Guilt Trip

Bodie/Doyle Fanfiction
Title:	Guilt Trip
Author(s):	Russ
Date(s):
Length:
Genre:	slash
Fandom:	The Professionals
External Links:	online here
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Guilt Trip is a Bodie/Doyle story by Russ.

Reactions and Reviews

This is your basic first-time slash story, but with an interesting twist, one that I haven't encountered before in any fandom. It's a rape story, and of course rape stories aren't all that uncommon in slash - but I can't recall offhand another in which one of the guys is not the victim but the perpetrator of a rape - and not of his partner, or of a bad guy, but of an innocent woman (and it's really not a spoiler to tell you that - this is the whole premise of the story, and it becomes apparent within the first few lines). Guilt Trip is about Ray's attempt to deal with his own guilt and remorse over his actions, to come to terms with his mistake, and how the situation affects his relationship with Bodie and eventually brings them together.

Given the type of guys Bodie and Doyle would have to be to be effective CI5 agents, this actually doesn't strike me as that far-fetched a scenario, but it's fairly original as a premise for fanfic. Russ, whose writing I like very much, handles this somewhat difficult issue effectively and interestingly. While she never glosses over or makes light of it, the story never feels bogged down or maudlin or takes itself too seriously or (what could have been a fatal flaw) turns into a tract about rape either - she strikes a nice balance, and the story is well-paced and engrossing from start to finish . So while it might sound like this could be heavy going and pretty unappealing, it really isn't.

Because after all is said and done, this is a story about Ray, and about Ray and Bodie. The characterization is solid - Ray's feelings and thought processes struck me as fairly authentic, and the author manages to keep the blame where it belongs while preserving our sense of Ray's basic decency and humanity and permitting us to feel some sympathy for him. And while this is mostly Ray's story, and it's told entirely from Ray's (first-person) point of view, she gives us a pretty fascinating glimpse into Bodie - there's a little twist there as well. Their relationship develops in a reasonably believable way, and the intimacy between them is very sweet but in an understated, guy-like way, with a little bit of a hurt/comfort feel, but not over the top.

This is a story that could have been run-of-the-mill, but isn't - it's a great illustration how fanfic can feel fresh and interesting and original while still following familiar patterns and adhering to well-loved fanfic conventions. It's well-written and engrossing, with a nice bit of smut thrown in for good measure. All in all, I found this an enjoyable and satisfying read with enough depth that I've returned to it multiple times.

Original - surprisingly. Or perhaps I shouldn't be surprised, since we generally don't want to see our OTP, the guys we love and drool over, in this kind of role. But I liked it.

I was enjoying it but she lost me at the last line. It pretty seriously creeped out me out.

Hmmm. I can see that, though it didn't have that effect on me. I found the line a little perplexing at first, and wondered if she was just looking for a catchy line for ending the story without thinking much about it, but the rest of the story was fairly thoughtful. I chose - perhaps wrongly? - to interpret it as referring to Doyle taking on the role of "healer"; that was part of his way of atoning, and only when he did that could he start to get over it. One could definitely take issue with that on a number of levels. In fact, the whole ending - the last scene - made me think. It's an interesting issue with no easy answers - was Ray's approach "right"? There's a bit of ambiguity in the ending. But for me, at least, that wasn't enough to significantly interefere with my overall enjoyment and appreciation of the story. I kind of wish I knew what came next, though - it does leave a little bit hanging.

I thought the story was well-written but I don't know if I can truly see Doyle doing something like this. And the ending gave me the impression that he hadn't learned a thing; he's still manipulative, still not able to see how what he says or does might affect the other person. Bodie's lack of trust just made it even sadder.

See, I had no problem whatseover seeing Doyle doing something like this - that was easy for me to accept. In fact, it's almost harder for me to imagine that the violence and madness of their work *wouldn't* affect their real lives. It's not that much different than them getting into a fight after being all wired up on the adrenaline, and we see that often in fic - this is a different manifestation of it, and one that I had no trouble buying into. This is why they need to end up with each other, of course - no one else could understand, and I can see them using each other as safe outlets for all that aggression, made safer by the fact of the trust and love beneath. (I admit I have a bit of a kink for ... not violent, but aggressive B/D sex).

About the ending ... I said to reginagiraffe, I interpreted it that Doyle was thinking about the consequences of his actions - he knew if he pushed Bodie on this point he'd just drive him further into himself, and reduce the likelihood that Bodie would ever really open up to him. So he chose not to say anything.

But then again, on second thoguht it's definitely true that his decision to push Bodie on the sex raises lots of questions ... I can't say that I didn't have my doubts about it. Is this really the right way to heal someone? I think Doyle thought he was doing this to help Bodie - but I see your point that deciding for someone what's in his best interests is a bit manipulative and could backfire. And certainly Bodie's inability to trust is sad - but hopefully the idea is that with time he would *learn* to trust. That would make a good story too ... I would have loved to know the author's thoughts about what would happen next - a sequel would have been very interesting.

Anyway, thanks for your comment - this rec was by far the most controversial of all the ones I've made, and I can definitely see why.

I'm slowly edging into the idea of Bodie and Doyle's relationship being more...earthy, I guess is the best word for it. But I think I'm still getting to know them and my past experience in slash has been with a more "heroic" pair and I think that colors the way I view this relationship. Maybe it's closer to the truth to say I don't want to see them as manipulative or selfish or so lost when it comes to what they want and the right way to get it. So at this point I still like the stories where they're more emotionally centered, even though, when you think about it, their work would sort of disallow that...maybe. Nothing like being decisive, is there?

Oh yes, I understand that completely. For me one of the most appealing things about this particular fandom and pairing is the grittiness, the "earthiness", their violent and slightly "uncivilized" side - not just uncivilized, but perhaps even borderline psychotic, which you'd think they'd have to be in order to choose and then survive their job. I love that sense of them being a bit on the edge, not quite entirely sane, surrounded by violence, struggling always not to cross the line, not really part of the society they're protecting - in a different universe they might have been the psycopaths themselves. I generally don't like to see them as manipulative or selfish in a vicious or hateful way - but I do see them as often "lost when it comes to what they want and the right way to get it" (great way of phrasing that, btw) - I see them as not having those tools, and certainly as not being emotionally centered; that's why they are where they are.

And I especially like this view of them because it makes it all the more essential that they end up together - who else could possibly understand or live with this? Like I said in my earlier post (I think?), they understand, so they could use each other as an outlet for all of it.

(I'm just beginning to draft the B/D ship_manifesto essay ... this is giving me ideas *g*)

But when I was much more of a newbie, I was given Shoshanna's Never Let Me Down (which I just posted as my last crack_van rec), and I really disliked it - felt all wrong to me; they were too ... I don't know, cold or something. I didn't want to see Bodie resisting Ray, didn't want to see him react in violence and be so uncertain of what he wanted. I Now it's perhaps my very favorite Pros fic of all; certainly among the top few. So it's definitely true that I had to ... evolve? not sure it's an evolution *g* - but at least come gradually to a liking and acceptance of this view of them; even more, to an active desire for fic that explores how they're not emotionally centered, but they manage to find each other nonetheless; they have each other, and so they have a chance at real love that accepts them entirely, all of who and what they are, including the dark.

Of course, there are fics that take it too far ... there's one I'm thinking of, hmmm, M.Fae Glasgow or Shoshanna maybe, in which they both get off on torturing a prisoner ... taking dysfunction to its extreme. Those don't float my boat, yet I also "get" that view of the characters - it's an extreme but not inconsistent view, for me at least; different in degree but not in quality - I understand how you could get there from here, though I don't really want to. I prefer my endings happy, by which I mean the two of them are together and love each other and it looks like it's going to stay that way.

I'm interested in your comment about "heroic" pairs - wondering which other fandoms you mean. B and D have a certain tarnished heroicism for me, but I think that's not really the core of their appeal for me - it's more their damaged aspect, and how they need each other, literally and not, to survive.

Ah, but the great thing about fandom is that there's something for everyone, I always think ... and really, who needs decisiveness? *g* I can buy all sorts of portrayals of B & D if done well, all sorts of characterizations; no need, I feel, to limit myself to a single coherent view. That's part of the fun of fandom - all those different ways of viewing and interpreting the same thing. Some work for me better than others, but bottom line is I can never get enough :-)