maybe i'm waking up

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Title: maybe i'm waking up; for all of the perfect things that i doubt series
Author(s): idrilka
Date(s): July 2015 - November 2015; series July 2015 - July 2016
Length: 157K+ words; series 273K+ words
Genre: Coming Out, Social Media, Angst
Fandom: Check Please!
External Links: maybe i'm waking up, series

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maybe i'm waking up by idrilka is a Zimbits Check Please! fanfiction.

Summary: It’s almost funny. All he ever wanted was to play hockey, to play in the NHL, to win the Cup. This—Samwell, the team, the Haus—was supposed to be just a detour, but now it feels more like a destination he failed to realize he’s already reached.

(Or: Jack signs with the Falconers, graduates, and leaves. It's the hardest thing he's ever done. What comes after is even harder.)


The story follows Bitty and Jack beginning a relationship as Jack plays professional hockey and must stay in the closet. It deals with themes of homophobia and mental illness. Jack's past relationship with Kent Parson is also explored. Hockey player OCs are featured prominently.

The fic has multimedia, social media, and POV Outsider elements. Jack is a celebrity hockey player and is conscious of his public image - the fic includes news articles viewing the events of the main narrative of from the outside. Online fan interactions, which are more distanced from the narrative, follow the in-universe Hockey RPF and original characters.

Sequel works in the for all of the perfect things that i doubt series also follow Kent Parson and his romance with a hockey player OMC.


As of December 2018 the work has over 4,600 kudos and over 1,500 bookmarks on AO3.

There is a podfic.


There are not enough words to describe my adoration for this fic, Idril has an amazing ability to make OC’s come alive, to make you feel pain, happiness and anger in the space of a moment, to tear characters apart and put them back together in a way that makes them just that much more relatable. While the word count on it is hefty (the entire series currently totalling over 200k) every word makes you feel something and it is 200% worth the time it takes to read) [1]

I've said it before but I'll say it again: I really hope you write more for this fandom and maybe even some side stories for this particular one? Some Parse, some Corey? No pressure though.

I just love the way you write Jack and Bitty because their relationship feels so real. The right amount of fluff and chirping. I've also said this a million times but mixed media fics are my jam. And the twitter and livejournal posts also felt so realistic you almost forget these hockey teams and people don't actually exist.

This chapter was a great ending and I loved how you tied everything up. And that Jack Zimmermann can finally be okay and happy. He deserves it. I really appreciate that after the "drama" (getting together, being outed, meeting the parents) you still wrote a compelling story but you didn't resort to unnecessary drama or anything to keep the story interesting. You just explored the characters more and put them in different situations. Well done.

I cannot even begin to express how wonderful this story is. You've expanded on the Samwell world and made it even more vibrant and rich with your characterizations of the canon characters and your additions of new ones. Every detail (the realism in Jack's interactions with Parse, the feeling of leaving and returning to a place that was once home, the way you handled Jack's outing and the issues of mental health, the relationship between Jack and Davies, the Zimmermann parents and especially the Jack-Bob dynamic, how Bitty and Jack fit together in each others' lives) is so completely thought out and carefully constructed. I can't imagine how much work went into this story and I want to thank you so, so much for investing your time and energy into it. It has been an absolute delight to read from start to finish. [3]
[...]You give closure, and you give it in such a wholly satisfying and almost cathartic way; I feel like I've met these characters at one point in their lives and watched them grow into who they are, here, at the end. It's a great feeling. You've taken them all on such an incredible journey; not just Jack and Bitty, though obviously it's a very Jack and Bitty story, but everyone else, too. It takes a village to build a story like this, in terms of cast, but it also takes someone brilliant to develop that village into -- well, you know, into what we have here. You've done it excellently from start to finish, staying tonally consistent and true to the characters until the very end. I'm definitely going to miss these guys, and Kit Purrson, and the online fandom, and the relationships the characters have with each other, and Bad Bob, and everything. Thank you for writing and sharing [gestures] all of this. I'm going to reread it now and again when I want to feel warm and at peace with the universe.[4]
Right - SO I sat and read this GLORIOUS MOTHERFUCKING NOVEL in one sitting, because really, there was no way I was ever going to be able NOT to finish it once I started.

It’s one of the greatest (and I seriously mean over any fandom I’ve ever read/written/been in) fanfics I have ever read. In my life. Ever.

It’s got absolutely everything that you could want. There are articles, tweets, links, instagram pics - there are RPF fangirls and Tumblrites - and thats just ADDITIONAL to the actual story which is just out of this world.

The OC are lovely, genuinely good 3D characters with their own motivations and backstories, their own little quirks and habits, and the world feels very real and solid - things that happen in this could 100% be real, there is no hand waving over issues, Jacks mental issues are talked about in a serious, real world way, his friendships and relationships are realistic and his relationship with his parents is excellently portrayed - especially with Bob.

Bitty’s own relationship with Jack and his parents is also wonderfully complex and in depth, his goals, his childhood, and his own struggles are not overlooked under the much more obvious issues that Jack has.

I would recommend reading this even if you don’t know shit about the @omgcheckplease comic. (I would STRONGLY suggest that you DO read the comic because it’s also fucking amazing) but seriously, if you want a novel length, completed, exceptionally well written story… This is it. This is what you need.[5]


  1. ^ 2015 fic recs, December, 2015. (Accessed January 2019)
  2. ^ Comment by inlovewithfictionalcharacters, posted on Archie of Our Own November 2015.
  3. ^ Comment by turtletamer328 , posted on Archie of Our Own November 2015.
  4. ^ Comment by unheroics , posted on Archie of Our Own November 2015.
  5. ^ maybe i'm waking up - idrilka, 2016. (Accessed January 2019)