Sass-Badger Versus Son-of-No-One

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Title: Sass-Badger Versus Son-of-No-One
Author(s): Cards_Slash
Date(s): December 31, 2014 - December 31, 2015
Length: 75 chapters, 624k words
Genre: Rom-com, AU
Fandom: Assassin's Creed
External Links:

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Sass-Badger Versus Son-of-No-One is a modern AU with Altaïr/Malik as the main pairing (but several other pairings as well such as Desmond/Lucy and Claudia/Kadar). It has spawned several side stories and inspired recursive fanfiction and art by other fans, collectively known as "Sass Verse".

The author, Cards_Slash, has referred to this fic as "slowbuilding hell" and once said "I have actually never reread Sass from the beginning because I am constantly aware of how very long it is and how long it takes them to start talking and fall in love."[1]

Epherians recorded several excerpts as podfic.[2][3]


Malik did not hate Altair because he was rich, handsome, famous (for nothing), athletic or apparently charming (to women). No, Malik hated Altair because he was a sexist pig with a perpetual audience that was influencing a whole generation of tweens to think it was perfectly okay to say whatever dick thing came into their heads. That was why he started his blog; he just didn’t count on Altair finding it or becoming it’s number one fan.


Sass Badger is amazing, straight up one of my faves simply because you've written everyone as real and complicated and messy and 100% life like. And also because the plot is fantastic, and I seriously am in so much love. It has to be one of my absolute assassin creed fics on this entire website.[4]

This story is long.

It's so long that I wasted a day of my life reading it when I should be doing something productive, like studying. You'd think I'd have the choice to put it down after the first hour, but I'll tell you that that choice never existed, because it was just so good. I tried, I really did, but I couldn't leave the story hanging there. I even skipped to the end to convince myself to stop, but it didn't work. I just went back and continued.[5]

Slice-of-life, modern AUs and the like are not usually the kind of fic i get invested in, but this one is so raw and compelling, the writing so smart, the characters so humanely complex and everything is just treated so right! The dynamic between Malik and Altair was fascinating but i found myself falling for all the secondary characters (and got strangely invested in Edward and Federico's stories. Are they okay? Are they happy? WHAT ABOUT THEIR KIDS). I love how you've handled the themes of change, growth, forgiveness and revenge, but what stole the show was definitely family. I'm absolutely enamored with the way everyone changes and evolves and how their relationships follow suit. Everything feels so real it's like a relentless pull at my own experiences, and for some of these issues it felt wonderful to find aknowledgement as well as resolution.

I'm not sure how to be articulate at the moment, it feels like my mind is still stuck in your story. Just know that i loved it and i am immensely glad that you wrote it, and i will certainly read it again.[6]

External links


  1. Tumblr post by Cards_Slash, Feb 25 2016
  2. Podfic of Sass-Badger Versus Son-of-No-One Chapter 64 by Cards_slash.
  3. It’s 2016 and I still have more Sass Verse voice posts.
  4. comment by Humbuggy, 12 Jan 2015
  5. comment by Aerizse, 9 July 2015
  6. comment by Lisky, 6 Jan 2016