Cover of Night

Fanfiction
Title:	Cover of Night
Author(s):	Killashandra
Date(s):	1998
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	Star Trek: TOS
Relationship(s):	Kirk/Spock
External Links:	online here
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Cover of Night is a K/S story by Killashandra.

Alison Fiddler for Cover of Night

It was published in the print zine Amazing Grace and was the winner of a 1998 Philon Award.

Summary

"A/U: After the fal tor pan, Kirk relives memories of his destructive and secret love affair with Spock as he waits for the Vulcan to remember him, hoping for redemption and a second chance to make things right. "During their Vulcan sojourn, while waiting for The USS Bounty to be made spaceworthy, Kirk as a night visitor who is merely a shadow of his former self."

Reactions and Reviews

Unknown Date

Killashandra's "Cover of Night" always, always manages to push my emotional buttons - no matter how many times I read it. A skillfully interwoven tapestry of show- and movieverse, this story makes the transition from the 5-year-mission to James T. Kirk's promotion and Spock's departure for Gol seamless and utterly believable. Style, characterization, actions, logical progressions - one of the best K/S stories I've ever read.

kirk may drown in regret if he's not careful. spock's coming back to life might have been a second chance, if he had deserved one.

1998

I was was genuinely captivated by this tale of passion, denial and wasted opportunity, all delivered in this author's wonderfully lyrical yet uncluttered style. It's another example of the successful use of first person point of view, in which Kirk's words only enhance the feelings and events he describes. The alternation between the present moment and the past isalso effective, as Kirk mulls over past mistakes while awaiting almost helplessly the outcome of his current situation. Killashandra's prose is, as I said, extremely lyrical. The story is engrossing and a wonderful blend of her imagination with the eventsof aired Trek. Even so, my first impression was that while I loved the story's depth of feeling and ultimately satisfying resolution, I had to suspend a certain amount of disbelief to accept the circumstances of Kirk and Spock's relationship while on board the Enterprise. I kept thinking that surely one or the other of them, intelligent beings that they are, would have broken their self-imposed silence before the situation could deteriorate into disaster. After a second reading, however, I found myself more willing to accept the motivations put forth by the author. "Cover of Night" hypothesizes a Kirk who is initially unable to come to terms with his attraction to another male. His love for Spock is never in question, but its expression is constrained by the perceived threat to his identity and by fear of disapprobation by the military establishment. (It seems clear that the society depicted does not condone same-sex relationships, at least not between Starfleet officers.) Kirk realizes that he desperately needs both the Enterprise and Spock at his side; the Vulcan unquestioningly bows to his captain's need. The tragedy of this story is that their strategy for staying together not only cripples the expression of their love, but eventually results in their separation. The moment of their undoing is absolutely electrifying; it's also a perfect illustration of one of the things I admire about Killashandra's writing. The scene itself is minimally set, without extensive descriptions of Engineering or of the crew members present. Despite this—or perhaps because of it—I had such a vivid mental picture of what was happening. The scene also ends at its climactic moment, leaving the reader with a frozen image uncannily similar to Kirk's description of watching the taped record of the incident, and with the freedom to imagine what happens next. I love this economy of style which so clearly portrays essential events and involves the reader in their creation at the same time.

In “Cover of Night” Killashandra has interwoven the story of Spock’s recovery of his memories following the fal-tor-pan with the story of how Kirk and Spock came to be lovers and how they reacted to that change in status. Both stories are told from Kirk’s point of view and both are full of Kirkian intensity. The characterizations are true and the details are convincing, but the most impressive part of “Cover of Night” is the mood it creates in the reader; Killashandra draws you into her story and wraps you up in it so completely that when you raise your head from that last word you are a little surprised to find yourself looking at your 20th century Terran surroundings when, surely, just a moment before, you were on Vulcan with Jim Kirk.

From the beautiful start with Kirk having a vision of Spock coming to him in the darkness to the equally beautiful ending where the realizations Kirk makes are life-altering, I was swept away by the gorgeous images that this author creates.

Try this writing on for size: "I try to say the name but my throat closes on It IVe never been so scared for my own sanity or wanted anything so much as I want to hear my name spoken in that velvet-night voice."

Then Spock is alive and still on Vulcan, but Kirk is not allowed to see him. So poignant as Kirk reflects on the past when they were together on a planet negotiating with the government They stayed together in a beautiful suite.

"We would sit together under the pale triad moons of that world as if unburdening our souls to each other, and never say a word."

The author did an excellent job of keeping the focus on Kirk and Spock while having the backdrop of the negotiations. We didn't need to know all the nuances and facts and figures of interplanetary negotiations— that was only the background.

They go to a formal reception and Kirk gets tipsy (why do I love to see that?) so they walk in the moonlight back to their suite. "By the time we reached the surte, I still felt I was flying but I knew it wasn't the wine any more, it was him/ What a gorgeous moment as they stand at the door. "I felt a kind of pain I didn't understand and I ached to tell him about it. to try to understand."

So beautiful (that word again!) the moment to moment when Spock touches Kirk and they meld. And so passionate out on the balcony at night. They are frenzied in their passion and Kirk begins to lose control. "The feel of him was incredible. I could have tried for years to imagine what he'd feel like and never have come close to the reality of him responding to me, the feel of that velvety skin, the sounds he made, small and choked as if he tried and failed to hold them back." And how Spock would continually get in bed with Kirk at night then never talk about it during the day.

I loved Kirk's realization that just having Spock alive and with him is enough: "It does not even matter if he ever remembers or forgives me At the end. a subtle image of the Vulcan dawn because it was the cover of night where they allowed themselves their desire and nighttime when Spock would visit Kirk. "Never did we acknowledge in daylight what we did in the dark."

One of the things about K/S that is so wonderful is the strong emotional life that we can revel in. I love this author's use of emotions—so deep and powerful— which makes their expression very sensual.

For my tastes, this story is K/S at its best. Maybe there are a couple things which I thought marred its perfection story-wise, but the fullness of emotion expressed, and how the writing itself invokes emotion...these made it exquisite K/S for me. Personally, I didn't care for the poem at the beginning and end of the story. I think poetry is usually such a personal thing--the author may feel it has a connection with her story but others may well not.

This is first person Kirk. It seems that lots of stories are being written in first person lately. I won't go into my opinions about this, but to say that in this story I found myself putting up no resistance whatsoever to the first person POV.

The first page or two I was confused as to when the story was taking place. It seemed Kirk was grieving Spock's death, but then we see he is on Vulcan with the Klingon Bird of Prey, in which case Spock isn't dead, not anymore. When a story opens with someone just thinking, especially if thinking of the past, we need something specific to immediately place the character in place and time. This something specific was indeed given in this story, but it seemed to contradict what was going on in Kirk's head. Ah, but Kirk's gorgeous suffering. Vivid, gut- wrenching, the deep pain. I was very happily wallowing in it.

Basically, the story is that on Vulcan after the fal tor pon, Spock, without his memories back yet, comes to Kirk's room at night, and no words are spoken. Back and forth between these present-time visits in the "cover of night," we're shown in the past how their relationship came to be, also a "cover of night" situation, on the Enterprise during the five-year mission.

In these scenes of their first-time in the past, the very fact of no words being spoken, of their not discussing the sexual relationship they have entered into, goes a long way to creating and maintaining the sexual tension, the first-time tension that many of us love so much. And it's happening again in the present of the story, where Spock comes to Kirk at night with no words, is obviously not sure why he is doing this, doesn't know yet who Kirk really was to him. This is torture to Kirk, to make no moves, to not push Spock before his memories return.

I could quote almost the entire story as to gorgeous, succinct, powerful lines. Especially the one-line paragraphs--a most effective technique. And in this story I also admire that it's in such direct, plain language--very powerful. The writing isn't especially poetic or metaphoric yet is so strong, rich and emotional. Saying so much in so little.

In the first past-flashback scene, Kirk and Spock are staying together on some planet, for three weeks. We know that the events of their service together have been drawing them closer and closer; we see their devotion to each other has built through such difficult and often life-threatening times. We know that Kirk's deep feelings have been developing for so long, and now the situation is ripe, and with a bit of potent drink at the diplomatic reception....

First, a charming scene of some sweet, quiet by-play, with so few words, as they agree to leave the reception together. And Kirk is so high (not just because of the drink), overwrought with his feelings for Spock, that he begins saying innocent loving- friendship things to him. Exquisite moments. Kirk is so full-to-overflowing yet usually just holds it all in, and the way he is now letting it out, a little bit at a time, makes the reading experience feel like this, too--a divine tension level.

Kirk says, I have to tell you something (and all this time since Kirk has become aware of his feelings has been fraught with tension that Spock has undoubtedly picked up on) and Spock takes Kirk's face in his hands. Now, earlier, Kirk had said, "I was the one who came to him." But I thought this act of Spock taking Kirk's face in his hands was the more overt act that opened the floodgates and actually made this first encounter happen.

Again, I could quote line after line. Gorgeous words as Spock melds them, of Kirk letting go, letting Spock in. The intensity of what they share is just too much, and leads to this first sexual encounter. What makes this unique is that there were no words, no kissing, no looking into each other's eyes. And putting themselves back in their pants afterwards.... A raw, intense intimacy.

Kirk is freaked--this threatens everything he believed about himself. He broke all his own rules, yet knows he wants much more, both sex and melding. By tacit consent, they don't speak of it. What follows is wonderful torture, how they silently make love at night but don't acknowledge it during the day. All of this is written so beautifully in Kirk's feelings, and woven in with the "real" events of various episodes: Miramanee, the Tholian and Janice Lester incidents. Excellent.

The sex scenes are achingly gorgeous hot breathless, in few words. What boundaries remain, are crumbling, and they must finally acknowledge what they're doing.

Here's something I didn't really understand. The first time Kirk fucks Spock, it's said he did it in "anger." I thought this might have to do with having been in Janice Lester's body. Then Kirk's thoughts say he feels the wolf in him did it, and he wonders how Spock could have let it happen. So he's all freaked out, but I didn't really get it. Why is fucking a man so different for Kirk than fucking a woman, I wondered. Then he makes these statements ("A man who would let another man own him" and "I am not a lover of men") that make him seem homophobic (and sexist, misogynist) in the sense that he apparently feels being penetrated is degrading.

Anyway, I didn't worry about this overmuch as I was reading; I was still just loving following Kirk and Spock through all this angst.

I think this story is a fine example of story and writing elements (the theme, the events, the structure and the words themselves) put together in an elegant whole, but there's a scenario that kept it from being as refined or essential a story as it might have been. I think that if we didn't have to factor Spock's leaving for Gol into our K/S scenarios, Killashandra might not have felt the need to include the part of the story where their relationship might be jeopardizing their careers, with the end result of Spock leaving. Or maybe this career-jeopardy scenario was put in for the shocking scene of their love-relationship coming to light in public, forcing them to deal with it.

But I don't need to sit here and second-guess the author. As I said, I sure didn't haggle over this stuff as I was reading, but I enjoy discussing these motivations both as a writer and a reader.

Back to the present, Kirk wonders if he's more afraid Spock won't remember their tenuous involvement, or that he will.

Kirk has a (beautifully written) epiphany toward the end, when he has to leave Vulcan and go back to Earth. Getting this second chance with Spock--how beautiful. And there are lovely, lovely moments (again, in such simple words) when Spock's memories are beginning to return.

I love this story.

1999

I can't possibly do justice to this astonishing story. Instead, I offer a few modest comments.

The elegant structure and rhythm contribute enormously to the impact of the story. The alternation of scenes in “real time” on Vulcan and the scenes from Kirk's memory creates a deep rhythmic current, like a sea-tide, of movement and repose. The scenes from Kirk's memory have a passionate, desperate driving force, the scenes on Vulcan a calm, almost expectant stillness.

An effective story could have been written in either voice, but the combination, in which each drives the story forward and magnifies the impact of the other, is stunning.

After reading probably several hundred K/S stories in which Kirk and Spock agonize about having a sexual relationship in case a bond should form, but this magically turns out to be a non-issue, Starfleet sends champagne and they all live happily ever after on the Enterprise, I appreciated the freshness of this story's perspective and the honesty it took to follow the premise to its logical conclusion. The vivid passages that show Kirk's raw fear of his sexual desire for Spock are worth a thousand pages of telling us the potential problems.

The device of enabling Kirk to relate the incident in Engineering by viewing the ship's log tapes was sheer brilliance. Most obvious, it avoided a serious point-of-view problem and enabled the author to tell the story from Kirk's point of view without interruption, which I think was the perfect choice for this story. More than that, though, having Kirk report to the reader what he saw in the tapes also gives the account additional depth and power. It magnifies the sense of relentless, tragic inevitability. In effect, it allows Kirk, while viewing the tape, to play the role of the tragic chorus commenting on his own impending doom.

I think that a story propelled by a negative force—in this case, Kirk's fear of disintegration and destruction of his ability and drive to command — is the most difficult kind of story to write. Only the most gifted writers seem to tackle it at all, let alone successfully. I'm thinking of Toni Morrison, who wrote that trying to show the destruction of the heroine of The Bluest Eye was like trying to write about the silence after a shout, or the imprint left by the blow of a hand. Or John Cheever, who struggled with varying degrees of success to dramatize disconnection and mortality, to make manifest “the darkness that lies at the heart of life.”

At times in “Cover of Night” I felt that I needed a stronger sense of what was at stake for Kirk, of the forces that made sex with Spock “threaten everything I believed about myself.” The elements of the threat were spelled out plainly—the shattering of Kirk's sexual self-image, the loss of that toughness and drive so basic to his ability to command, not to mention Starfleet — and I think the story suggested that for Kirk, all three were connected at some fundamental level. I wished these negative forces had had more force, more shape, perhaps. Kirk's passion and compulsion has such power, it drives so hard, it seems to need something stronger pushing back. The image of Janice in Kirk's dream was a good start, but perhaps something even more powerful was needed.

But as I said earlier, the challenge of dramatizing the power of negation is a great one for any writer, in or out of fan fiction. And I think this story—especially in the scene in Engineering and the wonderfully understated aftermath — masterfully fulfilled its tragic potential.

{{Quotation2| Wow, this is heady stuff. It took my breath away, especially because Kirk is doing the telling, which makes it all the more intense. You're literally drawn into his his psyche, into his way of thinking, into his way of being, into Kirk and it is addictive.

But I'm left in the middle of it. Will they be able to remain together? Won't the same situation that had Spock transfer be forced upon them again? What are they going to do? Though, as I said, it's breathtaking. It left me with too many questions. This is an unfinished story. ]]

2002

From the first sentence, I was entranced, humbled, my emotions on red alert. Kirk was hurting, and his anguish was superbly captured in words, shared equally by me. Expressing someone’s pain, something as intangible and individual as abject grief, is nearly impossible. Yet, it is done here so skillfully it looks easy.

To grasp the depth of that grief, I must relive the past with Kirk, to see just how much he has lost at the hands of Khan. So, along with this strong, determined leader of men, I find myself falling hopelessly but very surely in love with Spock of Vulcan. Companion, friend, anchor against all the ills that befall a Starship Captain. But now, through Kirk’s eyes, I see a different face. A gentle, kind, protective face with eyes as deep as darkest night.

When Spock responds to Kirk’s plea to listen to what he needs to say, Spock takes the human’s face in his hands “with a touch like nothing I’d ever known...(Kirk’s words)..that’s when I began to know, somewhere, that I was playing with fire.” That heat almost overcomes me as I read on, experiencing a meld in which nothing is secret, not affection, not loneliness, not searing passion. Every raw emotion is glaringly intense – their passion, the flame that overtakes them, Kirk’s sudden and icy fear of having broken every rule that has governed his life. Then terrible emptiness ensues as both make the unspoken and unspeakable choice to resume their lives of lonely desperation. Oh, what a sad and terrible choice.

Returning to present time with Kirk, I am haunted by the possibility that this one night, this one time was all they would ever share. What a bleak and bitter prospect that now, after the refusion and Spock’s complete loss of memory, that night of fire is all they have of each other. In Kirk’s words, “I feel only a bottomless darkness inside me. I begin to hope that it will swallow me up.” The revelation that they did resume their relationship in a very bizarre manner came as a shock. Spock would come to him, under cover of night, and they would love, but never speak, touch but never kiss, only to return to their posts on the bridge the following day as if nothing was happening. Certainly denial of the cruelest form.

And in the present, Spock comes from his place on the hill overlooking the Bounty and watches Kirk sleep. Kirk remembers how it was, how their unspoken fears that their love, if allowed its freedom, would place the ship and crew in jeopardy, came nearly true. Risking all to save Kirk from Miramanee’s planet, defying logic to remain in the Tholian sector.

Then, the inevitable. Near tragedy exposes them, spills their desperate secret into a world that cannot, will not, accept. Separation. Endless years of empty, guilt-ridden separation follow.

While, once again in the present, under the dark night skies of Vulcan, dreams come true.

Profound.

2013

Cover of Night is a post-fal-tor-pan story. From the opening words the reader is pulled into the swirling morass of Kirk’s terrible grief. The story, narrated by Kirk, unfurls as a series of memories and you, as the reader, are made to feel like a secret is being shared with you – the secret of Kirk and Spock’s double lives. It’s told with such immediacy that you are quickly pulled into the emotional drama. Kirk and Spock are shown to be complex characters, whose loneliness, obsession and love and the need to assuage them are at odds with their sense of duty and Starfleet regulations, leading to their desperate, bittersweet, nocturnal trysts, unacknowledged in the light of day. Now, following the fusion, while Spock is recovering on Vulcan, he is drawn at night to Kirk’s quarters, standing, watching. Kirk doubts Spock has any memory of what they once shared, yet something deep in the Vulcan’s psyche draws him to Kirk the way it had all those years ago. These nightly visits turn out to be a healing for them both. Cover of Night is not just a satisfying and engaging story, it’s a truly masterful piece of writing.