Compassion's Heart

Fanfiction
Title:	Compassion's Heart
Author(s):	Charlotte Frost
Date(s):	1995 (in print), January 2005 (online)
Length:	249K
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	Starsky & Hutch
Relationship(s):
External Links:	online here online at AO3
Click here for related articles on Fanlore.

Compassion's Heart is an explicit slash Starsky and Hutch story by Charlotte Frost. It originally appeared in the zine Heart and Soul #2 and then was published online.

Author's summary: "When Starsky takes a trip back to New York, Hutch is left alone on a gruesome case."

One fan describes it as a "hurt/comfort freakin' bonanza."

The Author's Comments: 2012

What I confidently feel is, hands-down, S&H fandom’s most favorite C Frost story.

As mentioned under “Sanctuary”, I love the “reunion” scene after a harrowing separation or experience.

I remember that, actually, what I wrote first was a “waking up in the hospital scene”.

No, wait. Back up to entire year before that. One morning, I was driving to work in the winter darkness, at 5:00 AM, for an early meeting. A whole scenario was playing out in my mind. Starsky coming to Dobey’s house. Drunk. Worried about Hutch. Talking about Hutch being “high maintenance”. Making out a list of how to take care of Hutch.

When I got home from work later that day, I wrote out ten pages in one sitting.

What to do with it? Publish it as a stand-alone? No, that didn’t feel right.

So it sat. And sat. For more than a year.

Then I got a really intense idea for a h/c story and wrote the “waking up in the hospital scene”. Then it dawned on me that I could use those ten pages as a prologue, and intertwine them with what I already had in mind.

So, I wrote the story. As it turns out, I re-wrote the “waking up in the hospital” scene altogether, because my first version didn’t fit. (Writing out of chronological order doesn’t work for me.)...

“Compassion’s Heart” wasn’t perfect, but it was a solid, well-written story. For h/c buffs – which most fans are – it was outstanding. Granted, it took a few years before I had that (expected) validation that others liked it as much as I did. Now, I think it qualifies as something of a classic, and has earned that recognition. And I always feel a special gratification when someone specifically mentions liking the prologue.

I haven’t re-read that story in a long, long time, though I felt connected to it for years after its publication.

Still, I remember with some amusement that someone once passed along to me that someone had said on a list that “gardening tools” always made her think of that story. I honestly didn’t “get it” until it was explained to me.

I could live with being remembered only for writing “Compassion’s Heart”.

Author's Comments: 2015

Charlotte Frost commented on this story here: Charlotte Frost - Self Interview - "Compassion's Heart", ^{Archived version}

Reactions and Reviews

Unknown Date

It was hard do choose a single Charlotte Frost story too, but this one presses all my buttons - believable characters, lots of h/c, confused feelings, and a strong plot too.

2001

My runaway favorite in H & S 2 is "Compassion's Heart"... which is another first time story.... I love the set-up! Starsky drunk..... Geez, Charlotte, time to do a reverse story and have a drunken Hutch... but leave Dobey out of it, poor man. This story does feature some violence, but it is NOT the gross, torturous agony that some writers put the reader through. There's enough info. to paint a terrible picture but not excessively detailed.

Not being terribly observant at times, I just noticed that Heart and Soul, if abbreviated as H & S is S & H backwards. Does this mean that Charlotte Frost has a bias for the Blond Blintz? Not if you go by the amount of hurt she dishes out for him. Poor baby....

2003

I have always said of Charlotte’s SH writing that she picks on topics that most of the rest of us never think of. Compassion's Heart may be one of her more "traditional" stories in that it does involve a fairly well-used slash scenario: the conflict that arises when one of the two characters has already fallen romantically in love with the other, jeopardizing the partnership and putting stress on the friendship. This premise is a slash staple and I don't think I could write slash if I couldn't lean on this well-worn conflict. We use it, after all, because it works. ;-) However, in Regina's hands, I must say, it takes on a freshness I can't help but admire. I'm forever thinking when I read this lady's stuff...wish I had thought of that.

The story begins with Captain Dobey, who has settled down for the night next to his beloved wife Edith. We don't often get to see Captain Dobey in bed, and the homey scene is the classic wife-hears-a-noise-and-wants-sleepy-hubby-to-check-it-out. There is something inherently charming about this moment as Edith has to cajole her sleepy husband -- who happens to be the captain of detectives! – to respond to noises she hears downstairs. But Edith is no shrinking violet. As Dobey finally wakes up and goes to check out the noise, she insists on going with him.

They discover a semi-drunk Starsky on their doorstep. A Starsky without Hutch. Dobey realizes something is amiss for one of his best detectives to be showing up this late at night, half-inebriated, without his partner. But he's unable to find out exactly what the problem is, because Starsky has his own agenda. He's in a high state of anxiety, worried about what might happen to Hutch if something were ever to happen to Starsky and Hutch *had* to have a new partner. He's so worried about this, he insists, in his drunkenness, that Dobey pay attention to a set of instructions he draws up on "How to be Hutch's Partner." Dobey, realizing that *something* is really wrong here, but unable to get to the root cause, shows a wonderful side of compassion as he humors his detective and waits patiently for Starsky to decide what the blueprint is for these "rules." After painstakingly writing up the slightly incoherent instructions, Starsky insists that Dobey put the scrawled paper in a very important place so that he will have them should Hutch ever need that new partner. Dobey continues to placate his detective, and eventually drives him home (Starsky arrived in a cab) just to ensure the man would *get* home. He never does find out what put the bee in Starsky's bonnet, but he knows it's *something* as do we.

Regina once told me in a private email that she didn't think she handled Dobey very well and was always reluctant to write him. That remark baffled me, because this scene is pure Dobey and purely charming. We see a side of Dobey we often don't get to enjoy, the caring leader who feels almost fatherly to these two wayward kids of his. His dialog is excellent, and more importantly, we get to view Starsky through his eyes, something we don't often get to do. It's a lovely scene and starts the story out with a bang. What the *hell* is wrong with the guys that would send Starsky over to Dobey's in this condition?

When Starsky returns to his own apartment, Hutch is waiting for him on the steps, apologetic, remorseful, and concerned. He's worried he's completely screwed everything up. But no. Starsky's still working some things out, but he has faith in their partnership. Just because Hutch believes that they should become lovers is no reason to panic. He's just convinced that Hutch is confused, disappointed in love, and feels that Hutch is turning to the one person he knows will never betray him. While Starsky is not interested in that kind of relationship with Hutch, his reasons are not the typical ones we often see in slash stories. He's not repelled; he's afraid that if this is a mistake it will ruin everything between them. He's not sure he's interested in Hutch that way and fears that experimentation in this area is too dangerous. They have too much to lose. And besides, he's convinced this is just a phase the blond is going through. He says no, and he means it, but he says it with love and compassion. And Hutch accepts the no with some disappointment, but we know he isn't pining away for his buddy. Life goes on.

The very pragmatic approach to this conflict makes it interesting. There are no huge dramatics. These men have been together too long, have gone through blood and fire. It's just an issue about love; there's no reason to panic. They're just not on the same page, that's all. There's some sadness, but there's kindness too and the kind of caring 2 people who deeply love each other can offer one another. And there is graciousness, especially from Hutch -- not a trait many writers give him. I loved these opening scenes. And the ending line of the Prologue is a killer. Hutch has put the inebriated Starsky to bed, helped him undress in a totally platonic way, and tucked him in for the night, just as he has done a million times before. Hutch deeply regrets pushing Starsky on this and apologizes to him for setting up a scenario that Starsky could only deal with through alcohol. The moment is sweetly sad, but not heartbreaking, not shattering. Just two friends who can't agree on something they both care about. "As Starsky drifted into oblivion, he wondered why Hutch wanted *that* (the proposed sexual relationship) when they always have *this* (their undying, unlimited friendship)." (Parenthetical comments mine.) It's a wonderful line, beautiful in its direct simplicity. When editors say "write more simply," this is the kind of line they're talking about. I wished I'd written it.

Life goes on. There's a whole bunch of business with an ongoing crime investigation and some nice red-herrings planted and the story keeps moving forward, even if we're not sure where it's heading. (I consider this a plus. If I can anticipate where it's heading all that easily, I find it boring!) Eventually, Starsky has to go to New York for an extended period of time and Hutch uses the time to do some fishing and horseback riding. While he's doing that, he goes on up to Bakersfield to consult with the local police about a similar crime they've had. It is while he is in Bakersfield that disaster strikes, virtually from nowhere in a turn of events so sudden and surprising I didn't see it coming until almost the last minute. Suddenly, from an idyllic vacation where Hutch is indulging his nature-boy side, he is plunged into a situation so bleak and hopeless the reader has to feel, as he does, that there is no hope. Starsky is 3,000 miles away. He's on vacation. He won't be missed till it is too late. This, fellow writers, is called Coincidence Working Against the Protagonist, and the reader will believe that *every* time!

Now, you all know I'm no lover of h/c, and there's enough hurt to go around here for a wimp like me. (But because it's Hutch, somehow I can manage it! ;-) ) But the physical aspects of the h/c scenario, to me, were *nothing* compared to the bleak hopelessness Hutch experiences as he realizes there won't be any Starsky coming to save him this time.

Of course, Hutch *is* saved (wouldn't be much of a story if he weren't, would it?) and through a chain of events that, while it is Coincidence Working For the Protagonist -- something readers are often reluctant to accept -- we are so grateful for his rescue that I never quibbled with it.

There's some interesting POV work going on here. This part of the story, Hutch's jeopardy, his painful experience, his desolation and his rescue is all, obviously, in his POV. We do not have a POV shift showing us the daring rescue, as that would have to be from the rescuer's POV. The fact that we are not shown this scene, and instead, have to be told about it by the rescuer, sounds like it should be a problem. But it's not, because by staying in Hutch's pov for this length of time, we become Hutch and endure his ordeal with him, his fear, his desolation, and understand that the physical scarring he will forever carry is nothing compared to the emotional scars no one will ever see. It's an intimate and compelling portrait of a harrowing experience and doesn't sacrifice the impact of any of it by rigidly holding the best POV for the story.

We get plenty of comforting to make up for Hutch's terrible experience. This is usually the part where I start losing interest. Regina is well aware that my attention wanders during the comfort scenes. "Does this havta go on so long?" I whine. Two other h/c editors say YES! so I'm outvoted! Ah the pain of being a minority reader in fandom! ;-) Yet in this one, my attention didn't wander much, as there was enough psychological problems to deal with that it kept my attention. (I'm sure this has something to do with the fact that I grow impatient with anyone fussing over me when I'm hurt. No patience with it.)

Well, the harrowing ordeal and close-call has caused Starsky to reconsider his earlier refusal to consider a physical relationship. When they finally get around to discussing it, he's not even all that good at explaining it himself, which made sense to me, and it's not as if he's driven by compelling passion to become Hutch's lover. It's just that he realizes how totally involved he is with Hutch, that it's almost *pointless* for them not to share this as well. He doesn't want anyone else. Only Hutch. Of course, at this point, it hardly matters how he feels -- Hutch's experience has left him shattered and impotent. Starsky isn't terribly worried about this, because he's sure in time that ability of Hutch will return, and in a way, he's almost relieved. It takes the pressure off them to perform, to rush into something neither of them has ever experienced. So their intimacy begins not in a blaze of passion as most of us are so eager to portray, but in a slow, comfortable intimacy. They sleep together chastely, getting used to that, first. Never pushing the when or the why. Just enjoying the security of being together. It feels normal, and safe, and secure, and very very comfortable. As far as Starsky's concerned, he's not sure it could get any better than this.

But finally, something happens to Hutch, something wonderful, something that tells him everything he needs to know and understand about his partner's sometimes convoluted motivations. And suddenly he knows exactly where there relationship is at, and he rushes home to share his joy...and his ability with his startled partner. Their new passion is full of the same love and *compassion* as the rest of the story has been, and it's sweet, yet strong and masculine, and very satisfying. And there is no question that whatever conflicts come up throughout their lives, they're fully prepared to cope. Hutch's permanent external scars become unimportant. And Starsky's last words in the story assure the reader of that. He tells Hutch with total confidence, "We *are* love, babe. And don't you ever forget it." Truer words were never spoke!

I hadn't read this zine since I first purchased it a number of years ago. In my first rush of fandom I was greedily devouring every zine and story I could get my grubby hands on. And I have an interesting mental deficiency -- within 6 months of reading almost anything I will have forgotten most of it and if a year has passed it will be like a new work to me. As this was. And what a delight it was to rediscover this meaty, different story with its traditional themes. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Of course, no story is perfect. I was never sure if the red herrings in this story were deliberate or not (whether or not the killers lured their victims by pretending to be insurance salesmen). They didn't seem clever enough to pull this off, but in fact, we saw so little of them it was hard to be sure of anything about them. Yet, I found the less we knew, the scarier they were; their mindless brutality was unreasoning, and made them less than human, thus very frightening. There was also a moment thrown in near the end where Starsky confesses to having a bad sexual experience with a girlfriend that seemed to show up completely out of the blue. It was used to perhaps justify some of his earlier reluctance, but it came too late and was therefore not very convincing. I would've suggested either cutting this totally *or* bringing it up earlier in a scene where we were in Starsky's pov. as a result, it just *shows* up at the last minute and reads like a last minute idea. And there's too much passive sentence structure in the story to please me. But that would be very easy to correct in a quick rewrite.

I enjoyed rediscovering this gem of a story that so well lived up to its name. Thanks Charlotte, for a complex and interesting and *hot* read.

2004

Why this must be read: This is from the zine Heart and Soul 2 and has always stuck with me as being a great read. The story starts off with a letter, written by a drunken Starsky in the Dobey's kitchen late at night. Instructions For Being Hutch's Partner, written by David Starsky. The list is heartfelt in itself, but the path that their lives take them on afterwords makes re-reading the list completely changed. Starsky makes Dobey promise to keep the list safe and give it to Hutch's new partner if something should happen to him. A few bad cases and some discoveries on their own lead them into life turns that they hadn't expected. Then, when Hutch receives the letter from Dobey for other reasons, it means so much more than what Starsky originally planned it to. The love, the understanding, the heartfelt concern of one partner for another is felt in those crooked, wandering lines written by Starsky one late night so long ago.

I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Just the right amounts of angst, humor and friendship.