Ides of March (Horatio Hornblower story)

Fanfiction
Title:	Ides of March
Author(s):	Victoria Bitter
Date(s):	24 November 2001
Length:	2,383 words
Genre:	gen
Fandom:	Horatio Hornblower
External Links:	Ides of March at FanFiction.Net
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Ides of March is a Horatio Hornblower fic by Victoria Bitter.

Author's summary: "Missing scene from 'Retribution.' The night before the trial, Archie strikes a fatal bargain."

Reactions and Reviews

This was a wonderful piece. I was not familiar with the characters, yet the way Ms. Bitter described them made them quite real to me. I couldn’t really find anything wrong with this bit, other than my ignorance of the source material. This is a wonderful example of how to write with details, especially original (read: non clichéd) ones.

I was also impressed with the author’s use of sentence structure. One thing many people forget is that staggering sentence length can drive home a point harder than a long, drawn out paragraph. Here, the author ends the story with a simple sentence that reads: “He simply had to live with it.”Wham. Bam. In your face. No more details, necessary.

(And I’m sure an English teacher somewhere will kill me, but yes, sometimes phrases are stronger than a complete sentence.)

Also, the setting itself is lushly described from the start. She uses images that were not only descriptive but also emotional such as “The hinges of the cell door rasped a thin wail as the guard pulled it open…” and “Pain was unmistakable in the lassitude of thick-hewn arms grown too weary to clench or tremble…” Why did I like these so much? Not only can you see these details, they appeal to other senses as well. A very important point that is often forgotten—there are four other sense than sight. ^_^

My suggestions:

A surprising smile appeared on the pale lips. “Doctor Clive is…obtuse.”

“Doctor Clive is being obtuse.”> It not only sounds more natural, but the verb is correct.

Mr. Hornblower could be as sentimental as he wished, but he and Kennedy knew the truth, and the truth was that the world was a hard place, a place of politics and relentless perception, where a dying man was sometimes worth more than a healthy one, and motives didn’t matter as long as the choices were made that needed to be made.

This sentence is wonderful; one of those that just catch your eye and stick with you. It is descriptive, poignant and well constructed.

Again, I couldn’t find many things wrong with this one. A definite treat to read ^_^