Out of Whack

Fanfiction
Title:	Out of Whack
Author(s):	Bone and Aristide
Date(s):	September 1999
Length:	191K (file size); 29320 words
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	The Sentinel
Relationship(s):	Jim/Blair
External Links:	at mrks.org, at AO3
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Out of Whack is a Jim/Blair story by Bone and Aristide.

It was hosted at 852 Prospect and imported with the rest of the archive to the AO3 in 2013.

Story Header

Disclaimers: Hey, we're doing this for free. Just don't tell our mothers, and nobody'll get hurt.

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Rating: NC-17 for male/male sex... lots of it.

Notes: The authors freely acknowledge that this is not so much a story as it is a long-winded and direct manifestation of Kinks On Parade. This is what happens when Bone and Aristide fight over who gets to write the naughty bits. Sincere thanks go out to Kady, Dawn, and Kat for beta bravery in taking on both of us at once, and a wave to Merri-Todd: Hey, MT, we swear we came up with this all by our little selves, and we chalk any similarities up to cosmic alignment of the planets.

Summary: Econo-sized smut. Price Club size. Probably gets in Guinness for the world's largest pop-tart.

Reactions and Reviews

Unknown Date

When you put two such wonderful writers as Bone and Aristide together, it's not surprising that you'd get a story as unique and compelling and just plain hot as Out of Whack. In it, Blair's out of luck with the ladies. Jim's out of patience listening to him whack off. So when Blair informs him that he's taking up with men, Jim offers to help. As he puts it, "better me than some jerk." Indeed.

One of the hottest first times I've ever read involving the cop and his anthropologist. Both writers have a knack for concise attention to detail in setting a scene and making me believe in the guys' relationship.

There is a *ahem* LOT of sex in this story. But its hot, sexy sex, so if you like picturing Blair going at it over and over and...read this story! Blair and Jim overhear lots of good things about Blair while eating out one day. You'd think this would be a good thing, right? Um, not exactly. So Blair decides to take action that just may be the death of him and Jim in the process. They both end up having way too much fun. Lucky us!

Damn, this story is hot. Featuring a purely hormonal Blair, who can't seem to have enough sex, and a Jim who is entirely in character, focused on getting Blair off. What more can a Sentinel fan ask? Add to that the incredible style of these two writers -- entirely original, and I love the way they describe emotions, situations, feelings, making me feel like the words are strung together like shiny things on a string, pretty to look at, impossible to take my eyes off of. My brain did that melty thing as I was reading this. Guh.

1999

Oh, god, where to start? This is one of those strawberries and champagne collaborations; you start sweating just from reading who the authors are. Described as the world's biggest pop-tart, this probably sets all sorts of records for being the smoothest, creamiest, tastiest, most delicious bit of sex-soaked smut on the face of the earth. And it manages to be all that with depth, and without the least hint of sappiness or cliche.

This is la creme de la pop-tarts; a story which re-opened my jaded eyes to the wonders of good smut.

2004

While at a Chinese restaurant, Jim and Blair overhear some of Blair's ex-girlfriends discussing his sexual performances. At first Blair is chuffed but as time goes on he becomes increasingly dismayed at the implications... This story is basically a sex fest. I haven't read a story before or since that was so funny and so full of such a variety of sex in just the one story <g>. And it's Bone & Aristide/Mairead Triste, which should be enough to recommend it to anybody. Plus the title - in context - makes me laugh, too.

Out of Whack is one of the best known and most beloved stories in the fandom. Bone and Aristide’s collaboration features lovely writing, fascinating and believable characterization, and one of my favorite opening scenes. And while these attributes alone make for a wonderful story, ask anyone what they remember about Out of Whack and nine times out of ten they’ll mention the sex. The incredibly hot, incredibly abundant sex.

But you don't have to take just my word for it. Here's what my flist had to say about the hotness that is Out of Whack.

alejandradd -- Hot as molten lava.

anathema666 -- Jim Ellison takes it up the ass from Blair "Sexual Slotmachine" Sandburg, but will he lose his shirt (and his heart) in the gamble? This story's screamingly, scorchingly hot with a side order of hellfire for kick. I'm nicely damp just thinking about it.

brooklinegirl -- Un-fucking-believably hot. I remember it in vast and meaningful detail and it still, on occasion, pops up vividly in my fantasies.

chicklet_girl -- Hotter than a cookie-baking oven.

destina -- Hotter than a thousand fiery gay suns.

estrella30 -- Hotter than a very hot thing, yo.

fluterbev -- Hotter than vindaloo flambéd with rocket fuel.

gothphyle -- Asbestos underwear couldn't survive the melting inferno that is "Out of Whack".

nicci_mac -- Hotter than a lizzard’s balls in Death Valley at noon.

princess_bunny -- Let's see, the thermonuclear reaction of hydrogen becoming helium in the sun?

pun -- Oh my god! It's so scorchingly hot that it melted my screen and I was forced to spend thousands of dollars to replace it, and it was well worth it!!!!!!

reetchick -- Sooooooooo hot I've had to print it out more than once, because my original copy? Got...wrinkled. Repeatedly.

rhyo -- It's incredibly hot, although I think Blair would be written up in a medical journal if he could really churn out that amount of spunk (and wasn't, say 16).

rivkat -- Pretty fucking hot, and every variation thereof.

tobyfan -- *THE* hottest TS fic ever. I've read it about 300 times.

weredonut -- Hotter than a really hot thing. Absolutely hot. Hot hot hot.

xnitelite -- Hotter than wasabi!

Plenty of sex in this one and it gets recced everywhere for its "hotness", but it's also a real love story, which is generally what I want from slash.

2005

When I saw the prompt this is the first story that came to mind. This story is hot,hot,hot, but it's more than the extended pwp the author's claim. There's angst, tension,soul searching and connection all wrapped up in the kind of sex you'd at least rent out your soul to have, or even see.

2007

So, there's sex. And more sex. And then? Sex!

Seriously, this story probably has the highest sex-to-word ratio of anything I've ever read, and I've been reading slash for *years*.

Wait, you want to know about the plot? *sigh* Fine. Jim and Blair are having lunch when they inadvertently overhear some women discussing how Blair has basically slept his way through the entire enrollment of Rainier. Only they're a *lot* more graphic than that. Blair, shaken by what he's heard, decides that maybe it's time to try something new. As in, a new gender. And Jim, being the good friend that he is, generously offers himself for the experiment.

I like both Aristide and Bone as individual authors, but I *love* them when they collaborate. Hot, but also sweet, their stories tend to be about two very horny men finding a soul mate in each other. You can't go wrong with that.