Choosing

Fanfiction
Title:	Choosing
Author(s):	Kate Maclean
Date(s):	1997
Length:
Genre(s):	slash
Fandom(s):	The Professionals
Relationship(s):	Bodie/Doyle
External Links:	formerly archived at The Automated Hatstand, Wayback link here
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Choosing is a Bodie/Doyle story by Kate Maclean.

It was published in Unprofessional Conduct #8 and is online.

This story is discussed in Pros musing: thoughts on Kate MacLean.....

Reactions and Reviews

Kate MacLean makes you work in a different way. It's not so much complex structure...with her it's more about absolutely brilliant use of point of view: very tight third, and very unreliable narrator. It's very easy to take her at surface value, to think (in her typical story, which is from Bodie's POV) Doyle's a cold, selfish, unfeeling bastard who does nothing but hurt poor Bodie; to think Bodie's insecure and miserable...and their relationship is nothing but angst and misery. It's very easy to forget that we're seeing the entire thing through Bodie's jaundiced eyes; and what's more, that we're viewing a particularly...fraught period in Bodie's emotional life. You have to read carefully - but if you do, you see the hints the author very carefully and very precisely gives us, through Bodie's eyes, of what's really going on: Bodie can't see it, and sometimes Doyle doesn't even know it, but we can see it - if we're willing to do the work, to look through the surface. And it's not always easy, because this author is good; she's a past master at building tension, and it's not until you've re-read a few times, I think, that you can relax enough to let yourself relax enough to see beyond the feelings she evokes.

in Choosing, when Bodie asks Ray to come back to his place and Doyle refuses, saying he "needs a kip," and Bodie responds, "'need to unwind, too.' Doyle grunted, acknowledging that truth. 'I've got a good bottle of malt in.' It sounded almost casual and Doyle met his eyes again, coldly amused, waiting now for Bodie's pitch. 'And I've got a surprise for you,' Bodie tried. Doyle pouted thoughtfully and looked down. Bodie drew a deep breath, trying not to mind...." ... And yet Bodie can't seem to stop trying, can't seem to give up and just end it, can't rid himself of that last, ridiculous grain of hope, that Ray will see the depth of the feeling between them, how good Bodie knows it could be between them; the hope he feels when he kisses Ray and it's so "easy and beautiful," and he knows that what they have is, "at root, special and unique," as he thinks in Scenes. So he keeps trying, but the harder he tries the more Ray resists, the cooler and more aloof he becomes; the more Ray resists, the harder Bodie tries, and the more Ray pulls away.

The minor characters in The Choosing by Kate Maclean, are Ann Holly and Marion (Freud or Docherty, we're not told which). Ann is in England for a holiday with a potential/new boyfriend, who she drops very quickly on running into Doyle, and Marion is the woman that Bodie chooses to replace Doyle as his own love interest. I like both these characters ("both confident, professional women..." as Bodie describes them), but I like them best for what they tell us about our Bodie and Doyle, rather than for themselves.

I stop reading a story quite quickly if there is something I really don't like. And I really don't like this Doyle - and this Bodie.

But the trouble with KML stories is..., - that you can't stop... *big sigh*

Right at the beginning we learn what a Bastard(!) this Doyle is! Even at moments when everything should be perfect! He plays with his moods, he plays with Bodie.

And in the end, when we are told his motivation - it's much too late to forgive him. Bodie figured it all out, the moment when it's too late... My résumé of this story? A perfectly written story, with characters I don't love, and though the end is supposed to be good, it leaves me

without a happy smile on my face...

I don't know if I can or I can’t or maybe I just don't want to see a Cowley in love with Bodie, I really don't know...... but aside from that I thought the whole scene was one of the best Pros scenes I've ever read. I literally felt a part of it and was holding my breath as I read, hardly believing what Bodie could hardly believe he was hearing and seeing. And I could completely understand Bodie's feelings at what he was discovering from Cowley: anger, shock, surprise but above all sadness... And I can understand Cowley's feelings, maybe not specifically re Bodie but for what I could glean from that scene alone: that he's an elderly, tired man who has given his life to publc service and yet who is quite isolated in the job. And lonely because he seems to realise he'll never experience what Bodie and Doyle have experienced. What a difficult and complex scene which I think Maclean handled perfectly... I feel ashamed....despite this being one of my all-time favourite stories which I've read several times (though not for a while) I couldn't remember who this Leimann character was! So I looked him up and yes, I loved the way he was written into the story, the way he made Doyle jealous and Bodie slightly embarassed but still enjoying the whole experience (I think he needed a 'Leimann' at that moment in his life...)... I know what you mean and I think I've probably felt the same way about other Maclean endings e.g. Yellow Brick Road. i.e. slightly uneasy but not in a depressing kind of way, more in a realistic sense, and so it's also quite satisfying, nevertheless, because it's realistic - Maclean hasn't fobbed us off or insulted us with a 'happy ever after' finale because it's unlikely to be that way with them....OK, maybe at the very end, but it will be a rocky road ahead first, because they are who they are.

I love this story :) I'm always fascinated by how Kate Maclean doesn't shy away from the grittier aspects of Bodie and Doyle, and their relationship. I really like that she's not afraid to let characters be unsympathetic, that she doesn't sand away the rough edges. It makes the relationship between Bodie and Doyle more compelling to me because I always feel there are huge stakes in her story.

I really enjoyed her minor characters here - I think Marion in particular, and Leimann (and also Cowley) perform a really valuable service in the narrative, because we're SO enmeshed in Bodie's perspective (and Bodie is quite focused on how much he wants Doyle and how pathetic and weak it makes him feel). I find that the presence of these other characters who want HIM, helps restore a kind of balance to the story. I mean, they serve to open Doyle's eyes, but also they help the reader to see that Bodie's perspective is warped, it's not really an accurate reflection of the situation. It would be so easy for a story like this, where Doyle seems to have all the power in the relationship, to make Bodie not just THINK of himself as weak and pathetic, but actually SEEM incredibly weak and pathetic to the reader. But that's not what happens at all, and I think part of that is due to how Bodie affects Leimann and Marion and Cowley.

I think you're right about how Marion and Ann tell us a lot about Ray and Bodie. I love how when Bodie and Marion show up at Ray and Ann's, Ray immediately susses Marion out as a threat. Because she's grown-up, and confident, and the kind of girl who could possibly keep Bodie. And Ray's reaction shows you something else about Ray and how HE feels about Bodie.

I agree that Ann gets quite a rough deal from Doyle in canon, and in this story. He's really vulnerable when he meets her in Involvement but it's not exactly an easy situation for her either.

As for the last lines of the story...yeah, they're compelling, aren't they? :) I always thought, because Bodie mentions Ann and Marion and Cowley, even that girl who'd been mad about him years ago - that he was acknowledging that yeah, he and Doyle have what they wanted...but that means that a lot of people can't have what they want. That loving Ray has made Bodie more sympathetic to the hurts of these people, even if he's not going to alter his choice. I figure it as Bodie's acknowledgment that love is quite selfish, and hurtful, and even though he and Doyle have a happy ending...that happy ending didn't come without a lot of carnage!

I'm always fascinated by how Kate Maclean doesn't shy away from the grittier aspects...because I always feel there are huge stakes in her story. Yes, me too! It makes the story more real, and I love that in a writer! Though I suppose I have my limits too, there are some parts of reality that I don't want to be part of a story! (For instance, I can see the realistic, gritty psychology of M. Fae Glasgow's Snowbound stories, but I don't like reading them...) And yes! It's that gritty reality that does raise the stakes and make it more interesting - what a nice, succinct way of explaining how it works so well! *g*

I always think that's a huge part of the draw of the Kate Maclean stories for me - you're going along, and you're SO into the POV character's, er...POV! But then, there's a moment where you start to realise - 'hang on...that's not quite...' and your perspective suddenly starts to shift, even while the POV character remains in the dark. It's so skillful - I love it. I think that's a huge part of the art of her stories. I mean, this story from Doyle's POV would be utterly and completely different (I mean, even while Bodie feels miserably weak, for most of this story, Doyle is the one who can't stop himself from propositioning Bodie - he must feel so out-of-control and weak in comparison to Bodie!) :)... And see, I'm pretty sanguine about the ending, because even though all these other people are hurt and possibly broken, Bodie and Doyle are okay and solidly together :) It comes at the expense of Ann's happiness (which came at the expense of that guy she was dating!) and Marion's happiness and Cowley's happiness...I like the kind of tang it gives to Bodie and Doyle forging onward anyway. Which is terrible, I know...but I suppose I'm proving my own point that love is a bit ruthless :)

I've always been of two minds when it comes to this story. Kate's writing is excellent, but I don't really agree with her take on the lads. Bodie comes across as weaker than I see him and Doyle more selfish. Still, it's a compelling read and it's hard not to get caught up in the story. As for Ann and Marion, I've never been a fan of Ann's, so couldn't work up much sympathy for her. I thought Marion fell too fast for Bodie, loving the idea of the man rather than the man himself—who, going by her actions, she really didn't know.

I'm probably one of the few who doesn't really *get* the appeal of Maclean's stories in general.

They all have the same theme of a Doyle who is thoughtless, manipulative and cruel with people's feelings around him, a Bodie that seems to not be able to live without Doyle, but once he has him, feels badly about that too. It's as if he wants a different Doyle (maybe the one we know from canon?), and then realizes he's got this twisted, unlikeable "mirror" version. He never quite feels like the fun-loving, vivacious character from the show, and I don't think Bodie has no deeper feelings, but also don't see him as this constantly insecure being we see in Maclean's stories. It's almost like taking one or two aspects of each character, and leaving out everything else. I can't say I like either one of them very much in her stories. Maybe I'm not looking deeply enough beyond the tight POV, but I always come away depressed by her stories, and so does Bodie, I think. Not sure how Doyle feels. I always want to ask this Bodie why he wants this Doyle, and vice versa. I don't see a happy ending here, or in her other stories. More a forecast of all the trouble to come. And that's how I interpret the last line.

I haven't re-read this story (have been away on an adventure with the Mobile Ghetto), but will give it another try to see if things have changed. After all, I used to dislike AUs with a passion, in the past! :D

The lads are totally themselves in her stories - it's just that the whole point is that other people don't always see past the outside view, they don't know what's going on in our heads, and so they interpret things differently... So if you want a straightforward love story, no, that's not what Kate Maclean writes - and that's what I love about her stories!

I love Maclean's stories because she really does remind us that not everything is as straight-forward as we think it is, rather like Pros itself does - she just uses their relationship to show us, rather than political intrigue... *g*

...personally I think that the issues we see in Choosing aren't there because either of the lads is cruel or malicious or has some kind of control or superiority over the other. Neither Doyle nor Bodie are doing any more than face the world (and each other) with their own private demons lined up behind them, prepared to charge - and this is just one of the ways it could be... before they live happily ever after - or as happily as two human beings can ever be together... *g*