Maybe I'm Dead, I Just Haven't Stopped Moving Yet

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Title: Maybe I'm Dead, I Just Haven't Stopped Moving Yet
Author(s): cybersyd42
Date(s): Sep 10, 2006-March 4, 2007
Length: 119,616 words
Genre: gen
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis with some Stargate SG-1
External Links:
Chapter 1 (there are 29 chapters in all)

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Maybe I'm Dead, I Just Haven't Stopped Moving Yet is a gen Stargate Atlantis fic by cybersyd42.

While mostly SGA, there is some Stargate SG-1 overlap.

Summary: "The consequences of a mission gone wrong have a devastating impact on the SGA team."

The story is oft-requested by fans on fic-searching communities.

Reactions and Reviews

There are 804 reviews and comments at where the story is posted.


Sad to see it end, but it was a hell of a ride. Good work. I enjoyed it alot. [1]
I finished this story the day the last update was posted, but hadn't the time then to write the review it deserved. I hardly know where to begin; this story has been simply amazing since the first installment. The way you wrote Rodney - tormented by what happened, and then by his reaction to it - was simply perfect. You skillfully captured McKay's thoughts and emotions, demonstrating a depth of understanding of the character that few (including some of the show's writers) can match. The rest of the SGA cast was similarly well-crafted, John's guilt and both Radek's and Teyla's very perceptive views of the situation seemed to be precisely in-character and believable, as were Carson, Ronon, and Sam Carter throughout the story. Your original characters - Maggie, Brian, and even Suzanne in her brief appearance, were wonderful, and each had an important part in McKay's readjustment and growth. Your buildup to the climax of this story had me seriously wondering what would happen, and what Rodney would do, and as a result, checking FFN often for updates. The ending was quite satisfying as well, although with stories such as this I find myself wishing they'd go on and on. As I mentioned in an earlier review, this story went into my "Best Atlantis stories" file very early on; as the story progressed, I became more and more sure that that was the correct designation. There are very few stories that I like enough to save in a word processing file, and this is one of them; it moved me as few stories have. I sincerely hope that we will have the opportunity to enjoy more of your work in the future! [2]

Wow. And whew...I haven't done much else but go to work and sleep and read this fic for the past couple days. And it was totally worth it. This isn't normally the sort of h/c I go for - such drawn-out resolution and angst and painful disagreements - but in your able hands, I had to love it. The characters are all so perfectly portrayed - themselves, and so realistic at the same time, in everything they feel. You don't wallow in the angst, yet the way everything falls apart, the way McKay tries to move on, the way Sheppard cannot, the way everyone else is left struggling to hold onto the pieces, the way they all need each other even if none of them can outright say It is to squee.

The original chars were appealing and as solid as they had to be to keep up with the main cast, and oh, I am happy Brian got such a happy resolution! Aww, McKay, you are a good teacher at heart.

Loved how you handled Radek (I love and love and adore your Radek, and all you do with him) and Carson, doing his best; and Ronon - his part was small but the single moment from his POV, when he wasa considering leaving their broken team, was one of the truest-to-Ronon moments I've read in any fic thus far.

And oh, the h/c, both the physical and the emotional aftermath...the way both McKay and Sheppard flashback to that moment on the planet, the blood and pain and the fear of letting one another down...amazing stuff. And then, the end...and everything's not all right right away, but it will be - oh oh oh. I'm so glad it ended like it did; any other way might've stayed as true to the story, but would've broken my heart. This...this is as it should be, and makes this story one I want to remember. Wonderful!

I'm new to SGA, and must say I'm doubly glad to be part of the fandom for the chance it gives me to read your stories - I hope there might be more on the way eventually, but regardless, thank you for all these you've written! [3]
Yay! Loved the epilogue and the way you have McKay displaying his emotional growth as a human being. Very well written story. [4]


I just hapened to stumble on this tonight on and had to leave a note.

This was the first SGA fic I ever read- found it on fanlib several months ago - and I absolutely fell in love! Such an amazing piece, and the fact it was a WIP, created as you went along, just made it all the more impressive.

This story is single-handedly responsible for getting me back into reading and writing fanfic after a 10 year absence. So thanks. :) [5]
Very accurate characterization, was a good read. The only issue I had to force myself to look past was the tense. I can sort of understand why you would make that decision- it's kind of as if you were envisioning your audience watching this on screen. But typically, written stories (to me at least) seem to read better in past tense or certain perfect tenses. Still not as annoying as people who flit in and out of them like no one's business. Anyway, I liked it. [6]


Thank you for an incredible read. I thoroughly enjoyed it - especially the resolution and realisation of friendship. I admit to struggling with Sheppard's behaviour initially, and actually considered for a while if his character as a little OOC. However, your resolution of the story certainly accounted for the 'understandble' emotions and the way you wrote Sheppard's own 'realisation' of his behaviour was excellent. [7]


I came across this story when looking at another author's favorites list. I now have a new all-time favorite story! The only problem is I could not stop reading and now it is 3:12 am and I have to get up early. It was well worth the lack of sleep I will be experiencing. I do have to go back and figure out how Sheppard and Carson were so quickly able to get to Antarctica when Rodney was dying. I can't remember how they could use the Stargate, but everyone else has to keep taking 3 weeks on the ship. I'm off to skim for that section just to reassure myself you explained it, and I simply didn't retain the explanation. Thanks again, I can't wait to read more of your stories now. [8]


Wow, this story was totally awesome and I can't believe I had not seen it before! Loved that you did not rush it, has heaps of Rodney angst and to be honest I even had tears in my eyes when when Carson and John are saying goodbye to Rodney, I knew he was going to change his mind but it was so well written that I could not help getting upset. Thank you sooo much for a great read :-) [9]


i was blown away by this fic the first time i read it, and years later still am [10]

I've had a lot of trouble getting into SGA fanfic, because it's so hard to get the characterization of all these characters right. I'm not that into John/Rodney either.

That said... This story was amazing. Your characterization is spot on - I had no trouble at all picturing these characters doing and saying these things. Not only in the chapters from different POV's, but also - and more importantly - in the small touches in other chapters. Things like the scene in chapter 16, in which everyone on Atlantis is trying to find a solution. It's Radek's chapter, but lines like "But Sheppard pointed out that someone needs to fly the jumper in case of evacuation, and Elizabeth simply said that she would be the last to leave, and that was that" make these characters very alive.

Besides, you write these emotions very real and raw - my favourite chapter was chapter 5, because it was all so harsh.

Thank you for bringing these amazing characters back to life for me! [11]
I'm a bit late on the review train, but I wanted to stop in and thank you for writing this story. It was excellently written and the characters and dialogue were spot on. :) [12]


Years later and people like me are finding great stories like this. Good writing withstands the test of time! [13]

Other Venues


This fic is still in progress. It's been quite intense so far; extra angsty, and the end of the most recently posted chapter should have a tissue alert, but it's a must-read for those who enjoy Rodney whump!

I've just read the 8 chapters and it's intense indeed, and also very well written. [14]


I read this story practically non-stop, except for the part where I had to put it down last night in order to catch some sleep. Then this morning I skipped breakfast, postponed work, and went straight back to the story.

Not what you'd call a fluffy read; the characters are put through the emotional wringer, and so's the reader. And at the same time this story is satisfying and uplifting, not to mention gripping. The emotional conflicts are entirely believable, the plot and the background detail are great. Fantastic fic. [15]


"The one where Rodney is injured and back on Earth. Something goes wrong on Atlantis and Carter recruits him to come fix the problem... they have to go to Antarctica, he almost gets killed because he's willing to sacrifice himself to save Atlantis but he doesn't and I think he gets healed by the Asgard and it's all happy McShep in the end." [16]


I include this because John recovers but Rodney's injury finds him sent back to Earth for treatment and to make a new life for himself. Angsty wringer but not a heartbreaker, with terrific OCs. Just 29 chapters in this one! [17]


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  14., September 28, 2006
  15. SGA fic recs - main list, part I, astridv, September 21, 2007
  16. sgagenrefinders
  17. sgagenrefinders