considered, perfectly describes their canon relationship.

The absolute best part of this fic is the banter -- Zelempa's Jim and Blair voices are spot-on and sparkling and completely irresistible. Between Blair's "secret code of dating", Jim's response to Naomi asking for his birthday, and the guys' slow realization that they'd inadvertently crossed the line between friendship and dating without even noticing it, the first three-quarters of the story is driven almost entirely by dialogue so crisp it puts Sentinel canon to shame.

I have to admit that the ending does drag a bit (probably because there's too much thinking and not enough talking), but that is off-set by the characters basically explaining why smarm makes no sense. Well, that and seeing Jim attempt to translate Blair's dating code. (What can I say? I'm easy.)

A cute and fluffy fic for anyone seeking a fast read and a quick smile.[4]
[unbelievable2]
Why this must be read: A wonderful Blair-and-Jim-getting-together story, full of great banter and a lovely Ellison inner dialogue, and at the same time a really exciting adventure, with full-on Ellison senserama, fine acerbity from Banks, and Blair full of fight and resourcefulness.[5]

2015

[magician113]
Summary: Things start out normally enough--the day ends with Jim arresting someone. When Simon calls Blair into his office to compliment him on a case, Jim suggests they celebrate. Blair wants to go out to dinner, but going to Wonderburger won't do. They get dressed up and go to a nice place. It's almost...date-like.

Jim, the master of denial, is willing to overlook that bit. But when they go for an after-dinner walk, things get a little uncomfortable and they decide to part company. Bad move, because a psycho bad guy who has a grudge against Jim and Blair has escaped, and Blair is missing.

Reccer's Notes: Originally written for a Secret Santa exchange. I enjoy stories that get into Jim's head, and Zelempa does it well, with a nice mix of angst and humor. Enjoy.[6]

2020s

[sharperthana]
It's so interesting to have just read your "Gratuitously Detailed Episode Guide" and all your commentary, then read your fic. It's cool to see how things that pop up in your guide and your criticism of canon shape your characterization and writing- which is excellent.[7]
[awlenrose]
I. LOVE. THIS. Genuinely, if all our dreams came true and the boys were going to get together in a canon episode, THIS is how it would be— I could see this playing out in my head as I read it. Just FANTASTIC, thank you!!!![8]
[awlenrose]
I apparently had forgotten that I read this and was reading this just STRUCK BY HOW AMAZING IT IS and laughing aloud with it and now that I’ve finally (!!!) seen the entire series it is STILL SO GOOD. So here have ANOTHER comment because I can’t kudos or bookmark multiple times. <3[9]

References

  1. ^ sassyinkpen (2007-12-04). "Oh my god, I love love LOVE this!!!". ts_secret_santa at LiveJournal. Archived from the original on 2023-10-29.
  2. ^ janedavitt (2007-12-04). "Oh, this was so much fun! Sweet and hot and funny..." ts_secret_santa at LiveJournal. Archived from the original on 2023-10-29.
  3. ^ callistosh65 (2007-12-04). "This is terrific - full of wit, action, just enough smut and a …". ts_secret_santa at LiveJournal. Archived from the original on 2023-10-29.
  4. ^ jane_elliot (2010-09-06). "The Classification of Waterfowl by Zelempa (R)". epic_recs at LiveJournal. Archived from the original on 2023-06-06. Retrieved 2023-10-29.
  5. ^ unbelievable2 (2013-05-07). "The Classification of Waterfowl by Zelempa (NC-17)". crack_van at LiveJournal. Archived from the original on 2023-06-06.
  6. ^ magician113 (2015-03-04). "THE SENTINEL: THE CLASSIFICATION OF WATERFOWL BY ZELEMPA". fancake at Dreamwidth.
  7. ^ sharperthana (2023-11-12). "It's so interesting to have just read your "Gratuitously Detailed Episode Guide" …". AO3. Archived from the original on 2023-10-29.
  8. ^ awlenrose (2023-11-26). "I. LOVE. THIS. Genuinely, if all our dreams came true and the …". AO3. Archived from the original on 2023-10-29.
  9. ^ awlenrose (2023-01-30). "I apparently had forgotten that I read this and was …". AO3. Archived from the original on 2023-10-29.
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