A Life that Can Never Be
| Fanfiction | |
|---|---|
| Title: | A Life that Can Never Be |
| Author(s): | Michele Hawley |
| Date(s): | |
| Length: | |
| Genre(s): | het |
| Fandom(s): | Beauty and the Beast (TV) |
| Relationship(s): | |
| External Links: | |
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A Life that Can Never Be is a Beauty and the Beast (TV) story by Michele Hawley.
It is one of many satirical stories in the zine of things that are not, but should be....
About
In the story, Vincent and Catherine live in the suburbs and have seven children.
Vincent is a manager at two 'Taco Bells' and sniffing out drugs for the D.A.'s office. He has a beer belly, no fur and a ponytail.
Vincent is henpecked and overburdened by domestic chores, and they squabble constantly. At one point after he calls Catherine a "baby factory," she says "in a simpering whine, "'It's 'pity the kitty' time'."
In the end, Catherine shoots herself in the head in front of her family
This all turns out to be a dream.
"Black Cover" Mention
This story contains an homage to two stories in the author's very controversial zine, Black Cover.
"A Darkness on the Edge" in which a young Vincent engages in a sadistic menage a trois with two prostitutes, and "Beauty and the Beast Revised" in which lawyer Catherine moonlights as a call girl, and one of her clients is Vincent.
"Remember the story when you were a high class 'call girl' in your youth and I came to you?"Catherine laughed and shook her head replying, "Yeah," She took Vincent’s hand and squeezed it, "We screwed like minks and I never got knocked up once."
Vincent chuckled again and nodded his head adding, "And then there was the story of me and two prostitutes when I was a teenager!"
"Whew!" Catherine said with a chuckle, "THAT was a hot one!"
"Indeed!" Vincent agreed then got a dreamy look in his eyes. Catherine frowned at him and slapped his shoulder abruptly as Vincent turned his eyes back to her and smiled sheepishly, "Er, sorry."
Social Commentary
Vincent said and cleared his voice, "Catherine, I believe the women who write the stories like we are in right now, are frustrated and long for motherhood. They release their longings in this manner."Catherine looked at him incredulously and exclaimed, "What did we do to this woman to deserve this?"
"I believe there are two women collaborating on this story, Catherine."
"Two?" She asked then queried, "Who?"
Vincent held up 2 fingers and counted out, "One who is frustrated for children of her own." He held up the second finger. "And the other is sexually frustrated, thus 7 children and one on the way."
Catherine folded her arms over her swollen stomach and said miserably, "We missed out on the sexually frustrated woman's part of this story! I think she better have a talk with the momma-wanna-be!"
Vincent got that dreamy look in his eyes again and replied absently "I think the sexually frustrated woman should write this story alone."
Meta: Comments on Steamy Fanfic
Then Catherine got a dreamy look in her own eyes and said softly, "Yeah...I love it when you want to make me 'blossom'!""So do I!" Vincent replied wistfully, squeezing Catherine's hand gently and added, "You haven't 'clenched' your 'shaking fists' into my 'golden mane' while 'gripping' your 'trembling thighs' around my back in ages!"
"And you haven't 'spasmed convulsively' while 'roaring Catherine!' and 'shaking' your 'glorious golden tresses' in what seems like years either!" Catherine replied and caressed his furless hand. Vincent looked over at her as she asked, "Vincent, when was the last time your 'sapphire blue eyes were dark with desire' for me?"
Vincent eyed her speculatively, her disheveled appearance and replied, "Your eyes haven't 'glowed with wanton lust' for me lately either, Catherine."
Sample Pages
Reactions and Reviews
“A Life That Can Never Be” with Vincent mowing the lawn and Catherine nagging at him, amid numberless bratty children, is priceless and worthy of its award nominations. Novelette “Alive and Well in New York” is also good reading. The zine as a whole is uneven but worthwhile. [1]