Self Discovery 101

Fanfiction
Title:	Self Discovery 101
Author(s):	Charlotte Frost
Date(s):	28 November 2001
Length:	825k; 247pgs
Genre(s):	Slash, Case Story
Fandom(s):	The Sentinel
Relationship(s):	Jim/Blair
External Links:	online here part one; part two; part three; part four; part five; part six
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Self Discovery 101 is a Jim/Blair story by Charlotte Frost.

It was the first Sentinel story written by Charlotte Frost. Its sequel is Where Angels Tread.

Summary

It is a year after "The Sentinel by Blair Sandburg", and Jim and Blair learn new things about themselves and each other while investigating a murder at a racehorse retirement farm.

Author's Comments

I was in the early process of reading TS fanfic and watching all the episodes on tape (overnighted from a friend) when I started this story in the spring of 2001. I had been writing Starsky and Hutch for some eight years, and just as when I went from writing Kirk/Spock to S/H in the early 90’s, it felt very weird writing different characters. So, my original intent was to just sort of fool around and get a feel for Jim and Blair. Hence, long conversations which go on and on and on. I was explaining the characters to myself as I went along.

I also continued to watch the episodes – not in order – and my view of the characters, and the whys and wherefores of their motivations and actions, kept shifting.

Then, in early June, I made my first (and so far only) trip overseas to visit S/H fan friends in England. My head was full of Jim and Blair and I switched to writing longhand during the trip. For two weeks, I filled up nearly two 100-page notebooks. I smiled and talked SH, but my mind was on Jim and Blair. My friends were wonderfully indulgent as I continued to write at the breakfast table, while watching TV….

In my voracious reading once back at home, I was coming across a lot of post-TSbBS stories. I didn’t want to write one of those stories, because it seemed so trite. Yes, my novel was taking place after the end of the series, but I didn’t want the focus to be the events in that episode. Yet, when I was about halfway into the story, I finally had to admit I was writing a post-TSbBS story, where the events strongly influenced Blair’s character. So, I went back and put on a prologue that tied to the episode. And kept writing.

After a time, it occurred to me that SD101 might be the only TS story I’d ever write. As I continued to watch episodes, I had more to say about Jim and Blair and their relationship, and I felt as though I was trying to cram every thought I’d ever had about them into this one story.

Finally, the rough draft was done. Away it went to the betas. In the meantime, I pondered how to publish it. I was from zine fandoms, and the idea of publishing online was very foreign. The directions to the 852 Prospect archive were rocket science. I didn’t know anyone in the fandom, and it was a huge, foreign, and very scary place. (It didn’t help that the first generation of fans were getting jaded and automatically complaining about everything new that came down the pike.) In 20 years of fandom, my darkest hour was trying to figure out how to get this damn story into the hands of readers. It was such an isolated feeling of being The Only Person On Earth who didn’t understand how to post online.

I finally decided to create my own very simplistic website. It took hours and hours of messing around with MS Front Page, because I had no idea what I was doing. Even when I had a very simple page – with just this novel – developed, I still had no idea how to upload it. A former friend I used to work with had web page experience, and with my begging he came over one evening after work. It took three hours before all the damn links worked. (Years later, that friend still chuckles, “I’ve never seen you so happy as when we finally got that story posted.”) Finally, the 800K “Self-Discovery 101” debuted and I self-consciously put some announcements out on the (sometimes hostile) lists.

The next morning I woke up to my first email on the story. The short, but so succinct, comment said, “This is the best TS story I’ve ever read, and I’ve read hundreds of TS stories.” Major swoon!

It’s a good thing that comment came in first, because it was downhill from there. Or rather, a discussion list picked up on the story, and while they weren’t nasty or anything – in fact, seemed rather intrigued – they were hardly dolling out praise. I had put so much into the story by then, was so very, very tired of the whole thing… well, even mildly critical comments felt extremely discouraging. Within 48 hours, I’d decided the story was a failure. Major bummer.

The comments continued to trickle in. Nothing as gushing as that first comment, but the direct responses were overall positive. A few mentioned that it was a story that “finally got it right”, as far as sex and Jim’s senses. Some six months later, I estimated that, between direct feedback and list comments, SD101 had about 100 responses. For me, that was amazing. Never seen anything like that before. Or since. (But then, TS fandom was much larger then.)

As time has passed and I’ve continued to write more TS stories, I’ve come to think of SD101 as something of an embarrassment. It is horrendously long and over-written. I’ve never been able to bring myself to read it from beginning to end. Some of that reluctance, I know, is because I remember so vividly what a struggle it was to simply get the story posted. The memories are so negative, with such a feeling of helplessness.

I do like some of the scenes. I like Blair’s science way of looking at things. I like the subplot arc about Blair’s finances. Now, though, I think there’s a lot of things out of character about both Jim and Blair. So, it puzzles me that SD101 is probably mentioned more than any other C Frost TS story (when I think most of the others are much better written).

One thing I don’t have trouble understanding is the appeal of how Jim’s senses affect his sexual experience. I’ve never understood why so many TS slash stories avoid mentioning Jim’s senses altogether. I know that the “licking scene” at the end of Part Two is also a favorite for many readers. It’s amazing to me that, despite thousands of TS slash stories having been written before I came along, there was still fresh ground waiting to be covered.

As I was writing SD101, I couldn’t figure out whether Blair was a cop or not. Finally, I decided he was. But shortly thereafter, I decided I didn’t like the idea – and preferred other interpretations of the tag in TSbBS – and the only other story where I wrote him as a cop was the sequel to SD101.