H.M.S. Deathstar

Filksong
Song Title:	H.M.S. Deathstar
Composer:	Bev Grant
Lyrics:	the original librettos of H.M.S. Pinafore and Pirates of Penzance
Melody:
Date:	1982
Subject:	Star Wars
Other:
External Links:	excerpted here archive link
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H.M.S. Deathstar is a series of Star Wars filks by Bev Grant to the tune of the original librettos of H.M.S. Pinafore and Pirates of Penzance.

It was published in 1982 in the third issue of Syndizine with illos by Todd Hamilton.

Some of the content was posted in 1993 online newsletter called Precious Nonsense.

Illos from "Syndizine"

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Two Excerpts

When I was a Lad (Originally "When I Was a Lad" / Pinafore, Act 1, Part II)

Darth Vader: When I was a lad, I went to school

To a Jedi Master who I thought was cool.

His name was Kenobi, and they called him Ben;

And although you won't believe it, I knew even then

Stormtrooper Chorus: And although you won't believe it, he knew even then

Vader: That when Obi-Wan Kenobi finished teaching me,

I'd be the finest Jedi in the galaxy!

Chorus: That when Obi-Wan Kenobi finished teaching,

He'd be the finest Jedi in the galaxy!

Vader: I studied very hard and developed skill

At levitating boulders and at saber drill.

I got so good I could balance, chum,

Upside down on the tip of my right or left thumb.

Chorus: Upside down on the tip of his right or left thumb.

Vader: Pretty soon it became quite clear to me

That I was the finest Jedi in the galaxy!

Chorus: Pretty soon it became quite clear to he

That he was the finest Jedi in the galaxy!

Vader: I went to the Master, said "Obi-wan,

The days when you could teach me things have come and gone;

I'm the finest Jedi alive, you see."

And would you believe it, Ben just laughed at me!

Chorus: And would you believe it, Ben just laughed at he!

Vader: Now I've killed all the others, none can disagree

Than I am the finest Jedi in the galaxy!

Chorus: Now he's killed all the others, none can disagree

Than he is the finest Jedi in the galaxy!

Vader: The end of the Jedi brought to me

A once in a lifetime opportunity,

For the Emperor had seen my work

And knew that I would not be one to shirk.

Chorus: And knew that he would not be one to shirk.

Vader: My duty, be it e'er so mean

To advance the position of Lord Palpatine*.

Chorus: His duty, be it e'er so mean,

To advance the position of Lord Palpatine.

Vader: And from that day, though you may curse,

My power has been feared throughout the universe.

I'm second to one man alone;

The one who sits upon the Empire's throne!

Chorus: The one who sits upon the Empire's throne!

Vader: Soon the Emperor will fall to me,

And then I'll be the ruler of the galaxy!

Chorus: Soon the Emperor will fall to he,

And then he'll be the ruler of the galaxy!

Vader: If you yearn to become as great as me,

Then you daren't be fettered by loyalty;

You must study very hard and go to school,

All the while being guided by this golden rule:

Chorus: All the while being guided by this golden rule:

Vader: There is nothing like a spot of treachery--

To advance, don't miss a single opportunity!

Chorus: There is nothing like a spot of treachery--

To advance, don't miss a single opportunity!

You Don't Need to See His I.D. ("Never Mind the Why and Wherefore"/Pinafore)

Ben: You don't need to see his I.D.,

Though his speeder's most untidy,

And the droids you're searching for appear right underneath your eyes.

You are going to let us go much to your underlings' surprise.

No stormtrooper with his blaster

In the entire galaxy

Can detain a Jedi Master

If he doesn't want to be!

These are not the droids you're after.

Stormtrooper: These are not the droids we're after.

Ben: Move along a little faster!

Stormtrooper: Move along a little faster!

Ben: You will count it a disaster

When it comes time to report

That you met a Jedi Master

Here in Mos Eisley space port!

For the Force now has you blinded;

That's because you are weak-minded,

Just the sort of a chap who volunteers to serve the Emperor.

You will let us pass right by you and our safety thus ensure.

(Repeat from "No stormtrooper with his blaster" through "Here in Mos Eisley space port!")