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It was published in the print zine Beyond Dreams #2.
"This is Spock's personal log."
Reactions and Reviews
I really enjoyed this Gena Moretti story with all her signature charm and emotions! I’m always happy when I see this long-time K/S author’s name in a zine. I can always bet that the story will be unique, fun to read, and filled with love.
And it sneaked up on me, too. The story starts out in first person Spock as he records his personal logs. Not an auspicious beginning, as first person anybody is difficult to write well, but the more I read, the more I got pulled in and ended up having a thoroughly enjoyable read. So there’s Spock recording these logs about his uneasiness, dissatisfaction, and general overall distress with the human need for touching each other. It takes place at the start of the five-year mission, only six months into their journey and, of course, the real problem is Spock is all bothered by his growing attraction to Kirk. I loved the delightful scene where he goes to McCoy for answers. Then, Spock is completely discombobulated when Kirk casually touches his upper arm and then later, during a chess game, their feet touched. Gena takes such small, seemingly inconsequential events and makes them heartily profound for Spock! This is just terrific. So many things happen between them that Spock relates in his personal logs. I loved the wonderful, intimate feel of this story as we are so close to Spock’s inner thoughts as he notices everything. They go together for a walk in the woods with beautiful clouds and sky, foliage and a mountain stream. Spock realizes he’s in love with Kirk and how that explains everything: “I should have realized this from McCoy’s perfectly clear explanation of human touching. I have been guilty of stupidity. Gross stupidity! At least I need ponder no further the reason for that feeling of wanting something. Obviously I want my captain. I want him to be mine. How unfortunate for me.” Isn’t that a wonderfully portrayed Spock? I love how he later says, “My love for Jim must have addled my brain.” And how he delights in being able to call Kirk, Jim.Then the events of “Amok Time” happen and told in only a few lines because the story’s focus is on Spock’s growing feelings for Kirk. And there’s an incident where Spock sees two crewmembers who have unspoken feelings for each other. I loved how he reflects to himself that he must meditate on what he saw. His discussion with McCoy was excellent. Spock’s questions and McCoy’s answers about why the couple dance around each other so much instead of coming out and declaring their love are absolutely charming. The final scene where Spock invites Kirk to his cabin was wonderful except for “...pressed it firmly around a mound that was half soft and squeezy and half plutonium hard.” Goodness gracious, that’s quite a description. 
This reminds me of a 70's K/S story. There is an innocent feel to it, in its much-ado-about-nothing. That is not a criticism, much ado about nothing. I like the feel of this story-Spock's quiet and slow search to figure himself out. Specifically, where physical touching might fit into his life. More specifically, with regard to this fascinating new captain who's come on board.
I enjoyed when Spock gets irritated with himself, with his obsession to figure out his obsession. This is obviously something affecting him on levels he cannot explain away with logic.
This small scenario works nicely, also, because Spock's feelings aren't just happening in a vacuum- he's observing others on the ship and how they interact with each other.
I will say, though, that this Spock is almost a classic "clueless" Vulcan; pretty dense about things such as why he finds himself inordinately pleasured at Kirk's compliments, etc. Not to mention the pleasurable feelings he has when Kirk touches him; and his discerning through the touch that Kirk enjoys touching him. Now why so you suppose that would that be, Mister Brilliant Vulcan? I think a whole ten months passing without this coming to anything is a bit long. And then more time passes, and Spock realizes (quite logically) he loves Kirk. And then it's post-Amok Time. I like how Spock learns that Kirk's seeming withdrawn from their warm comradeship was due to his being worried that Spock could only have sex every seven years.And there is a kiss, with sweet words and thoughts. An easy and pleasing story.
This is a nine page story which is from Spock's point of view. The regular first person narrative is interspersed with excerpts from Spock's personal logs. It starts when Kirk has been captain of the Enterprise for "six point two months." The stardate is 10289.6 in the first log and 10929.8 in the last one which is several months (I think) after "Amok Time." For reasons, which I can't explain well, this is my personal favorite story of BD 2. I just like it a lot. And considering this is Spock story, and I'm a Kirkie, that's unusual.
I think the writer conveys Spock's Vulcan attitudes very well. The story is refreshingly different. The plot moves slowly, despite being a short nine pages long, in that Kirkand Spock don't immediately declare their love for each other and jump into bed midway through it. There's no sex in it to speak of, but it's sweet and quite romantic.
It starts off with Spock being curious about the fact humans seem to always be touching things and people. He goes to McCoy for help in explaining this, and discovers that humans need to touch. It's not too long in the story before he is playing chess with Kirk and, of course, he gets touched by him.
There are no really major events in the story. More time is spent on the two of them going to a planet and looking at clouds than is spent on the events of "Amok Time." This is basically a story about little things that all add together to make Spock realize that he loves his captain and then that perhaps Kirkloves him back.The story is well written and nicely constructed. I enjoyed it and recommend it. 
Ten pages. Ten pages and I’m a marshmallow. Just a big plump gooey ball filled with love for Kirk and Spock. Filled with their love.
It’s a little like reading someone’s diary, in this case the observations are Spock’s and they cover quite a few months of the five-year mission. Early on, as he records his personal log, he wonders about touching. He’s confused about what it means and especially why he suddenly wishes very much to have the experience of touching someone. This deeply moves me, for it speaks eloquently of his loneliness and isolation, even though he seems not at all morose about it. He is a scientist first, and needs explanations, finally going to McCoy for them. It’s nice that without a hint of sarcasm or meanness, the good doctor manages to convey what different types of touches mean. I especially liked the part where he described the way couples manage to “accidentally” touch at every turn.
There is a slow and easy pattern of discovery that is nothing short of magical to read. I love this type of gradually dawning awareness between Kirk and Spock. It’s unusual for such an approach to contain great depth of feeling when the perspective is the Vulcan’s, but when done as well as this, it is very fine.
Each entry has a charm all it’s own, whether Spock is confused, happy or concerned, and he is all of these. To hear in his own words the awe he feels as he experiences sensations previously unknown to him is heartwarming to say the least. Seeing him accept those feelings and not come up with some convoluted argument against them is most refreshing.
It was a surprise to me that these log entries were leading up to the events in “Amok Time”. The encounter on Vulcan was not dwelt upon; instead Spock’s very sane and reasonable reactions to it were the focus. Concern does enter the picture here, as Kirk is somewhat withdrawn, but another inadvertent lesson from McCoy gives Spock the information he needs to solve the riddle.When a story leaves me all warm and bubbly and eager to gaze upon pictures of Kirk and Spock and to close my eyes and daydream about their love, when I spend the rest of the day in a rosy haze filled with glowing smiles, upraised brows and loving touches, I am happy beyond words. Thank you, Ms. Moretti, for placing me in this delightful stupor! 
This story is told from Spock’s point of view as a series of log entries and gives an interesting view of his view of the world, in particular his relationship with Kirk and how he gradually comes to realise he loves Kirk, from his first realisation that he enjoys being touched by him to the point where he finds himself wanting more. The dialogue was very well written and really sounded just like Spock would do, as he analyses how he feels, even seeking advice from McCoy and considers what to do next. It was especially nice to read a description of events from several incidents on the Enterprise’s original mission from Spock’s point of view. 
- from The K/S Press #47
- from The K/S Press #48
- from The K/S Press #50
- from The K/S Press #125
- from The K/S Press #101, reprinted in The K/S Press #188