Aliens Ate My Zine
| Zine | |
|---|---|
| Title: | Aliens Ate My Zine |
| Publisher: | Clueless Press |
| Editor(s): | Gena Fisher |
| Date(s): | January 1997 |
| Series?: | |
| Medium: | print zine |
| Size: | |
| Genre: | |
| Fandom: | The Professionals |
| Language: | English |
| External Links: | zine description at Hatstand |
| Click here for related articles on Fanlore. | |
Aliens Ate My Zine is a 270-page Professionals anthology of stories about Bodie and Doyle starring as characters in movies, like the fic in online reels.
It contains both gen and slash.
Note: all the stories in this zine are film, show, or book fusions are mostly parodies; it contains both slash and gen stories.
Another note: the editorial alludes to this being a second issue:
From a darkened theater.
Welcome to ALIENS ATE MY ZINE I We had so much fun doing the first issue we had to do another.
Special thanks go to the marvelous writers who sent CLUELESS PRESS their work. Daria, PJ, and Jane have all done a splendid job and I only had to threaten them once or twice.
I think we have some really nice movies this time; Stargate, Indian in the Cupboard, and Pretty Woman are mixed in with some of Frances Hodgson Burnett's best works. Something for everyone, I hope.
Professionals fandom has been rather desolate lately, maybe this zine will spark a few writers into action. I, myself, was seduced by XFiles and Due South but after a frenzy of writing for those fandoms I returned to Pros.
What is it about those two sexy Englishmen which lets them wiggle into your heart and not get back out? A mystery for sure.
So, enjoy AAMZ and feel free to LOC Clueless Press with suggestions, criticisms, and favorite movies you'd like to see Bodie and Doyle star in.
Contents
- Fifty Zillion Miles to Earth by PJ (slash) (fusion with Five Million Miles to Earth)
- The Prince by Gena Fisher (gen) (fusion with The Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett)
- The Glob by Daria Littlejohn (gen) (fusion with The Blob)
- Secret Gardens by Gena Fisher (gen) (fusion with The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett)
- Pyramid of Double Moons by Mirenna (gen) (fusion with Stargate [the movie])
- Pretty Boy by Ruby (slash) (fusion with Pretty Woman)
- Agents in the Cupboard by Daria Littlejohn (gen) (fusion with The Indian in the Cupboard)
- Little Lord Fauntleray by F.H. Burn-it (gen) (fusion with Little Lord Fauntleroy by Frances Hodgson Burnett)
Reactions and Reviews
An all film pastiche/Pros crossover 'zine. The title about says it all. You'll probably love it or hate it, but do you have the nerve to be seen reading it in public?
Rated PG (IMO) with both slash and gen stories, but no sex scenes.
Warning: typos and idiosyncratic punctuation and capitalization occur occasionally, if that sort of thing bothers you.
The cover illustration suggests Bodie and Doyle where there in "The War of the Worlds."
FIFTY ZILLION MILES TO EARTH (Five Million Years to Earth/Pros) by PJ
An alien monster from the planet Klamashun wreaks havoc on the peaceful if fruity coastal Yorkshire town of Puffinstuf. Astropilot Bodie, the most maladroit space cadet since Icarus, flounders to the rescue, happily hampered by the beauteous Raymond, grandson of marine research scientist Dr. Doyle.
Puns and one-liners make this such a snicker-fest that you barely notice the plot is about as animated as the stop-action monster. If you loved drive-in movies, you'll feel right at home. Slash relationship but no serious sex, just a bit of necking.
THE PRINCE (The Little Princess/Pros) by Gena Fisher
Twenty-three year-old Bodie is a little older than most of the other students at the Minchin Academy, but the orphaned lad is grateful for the opportunity to better himself. When his generous patron, Maj. Crew, dies suddenly, Bodie is left not only penniless but in debt to the sadistic Col. Minchin.
Bodie finds comfort in the "companionship" (as they used to term it back in Queen Victoria's reign) of his co-drudge, Raymond, when he is put to work as a menial to absolve his debt. The two boys meet the mysterious Randas, Indian manservant to their next-door neighbor, Maj. Cowley, and life becomes more exciting than they could have dreamed of in their cold, attic room (where they are frequently forced to huddle together for warmth and more, er...companionship). But, alas, the cruel and perverted Col. Minchin has further plans for Bodie to "repay" his debt and the Lads must act quickly to thwart the Colonel's foul designs on the fair, young Bodie's body.
Given the obvious similarity of their coiffures, I was surprised that the author refrained from casting Doyle as Shirley Temple, but the result is felicitous as Bodie makes a most winsome orphan in a Cinderella tale recounted in full-blown, pseudo-Victorian prose, including suitably veiled Victorian references to a Bodie/Doyle relationship.
THE GLOB (The Blob/Pros) by Daria Littlejohn
During an otherwise routine stake out, Doyle gives in to the temptation to trace a "shooting star" to its impact point, and the Lads encounter a deadly Glob that devours every moving thing in its path, growing exponentially as it metabolizes each victim. Will they save themselves and incidentally London, the British Isles, and Earth, or will they just be another takeaway for the gluttonous Glob?
This case story abounds with such frenzied action and so much snappy dialogue that you may be risking whiplash. It took me a few pages to warm up to it, but it got better! Not slash, but a good deal of h/c from both Bodie and Cowley on behalf of Doyle.
SECRET GARDENS (The Secret Garden/Pros) by Gena Fisher
Frances Hodgson Burnett gets mutilated once again; this time, Bodie is orphaned at the tender age of twenty-eight and sent to live at gracious but gloomy Misselthwaite Manor under the guardianship of his mother's cousin, Archibald Craven. There he befriends Craven's spoiled but crippled stepson, Raymond, and both Lads find themselves changing under the benign influence of the Secret Garden, not to mention the wizened eye of the old gardener, Cowley. Miracles happen, Cowley gets a wizened-eyeful, and nature takes its course. Several times.
PYRAMID OF DOUBLE MOONS (Stargate/Pros) by Mirenna
Linguistics Prof. Raymond Doyle has lost his job, his reputation, his lover, and his flat because the academic community rejects his astrological interpretation of certain ancient hieroglyphs. Then Doyle is recruited by George Cowley to join a team of scientists working to unravel the secrets of an ancient and alien artifact that turns out to be a Stargate to distant worlds. On their first expedition, Doyle and his team are stranded on a hot, desert world where they encounter a tribe of primitive but attractive "aliens" enslaved by their sun god, Ra. Naturally, the handsomest among them is the chief's son, Bodie, who has black, rippling hair down to his butt, amongst other attributes.
The only question from that point on is whether the insurrection will hold out long enough for Doyle and Bodie to teach each other their entire respective vocabularies in Braille...er, sorry...I mean, in ancient Egyptian. (Although I *did* keep wondering and wondering how Bodie ever washed all that hair out there in the waterless wasteland?) Very predictable but fun.
PRETTY BOY (Pretty Woman/Pros) by Ruby
I congratulate the author on bypassing the opportunity to cast Doyle as yet another scrappy streetwalker. Of course, that leaves us with Bodie as a (regrettably) low-end rent-boy, who is not getting any younger whilst still picking up customers at bus stops. Thus, he's in no position, despite trying out several different ones, to refuse multi-millionaire Doyle's offer of paid room and board in exchange for light housekeeping for a week.
Bodie's innocently insouciant enthusiasm for the good things in life (including his rainbow selection of condoms), while simultaneously maintaining a viable social conscience in respect to the right of the British working class to make a living rather than being gobbled up by corporate raiders, touches Doyle's calculating little heart, and Bodie discovers that money can't buy happiness (although it does make a nice down payment on it). Eventually, they agree to rescue each other and live happily ever after, although I'm sure *I* don't doubt for a minute whose flat they're going to choose to live in.
I found the original film palatable only with a huge and determined suspension of disbelief; this parody can be enjoyed in the same manner, so long as you keep repeating, "it's only a gimmick, it's only a gimmick."
And it's worth bending one's social conscience a little to imagine a scenario in which one could just let go and spoil Bodie rotten, IMO.
AGENTS IN THE CUPBOARD (The Indian in the Cupboard/Pros) by Daria Littlejohn
CI5 Controller Cowley and agents Bodie and Doyle find themselves inexplicably transported to an alternate universe of giants through the magical intervention of a child's cupboard outfitted with a mysterious, antique key. Their "kidnapper" is, from their point of view, a GIANT eight-year old girl named Darriel who turns out to be (yes, we have to say it!) Doyle's BIGGEST fan. In fact, the CI5 men are nonplussed to find that Darriel has a whole gallery of pictures *and* posters of all of them. But, putting this security concern aside for the moment, they find they must concentrate just to survive in the land of the giants until they can find a way to return to their own London.
I found this story a bit slow --there's quite a long exposition before the CI5 men even appear followed by more bits about Darriel at school and en famille that I found boring-- but, to be fair, it is also the only pastiche in this collection of a film that I have not seen and probably wouldn't under threat. If *you* liked the film, you might not mind the non-CI5 digressions. Even so, I enjoyed the adventurous bits, such as when the CI5 men must deal with an animated T-Rex, a marauding mother, and an escaped pet rat. Not slash, but Doyle gets conked and then cosseted by both Bodie and Cowley, if you care.
LITTLE LORD FAUNTLERAY (Little Lord Fauntleroy/Pros) by F. H. Burn-it
What is this? Screw over Frances Hodgson Burnett week, or what? <g>
A short, silly spoof, and thus a nice choice for a not-too-filling dessert course for this 'zine. Raymond Doyle's sunny disposition endears him to his working class neighbors on Hester Street as well as to his mother, Dearest, even though they *are* all beginning to wonder about his devotion to velveteen short pants and peter pan collars long past the age where they are a customary costume! Ray's life changes dramatically when he is discovered to be the long-lost grandson and heir of the curmudgeonly Earl of Dorincourt, and he is sent to live at Dorincourt Manor. There he endears himself all over again to the old Lord, to the servants and staff, and most especially to the handsome stable lad, Bodie (in a very discreet, Victorian way, of course).
In fact, Little Lord FauntleRay is just so damned endearing and melts hardened old hearts to thoroughly that they can't think of much of anything else to do but to live happily ever after. [1]